#beer rant

You know what I have been thinking about a lot lately? Cyberpunk. I don't know why since cyberpunk tends to deal with near future dystopian societies and the impact of technological over dependence on their every day lives. Doesn't seem familiar. But what I really like about the cyberpunk zeitgeist is the phylisophical questions it asks and requires you to think about, e.g. what is the human soul and what truly makes someone human? Is the universe materialist (composed of nothing but matter/mass), idealist (the opposite of that last thing I said), or some kind of combination of both, with maybe some other stuff? Are we all just brains in a jar with probes in them showing us a projection? Possibly according to some physicists. Now I hop you enjoy your sleep tonight. These are the kind of things that keep me drinking.

Well that and breweries keep cranking out tasty brews and I am nothing if not a hedonist. And today's offering is and IPL called Ella Blanc by Sam Adams. I am not well read enough to understand that name and Wikipedia takes too much typing, but there is a kangaroo with boxing gloves on the bottle so I'll do it anyway. Otherwise it will be yet another thing keeping me awake at night. And since Google only returns hits on the beer and people on Facebook I never want to meet, I guess it will always be a mystery. But that's what therapy is for. And drinking. I should drink.

It smells fruity and hoppy like you would want from a well hopped lager/IPL/whatever. It has a sweet orange and somewhat tropical smell to it. And possibly peach. Or maybe I am confusing color and scent again. That happens to me some times. Either way this smells quite hoppy, but like a juicy fruit scent. I don't know if that's because of the German or the Australian hops, but I'm going to go on a limb and say it's the Australian hops. Because the drop bears protect them. And the spiders. And literally everything else in Australia. They had better be good cuz you're risking your life with every harvest. Wait, does that mean the hops will kill me? Let's find out.

Well the good news is that I lived. But the bad news is I lived. At least the beer is pretty good. Bitter up front, bitter throughout actually, though it is somewhat muted by virtue of being a lager. I assume. The taste is more spicy through the hops though which is actually kind of interesting. It's quite a bit less fruity than the scent would have you believe. There IS a bit of bitter orange is the back of the taste, but it requires slurping so it really isn't worth the effort. But yeah, basically hops. That's the taste. No too much malt body that I can taste.

Problem with the beer? Basically that it doesn't have that malt background that would have given this a bit more body. It's a bit more flash than substance. Like a presidential speech. However, unlike a presidential speech, this is enjoyable in a not stupid and ironic way and won't lead to the overall destruction of the free world. Did I get political? Yes. But you know what today was one of those days where everything seemed personal even though the universe is a cold unfeeling place that cares for you as much as it does a random ant SO ALL BETS ARE OFF!!! Sorry, please don't unfollow me.

From the bottle this is much less bitter. Except in the back of the throat. Which is where I would really prefer the beer not being bitter. Like it isn't bad that the beer IS bitter in the back of the throat. I just don't appreciate that it lingers there. Haunting me. Like that one dream I had where I almost slept with my long lost half-sister. And I don't even know if I have a half-sister so I am effectively ruined for women forever. And now I need to stare at the wall listening to “Hello Darkness My Old Friend”.

But before I do that I should probably finish talking about the beer so psychological crisis on hold for the moment. From the bottle it is less bitter up front. I am getting more fruit and it is definitely bitter orange. I am not tasting any poison so I assume Jim Koch invented some way to brew it out or cover it up. It starts getting more bitter as time goes on, but because I believe in philisophical pluralism with an emphasis on the mind, I am able to get by on the memory of the less bitter taste alone. That's a lie but it sounded good at least.

I am kind of full. This'll be a pretty good poop though I think though. And since it's a hoppy beer it will smell like weed. Which I have no idea of what that smells like because I am a good person and I am a supporter of Ronald Reagan's war on drugs (nailed it). Not super gassy though which means know weed smelling farts, but I feel like I am okay with that. I mean in the end I am just killing time until dinner anyway so fuck it.

A new year a new me . . . is what I would say if I was a 20 or 30 something white person in the middle class on a sitcom full of tired tropes in an apartment I can inexplicably afford in Manhattan. But while I am a 20 or 30 something, I am only fractionally white, my sitcom auditions continually flounce, my tropes are fresh to death (shut up), I can very explicably afford my apartment in Orlando(/Gotha/Ocoee depending on the time of year), and I am in that class of people that makes more than the average in my area yet never seems to have any money. I think it's called the irresponsible with money class but I am not a personal economic scientist. I am, however, back baby after a spiritual journey to my couch and occasionally my chair here to bring you irregular updates as I see fit. Speaking of . . .

Today's beer is Abita's Mardi Gras bock. You probably know what a bock is, but if you don't, like me, you can look it up on Wikipedia. I can't do all the legwork. Besides I am much more interested in the name: Mardi Gras. Mardi Gras fascinates me. Not because of Carnival or any of the parties or celebrations, because I can't really picture anything I would be less into (well I can but they're inappropriate and kind of weird), but because of the sentiment behind it. Like, “OMG Lent is coming. I better get all the hedonism out now.” Granted I don't observe Lent because Catholicism confuses me, but I always thought that stuff like this was interesting culturally. Like “we have to deny ourselves for 40ish days, lets blow it up the day before.” Always a cool thing. Sort of why I like the real reason for Thanksgiving but that's another show. Anyway, time to drink.

It smells good. And I totally pictured myself saying that in the stereotypical dumb guy with the speech impediment voice because that's how intelligent I feel when I say it. But to get slightly more smarter and less mouth breather-y about it: it's really malty. Like it has a lot of those roasted malt characterics to it, like a malty lager should, but there is always something about a bock that makes me forget the sins of the malty beer (looking at you ambers). Maybe it's that kind of bitter in the back thing that I always attribute to lagers because to this day I still only marginally know the difference, but it smells like malty, roasted, bitter joy. Not like hops bitterness though. This is the bitterness you cheat on hops with.

You know. Maybe it's because I haven't had a bock in a while. Or maybe it's because I haven't had a beer in close to 48 hours, but this is a good beer. My palate may be lying to me because I just at a sandwich, but fuck it, this is real life conditions. None of this sterile lab conditions bullshit. Also I was thirsty because it was a fairly salty and greasy sandwich, but y'all don't know me like that so y'all can't judge how I choose to spend an afternoon. Just know it involved a sandwich.

But onto this beer, because I'm getting' all hot over here, it tastes a lot like how it smells. It has that delicious malty thing that is matched well with lager refreshing bitterness. Don't know if that's a thing, but I said so and this is post-truth Man of Beer Man. But yeah, up front there is some roasty and nutty and sweet things, with some bitter things. Some of them questionably hoppy, some of them not. There is a bit of caramel and candy sweetness in the back and it is getting exhausting attempting to make this paragraph what I consider long enough while still being informative so I am going to stop.

Bad things. Because everything I love comes with a terrible truth about them. Many of my best friends are married and have kids and can't rage on a Wednesday because they're “responsible”. Puppies can't be designated drivers because the courts ruled thumbs as a necessary predecessor to driving. My mom . . . well . . . she knows what she did. And this beer is no different. It has a grassy taste in the back of it like a lot of similar beers and the bitter that comes with it is a little unwelcome. However, I can forgive the beer. Unlike my mom. That requires planning and careful vengeance. And onions.

But while I plan my vengeance against my mother for crimes I may or may have imagined/made up to support my narrative I shall crack another beer. Because beer supports every idea I have ever had. Every. One. Except standing up straight that one time.

From the bottle it is much more fiercely bitter. And I mean that both in the basic white girl and the dictionary sense. Dictionarily, which is a word fuck you spell check, this is much more bitter forward and aggressively so. I was taken aback. It scared me and also turned me on a little bit. I mean other words that don't make me sound like I need to appear on a TLC “reality” show. And Urban Dictionarily, that bitter hit up front is pretty “fierce” done with a playful cat hand gesture and offensive to all women named Becky accent. I like it. It helps some with that back taste I mentioned earlier at the expense of some of the malty sweet things in the middle. Which improves my drinking experience personally because the sweet thing was getting cloying and annoying. But this one, well, I could drink the fuck out of this. All day. There is a whiskey dick joke in there somewhere, but she can't tell.

If you didn't get that, there is no saving you. But yeah, definitely a bottle drinking beer. If you're an alcoholic. So yeah, a bottle drinking beer.

I am five beers deep so I am either in a great place to judge this beer and its long term effect or the worst possible place. Which means I am definitely qualified to talk about it. Anyway. This is a great beer to drink in a bath. Because that's what I did with beers 3 and 4. Drank them in a bath. Also I am not filled up by the 5 6.5% beers I drank. I don't want to do anything, but I just think that's a personality defect. And however many beers 5 x 6.5% is. They are making me sleepy and lazy, which is not a bad problem to have at 10:30 pm. I was super gassy on beers 3 and 4 though but that passed so I guess the moral of that story is to only drink 1 beer in the bath. Who knew. But yeah this is definitely an easy drinker.

So this is getting a bit ridiculous. I am actually cranking these out faster than I have shit to talk and or rant about. I am mostly just writing this because I have nothing to drink in my house that isn't beer and this seemed like a better decision than the other thing I have in my fridge for drinking. Time will tell though. One thing I can say about my life though is that I am apparently now an insomniac. That fucking sucks. Seriously. What is with my life.

But enough ranting. Time to talk about this beer. It is a stout. Florida really isn't the state for drinking stouts. They're heavy, dark, and traditionally don't keep well (modern refrigeration helps, but I did say traditionally). However, it has been pretty cool as of the time of my writing this so I thought "why the fuck not". So I present the Kentucky Bourbon Barrel Stout. Down the hatch.

It's black. Like my soul. Or like the coffee that this is brewed with. And it's a stout. Stout's are usually pretty dark. Also holy shit that is coffee-y. WHOOO!!! I think I just woke up from sniffing it. It's intense. And it's vanilla-y and sweet. And kinda alcohol-y. I kinda hope it is alcohol-y. It smells like cappucino vodka. Not something I dislike.

And it tastes a lot like it smells. Rockin'. I'm definitely getting some coffee in there. BECAUSE NO FUCKING WAY IT'S A COFFEE STOUT!!! It also tastes pretty vanilla-y. Not very alcohol-y which is nice, but it's a little bit burny. That's fine though. I am seriously digging this for not beer reasons. This is really weird and I don't like it. I'm scared.

I actually has more coffee problems than it does beer problems. One: it's a bit like black coffee with sugar. And I like my coffee with cream. But still, damn. SO GOOD!!! But it is kind of grassy/herbaceous in the back. That is a little bit annoying. And it's a bit acidic and such at the beginning like dark roast. MAN OF BEER MAN LIKE!!!

I am seriously just going to drink this this and chill now. This is relaxing as hell and yummy and shut up. I was not prepared to drink coffee.

Note: this is actually better fridge cold. Weird.

It's actually oddly good out of the bottle too. Holy shit. That is weird. Usually beers that are awesome from a snifter are not as good from the bottle but holy hell from the bottle this is good. I think that's actually kind of special.

Alrighty then. From the bottle this is crazy vanilla-y and coffee-y. This is quite a treat from the bottle. It tastes a bit more burnt coffee-y from the bottle, but that's really enjoyable with this. Still a bit herbal and grassy, but holy shit fucking bitch tits. It's good. Fucking hell. I can't really find anything bad about this. Except that it might keep me awake tonight. That's not good. I have been a bit of an insomniac lately. Ah well.

Final thoughts are like that of a beer geek mixed with a bubbly teenage girl. Like omg that mouth feel. Not "mouth full" like the teenage girl but mouth feel. It is not really all that bubbly. It's thick and rich and almost syrupy. Because of this it is not very gassy. Also because of this it is really heavy. It's like drinking maple syrup kinda. I feel like I have a brick in my guts.

tl;dr: This beer is more like coffee and vanilla with sugar than it is a beer. It can be a little grassy to remind you of it's beerness and also I have a headache.

Cheater review time: I have drunk a lot of this. I enjoy it. It is nummy. So why am I reviewing it? Because it was in my fridge and I wanted to toss out a quick review as therapy because today has been mildly disappointing. Problem? Don't care. "So MoB M, why did today suck?" you would ask if you care about me. Well mostly because (nerd alert) I wanted to go to a comic book store to draft some magic. I specifically went to this store rather than another in the area because the store said they drafted (a relative rarity) and my friend said the players were bad there and I need practice because it has been years. I get there and no one was drafting and when I wanted to buy some cards the people at the desk were playing and didn't help me (end nerd alert). So now I am upset and going to watch cartoons and eat pizza and drink beer. Because that is apparently my comfort reaction.

So about this beer. It is a pale ale. It is (I am guessing) the flagship enterprise of the Sierra Nevada company and it is the standard I hold all of there product to. Which is why Flipside was such a disappointment. Yes I am reviewing this directly after Flipside for a reason. I am beer shaming Flipside. Call me a beer bully if you want, but I expected better from Sierra Nevada. (Caveat: Not saying Flipside was a bad quality product, just gross). I'm not mad Flipside. Just disappointed.

And now for something I hope you'll really enjoy.

You can definitely tell that this is a west coast pale. It smells really hoppy, but it's backed up with the smell of fruit. Citrus-y kinda but I almost want to say it's got some orchard fruit smells in there too. Like okay there is some grapefruit and orange, but also some peach or apple. Hush up fruit critics like I eat fruit. Love the color too, I like those sort of deep ambers you get in a beer like this.

Woof. That's the noise a dog makes. Also the noise Man of Beer Man makes when he drinks this. It's like super hoppy. But I like that in this. It isn't that impossible to drink tastes like soap hoppy that that other Sierra Nevada beer was. It also has a nice breadiness to it in the background that I believe is caused by the addition of non pale malts. Unless I'm wrong. But honestly I don't feel like looking it up cuz I have a full evening ahead of me and wanna get this over and done with. There is a little citrus in there, but you have to search for it. I suppose that other hoppy taste in there is pine. That is what the bottle said it was. But I am remiss to call anything that doesn't taste like gin "pine-y". I'm petty like that.

Bad things about this are the bad things that are standard to the standard west coast pale ale offering: it's grassy and the bitter is a bit sour in the back of the throat. The sour bit in this one isn't as offensive as others I have had, I said hinting at a previous review of a Sierra Nevada product and the grassy doesn't happen until later in the aftertaste. I think that is swiftly becoming the mark of a good pale in the MoB M book of things he likes about beer and stuff (TM): mitigation of the grassiness. This is good from the glass.

Sometimes my job is hard to do. It opens your eyes to things you never thought possible. Mostly though it just introduces you to unexpected consequences of drinking hoppy beer. My taste buds have gone flavor blind. I kind of just taste hop now. Dicks. I mitigate this, however, by vigorous mouth swishing. SWISHING!!! Okay not so much swishing as beer tasters trick number one: aerating. AKA doing that thing that annoying yuppy foodie do when tasting soup. It's the annoying cousin to the slurp taste thingy that wine tasters do. Just so you know though, I never spit. I always swallow *winks suggestively at the lager I have in the fridge for after I finish this*. Sorry. Fantasy land.

Anyway, from the bottle this keeps a lot of the hoppy quality, but none of the impact. And that is awesome. This beer is actually a bit more complex from the bottle. For one, without the hops covering it you get more citrus. It's mostly in your breath after you finish drinking, but super there. And the other orchard fruit tastes come through as well, though it is more non-descript "orchard fruit" since I can't name a particular fruit. It ain't citrus or grapes or berries or tropical. There. Orchard fruit defined. And if any of you come to me with some bullshit about botanical definitions I'll . . . probably do nothing and weep silently. But do YOU want that on your conscience?

Also you can taste the bready deliciousness better, while mitigating bad tastes. In short: winning. This shit is good from the bottle.

So. (Hyperbolic) Conversation I had with Pizza Hut:

Me: I want the bacon stuffed crust pizza. Pizza Hut: Kay, what do you want on it? Me: What do you think? PH: Well we have beef, pepperoni, sausage . . . Me: *Seething with silent rage* . . . PH: So . . . that's bacon on the pizza? Me: There is, literally, no other choice. PH: Well you could get- Me: THERE IS NO CHOICE!!!

Actually that was just the conversation that went on in my head while I was ordering my pizza online because actual human interaction makes my teeth itch. What I'm saying is that I ordered a bacon topped bacon stuffed crust pizza. Yet the pizza place fucked it up. But now I have a $12 credit on my account that I can never use or I will get my pizza spit on. So yaaaay . . .

Okay, things to actually say bout beer and not my encounters with the food industry. This is not a session beer. I have had two(ish) and I am getting kinda full (Pizza excluded) and a little stomach ache-y (May or may not be beer's fault). Either way a solid and taste-y beer. Just be mindful of how many and how quick.

tl;dr: This beer is hoppy a bit bready, a bit citrusy, and kinda fruity. Its good. definitely a west coast pale. A bit grassy and sour but it's well mitigated.

Beer Style Semiotics

I want to say right at the top, Base Camp's Northwest Fest is a good beer. It's balanced and interesting. It pairs aromatic German malts with classic American hops -- Cascade or Centennial, one of those C's. It's a simple well executed beer.

But Base Camp fell into one of my big pet peeves, name checking an established beer style without delivering on it's promise. The name Fest implied a certain malty lager made in Germany and the description on the back even mentions Bavaria. But cleverly the neither the words Oktoberfest nor Marzen are actually used, that keeps drinkers from assuming this is the kind of beer Weihenstephaner brews.

I'm sick of obscure, but tasty traditional styles being appropriated by American brewers and loaded up with crazy hops. Cigar City's Tropical Maibock was tasty, but not a maibock. By calling the beer Maibock, the whole style is degraded. The name and the beer it signifies no longer match. Maibock can now mean strong lager brewed traditionally for the Easter season and strong lager loaded with New Zealand hops. 

If the Northwest Fest label said it was vague like "amber lager" or "inspired by Oktoberfest," I could more easily excuse Base Camp. I guess "Northwest" was supposed to imply this wasn't strictly traditional.

I call this review "I also got this at the racist Walmart". I know that's a bit too easy to go to but I would be lying if I said there weren't some hurt feelings there. But whatever, socio-economic factors have no place here unless they are funny so I will turn my attention to Valentine's Day. I hate Valentine's Day. It sucks for reasons directly correlated to losing many girlfriends before Valentine's day after having made this sooper cool plan. Also something something Halmark holiday (read: money sink) something something I'm not petty (read: I'm pretty petty). However, I am not writing this on Valentine's day because on Valentine's day I plan on being balls deep in some young lonely lady (read: drinking my self into a stupor and dreaming about being balls deep in a lady. SHUT UP IT'S MY DAY DAMMIT!!!). Seriously though, that's the day I'll be writing the first of two anniversary posts of this blog, so I have more important shit to do.

Now on the topic of today's beer. It is a Viennese style lager. And legal has informed me that no Charlie jokes are to be made, nor any mention of gondolas because those have nothing to do with Vienna. Because I trust legal, I will instead make zero mention of Vienna throughout the interview because outside of sausages I know nothing of Vienna. All I know is this is another brew produced to German purity law and (spoilers) is a fair bit different than the others I have had by this brewery. Let's begin.

No questions here it looks pretty lager-y. You know, that brownish color that isn't quite red enough for an amber, isn't quite dark enough for a brown. It's like a washed out amber or or brown (picture makes it hard to tell I know). Not to say it isn't a pretty beer. Just hard to pin down what I am talking about in my pretend to be knowledgeable fashion. The smell is like that of an amber though. You smell the sweetness of the malt. A slight breadiness. Largely not a bad smell. But smells lie, otherwise how could people eat Limburger cheese. To the drinking stage.

Wasn't quite what I was expecting, though in a way totally what I was expecting. It is very lagery. Think like a Yuengling and you almost got it. This one is a bit more full bodied though. Up front it's like you're just drinking bread. Then you get a little zing of hops, not enough to be bitter, but enough to dry it out a bit in the end. Very much like a Yuengling.

And that's where my complaint comes in: mostly, why pay for this when Yuengling is cheaper (except I have only ever found Yuengling Light here #gross)? I mean, okay, yes Yuengling is not quite as good, but the difference is so minute that honestly I would rather just buy Yuengling or something similar and not hazard a journey to the racist Walmart again.

You know what. It's anniversary month and you guys deserve something special ("special"), so I will go against my better judgment and drink this next one from the can. I'm just a whore of the proletariat I tell you (except I don't get paid and don't know what proletariat means. I would look it up but work). Brb can getting . . .

So I will tell you, I am not a fan of this from the can. It kind of takes on the cheap beer taste of something like a Bud Light. You are robbed of the color and the smell, which make for a nice drinking experience, and it takes on (just slightly) the taste of metal. Not the beers fault at all. Actually the taste improves to the cup standard as you drink it from the can. Which basically tells me, just pour it. Cut out the middle man. Still not all together bad, I just think that drinking it from the can cheapens it a bit.

So, I believe I have covered this all before, but I'll do it again because reasons. I hate drinking from any can. Soda, beer, whatever. The main reason stems from the fact that when I was in grade school I was a major germaphobe. Like I opened all doors through my shirt then changed shirts kinda germaphobe. Or washing my face with hand soap because I might have almost been touched on the cheek by someone who may or may not have washed their hands even though I just watched them wash their hands. Also I once made my sister cry. So yeah that much of a germaphobe. Then My teacher tells me that rats piss on the tops of cans while they are in warehouses and storage rooms. So basically mini-Mob M was like HOLY FUCK I'M GONNA GET EBOLA AND CANCER AND POLIO FROM DRINKING FROM A CAN!!! So yeah, that stuck a bit. I'm mostly better now, but when things form in your brain they stick. The other reasons are more logistical: rinsing the top of the can shoots water everywhere, my sink is rarely empty so new germaphobe Mob M weirds out about that, the can is wet so I need to put a coaster (read: folded up piece of paper towel) down, and drinking from the can just feels rednecky and messier than the bottle.. And I redneck enough when I watch rasslin'.

That being said: the can is the superior conveyance for beer. The cans are lined so they won't transfer any metal taste or skunkiness no matter how you store them (provided you get the environment right) and they block out all light that could ruin your beer's shelf life. They are easier to pack and stack in your fridge too and generally take up less shelf space. You just always need to pour it, which is a small price to pay. Did I just accidentally educate y'all? Fuck me.

So back on the topic of beer if you pour this you get something that reminds me of the old school cheap ass beer commercial slogan "great taste, less filling". This is pretty good and not very filling. Definitely more so than whatever the fuck beer it was that used that as it's slogan that I don't care about cuz I was just a Mini Mob M back then. More of a Bos B (Boy of Soda Boy). What I'm saying is this won't fill you up or make you gassy but tastes good. Having to explain all of this hurts. Sorry if my assumption of your ignorance (read: dumbassitude) offends you. Mob M's inside the head reader is, for lack of a better word, a fucktard. I work for the government so that shit gets ingrained in you.

Do I still have followers? Hope so.

TL;DR: This is a good classic tasting lager. Kinda bready, little dry. But for the price (and racism) you're better off with something else.

The name of this beer is everything that's wrong with everything. Who are they appealing to? You can't drink at 16. Though the fact that it's organic and the Utah hipster (they're so weeeeeird) people come out in the summer it is suddenly explained. So is license to kill hipsters given? Or is that fake ironic. I mean hipster ironic. Or "ironic". Which is it cuz it isn't real irony as I am anything but a hipster. And its funny cuz I only noticed em when I went to the terrible mall with no music shop. And they were out in droves. Alright. End of hipster rant . . . for now . . . ellipses . . .

Also let it be known that I hate the "summer beer". Like a lot. Like a lot a lot. They tend to be sweet, watered down tasting, and generally formless and shapeless. I suppose they get a pass for being refreshing. But then again NO THEY DON'T. Is Sum'r (I think I got a nose bleed) like that? Time for science (not really, just gonna drink).

The sensory experience of this beer is everything that's wrong with summer. It looks like Corona (which incidentally hipsters love. Coincidence? Eh probably) and smells like terrible street corner lemonade mixed with Corona. Uncanny. With just a hint of the trees that are making my allergies go haywire. I hate summer. Shit if this tastes like wasp sting to the neck it may be deserving of the name "Sum'r".

Yeah and its about on par with a summer beer taste wise. It's oddly sweet and tastes kind of like cereal, while utterly lacking character. It tastes kinda like . . . I wanna say honey? Or like sugar? Maybe its supposed to mimic a shandy? Either way. Not a fan. And it is waaaaaay carbonated. I guess the plus side is much like that of Corona. You can down a lot of it pretty easy and not be bothered by that pesky "wanna taste and savor your beer" thing. Some days doing these reviews is easier than others. One other plus, this might be okay in a margarita, it does seem like it'd blend decently.

Out of the bottle it might be the tiniest bit interesting. Kinda like when you meet a hipster with some uniquely interesting talent or quirk. On the whole, they bore the white off a snow man, but that one thing is actually a thing. Though like most hipsters, the interesting thing is fairly uninteresting in and of itself. In this case, its that out of the bottle, there is a sweet floral note that was missing from the cup. It reminds me of the Magic Hat brew with the dandelions but less interesting. Pistil, that's what its called. Also the fact that Utah lacks Magic Hat fills me with a sorrow that if I was a hipster could only be explained by questionable fashion choices and at open mic nights. So basically the draw of this beer is that it's got a literal flower growing out of shit quality. The brew itself is fairly mundane though not "bad" in the academic sense, but the thing that stands out is the floral thing. And honestly, just like the theoretical "bad girl" that you are theoretically "dating", this is nothing to write home about. And while I trudge through the third one I will ramble.

I would like to take some time to apologize to hipsters. I know I give you a lot of hit and maybe that's true . . . but at the same time you should stop making my assumptions so . . . factual. You're bland uninteresting people that define yourselves by bland uninteresting quirks and/or talents. You're sheeple that find solace in calling other sheeple sheeple. And I apologize to the one person who legitimately likes Corona, Radiohead, Irony, post-new-indy-punk, and pre-modern-post-pop-culture gum, or whatever hipsters like. This is not about you. Unless you call yourself a hipster. Then you have it coming.

So then the question is, why do I hate hipsters. Truth is I do and I don't. The hipster subculture is just a breeding ground for fake people and misplaced "superiority". Like the kind of shit I said in my first post about making craft beer accessible to the average consumer. Some of that actually came from real life experience of a hipster (he reeeally was) talking shit to some people I knew about their taste in beer. And I know I talk shit about beer all the time. But I never specifically say "you hve to dislike this beer". Its an opinion,

Aight my legal department (read: sense of guilt I forgot I still had) has informed me I have explained my positions on stuff enough. So basically I'm over it. Also I can't particularly feel my taste buds, my mouth, or my life so I will be commenting specifically on my want to fart. Which is really high. But I can't. Like even pre-third bottle I really wanted to fart. But my guts are cemented. I blame this beer and Jimmy John's, but I can forgive Jimmy John's. I realize I plug a lot of people. What are the legal implications here? Anyway, I guess if you were gonna go to a John Mayer concert, smoke clove cigarettes, and "ironically" watch Regular Show for "nostalgia" then you'd enjoy this beer, but frankly, John Mayer has maybe 3 good songs, I hate smoking but if you're gonna smoke you may as well smoke for real, and I watch Regular show for the pop culture and meta humor, not for the references so I basically can't enjoy this beer. Well, that and it sucks pretty good.

Anyway, tl;dr: This beer is refreshing and out of the bottle has a pleasant floral thing going but overall it's uninteresting, bland, boring, and weird in a bad way.