#behindtheear

masterlist

Placing a sweet, gentle kiss on manon lips, you wave her off as she attempts to head home without being caught. Quickly rushing back inside, you swap out your shirt for a hoodie before making your way towards Lara’s apartment.

Knocking awkwardly, you begin pacing in the hallway, eyes darting up when you hear the door opening. You had never seen lara look so defeated; she always carried a high level of confidence, always had a smile or a smirk on her face, but seeing her now face stained with tears it caused your stomach to twist in knots.

Nodding slightly, you silently follow behind her, legs dragging you further into the same space you just recently found yourself running out of. “So what did you want lara?” you asked more harshly than you originally attended, leaning against the wall as you watched her sit on the couch.

“Why’d you run?” she mumbled, hands fumbling in her lap before forcing them in her lap. “Lara-look I get it that you’re going through something, but-” you rushed out as you pushed off the wall walking closer, “I cant keep running back to you whenever you disappear.”

“We shouldn’t have slept together.” you mutter bitterly, eyes closing as you force yourself to breathe. Lara stared at you quietly, she could notice the way your hands trembled beside you, the shape intake of breath as you look away from her. She could feel the tears welling hastily, blinking, “...but what about everything you said.”

Turning back towards the door, you stop shy a few feet from her. “You need to figure out what you want first, lara. You can’t want me just because i’m walking away.” turning back you walk out without another word, legs carrying you back to the park sitting on the bench near that fateful pond.

Manon sat beside you silently, humming a tune as her knee knocked against yours. The past few hours had taken more from you mentally than you could’ve predicted. Sighing, you lay your head on her shoulder, lacing your fingers together as you let the silence calm your nerves.

“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked softly, thumb running along your knuckle. You could feel the words bubbling in your throat, “I told her we shouldn’t have slept together.” you reply half casually, “she’s hurt me too many times Manon. I can’t keep letting her do that.” The words felt like acid bubbling out of your throat, the girl who once made your heart race now made you want to shy away from her entirely.

Closing your eyes, you feel Manon start to hum again. The soft, easy tune disarming you even further, glancing up you were surprised to find her already looking at you. Smiling softly, you pull her hand further into your lap, gliding your finger along the skin drawing mini swirls and hearts.

“Cmon- let me take you somewhere.” Manon said suddenly, hands pulling you out of the park and down an unfamiliar street. Laughing loudly you allowed yourself to be pulled along, stopping at random shops you saw along the way as you made your way further into the city. “Hungry?” she asked, as you came up on a small burger spot tucked in a wall, nodding you both head inside.

“Do you know what you want?” you queried as your eyes scanned the menu, debating on if you wanted a milkshake alongside your meal, sparing her a quick glance, you step closer to the counter. “Huh? Oh yeah” Manon replied quickly, body ghosting against your back as she stepped closer, eyes glaring at the worker in front of you as they not so subtly checked you out.

Order quickly, you both sit in a booth ducked off opposite a large window. “So what else happened?” she asked, fries dangling from her mouth, eyes staring at you intensely. Shrugging, “I just told her to figure out what she wants.” you reply. Manon nods as if she understood, “what about you? What do you want?” she asks after awhile.

The question made you pause, “I don't really know anymore…” you mutter, “I just want to stop feeling so confused.” you say half defeated. Glancing down at the food in front of you, “do you want to come back to my place?” Manon asks softly, seemingly unsure on how to navigate the tension that seemed to have built.

Giving her a small smile, you agree both gathering your trash as you head back onto the streets to continue onward. You could see Manon peeking at you every few minutes, moving to walk beside her, you lace your fingers together. “Thank you for this.” you say softly, fingers squeezing her tighter as you breathe out. The walk was filled with silence, seemingly awkward but content at the same time.

Stopping in front of her door, you walk behind Manon, eyes running over the interior as she guides you towards the living room. Clicking between stations, she settles on some movie before tossing the remote beside her, turning your body, you allow yourself to admire her again.

You knew that she and Lara had history, yet she was still sitting in front of you, inviting you over to her place and acting like everything was okay. “What do you think?” you ask curiously, “I know you guys are friends.”

She seemed lost in thought for a second, eyes running over the ceiling, “I think Lara doesn’t realize what she’s lost.” She says after awhile, “...she's used to running” the words a harsh, and brutal reminder of the mess you got yourself tangled up in. Nodding, you lean closer, words dropping to a whisper “would you have ran?” eyes studying her face as you scooted closer.

Her eyes darted to your lips, “I would never hurt you.” she replied softly, words shattering every defense you had ever built up instantly. Leaning forward, you allow your lips to push against hers, eyes running over her face, you bridge the gap between you. Head tilting silently as you deepen the kiss.

Pulling back you lean your forehead against hers, lips running over your bottom lip as you attempt to calm your racing heart. “I don’t want to hurt you.” you mumble, body begging for you to fall into her arms and forget everything else. You could feel the tears welling in your eyes, one escaping and cascading down your cheek.

Manon places a kiss against your cheek, the pad of her thumb drying the tears that escaped before you could stop them. “You won’t hurt me… let me take care of you.” she whispers into the air, words silencing every thought in your brain as you allow yourself to be hers again.

—-----------------

Glancing at the time, you pull your body from the bed you had been resting in for the past few hours. Manon’s oversized shirt hanging from your shoulders as you walk towards the kitchen, bare feet padding against the cold tiles. Reaching inside the fridge you grab two things of water before turning back towards her bedroom.

The bathroom door closing causes you to look up, shuffling so Manon could slide back in bed, pulling her against your chest, you run your hands through her hair, “Thank you.” you whisper as you kiss the top of her head. “Anything for you.” she husked, placing a kiss along your jaw before cuddling closer. The rhythm of her heartbeat luring you to a deep and peaceful sleep.

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masterlist

Living along for the first time in an actual nice place was still an experience to get used to from my first apartment. sighing It was my first big purchase, I had only moved there almost a month ago.

Camera swaying against my side, poking me every so often, a feeling i’ve learned to grow used to

“I wonder what my next project should be”, I mumbled to myself as I saw the faint sight of the giant black brick apartment coming into view through the trees. The sun had since begun to change colors, vibrant shades of orange mixing alongside with the faint yellow hew.

The front of the building finally coming into view caused me to come to an even snail-like pace when I noticed a shadow. A faint silhouette seen leaning along the side of the building along the rail. Her voice muffled but the sight of her lips moving was unmistakable.

“Yeah, it’s not finished yet, but when it is I’ll invite you over”

I had never seen her in person before,I heard her voice in the hall a week ago,but never again, the way the smoke seemed to dance around her made my fingers itch. Her hair styled in two buns, small specks of silver shining from the distance around her neck; the sky causing her skin to glow.

Coming to a brief stop, glancing down at the camera in my hand seemingly daring me to capture her with my lens. The small sliver of doubt running through my mind fading away with a small click.

She looked perfect - the features of her skin, standing out, but blending in as she glanced upward, the night sky casting her a natural spotlight. The way the smoke seemed to form a halo above her, the small sign of a tattoo peaking out from behind their ear. A small smile graced my face before I started closer.

“Should I show them? Will they think it's weird?”

Glancing towards them again only to find her already looking in my direction. Pushing my headphones around my neck; the outro to see you again playing faintly.

“I took this of you” I greeted, turning my camera towards her body refusing to step any closer when she leaned in. Her voice filled my ears perfectly now that we were closer.

“Wait I love this” the happiness radiating off of her was evident as she encased my hands in hers pulling the camera closer, smiling widely. “Do you take pictures of every stranger you meet?" she asked, finally looking away and taking a small step back.

“No, I just couldn’t resist taking your picture” I laughed out, already feeling the slight burn on the tip of my ears. “Don’t be surprised if I start asking you to take pictures of me for events now” she laughed out softly as we held eye contact

“Nice to meet you I’m Y/N” hand halfway stuck out towards her before her hands graced mine once again “I’m Lara.” she replied with a shake and smile.

“I should let you get back to your business now Lara - you have a goodnight little luna” , looking in the direction of the door before giving one last smile and turning around, slowly walking towards the door.

Fingers grazing my arm, “Wait, can you send me that picture? It's beautiful and I would love to post it on my story, I can tag you too so double win” she rushed out as she walked closer to me closing the distance once again. Grabbing a pen out of her pocket scribbling her instagram on my arm with a small x; before I could even reply, she turned around, heading inside, not before sparing me another fleeting glance.

—-------

Feet dragging along the ground as I headed to the elevator at the end of the hall, Third floor, apartment 3, watching the numbers increase, finding myself thinking about her again - jolting as the doors open forcing me to walk out and continue home.

The small moment would've usually left my mind before I even remotely stepped into my place, but as I walked along the halls towards my apartment.

The look in her eyes was all I could think about. The way she seemed to shine while looking at the picture, the distinct smell of her perfume, amber and cinnamon squeezing my heart softly,daring me to take another whiff.

Home sweet home, my proudest accomplishment

Stepping inside, I was instantly greeted by the smell of vanilla wafting throughout the air from the leftover candle. Dropping the small sony sdc from my pocket, my t7 and the rock that I found while out, on the small table beside the door before adventuring further in.

Walking in barely glancing anywhere but towards the bedroom on your far left, you just wanted to be left alone in your bed, under the covers, while you looked through your phone.

Stripping to my pajama’s, sliding under the covers, turning on music, preparing for the rest of the night.

Phone cold in my palm, I looked down at the words along my skin, seemingly daring me to reach out. However before I could think about it any longer, a small thump was heard in the corner. My son Knuckles, the small bearded dragon tucked in a ball on a rock staring up at me.

The words seemed to escape me before I even realized,once again talking to my pet knowing he’d have the right answers “I met someone today, it was like finding out the book you loved had an extra chapter you didn’t know existed, like waking up and feeling the sun kiss your face.” I muttered softly, already finding myself thinking about Lara.

I don’t know what it is about her, but ever since I saw her earlier today the memory of the photo haunts me. Knowing that I snapped a picture of the most beautiful girl I've ever met in my life, and i might never meet her again.

Reaching back towards my phone, typing in her handle with trembling fingers. @/mrslxra The picture that greeted me was something out of a magazine. Lara glancing sideways with a small smirk, tongue sticking out cheekily; Tattoos decorating her arms like a second skin. Jewelry covering her neck, a small piece of gold peaking out of their mouth.

She was an enchantress rolled in the coating of a mystery some wouldn’t dare to explore. How was it possible that an interaction that couldn’t have lasted more than ten minutes left such a lasting effect?

Scrolling through her page finding memories consisting of pictures of her with people I couldn’t place, her inside of a skatepark suspended in the air, and random close-ups of her face.

“She’s beautiful there's no denying that”, I said hands moving to dm her before ultimately settling on sending the picture and tossing my phone along.

Turning to the side to go to sleep, before suddenly picking my phone back up, a simple post on my story - that’s all it was. @/mrslxra , my muse, placing my phone back along the side of the bed, rolling over to finally get some sleep .

The soft voice of Alina Baraz filled the room, mixing with the soft rustle of the sheets every time I moved. Eyes fluttering shut, heart slowing to a gentle pace. Sleep taking over me just as a small hum from my phone sounds off beside me.

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masterlist

The slight heat coating my body caused me to stir. All night I had been tossing and turning, unable to get her out of my mind.

My sleepridden eyes began to flutter open as I looked at the room around me. The calm stillness echo’d throughout the space, waiting for the moment I gave it life. 

The faint chirp in the distance, I want a bird… you say this everytime,no you don’t. The familiar muffled rumble from your neighbor’s car sounds exactly five minutes later. 

thunk eyes darting towards the enclosure across the room. I couldn’t even see him, but I know he’s watching me, he's always watching me. 

Sending a quick glance towards the clock, 9:45am. 

The motion automatic, lifting my body from the comfort of my covers, dragging myself across the hall towards the bathroom.

A ghostface tee half of my shoulder, locs a mess from not wrapping it up before sleeping last night evident. “Hm I need to redye the top of my hair” I mumbled, just now realizing how faded it was, running my hands through it, hoping to tame it somehow.

Looking over at my toothbrush in the small cup. I don’t know what made me get the cup honestly. I always end up leaving it in the plastic on the sink. 

A hum started before I even realized, the rhythm to perceive, by Doma Cyno, stuck in my brain since I heard it. The power of one edit of Sunoo, gifting me literal liquid gold. 

Something about the song just moved me in ways I couldn’t explain. Head bopping as I brushed my teeth quietly. Wondering what I would do today. I could go back out and take pictures around the city while I ran errands, or I could just go out to the store, come back home and stay in.

It was too tempting honesty. I didn't have to do anything that day, why couldn’t I stay in, sit in my room, smoke while I read in the comfort of my bed.

Only after rinsing my mouth did I come up with an answer. Looking over at my bed I knew I was staying home. My body craved the silent intimacy that came with being alone with a creative mind.

Finishing in the bathroom as quickly as I could, stepping back, turning the light off as I adventured down the hall to the kitchen.

Stopping briefly in the living room,glancing towards the balcony. I could sit out there instead of in my room, I thought.

Moving towards the kitchen to check the fridge, knowing I’d want something sweet to eat when I was finished. 

Airheads were the first thought that crossed my mind, but I know I’d end up grabbing a rice krispy as well. The perfect sweet and slightly crunchy, slickly chewy,combination that couldn’t be beat in my mind.

“I have to only grab two things from the store then” I mumbled under my breath, turning to head back to my room to change before heading out. Grabbing a matching spiderman t-shirt and short set out of my drawers quickly, the black wallet on top of the dresser, plopping down on the edge of the bed.

Glancing over at my phone still on the nightstand. The thought of Lara actually seeing the post crossed my mind. I still can't believe I took a picture of her yesterday.

 The thought of her made me feel nervous,I have never seen someone in a white tank top look so good, seen someone fill so much space without trying. The fairy tattoo on her arm flashed through my mind.

I don’t know if it was because of the placement or because the woman looked like a literal goddess yesterday, but the sight of the tattoo actually made me weak in the knees.

Before I could linger too long I shuffled up, grabbing my phone from where it rested on my bed. A couple of likes on the post, a few texts from friends, and an email notification were the only things staring back at me; tossing it aside, quickly getting dressed, stuffing my wallet in my pocket, phone following soon after.

I looked around for my headphones, they were my literal lifesavers. Walking while listening to music was my favorite thing to do honestly. The joy of letting my playlist send me on a journey.

I lived by the silent promise that I had the best music taste, it was a combination of everything you could love,abracadabra by Lady Gaga, first positions by Kehlani, even cliff’s edge by Hayley Kiyoko were just waiting to bless my ears. 

Putting on my slides, glazing over and spotting my headphones on the floor,feet gliding me towards my door with ease. 

Walking through the hall towards the living room, my eye caught my display case. 

Pondering on whether I wanted to get another pocket knife to go in there. I had a small collection, yes, but if I got another one then I wouldn't be able to stop. I had to cut myself off for a reason, if I started buying them again, i would one hundred percent end of convincing myself to just buy three in the end the first time I go, before actually even attempting to stop again. 

Mindlessly grabbing my t7 off the small table, pocketing the dsc right after. I always had my lucky three with me.

Giving one last glance at the space before heading out into the hall, the smell hit me before my brain fully registered it. The familiar scent of amber and cinnamon squeezed my heart. Lara. I knew it was her before I turned my head. What are the chances that she was my neighbor? I had never seen this girl before yesterday but we stayed next to each other…?

The girl that plagued my thoughts since the moment I met her, was living two doors down from me. Glancing at the skateboard in her hands, I finally lifted my eyes, she was looking right at me. I was a sucker for women with brown eyes, but the sight of her in gray sweats, a black venom tshirt was my new favorite sight.

You tried not to stare at her too much, at the way her arms flexed over her head, at the way her body seemed to move with the clothing, shirt flexing at just the right places. Stopping to send a small wave, before turning around to lock her door, glancing back down, locking mines before facing her once again.

Walking towards her, only when closer spotting the pair of wired headphones hidden under her shirt, one dangling over her ear, the other just casually leaning along the top. “Hi lens,” she said with a small smile, “I sent you a text last night, but you didn’t reply.” she half scoffed, half laughed.

My phone has since long been forgotten in my pocket,I didn’t think about checking it after earlier, not expecting her to respond or to even see her again.  

“Hi lara, sorry I didn’t check it after I finished getting dressed.” I replied, glancing at the skateboard again, “going somewhere?” I asked as my eyes wandered over the board, two shades of grey, the lighter side covered in black swirls while the dark side had clouds and stars.

Looking up at her once again, "I'm going to the store I just needed a few things,” she replied, “what about you - where you headed” she asked. 

“I’m heading to the store too, just need to grab some snacks” I muttered. 

It's not like I don’t love the thought of spending time with her, but being around her is something I'm not ready to deal with right now, I just barely stopped thinking about her.

Before I could continue my inner turmoil, “would you like to come with me,” lara’s voice filled my ears, staring at me with an expression I've never seen before.

“Sure”, the words escaping my lips so easily you’d never think I was hesitant in the first place.

—--------------------

The walk was strangely peaceful, not many words flowing in between us, just the breeze against my arm every few seconds

Eyes lingering on her back as she rides ahead of me, the wind making her hair blow behind her, leaving kisses against her skin.

The faint glow from the sign in front of the store was up ahead, “I wonder if they’ll have nerd rope” I mumbled to myself, thinking of the awaiting candy inside the store.

Lara's head jerked back suddenly, “huh, what did you say” she asked, coming to a stop just shy of the entrance. Walking just a few feet from her, “I said I wonder if they have nerd rope”, I replied, turning to continue walking in the store.

“I’m smoking later when I get home, and I need some candy for after… maybe before too honestly ”, the words flowing from my mouth in quick successions, eyes already scanning the aisles in front of me.

Leaning down to grab two different nerd ropes, “what do you-”, words dying on my lips mid turn as Lara stumbles into me, hands grounding themselves on the shelf beside me.

Your heart stutters, mouth opening as if you were going to respond, before closing as Lara steps back with an awkward shuffle.

Your cheeks aflame, standing up to face her, you stare at her before laughing, “What was that all about”, shaking my head as I turn back to continue walking.

The sound of her following behind you loudly is all you could hear, “It was an accident I swear - I just wasn’t expecting you to smoke is all”, she rushed out shrugging as she came to stand beside me.

“What exactly do you think I do lara hm,” humming teasingly as you notice a slight tint to her cheeks. “I dunno - photography obviously, I met you because you took a picture of me remember .” Her reply was quick, as she nudged my forehead with her finger.

Staring in amusement, eyes dragging along her face as she gave you a small smirk, finger reaching up to tug her closer as if whispering a secret, “I'm a writer, but I take pictures here and there”, turning to continue around the store without a further word, as if the moment didn’t happen.

Eyes glancing back towards her every minute or so as I finished up, watching her grab nothing but two drinks and a small thing of gum throughout the entire time we’ve been here.

Making your way towards the checkout, Lara joining my side silently, looking around the store every so often but mostly looking forward.

Checking out quickly, before turning ready to make the trip home, a voice sounded out from behind me. “I like your camera”, their voice dying behind the closing doors as we continued forward.

Lara stood beside the wall for a second before walking off wordlessly, not checking to see if I was with her, a piece of gum now in her mouth as she skates ahead slowly.

—-----------------

Staring at her figure retreating I continued to walk home, bags suddenly feeling heavier as I wondered what could've made her act like that.

“It couldn’t have been because of what happened between us right”, your words mingled with the air, going unheard from the one person who could explain. 

Looking up, you spot Lara sitting in front of the apartment, skateboard under her feet rolling slowly, staring in my direction as she was waiting for me. Stopping in front of her silently, slowly sitting beside her, looking at her as her eyes turned back away.

You sat near her on the street, legs crossed over each other as you reached inside one of your bags, grabbing a piece of candy before tilting it towards her slightly. 

The city humming alive around us, sky smearing with swirls of pinks and purples, candy now long forgotten, as I start snapping pictures of the sky. A soft click being the only sound coming from us as Lara continues to sit quietly beside me.

“Can I take some pictures of you lara”, the words escaping my lips softly no more than a whisper, turning towards her, taking a picture before she could respond.

A smile threatened to show on her face, before she nodded, sitting back, staring up towards me waiting, “how do you want me”

—-----------------------  

Time ticked on around us as we joked around, bags long forgotten on the floor, as we laughed. A picture of her staring at me here,two of her laughing there, another of her riding her board along the parking lot. 

The pictures of Lara in her element were perfectly imperfect, just us enjoying each other's company, not needing the comfort of words to fill the silence.

Pulling the camera down as she rolled back towards me, watching her chest rise and fall under her shirt, eyes sparkling as another smile beamed in my direction. The look she gave me was numbing, smiling when she finally stopped in front of me, holding eye contact before giving her a small punch in the shoulder.

“I don’t know what happened, but don’t leave me again okay luna”, looking her in the eyes as I spoke, her nodding wordlessy before reaching to grab my bags so that I could head inside.

“I’ll see you around Lara,” I said as I reached the door, turning to give a final wave before continuing upstairs, ready to relax in my bed as planned

—---------

Kicking off my slides, as I climbed into bed. A cartoon playing on the tv in front of me, as I reach for the lighter. Smoke entering my lungs as the blunt rests against my lips, head tilted back against the headboard. 

Standing when I hear a sudden knock at the door, eyes half open as I pull it open, confused on who would be showing up. 

“What are you doing here” eyes wide at Lara standing in front of me, no longer in her outfit from earlier but a pair of shorts and a crop top. 

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Hearing aid