#beanu

FIRST OF ALL HI

second of all, i like curly guy. well played.

you know, ever since i moved out (early january this year), whenever someone’s asked me this question, i’ve always said “i’m so happy here”, “life is AMAZING”, “i couldn’t be more content with my current situation”.

while those feelings are superficially true, i can’t help but feel like i’m constantly running away. all my problems back home with my family, my absolutely scrambled thoughts after the breakup just after i moved, and the issues inside my head that i (very much on purpose) haven’t tried to resolve, out of pure cowardice, are still snapping at my coattails. ignoring something that needs attention doesn’t make it go away, and this i have realised, but don’t want to accept.

i find it hard to deal with the ghosts of my unattended worries. whenever i think about how life has changed for me, i’m filled with an ocean of relief, but there’s also always a slight tinge of needle-like sharpness to it, that says “i’m still here, i’ll catch up eventually.”

i’m not brave. i’d say i’m strong, but not brave. and the only way to fix that is by confrontation and being ready to face anything wrong that may occur.

i am incomplete in more ways than i show.