#bealrightts

oh I didn’t see this so I already answered 3 haha it’s all good!

15: Talk about the time you were most content in life.

6th grade. That was before things got bad. I had loads of friends and always had people to count on. 6th grade was the best year of my life. All my teachers loved me and I was at the top of my class. Girls were jealous of me because I was friends with all of the guys and half of them had crushes on me because back then I was actually really pretty and I was one of the first girls to get boobs lmao. It was just a really fun time because I had so many people who supported me, I never felt alone, I was physically attractive, I was super happy so I was funny as hell because I didn’t doubt myself, I was still in theatre and loving it, like literally nothing was wrong tbh. 7th grade fucked up everything man if I could do it all over again I’d just keep on my 6th grade track

3: Talk about the person you’ve had the most intense romantic feelings for.

I dated a girl in 8th grade. I don’t want to say her real name because people irl follow me and know her and would put two and two together. Our relationship was a secret for the most part because I was still in the closet for the most part. I’ll call her Marissa. I haven’t had any real relationships since Marissa tbh, none that mattered. Marissa was incredibly, hugely comfortable with her sexual orientation from a very young age. She knew she was lesbian in 3rd grade and came out to everyone. I was terrified of liking girls but knew I did and I think one of the biggest reasons I was attracted to her is she was so confident with it. People called her a dyke everyday and she got physically beat up multiple times but she always kept her head up. I don’t know if a 12 year old can fall in love with another 12 year old so I don’t think I can call it love. But infatuation? Yeah. And definitely romantic feelings. She has the bluest eyes and the softest skin. When she smiled, I felt like everything would be okay in the world. When I was at my lowest suicidal points, she gave me a reason to think life was worth it. She made me laugh so fucking hard. We’d do stuff just to purposefully piss off teachers and looking back on it, it was all so fucked up, but at that time I was so fucked up and she was so fucked up so it was perfect for both of us to be fucked up. We did really stupid shit like fuck in the PE locker rooms. Marissa was really troubled. She was in deep with drugs. Really bad. I’m allergic to weed so I can’t be in the same room with other people smoking weed. Because of that, she wanted to be considerate (and also just she wanted to do more intense drugs) so she never smoked when I was around, she took other shit to get high. I didn’t do that stuff with her. I had self harm and drinking. I kept those as my unhealthy behaviors so while I was drunk she was high on god knows what. Part of me still feels guilty to this day, like maybe if I had been okay with her smoking weed she wouldn’t have done the more hardcore shit, but I know that isn’t true. I was 12. I didn’t understand. I didn’t know the difference between weed and cocaine, I thought it was all the same. I just knew the term “drugs” and didn’t know the differences. I knew alcoholic differences, but really didn’t have the perspective about drugs. We were friends with such older kids (16-18 year olds). So when she came to school with crack in her backpack, I just thought that was a normal thing certain “cool” 12 year olds did. It wasn’t. She got really, really bad. One night she drank so much she had to go to the hospital and get her stomach pumped. The next week, she came to school on a Tuesday and told me it was goodbye. She said her parents were forcing her to go to rehab. She left that Thursday, two days later. That was the end for us. sorry that was probably way too intense omg