#beforus feferi

You didn’t expect…this.

Your shackles extend to a thick loop in the floor. It looks odd sticking out of the plush pink carpet and surrounded by pillows and small fabric creatures. If it weren’t for the bars on the door, you might have forgotten this was a cell.

Feferi has to hunch to fit her horns in here. Her skirts take up half the room so you keep your distance.

You open your mouth and something dry cracks out. You swallow. Try again. “Feferi I- it was an accident. I just wanted to do my job. We had quotas that needed to-“

She held up a hand and he choked his voice away. “It’s all right, I completely understand. As your empress, I have to accept some responsibility for your ship-tuation. After all, it’s such a tragedy.”

“I know, fuck, I know. And I am so, so sorry.” Not that your desperate words would do anything to bring back all of the trolls that died due to your own, ceaseless stupidity. But you need to be understood.

“The accident too, yes, but I meant your general ship-tuation. That’s the tragedy.”

You frown, your brows falling low on your face. “I don’t think I follow.”

Feferi smiles, slow and sweet. A melting spread of warmth across her features. “Oh, Karkat, of course this is hard to understand. It’s really difficult handling so many emotions all at once, huh?”

Your frown is now a snarl. You probably shouldn’t be bearing your fangs to the empress, but then you don’t think you can do anything else. It’s all instinct. “Don’t talk to me like I just hatched yesterday.”

She holds out one frond, palm up between you. You keep your distance, you’ve already been stripped of your sylladex and strife deck, you refuse to give up anything else.

She sighs like she’s blowing bubbles. Faster than your eyes can track she blurs. And then your eyes catch up. She’s closer, with her trident extended and your face- your face stings.

You scramble back to the end of your chain. Ducking your face into your shoulder to try and- hide you have to hide you have to hide you have to hide- your mouth has been moving without you, ears ringing. You tune into yourself and you’re shouting. “-STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!”

Feferi simply leans over and grabs onto the chain. She reels you back over to her, your heels digging uselessly into the thick carpet. She’s patient, and slow, no matter how hard you fight her. With one last gentle tug, she has you within grasping reach. Holding the chain with one hand, the other starts heading towards your face.

You snap your fangs at it but she’s practiced in the arts of maneuvering people she wants to help. She grabs your chin, and tilts your face toward the light. You can feel your shame. It’s welling hot and bright and wrong in a cut just below your left eye. She brushes it away with a cool thumb. She lets go of you and you jerk a few steps back, not that it’s any good now.

Her thumb is smeared with your horrible blood. Practically shining landing lights in the rest of the room for any stray eye that happens to wander. She lifts her hand like, see? “Because of our own lax checking, you’ve been stuck struggling against the expectations of limebloods when, really, they’re too much for a guppy like you. That’s what led to all this. I’m so sorry, Karkat. You should’ve been culled so very many sweeps ago.”

“No, fuck you, you know damn well that I’ve been more than fine my entire life!” Maybe an over-exaggeration, but you refuse to buy in to her fantasy of what your life was like. She should know, she was a part of it. Betrayal colours your voice, though panic keeps slipping out from the cracks. “I’ll be the first to admit I’ve fucked up plenty, but not any more than the rest of the maggot infested shitstains we hang out with! I’ve filled quadrants, I’ve worked in the mines for years, I’ve made friends I- I have worked in your society perfectly fine for my entire life so don’t you dare call that my struggle!”

Feferi smiles again. Over-soft like everything else in this fucking room. “It’s okay, every-fin will be okay. I’ll make sure of that personally.”

Ice shoots down your spine. Reality is finally starting to set in. You want to thrash again, maybe cry, or scream. But you know that won’t do anything. She’s stronger than you and, worse than all that, if you act out she’ll just take that as further confirmation of your fragility. If you show her how much this hurts, she’ll just squeeze you harder under suffocating blankets and pillows and cooing, coddling fronds. You bury it all fast and hard. Leaving your face free of colour and your eyes dry of tears. You wrap it all up before she can get there and tug yourself apart from your body.

You say, “so, is that it then? You’ll just keep me here forever as your personal project until I finally keel over and get out of your hair?”

Feferi taps her chin, considering. “You do need to serve your time for the explosion. But I know you’re a special case! I’ve already got a school of wonderful ideas for how I can help take care of you. I’ll of course let Gamzee come see you, he’ll be so glad to visit!”

You can read between the lines. They want your moirail around to keep you passive. It’s not about facilitating your own relationships, it’s about tucking you further under their stained-red thumbs. You think the room might be shaking. Your vision keeps jostling and you can’t figure out why.

Absolutely awful color palette placement