#being 25

25 years honey, just in one night

Like how do I know if i like a person!? How do people casually date? How do people manage their finances and plan big trips and doctor appointments?? I wanna read gay books and practice the piano, i don't want this perceived societal pressure please.

/04.07.2026/

Mình đã nghĩ, ngày mình rời khỏi gia đình mình để sống tự lập sẽ là ngày mình rất hạnh phúc. Ngày mình biết mình được sang Mỹ sẽ là ngày cuộc đời mình bước ra khỏi những trang xám buồn tẻ.

Nhưng mình đã nhầm.

Kể từ ngày biết tin mình sẽ đi Mỹ, tâm trí mình chạy đi khắp mọi ngả. Chạy về quá khứ để tận hưởng những thú vui mình đã chưa được nếm trọn. Chạy đến tương lai để lo lắng cho những diễn biến, những mối quan hệ mà mình không kiểm soát được. Chạy sâu vào mớ bòng bong trong lòng mình, không biết mình nên muốn gì, nên phấn đấu vì điều gì trên hành trình tiếp theo. Nếu có vui, hay có hào quang ánh sáng nào, thì có lẽ cũng chỉ là một vài khoảnh khắc hiếm hoi.

Khi chạm đất và trở về với thực tại, mình vẫn đang ở đây, trong căn nhà mình được sinh ra và lớn lên trong 25 năm qua. Vẫn là những người thân quen trong gia đình, những người mình cùng ăn, cùng ngủ, cùng trò chuyện, cùng đồng hành qua những chuyển biến từ nhỏ đến lớn trong 25 năm qua. Nỗi đau chia ly và sự tiếc thương lại trào dâng. Có lẽ, tâm trí mình chạy đi khắp mọi nơi là để né tránh những cảm xúc tiêu mãi vẫn chưa xong của thì hiện tại.

Đau vì phải xa gia đình thì mình mới được sống và phát triển trọn vẹn hơn. Tiếc vì phải để lại những danh tính, bản thể cũ để bước tiếp trên hành trình làm người. Rối vì chưa biết phải làm gì với quá khứ và gia đình. Liệu 25 năm qua có phải hoàn toàn là một vở kịch, một illusion mà mình cần rũ bỏ? Bao nhiêu phần trong đó đem lại ý nghĩa và hạnh phúc thực sự, để mình còn nắm giữ và nuôi dưỡng tiếp? Những câu hỏi mình tưởng đã sáng rõ, giờ mới nhận ra sự chắc chắn ấy chỉ là ảo ảnh.

Tiếc thương là một cảm xúc khó chịu. Nó làm tâm trí mình giằng xé giữa những phiên bản, những "vũ trụ" khác nhau. Nó làm lung lay những lựa chọn ban đầu đã sáng tỏ, làm yếu đi sự tập trung vốn đã hữu hạn. Mình tự hỏi, đến bao giờ tiếc thương mới kết thúc, để nhường chỗ cho sự chấp nhận và thả lỏng?

/28.06.2026/

*This comes from his social media post on 27.06.2026

"There's more to the youth mental health crisis than digital devices. A major culprit is accelerating perfectionism. 307 studies, 83k students over 35 years. Young adults feel growing pressure to be flawless, and it's a risk factor for depression and anxiety.

Perfectionism started rising a generation before smartphones. Modern tech might be an amplifier, but it isn't the root cause. Perfectionism stems from unreasonably demanding expectations and unduly harsh criticism. It is stoked by the parents who punish kids for getting an A-, the teachers who embarrass students for getting a math problem wrong, and the coaches who berate athletes for missing a shot.

Some basic messages to counter it:

Mistakes don't make you a failure. They make you a learner.

Achievements are not a symbol of your worth. They're a snapshot of your performance.

Beating yourself up doesn't make you stronger; it leaves you bruised.

Don't say anything to yourself that you wouldn't say to a good friend.

It's impossible to please everyone. Decide whose opinions matter to you - and whose don't.

Character is not revealed by how many setbacks you face. It's forged by how you face them.

The objective is not to be the best; it's to get better. The person you're competing with is your past self, and the bar you're setting is for your future self.

Our biggest regrets aren't actions - they are inactions. Don't set yourself up to wish you'd taken more chances.

Healthy goals include 2 targets: an aspirational result and an acceptable outcome. If you fall anywhere between them, you haven't failed.

Success is not a straight line. It's a squiggly line"

/24.06.2026/

Wednesday night. 3 Pre-MBA workshops. About 1.5 months left until my MBA starts. An uncertain future that obliges me to feel FOMO all the time. Guilt if I want to rest early.

But my mind throws an error sign. Too stimulating to stay with the fight. I want to rest but my mind refuses to win over that desire. Then I remember, 4 years ago, on a bench at FTU, feeling lost after a senior year class, I watched this narrative short film. For years, I used to visit this channel frequently, seeking peace and wisdom. Then one day, I just stopped.

Karl, in a Groundhog Day time loop, found himself living in 2 different worlds if he made a choice over another. The third time entering the loop, Karl saw through the nature of his choice dilemma and told the old man he would make his own choice this time. When asked how he dealt with the possibility of making the wrong one, his wisdom came out.

"I spent the last week trying to figure out which choice was right, but maybe there isn't a right choice. Maybe there's just a choice. Maybe some decisions aren't hard because there is a better option, but because there isn't one. This whole time I've been worried about regretting my choice by choosing the wrong thing, as if I could even know what I'm regretting. Regret would mean there was a right choice and I made the wrong one, but how could there be a wrong one? The only thing I can know is that on the other side of the decision, I'll be there. And if I'm there, no matter what path I go, there'll always be something to love, and there'll always be something to dread. The only thing to regret would be not making the decision for myself. If anyone picks it, if I let anyone pick it, if I leave it to chance, it'll never be mine, or at least, it won't feel like it. I guess I'll do my best, pick one, and move on. It won't be chance, it won't be uncertainty. It'll be something in between, and it'll be the right choice."

So, which are you going to choose?

I'll just rest tonight. And damn it, it's just one trivial decision.

Recently, I turned my back on my family many times. For no reason, I just found them annoying and not helping my career at all. I was not proud of myself for feeling that way; the only thing I could do was to be honest with my feelings.

That mindset didn't help my career at all. I started to fear human overall, thinking they had no reason to help me out or accept me. I tried to approach everything by myself, which didn't lead anywhere due to my mental blockage and lack of information. I was in deep despair, and this was still before MBA.

Then it happened that certain people came into my life. My fellow Vietnamese UNC sister. A social gathering among UNC students. A consulting meeting that guided me on networking. And most especially, my aunt from the hometown just showed up and stayed with us for 2 days. Going in, I didn't feel delighted at all, both confused and bothered as I was still lost about my future direction. Unexpectedly, these people showed me love, support, and helpful advice. More than anything, they gave me hope and the reason to trust people and life.

When my aunt told me she was here to support us, we didn't need to greet her off, and she would return near the day of my flight, I wanted to cry. Finally, I understood what my background meant to me and my future. Whatever happens on my journey, I want to keep being humble and never forget to care for other people, to create value for my community. Never forget to leave the place better than when I arrive. With love and light!