Before You Move In
Understanding the difference between love and urgency
No one tells you this part clearly enough.
Moving in together doesn’t make you an adult.
It makes you entangled.
There is a difference between choosing a life with someone
and choosing an exit from your childhood home.
One comes from love that can’t wait to wake up together.
The other comes from urgency—rent, pressure, fear of falling behind,
the quiet belief that adulthood is something you must prove.
I’m not against love.
I believe in it deeply.
But love does not require you to shrink your spending,
your laughter,
your freedom,
your body language
just to make a lease work.
If you move in together because you cannot imagine being apart—
because life is gentler, clearer, and more honest when you share it—
that’s building.
If you move in because it was the fastest way out,
the cheapest option,
the only roommate who made sense—
that’s surviving.
And survival has a cost. It always does. And it always will.
Watch how you feel in your own body.
Watch what you stop doing.
Watch what you stop buying, not because you’ve grown wiser,
but because someone else decided it was “too much.”
Love does not require permission to be yourself.
Love does not require you to change your ways to be tolerated.
If you ever find yourself waiting for the lease to end,
measuring time instead of joy,
feeling older but not freer—
that’s not maturity.
That’s a warning.
You are allowed to grow slowly.
You are allowed to live alone.
You are allowed to want love and space.
You are allowed to say: not yet.
Adulthood isn’t proven by cohabitation.
It’s proven by choice.
And real love—
the kind that lasts—
never begins by taking something away from you.
If you’re reading this and your chest feels tight,
pause.
That pause is wisdom.
