#beben-eleven

It’s natural to experience nervousness when meeting new people. So much hangs in the balance of that delicate first impression. Act the wrong way and you might be perceived as stupid, weird, or worst of all, the dreaded creepy.

To prevent this from happening, its important to understand body language and the way it affects perception. By reading the body language of others and managing your own, you can create the first impression that represents you best.

The Basics of Body Language

The idea of reading body language can seem like voodoo, but the truth is you’re already doing it. The mind subconsciously interprets body language and uses it to form impressions.

Do you ever have impressions of people that don’t seem justified? Maybe they strike you as strange or untrustworthy, but for no particular reason? Chances are, their body language is giving off bad signals that your brain is reacting to subconsciously.

Once you start paying attention, these signal are easy to spot. It’s a language you already speak and it’s extremely intuitive, you just need to become consciously receptive to it. This post is intended to be an overview of the basics, but there is more good info here and here.

Projecting Openness

The key to appearing friendly and approachable is projecting openness. Fortunately, it looks just like it sounds. Examples of open body language are:

Arms at sides (as opposed to crossed).

Outward facing palms

Legs stretched out and uncrossed

Elbows away from the body

Leaning forward (like you’re interested)

Standing straight (no slouching)

If you are in a good mood and open to meeting people, you’ll naturally have open body language. We run into problems when we’re in a sour or reclusive mood but still need to be sociable.

Maybe you’re tired, nervous, or a person who doesn’t enjoy big crowds. In these cases, you can actually put yourself into a more likable mood by assuming more likable body language. It sounds crazy, but it works. Force yourself to smile a giant smile and you will instantly feel (at least a little bit) happier. Try it you don’t believe me.

If you are in a social situation and feel things aren’t going well, your natural tendency will be to hide behind closed body language. This will only make things worse. You need to fight your first instinct and focus on projecting the open signals listed above.

Eye Contact

Making eye contact is crucial. Have you ever met someone who couldn’t look you in the eye? What was your perception of them?

Refusal to make eye contact conveys a lack of self confidence and trustworthiness. It makes other people suspicious and unlikely to respect you. Make a concerted effort to look every person you speak with directly in the eye. If that’s too much to ask, an old trick is picking a spot on the lower forehead to stare at.

Eye contact is also a great way to start conversations. The eyes are the window to the soul, so making eye contact creates a powerful connection. Be careful not to stare, but if you see someone you’d like speak with, try to make eye contact as you walk by. If successful, try to open up a conversation.

Adjusting to the Signals of Others

Managing your own body language is only half of the equation. The other half is recognizing and reacting to the body language of others.

If you notice a person has closed body language, it’s a sign you should give them space and proceed with caution. Some people just don’t want to be talked to. Forcing the issue will likely exacerbate their negative feelings.

That’s not to say that closed people should always be avoided, but it’s more effective to warm them up slowly. It’s likely they’re just shy or nervous. When they see your friendliness and open signals they might open up. If not, just move on. It probably has nothing to do with you personally.

Engaging in Conversation

The purpose of open body language is to encourage people to converse with you. This is where you become the life of the party, the person everyone wants to talk to.

Conversation is a subtle art, and this deserves an entire post, but the most important thing I’ve learned can be conveyed in a paragraph:

Ask people about themselves. Find what they’re passionate about and what they’re trying to achieve in life. The answers are often fascinating and different than you’d expect. Your sincere interest will endear you to them and you’ll learn a lot as well. Naturally, they will ask you them same questions about yourself, and in only a few minutes you have made a lasting connection.

Learn something new by starting a free course at one of the hundreds of online self-education resources bookmarked here: 12 Dozen Places To Educate Yourself Online For Free.

Watch one of the thousands of educational videos streaming at TED.com,Academic Earth, or Khan Academy.

Read an online book list and find a new book to grab next time you’re at the library.  Here’s another list.  And another.  And another.  And another.  Or find a good read on Amazon’s Best Sellers List.

Start reading a classic book online for free at Project Gutenberg, The Online Books Page, Gizmo’s Free Books Online, or the E-books Directory.

Take a 30 minute break and work on something that’s meaningful to you.  Engage yourself in a meaningful personal project, or pull the trigger onstarting something you’ve wanted to do for a long time, but haven’t yet had the resolve to do.

Research a new Do It Yourself project at DIY Network, Instructables, or DoItYourself.com.

Add to, delete from, or just generally sort your ongoing to-do list atRemember The Milk, Ta-Da List, or using Google Tasks.  With a few minutes of organizing your time and to-do’s, you will be better prepared to take on the day.

Create a cool graphical mind map of some of your recent ideas atbubbl.us, Mindomo, or Mindmeister.

Email a close friend or family member you haven’t spoken to in awhile and reconnect with them.

Spend time with, or talk with, someone who makes you smile.  Who nourishes and supports your happiness?  Take a few minutes and visit them if they’re nearby, or call them on the phone.

Share your favorite digital photos, videos, etc. with friends and family, and back-up your important files (you’ll be happy you did someday), using Dropbox.

In our ever-expanding digital world, everyone enjoys getting some ‘real’ mail.  So take a few minutes and send a paper greeting card directly to a friend or relative by using enGreet or American Greetings.

Challenge your mind and your perspective by answering these thought provoking questions.  Here’s another list of questions.  And another.  Also check out Thought Questions for a daily dose of even more thought provoking questions.

Start learning a new language online for free at BBC Languages orLivemocha, or one of the other free online language resources outlinedhere.

Watch one of the insightful, inspiring five minute presentations at Ignite Show.

Give out compliments.  Give sincere praise every chance you get.  Compliment and cheer for those who deserve it.  You’ll be hitting two birds with one stone, because when the person you compliment smiles, you’ll smile too.

Use Memorize Now or iMemorize to memorize a cool joke, inspiring quote, etc.

Listen to an educational podcast via iTunes on iTunes U.

Inspire and spark your creative mind by looking at a rolling slideshow of the highest rated photos on Flickr from the past 7 days.

Take a fun, educational online quiz at Quizlet, or play an educational online game at Lumosity, Sporcle, Games for the Brain, or Math Run.

Add the gentle sound of rain to your environment using RainyMood.comand then simply meditate and relax for a few minutes.

Keep track of the things you’re grateful for.  You can’t help but feel good when you literally count your blessings.  Start a gratitude journal and express your thanks on a daily basis.

Sell something you no longer need on eBay and make a little extra cash.

Support a good cause for free at Freerice.com or donate a few bucks to a good cause via GoFundMe.

Play with a child.  Admire their enthusiasm.  Watch how they interact, how they dream, how they ask questions, etc.  Most kids have short attention spans; a few minutes of quality time from a loving adult can make their day, and it will also help you stay in touch with your inner child.

Listen to good music, or find a new musical artist to listen to based on music you like at Grooveshark, Pandora, Spotify, last.fm, or Deezer(international).

Get your body moving and your blood circulating.  Jump, shake, twist and spin around.  Let yourself feel the joy of moving to your favorite music, or just the sounds in your head.  Run, walk, and bike to your heart’s content.

Watch and re-watch Steve Jobs’ 2005 commencement speech and this ten minute recap of Randy Pausch’s Last Lecture.

Spend a few minutes watching the sunset with someone you care about.  Nothing more is needed.  Just sit still and take in the natural beauty of the sky, and appreciate being able to share it with someone special.

Stop to help someone.  In life, you get what you put in.  When you make a positive impact in someone else’s life, you also make a positive impact in your own life.  So the next time you see someone pulled over with a flat tire, or in need of a few minutes of assistance, stop and ask how you can help.

1. Get a good night sleep

Getting adequate sleep prevents the body from storing fats. People who don’t get the recommended 7 to 8 hours of sleep per day are more likely to crave for sweets and starches which is a normal effect of sleep deprivation. In addition, the stress hormone called “cortisol” is more likely to develop in your body; this is associated to belly fat. Instead of staying-up late and think of ways to lose weight, why don’t you get a good night sleep and try to dream of a sexier you?

2. Eat breakfast regularly

Did you think that skipping breakfast can prevent weight gain because it cuts your daily calorie intake? Though it can be true, it is more probable that people who skip breakfast end up eating more throughout the day. Also, breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Your body derives all the nutrients from the food that you had for breakfast to startup your morning which makes you more alert and perform better. Always remember to eat breakfast like a king.

3. Chew your food

Digestion starts in the mouth. Chewing your food well before eating makes it easy for the digestive system to digest your food. Chewing is also a good way to enjoy the taste of the food without consuming too much of it. It can also be an effective way to exercise your jaw.

4. Reduce portions

Instead of eating a cup of rice or 8 ounces of steak, why don’t you cut it by 25%? If you feel that this amount does not deprive you in enjoying your food then that is the way to go. Cutting-off a small portion of your food consistently lets you consume lesser calories; it also gradually prepares your stomach to adjust making you feel full faster.

5. Eat protein rich foods

Eating foods with lean protein on your meal makes you feel full longer and reduces your food cravings. This also gives you the additional energy to complete whatever task that you are into without feeling hungry right away. Protein is also attributed to muscle growth. If you need to build some muscles while losing weight then this is the way to go.

6. Eat only when you are hungry

You should only eat food when there is a need for it. Our body sends a hungry signal to our brain only when the need arises. This simply means that you will only feel hungry if your body has digested all the food that you last ate. Some people divert to food when stressed or bored. Instead of eating, why don’t you do some thing productive to improve yourself like reading, jogging, or visiting panlasangpinoy.com? Hmmm…the last suggestion might make you feel hungrier although you will learn a lot of vital information – isn’t it a good start of your being productive?

7. Eat More Fruits and Vegetables

Eating low fat and low calorie fruits and vegetables before a meal is healthy. This can also serve as fillers that make you feel full which results in lesser consumption of whatever is served in your plate. Fruits and vegetables also improve your immune system that gives you protection against sickness.

8. Choose Whole Grain Foods

Eating whole grain foods such as brown rice, whole wheat bread, popcorn, and pasta provides your body with more fiber. Fiber keeps your bowel movement regular and removes carcinogens from our stomach. If you are feeling bloated, fiber is the solution.

9. Avoid eating while watching TV

Watching the TV or doing something else while eating can distract you in counting or quantifying the amount of food that you should be consuming. This can also lead to a bad habit of continuously eating while your favorite TV show is airing. If you cannot avoid it, you can place enough food on your plate but never reach out for a refill. If you are eating chips from a bag, transfer a reasonable amount in a sandwich bag or bowl.

10. Learn to cook

Learning how to cook gives you the freedom to cook any food you want; this also saves you from gaining more pounds from depending on fast foods. If losing weight is your goal then you should learn how to cook healthy foods that can aid in your weight loss initiative. You can always learn how to cook by visiting panlasangpinoy.com. For starters, you may want to try these healthy recipes: Lumpiang Sariwa, Sautéed bitter melon, Braised vegetables, Sautéed Mung Bean Sprouts.

11. Exercise regularly

Nothing beats regular exercise to lose weight. Exercising need not to be tedious and exhausting. A few minutes of walk per day should do you good. You can even exercise in a more productive way such as cleaning the house, mowing the lawn, doing the laundry, and walking your dog.

12. Be patient

Put in mind that losing weight permanently is a slow process. Do not rush things up as it might ruin your goal. Always remember that losing weight fast can lead you to gain weight faster.

Appreciate what you have. – If we counted our blessings instead of our money, we would all be a lot richer.  Happiness is there if you want it to be.  You just have to see that it’s wrapped in beauty and hidden delicately between the seconds of your life.  If you never stop for a minute to notice, you might miss it.

Focus on things that truly matter. – The simple fact that you are even here, alive, on this planet is a divine miracle, and you should not spend the time you have being busy, being miserable.  Every moment you get is a gift, so stop focusing on unhappy things, and spend your moments on things that truly matter to your heart.

Define your own meaning of life, and pursue it. – What is the meaning of life?  Whatever you want it to be.  Don’t fear failure; fear a lifetime of mediocrity due to lack of effort and commitment.  There are so many people out there who will tell you that you CAN’T.  What you need to do is turn around and say, “Watch me!”

Embrace life’s challenges. – You may think that taking a detour in life is a waste of time and energy, but you can also see the detour as a means of learning more about who you are and where you are heading in your life.  Being off the beaten path may be disorienting and confusing at times, yet it challenges your creative spirit to discover new ways to build a stronger YOU.  In the end, it’s usually the tough situations that feel like your tomb that actually become your cocoon.  Hang in there.  You’re coming out of this stronger and wiser.

Find the balance that allows you to be who you truly are. – Your worst battle is between what you know and what you feel.  One of the hardest decisions you will ever have to make is when to stay put and try harder or when to just take your memories and move on.  Sometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you are capable of being, and the person you truly are.

Love your body enough to take care of it. – You’re beautiful; but keep in mind that not everyone is going to see that.  Never be ashamed of yourself because you are born into one skin.  You can scar it, stretch it, burn it, mark it, tan it, and peel it.  But you are always in it, so you might as well take care of it and learn to love it. 

Limit your time with negative people. – You can’t make positive choices for the rest of your life without an environment that makes those choices easy, natural, and enjoyable.  So protect your spirit and potential from contamination by limiting your time with negative people.

Treat others the way you want to be treated. – Be conscious of your attitude and your actions.  You may be on top of the world right now – feeling untouchable.  You may have all the tools at your disposal to do and say whatever you want.  But remember, life is a circle – what goes around, comes around eventually.

Set a good example. – If you want to empower others in your life, you need to start living the most empowered version of yourself first.  You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.  Believe in what you want so much that it has no choice but to become your reality.  And don’t ever compare yourself to anyone else; stay focused on your own journey and leave footprints behind. 

Delay Worrying

This is a simple technique to stop our worries. If you find yourself concerned over a situation in the future, you can try telling yourself, “let me worry about this tomorrow; there is no need to worry about it today because it won’t happen for quite a while anyway”. Whenever the problem comes to your mind, just try this technique – delay worrying for another day. The fact is that most worries never occur; delaying them is just a clever way of dealing with our negative mind. The nature of our mind is to create problems and things to worry about, but this is a way to forget about them. If you keep ignoring your worries you may later realize they are not going to occur anyway.

Take Action

When we worry about things we can become paralysed by fear. Rather than just worrying, think very carefully about what practical steps you can take to avoid the problem. For example, if you worry about your finances consider how you could reduce your spending, increase your income and consolidate your debt.

If you just worry and feel powerless the problem will not go away, but will continue to lurk in the back of your mind. By taking action and working towards a resolution you will feel much better. Some problems shouldn’t be ignored, they require action; however, for other worries there are no steps that you can take because the worry is mostly imaginary. If you realize there is nothing you can actually do, this is a very good reason to stop worrying about it.

Be Careful What You Wish For

When we think about something intensely we give this idea greater power. In some form these ideas are more likely to materialize. If we worry over making a mistake, we can increase our chances of doing this. We therefore need to be careful what we think about; if we worry over a negative outcome we increase the chance that it will occur – Our worries can become self fulfilling. If we remember the power of thought, we will be more careful about dwelling on painful outcomes. Rather than worrying about a negative event, focus your attention on how difficult situations could be resolved and think how you would successfully deal with the problem.

Keep Things in Perspective

Try writing a list of all the things that you are currently worried about, then examine how much they really effect your life. Are you worrying about important things in life or merely side issues? If your worries are insignificant issues then give them the importance they deserve.- If you don’t get a certain parking space in the morning it is not the end of the world. If a child forgets to turn a light out, it is not a big deal. Don’t be overwhelmed by small things – try to see the bigger picture.

Control Your Thoughts

The key to reducing anxiety and worry is learning the ability to control your thoughts. Sometimes we feel powerless over our own thoughts; it is as if we are slave to them. Whatever thoughts may come we identify with them and accept them as true. However, this is a big mistake. Our own thoughts are often wrong. Also we do have the ability to decide which thoughts to pursue and which thoughts to reject; if we are determined we can prevent thoughts taking hold and throw them out of our mind. If we give importance to controlling our own mind we will be less subject to pursuing endless worries and anxieties.

Don’t Be Vain

It might be harsh, but alas true, that we often worry about what people think of us. We worry endlessly that we might not meet society’s expectations; we worry about whether people will like us. With this mental outlook we start to give too much importance to our ego; it means we are constantly looking for appreciation and the admiration of others. If we don’t get this appreciation, we start to worry that we are no good. If we can develop greater self confidence and inner poise, then we will not worry about what others believe or think.

We need to give less importance to the opinions of the world. Even if we get criticized, we should not worry because we should not identify our self worth with the opinions of others. This is not easy to do overnight, but, if we can detach ourselves from judgements of others we will gain greater inner peace and avoid worrying over the relatively insignificance of people’s judgements.

Analyze Them

Another approach to dealing with worries is to carefully analyze whether they are actually justified. Ask yourself why am I worrying about this? Could I be wrong? Suppose you are worrying about someone’s reaction to what you did at work; it is likely that you are imagining the worse and assigning false motives to the other person. If nothing else you can sow a seed of doubt in the reason for your anxiety. Before, you felt it was 100% certain to occur, but, on reflection you have to admit it is perhaps only 50% true. By analyzing and stepping back from the problem you can evaluate it’s importance and this is an effective way to diminish the power of our worries.

Stop spending time with the wrong people. – Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. 

Stop running from your problems. – Face them head on.  No, it won’t be easy.

Stop lying to yourself. – You can lie to anyone else in the world, but you can’t lie to yourself. 

Stop putting your own needs on the back burner. – The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too. 

Stop trying to be someone you’re not. – One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you likeeveryone else. 

Stop trying to hold onto the past. – You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.

Stop being scared to make a mistake. – Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing.  

Stop berating yourself for old mistakes. – We may love the wrong person and cry about the wrong things, but no matter how things go wrong, one thing is for sure, mistakes help us find the person and things that are right for us. 

Stop trying to buy happiness. – Many of the things we desire are expensive.  

Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness. – If you’re not happy with who you are on the inside, you won’t be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either. 

Stop being idle. – Don’t think too much or you’ll create a problem that wasn’t even there in the first place.  Evaluate situations and take decisive action.  You cannot change what you refuse to confront.  Making progress involves risk.  Period!  You can’t make it to second base with your foot on first.

Stop thinking you’re not ready. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises.  Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.

Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons. – Relationships must be chosen wisely.  It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company.  There’s no need to rush.  If something is meant to be, it will happen – in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason. Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.

Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn’t work. – In life you’ll realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet.  Some will test you, some will use you and some will teach you.  But most importantly, some will bring out the best in you.

Stop trying to compete against everyone else. – Don’t worry about what others are doing better than you.  Concentrate on beating your own records every day.  Success is a battle between YOU and YOURSELF only.  

Stop being jealous of others. – Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own.  Ask yourself this:  “What’s something I have that everyone wants?”

Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. – Life’s curveballs are thrown for a reason – to shift your path in a direction that is meant for you.  You may not see or understand everything the moment it happens, and it may be tough.  But reflect back on those negative curveballs thrown at you in the past.  You’ll often see that eventually they led you to a better place, person, state of mind, or situation.  So smile!  Let everyone know that today you are a lot stronger than you were yesterday, and you will be.

Stop holding grudges. – Don’t live your life with hate in your heart.  You will end up hurting yourself more than the people you hate.  Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.”  It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.”  Forgiveness is the answer… let go, find peace, liberate yourself!  And remember, forgiveness is not just for other people, it’s for you too.  If you must, forgive yourself, move on and try to do better next time.

Stop letting others bring you down to their level. – Refuse to lower your standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs.

Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others. – Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it anyway.  Just do what you know in your heart is right.

Stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break. – The time to take a deep breath is when you don’t have time for it.  If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting.  Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly.

Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments. – Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things.  The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.

Stop trying to make things perfect. – The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done.  Read Getting Things Done.

Stop following the path of least resistance. – Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile.  Don’t take the easy way out.  Do something extraordinary.

Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t. – It’s okay to fall apart for a little while.  You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well.  You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either – cry if you need to – it’s healthy to shed your tears.  The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.

Stop blaming others for your troubles. – The extent to which you can achieve your dreams depends on the extent to which you take responsibility for your life.  When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility – you give others power over that part of your life.

Stop trying to be everything to everyone. – Doing so is impossible, and trying will only burn you out.  But making one person smile CAN change the world.  Maybe not the whole world, but their world.  So narrow your focus.

Stop worrying so much. – Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy.  One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time?  Three years?  Five years?”  If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.

Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen. – Focus on what you do want to happen.  Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story.  If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.