#bdp feels

there is a darkness inside me

You where bold and energetic. Your energy overflowed the room and I was pleased to be rapt in it. Surrounded by so much you as I was writing my verses from that orange couch with the green pillows, under the clock that did not work. The one where we later sat, closer to each other. Writing and expanding together, all within my notebooks. You ruined all my drawings. It was my favorite occupation. Not creating, but watching you destroy. Shiva.

Growing up with the kind of father I did, your kind of love suited my self image. It was even generous. Receiving appreciation and love when I accomplished something. I was being spoiled. It made you the perfect man for me at the time. Your sudden withdrawals and fluctuating appreciation for me was something I was familiar with since before so I let you treat me like that. I didn't know I deserved better.

ts is so embarrassing because they never believe me since i don't look it, they be judging me hard just because i'm a muslim female 🥀 *sighs*

that doesn't mean i want to get to know them