#beingfriends

To anyone to decides to make this decision,

First let me tell you there is no book, steps, or any sort of guidelines when choosing to be best friends with your ex. Often times even human empathy and advice given do very little in trying to make sense of the situation. While you were dating family, friends, and peers default to relating their experiences back to you when you are asking for an opinion or advice. However, at the end of the day the only two people who actually know what your relationship entails are the two of you. This notion is even more heightened after the breakup. I find it hard to listen to my friends when 87% of all of them despise their exes. The problem is you give them a piece of this "pie" shall we call it that you've created with this said person, but your friends only get a little sliver of the pie and can't fully grasp what went into creating it, yet they feel they are entitled to tell you how you are feeling and what you should do, which is normally "fuck (blank) why are you even friends with him/her?" The truth is, is because I WANT to. I made this decision therefore I am prepared to endure all of the weirdness, for a lack of a better word, that it may involve.

1. Be prepared to stop caring (to an extent): This is a weird feeling, but it's true after awhile you'll see significant others come and go with your ex, and you'll see them canoodling and what not but eventually the "why isn't that me phase?" will end. The thing that's great about this is you are now in such a permanent spot that you meet all the new lovers because you have helped "define" that said person so much they almost want your approval. Also, though you will forever remain on this back burner it is nice to see as they come and go, you have always remained. Be humbled by this, the love has altered but it is still just as beautiful as it was when you were in love.

2. Be yourself: The biggest part of the whole thing is you need to be ready to be their friend, and with that being said you need to make sure you remain the self you are around other friends. Maybe at first you'll try and push your appeal because you are still looking for something but eventually something in you will let that go. 

3. Be prepared to get mind fucked: I know I was talking about how no other can genuinely understand your relationship, but I'm almost positive anyone who chooses to be friends with their ex gets a mind fuck at least once. Be prepared for false promises or confusing words and actions that might make you think they want you again. You may even choose to dabble with them when it is convenient because you said "yes" for so long so why start saying "no". And I mean this is cool as long as you know the likelihood of it ever going anywhere again is very slim. Also don't listen to what ANYONE says when they're horny, 9 times outa 10 it's their gentiles talking anyway, and mind you this swings both ways for both genders not the misconception it is just men. If you listen to these confusing notions you might find yourself caught up in an unfavorable spiral of false thoughts and you shed WAY too much light on non existing concepts.

4. Be prepared for some drama: As much as some form of unavoidable drama goes also be prepared for your friends and or family to take a form of a side. You may get thrown under the bus or misunderstood, but the best thing is just kind of to move on. It's human nature to love drama and point fingers, just know sometimes they will be on you.

5. Live and Let Live: Most important part, live and let live. If you are remaining friends with your ex in the hopes of one day having that movie ending where they wake up and realize its been you all along. DONT. This is probably the worse thing you could do to yourself, also its a waste of time. The percent of people who actually end up doing this is probably way smaller than those who don't. Even though it would be a beautiful story, the emotional damage you would do to yourself in the process would be irreversible. 

Lastly, if you are one of my deemed 13% who have chosen to remain friends with you ex, I congratulate you. You have given a piece of yourself to another being who you don't want to go anywhere. You have recognized that above all you were best friends when you were dating and eventually you want to be best friends again. Your soul has collided with a human so perfectly you have chosen to face all difficulties just to be their friend. None of it will be easy and a lot of people won't get it, but remember why you chose to make that decision. It was your decision and not theirs, always remember how people say life is short so always laugh and enjoy the time that you share with them, but also don't spend every waking moment together or try to do that because thats also not a good thing. At the end of the day, love grows, that is why it goes through so many phases in the beginning because you've planted this bud you intend to grow. Though it may be a corny analogy this bud flowers into a wonderful love but then dies once it has ended. But understand when you planted that bud there are  roots that have made their way deep into your heart and soul. Because of this your "bud" will never go away, that is not something you can help, trust me. Your friends my perceive it as love, but you know it is not. Just be careful because this bud is thirsty for that water that made it grow ALWAYS. Don't water it, almost try and ignore it. It only makes things harder, but appreciate that art of knowing it will never go anywhere.