#bebe angst

You didn’t want to go to school today. You stayed up really late trying to calm down after a fight with your mom about your grades. She just snapped at you during dinner and gave you an ultimatum saying that if you didn’t get a good grade on the next exam, she would get you out of school since, according to her, “not all jobs require someone as stupid as you.” It’s not the first time your mother has called you like that. She believes calling you dumb, empty, or an idiot will help to make you study hard, but of course, it was all the opposite. Your mother never cared about the effect all those words could have on you, and at this point, you were getting tired.

When your first class started, you weren’t in the mood to pay any type of attention, but if you didn’t, it would be worse. You were trying to focus so hard on what was written on the blackboard, but you couldn’t make yourself focus. Tears started forming in your eyes. Why was it so hard? It’s not nuclear science, so you couldn’t understand why your brain was playing games with you. The more you tried to learn all the information, the harder it was getting actually to understand what your teacher was explaining.

Bebe was looking at you, and she was worried. Not only could she see the dark circles under your eyes, but she could also see your puffy and red eyes and the tears that were starting to fall down your cheeks. She wanted so badly to approach you and ask you what was happening, but she knew you wouldn’t like the attention if she did that, so she just stayed there, watching you and hoping she was able to help you calm down.

The first class ended, and you quickly stood up and made your way to the girls’ restroom. Bebe noticed your actions and followed you without seeing them.

When Bebe entered the restroom, she could hear your sobbing. It was faint, but she was able to decipher the sound. She slowly approached the stall you were in.

“Baby, wanna talk about it?” Bebe asked you. Her voice startled you at first, but you were glad she was there with you.

“It’s my mom…” you managed to say. Bebe stayed in silence, and you took a deep breath. “She… She called me stupid, and she said that if I don’t improve, she will get me out of school, and she said I would have to find a job if that happened” You started to cry more. You didn’t want to leave school. It was not only the only place you could get away from your home life, but you got to spend time with your girlfriend without anyone bothering the two of you. “I don’t want to leave school, Bebe.”

“Can you come out, baby?” you opened the restroom stall, and finally, she was able to see you. You looked tired, and the puffy eyes didn’t help. She hugged you, and slowly you started to calm down. It was like magic, and Bebe knew how to calm you down. Hugs always worked.

“I know that I’m not as smart as you or Wendy or Nichole, but I try, I really try” Bebe grabbed your cheeks and gave you a small kiss on your nose and then gave you a sweet but small kiss on the lips.

“I know you do, beautiful,” you were looking down. “Hey, look at me” You finally looked into her eyes. “I know you do try. I can see it. You do put all your effort when it comes to school and-”

“Fuck, that makes it even worse because if that’s all my effort, then my mom’s right” You hid your face in your hands.

“Hey hey hey, let me finish.” you looked again at her. “You do put all your effort, but maybe you learn differently.”

“Huh?” you tilted your head.

“You know, maybe only reading the information does not help or is not as efficient. And that’s ok, baby! What I’m trying to say is that maybe your brain will retain all the information if you try another way of learning….” you looked at her, and you were able to see how her brain started to work. “I know, remember when I was having a hard time memorizing my cheerleader routine, and you managed to learn it in less than 10 minutes, and then you helped me memorize it?” you nodded. “Maybe you are more of the visual kind….”

“Bebe, I literally read and read all the information, and it doesn’t work.”

“Can I finish?” both of her hands were now on her hips, and you chuckled. “Maybe you just need examples, things you can relate to the information you are trying to learn, and you know, relate the information with stuff you already know or like. Just like when you learned my routine, you learned it fast because of the song the routine was based on, not because of the steps.” she was right. The routine was easy since it was one of your favorite songs… “And if that doesn’t work, then we will look for a way for you to learn, ok?” you went and wrapped your arms around her.

“I love you so much, Bebe,” you whispered to her.

“I know,” she smiled and kissed you. “I just want you to know you are not stupid, and I’m not only saying it because you are my girlfriend but because you are not. You don’t seem to see it, but you are brilliant. You need to understand that a grade doesn’t define the person you are. Nor the people's comments, even if one of that people is your mother.” you only nodded. “Promise me that whenever you feel these thoughts or comments start getting more in your head, you will at least tell me. Please, baby.”

“I will”

“That’s my girl.”