#bear gorilla

Birthday!

In 2017, I spent 12 hours with someone who I had been crush with since I was in high school.

In the beginning, I intended to travel as my birthday present for myself yet it turned out to be the best birthday ever.

Indeed. It was my best birthday. I might say, the happiest hours in my life.

A few months later, I found out that he is gone.

Without saying good bye or anything left for me.

Just… gone.

That moment only remain memory that I had been left by someone who made me the best birthday ever, the happiest 12 hours in my life.

Not the happy moments I have spent with him.

That made me think, that day only make me realize that people who love me, who make me happy will leave me eventually.

I also never imagine that I could be happy as I was at that time again.

Then in 2018, God had set up everything.

I met someone else in Malaysia when I lived there.

I used to call him as Gorilla or (Dark) Polar Bear.

I did not expect that I could like someone or admire someone else or can be happy again, but I did.

He treated me like I was his responsibility. Without I even asked him to.

He took care of me, he paid attention to my stories that I never thought he would remember, even I did not remember them. He even remembered my favorite meals while usually people did not.

He also trusted me to be the one he shared his stories with.

His activities, his days, his friends, what he thought about work stuff, his mom, his dad, his grandma, his sister, his family.

Unconsciously, time flies and he did fill in the big hole I had. The wound I had from the previous one.

The loneliness I had that anyone never wants or even try to understand or accompany.

Yet he did.

Then one day, he is gone.

Suddenly.

I did expect him to leave anyway but I just did not want to see that day will come.

It felt like God has taken everything I had in one second.

I lost everything. Even myself.

I did not know what to do. I depressed.

He made my old wound deeper.

It has been couple of months but still I miss those moments with him.

And today is his birthday.

Happy birthday Gorilla.

#HappyBirthday