#becomingaparent

Never knew #becomingaparent makes your brains shrink. :)))) Guess that's why everyone needs a shrink these days. :)))) https://www.instagram.com/p/CjITDOjBJro/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

So I'm going to be a father!😊😀😮 I'm not sure if it's totally sunk in yet because I'm both super excited and terrified lmao. Whatever I'm feeling I can't wait till I meet my baby boy or girl 😁😁

T h i s is Everything.

I was 19. Never had a boyfriend, never even been kissed. A complete virgin.  Innocent. I hadn’t experienced love. Love was foreign to me. Then one day that all changed. The moment I first saw Sam and he uttered those few words to me I knew he was different. I knew I needed to know him. I felt like I already did. It was like my soul was connected to his. After a month went by my hope started to fade, the thought of us ever being together seemed impossible. Then one day he asked to hang out with me. I felt us growing closer and wanting to be in one another’s company as the days went by. Not long after we shared our first kiss together. My first kiss ever. It was the most wonderful thing I had ever experienced before in my life. A week later we lost of virginities together. While most would think it to be too soon, it wasn’t. it was perfect. I knew on that day we first met that he was going to be the one I would give everything to. I just felt he was the one. And when he told me for the first time that he loved me, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I was madly in love with him. Then life happened. I got pregnant with his child. We were scared, but he was more frightened. I thought he would grow out of that once she was born. I though his selfish needs would be exchanged for qualities of being a great parent to our child and a loyal lover to me. On December 16th 2011 our daughter was born. It was love at first sight for me. She was absolutely perfect. She was our love formed into a person that we had created together. She was beautiful. But things got hard. He never showed those changes I was hoping to see. He did change however, just in a negative horrible way. A few months before our daughter turned 2 years old Sam told me he no longer was happy and in love with me and had feelings for another girl. Words will never be able to describe the horrific pain and hurt I experienced. I felt dead inside my heart, if I even had one left at all. A few weeks later he abandoned our child saying he couldn’t be there for her anymore because he needed time to sort things out in his life. A month goes by and he is now in a relationship with the girl he had left me for. He became this self center person I didn’t recognize. His wants came first before anyone else. Even our daughter came second to him being with this girl and saving up money for himself. The Sam I knew and fell in love with was gone and didn’t exist anymore. He even admitted he changed and never wanted anything to do with me ever again. After all we had been though. All the happiness and love we shared together didn’t seem to matter to him. He just wanted out, to be free of responsibilities. The sad part was I was still in love with him while he had forgotten already about me and our family together. I was in love with an imaginary person. That is when I realized that he didn’t deserve my love. He left us. He didn’t care at all about us. We were nothing to him. He erased us from his life. And then I thought maybe those feelings I felt when I first met him weren’t about him at all. Maybe when I felt that connection it was to our daughter. We were not meant to be because I deserved better than him. But I think we were meant to meet because I was meant to have my daughter, Zoey. I could never see myself without her in my life every single day. She is my everything.

The Foundling Wheel is available from Four Way Books.