#beedahla

So you'd think I would be pretty excited for this day. And don't get me wrong, I actually am; it's just that I haven't always had the best luck with birthdays. Let me take you on a journey of birthdays past:

On my 12th birthday, only 2 girls showed up to my party at a bowling alley. The rest either RSVP'd and didn't show up, or just never answered me. 

My 13th birthday, I had a huge sleepover with a crap ton a girls, but 4 of them got in a massive fight and walked out of my house. We then had to go out at 1 am to find them, and that was so stressful that my parents decided to send everybody home. 

My shit-head boyfriend broke up with me on my 15th birthday. At a movie theater. In the middle of Juno. I was not pleased.

On my "Sweet 16", I almost threw up on my 1st period English teacher (I ended up barely making it to the recycling bin). I got the stomach flu and was puking my lungs up for 3 days. 

By my 17th and 18th birthdays, I gave up on having friend birthday parties. They were always out of town or it was too cold, so I just had awkward family birthdays where my Grandma Allen would drink too much wine and loudly explain to me what a good decision it was to divorce my Grandpa Finnegan all those years ago. While they're in the same room .

On my 19th birthday I was horribly depressed and contemplating suicide. I really don't want to get into the details here, but it was not a fun year.

Aaannnndddd..... last year, my 20th birthday! None of my friends called me. A lot of them forgot my birthday had even happened when they got back from winter break. My parents and my sister met me in St. Paul to go to lunch, but afterwards when Tay and I suggested we go to a movie or the Science Museum, my parents claimed they were too tired. I went home, watched Pitch Perfect 3 times in a row, then went to bed. 

See what I mean? 

Now, looming on the horizon it my 21st. Already, it's looking to be a disappointment. I work from 2 to 10 pm on my actual birthday, and open at 9 am the day after. The high for that day is -15 Fahrenheit. The weekend after my birthday, I was trying to get people to go out, but people are already cancelling on me. 

I think I'm just going to stop trying so hard. It's not worth the stress and the sadness when nothing works out. 

I like birthdays. I like the idea that for one day, the immediate world around you celebrates the fact that you head-butted yourself out of some ladies vagina a number of years ago. Whenever it is one of my friend's or family's birthday I go out of my way to celebrate them. I give them thought-out gifts, throw them parties, go to crap shows with them, whatever. It's their day, I'm just there to help them have a shit-ton of fun with it.