#beckenguard

The guilt of that weighed on her chest like a lead vest. Luke kept promising her that she was saving more lives, preventing more carnage, but after the last year… after so many missing campers, so many dying or going over to the other side, after the continued tension… she couldn’t be sure. She’d even made Luke/Kronos (whatever he was, exactly) promise that Charlie would be safe. It was selfish, yes, and that fact haunted her every time she saw Percy and watched him and Annabeth Chase banter back and forth to each other (seriously, those two needed to be together and the entire camp knew it), but she just needed Charlie to be safe.

            “Hey,” Charlie said, breaking her out of her reverie. “Are you okay?” he asked, cupping her face in his hand. Instinctively, she nodded, more out of habit than actual truth. Apparently, Charlie could tell, because he sighed, still sounding worried about her.

“I’m ok, Charlie. I’m just worried. This mission, tomorrow… I mean, a hundred things could go wrong. You could be captured; a stray monster could sound the alarm-”

“Silena, we’ll be fine. We’ve got the son of Poseidon fighting for us. We’ll be on his turf. And we’ve got the element of surprise.”

            Those words threatened to choke her with guilt. She wanted to scream No! You don’t! They know! They know because of me, and I love you too much for you to risk your life for something they already know about! But she stayed silent. For a while now, she’d wanted to throw the scythe charm she used to communicate with Kronos/Luke and his forces in his face and tell him she was done. That she didn’t want to do this anymore and for them to find a different informant. Before Luke had joined with the Titan lord Kronos, she’d tried to do just that. Luke only laughed at her and reminded her that she’d been slipping him things about camp for two years now. If the other campers knew, they’d reject her. Maybe even kill her, for her betrayal. They’d certainly hate her, even Charlie. That idea kept her silent.

            He promised Charlie would be ok. He promised me that fewer people would die. It’s going to be ok. She told herself, but it sounded hollow, like even she had a hard time believing it.

“We’ll be alright, Silena.” Charlie said again, reassuringly. “We’ll blow up Kronos’s forces sky-high tomorrow. And then tomorrow night, we’ll be together at the campfire.”

She knew he was trying to help cheer her up, but it was doing just the opposite. Finally, she gave up and decided talking was useless. She leaned in and kissed him. She started the kiss soft and sweet, just barely pressing her lips to his. But as he leaned toward her, moving his hand from her cheek to her neck, she deepened the kiss. She could feel his tongue lightly tracing her upper lip, asking for further invitation. Her lips parted slightly, giving him that invitation. She felt dizzy as his tongue met hers and her breath hitched. This was the sort of kiss that tended to lead to deeper things. Sort of like last week. She thought dizzily.

            When the kiss finally broke, she was panting slightly and felt a little wobbly, her heart fluttering sporadically in her chest. “Stay with me.” She said aloud. With her mind still a little hazy, she wasn’t going to hold back her desires. She wanted him with her. She wanted to hold him next to her letting him help her drift into a more peaceful sleep than she’d known in months.

Because tonight might be the last night that you can.

            No. I can’t think like that. Charlie will be alright. Charlie clasped her hand. “You want me to stay with you for the night?” he asked. She nodded. “In my bunk?” She nodded again. His bunk was always a better place for privacy, since his bed could sink into a secret room below. When he’d shown her his bunk the week before, she laughed, and joked about how it wasn’t fair that Cabin 9 had secret tunnels that the rest of the cabins didn’t. He just shrugged and laughed with her. Considering what they’d done, it was a good thing he had a secret room below his bed. Tonight, she wasn’t planning on doing that. She’d seen far too many sappy war movies with that sort of thing: boy and girl fall in love, boy’s going to go off to war, and the couple has one last night together, where they usually make love. Boy goes off to war and never returns. Her mother might’ve seen that as a good love story, but possibly living it made it almost unbearably painful. She simply wanted to hold him, to be near him. With the way she’d been feeling lately, and the ever-mounting fear she felt as Charlie’s mission got closer, she needed it. She needed him.

            “Alright,” Charlie whispered. He gently squeezed her hand and began to lead her to the door of the Cabin. When he punched in in the entrance code, the hydraulic door opened and they stepped through. He led her to his bed in the middle of the room. The game systems looked like they were in sleep mode and the stereo was paused. Sitting down on the bed, there was a still a tiny hum coming from all the electronics, but for once, Silena found it comforting. She kicked off her shoes, setting them in a spare cubbyhole in the bed frame. Charlie sat down next to her and pressed a button on a small remote. The bed began to slowly sink down into the floor. As the bed lowered into the room below, Charlie gently pulled her towards him, pulling her softly towards the pillows. She moved closer to him, resting her head on his shoulder. She reached out and wove her hand into his, closing her eyes, feeling a certain kind of happiness and calm settle over her that she only ever felt with Charlie. She’d always loved the way her hand fit in his. His hands were big and rough, calloused from working in the forges for years, but he always held her hand so gently, that it was a perfect balance. She squeezed his hand lightly.

            The feeling running between them this time was so different from the last time she had been here with him. Last time, she felt as if every nerve in her body had been a live-wire, humming with energy. She remembered how nervous she had been, how it had all been unfamiliar territory. She’d been used to flirting and the occasional date, but never anything further than a kiss or a touch. She’d never gone as far as making love. And that’s what it had been; it hadn’t been just a fling or something only sexual, but something real. They’d been safe, of course, and they hadn’t told anyone. They hadn’t felt the need to. It was their moment, their secret, for now. It would get out eventually, she knew. But for now, it was theirs. And she wouldn’t trade it for anything. Not even the awkwardness in the beginning or the slight fumbles. Those were part of it, too. She wouldn’t have changed any of it, or take any of it back. It was one of the few things she didn’t regret, of late.

            But the feeling running between them this time was very different. There was no tension, sexual or otherwise. That desire was there, and it always would be, but right now, they were just content to hold each other, listening each other breathe and just feel the warmth of each other. And that content happiness made what Silena felt for him seem even stronger, even further convincing her that this was love, the kind of love that people fought for and died for, the kind that stirred many to their noblest acts, the kind that her mother didn’t often talk about or glamorize, but Silena knew that Aphrodite valued this kind above all else. This was not just some flirtatious game.

            She felt his lips press into her hair. Opening her eyes again, she looked up at him. His dark eyes were soft, and he was smiling, and seeing him like that made everything else disappear. For now, there was just Charlie. No missions, no war, no monsters, or spies, or fighting, or anything, just her and Charlie in this secret room that was its own world right now. She pulled herself up a little to kiss him. When she pulled away, she whispered, “I love you.” And she meant it. If there was anything she was sure about, it was that.

“I love you, too.” He whispered back. She smiled, feeling her heart flutter again. She clasped his hand in hers again, resting her head on his shoulder. He began to trace gentle circles on her arm with his fingers. She felt her eyes grow heavy; the hum of all the gadgets on the bed, the sound of Charlie’s breathing getting deeper as he began to fell asleep, and the warmth of his arms around her lulling her to sleep.

            She slept peacefully though the night. No nightmares plagued her, nothing woke her in the middle of the night, and she was happier and calmer than she’d been in a long time. When she awoke the next morning, Charlie was already gone, preparing for the mission by scouting out the ship’s and finding Percy. There was a note sitting on the headboard, next to a picture he had kept of the two of them.

See you soon.

            Silena clutched the note, desperately praying that Luke would keep his promise and that Charlie would be safe. But she could feel her heart sinking already. She could feel the warmth and peace Charlie had left with her the night before, leaving her, guilt and worry taking their place.

Please, please, please, let him be alright. Let him come back to me.

Something deep in her heart told her that her wish was already in vain.