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Bean: my girlfriend is stupid
Me: what!? My girlfriend is stupid.
Bean: no, I'm not your girlfriend I'm your wife
Me: (no but okay) why am I your girlfriend if you're my wife?
Bean: cause you got demoted for being stupid
Me: what!?!
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Bean: *singing under breath*
Me: awwww, are you singing me a lullaby?
Bean: *silence*
Me: can you sing to me?
Bean: *sings head shoulders knees and toes louder and faster*
I love my wife
I called my butch, non gender conforming girlfriend who identifies as a dyke a dyke
I shouldn't be allowed in public 🥺
Conversation with my partner
Bean: did you know that for a squirrel to die from falling it has to fall for long enough to starve to death cause it can survive terminal velocity?
Me: yeah I knew that
Bean: do you know how I learned that?
Me: no....?
Bean: I'm reading porn
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We're lesbians
We're renting each other
*me and bean waking up in the morning*
Bean: *smiles at me after I say something*
Me: what's that for?
Bean: I farted
Me: what! I thought you were gonna say you love me or something
Bean: I'm kidding, it's cause I love you
Me: but did you fart?
Bean: yeah *giggles*
Me: no your doing it wrong
Bean as they bounce on the bed: doing what wrong?
Me as I pull bean into my lap: being cute
Bean: how am I being cute wrong?!?!
Me: you're supposed to compliment my cuteness, not exceed it and overshadow me. You're just too cute.
Bean: then go take off your makeup and come to bed. Then we will exemplify each other's cuteness
