#bears narrative

(Nothing happens.)

What…

[Uh.. okay. I’ll just try again..]

(Felix repeats the actions of starting the car, yet still nothing happens. After a few more attempts he can feel frustration starting to bubble under his skin, and after yet a few more tries he yanks the keys out of the ignition and throws them across the car; the object making a soft sound as it thumps against the seat. Anger and exhaustion reels in his stomach, and he pushes his face into his hands.)

[Of course, of course! Of course my fucking car isn’t starting! Jesus Christ, this hasn’t been my week..]

(Lifting his head up from his hands, Felix thinks about who to call for help. And after a few, long minutes, his mind settles on someone who would’ve been his first choice had he not been too exhausted to think properly. Reaching to fish his phone out of his bag, he finds the chat quickly and starts typing.)

(So of course something had to interrupt that.)

(Felix’s phone starts buzzing in his pocket, a harsh drag back to reality as he pulls it out of his pocket. When he reads the name, his heart drops slightly.)

(“Rosalie (mum)”)

(Oh. Oh fuck.)

(Felix quickly jumps to his feet and rushes out of the room, answering the phone as he rounded a corner and pulling it to his ear.)

Hey, hey mum. Uh.. you okay? You don’t usually call.

(He can’t help the awkward laugh that escapes his throat, and immediately regrets it as he bites down on his tongue.)

“Felix. Me and your dad have been talking about your.. thing that you told us about.”

(Oh. Oh. Okay. Fuck. Okay. This was gonna be fine. Yeah. Sure. A conversation with your mother about how you found out you’re fucking bisexual in your early 30’s, whilst you’re in a big ass house with your new friends; who you don’t even know that well and don’t know if they’re homophobic! Great! Awesome.)

*sigh* Look, mum, can we just.. talk about this when I get home? Please? I’m not exactly-

“No, Felix, we’re going to talk about it now.”

(Fuck. Of course.)

(Another small sigh comes from Felix’s throat, and he quickly makes his way upstairs and into his private room to ensure the others don’t hear him.)

..okay, mum. What do you want to talk about?

(A pause for a moment, one that feels like it drags on for eternity, the pit in Felix’s stomach grows deeper as no one talks.)

..mum?—

“Are you sure you’re.. whatever you said?”

(He wants to scream into a fucking pillow.)

Bisexual, mum. And yeah, I am. It’s.. it’s something that’s been on my mind for a while and I just wanted to-

“Is it because of medical school? You know, you were quite close with that one.. boy who we always said was a bit of a—”

Mum.

(Felix cuts her off before she can say what he knows she’s going to say. That ‘boy’ had been one of the only reasons he made it through med school in the first place. He’d been one of Felix’s closest friends before he moved away.)

No. It’s not because of med school—

“Then what? Felix? I just- I don’t know how you turned out like that! Me and your father always—”

It’s because I’m not you or dad, mum! I-I’m my own person! Okay?! I’m my own person who just so happens to like boys and girls and you’re the ones who can’t seem to get your fucking heads around that fact! I’m not suddenly a different person just because I’ve found a label for myself! And if you two can’t just accept that then I don’t know what the fuck to say.

(Why did he care so much? Sure, he had the teeniest, tiniest crush on Eggy, but it shouldn’t mean the only thing occupying his mind was worry for him!)

(Felix wanted to pull out his phone and text Eggy, or Lucy, or Finlay, or Rudy, or fucking anyone, but he knew in his heart they’d all probably be asleep. God he hated night shifts. He couldn’t even double check on Eggy to make sure he was alright.)

(Eggy had been saying about hallucinations? That..that didn’t sound good at all. Maybe he should’ve suggested for the two of them to meet up at some point to talk about it more? Maybe he should’ve pressed a bit more? Maybe he should’ve gone to psychiatry and asked them about it? God, why hadn’t he asked more? He was so fucking stupid-)

(The thing that pulled Felix out of his spiral was the familiar feeling of fur against his arm. Jolting him out of his thoughts he looked down, only to find that same reverse-silhouette thing that he’d seen when they were on the stag.)

(Oh. Shit. He was transforming. Now. Right fucking now- fuck!)

(Panic immediately pierced Felix’s heart, and he frantically looked around for a place to hide. People could not see him as a fucking bear! He ended up settling for an old part of the ambulance bay that no one used anymore, sprinting towards it as fast as he physically could.)

(Finally reaching the bay, he hid himself in a corner as he felt the transformation take over his body. Thick, brown fur sprouted from all over his body, his ears shifted to the top of his head as he felt his mouth elongate into a snout. He felt his body grow larger as his hands and feet followed, shifting into paws. Felix’s breathing was heavy when the transformation ended, occasional growls and huffs mixing with the sound.)

(Okay. Shit. This was fine! Sure! He was a fucking bear at his place of work! Fucking amazing actually!)

(He needed to calm the fuck down. His heart was hammering against his chest as if desperately trying to break free, his brain went into ‘fight or flight’, and now he was a bear. Adrenaline rushed through Felix’s veins as he took a deep breath in, attempting to disrupt the heavy yet fast pace his brain had unconsciously set.)

(After what felt like an eternity, Felix’s heart slowly relaxed, and he felt his transformation slowly retreat with it. A few minutes later, he was back to Dr. Felix Motherwell. Regular fucking guy. Not a bear. Thank God.)

(Only issue now? He was even more tired than before he entered the hospital.)