~ { Lindsay Lohan } ~
The fire was burnin’ on the dance floor. The rhythm revelers were hopped up on newcomer Rihanna and “Pon de Replay” was their junk. Song after song, from the Black Eyed Peas to Justin Timberlake, the crowd screamed in ecstasy, high off the comfort that global causes were trending and their real estate investments would never lose value. High above this swarming pool of self congratulatory awareness-raisers, atop a poolside stage lit by lasers zipping in every direction, stood the master of the music, the bringer of the beat, the hottest DJ in all of LA: Samantha Ronson. Sporting a white tee, open vest, and skewed fedora, she took a drag from her unfiltered cigarette, held tight between two short nails featuring different amounts of chipped black polish. She was a true Hollywood Star tonight, but not exactly in her own right. She had a lot to thank her current fling for…the one who put her face in the tabloids and her name into households nationwide. She had been a nobody for years, struggling like any other DJ to gain recognition, until her savor came along. That savor stood at her side this very moment, allowing her fame to wash over Sam, brightening her aura to a blinding degree, proving Sam’s own worth and reason for being here at all, to exist not only at this party, but as part of Los Angeles’ pop culture history. It washed off in waves, replenished by every self-aware move, both away and towards the camera’s all-watching eye. This star among starlets, princess among poverty, Goddess among Gods was none other than Lindsay Lohan, and tonight, like so many other nights, she was crying.
“Everything’s so fucked up.” Lindsay nabbed Sam’s cigarette from her mouth and made it her own.  Sam was familiar with this stunt and reached in her pack to light another. “I can’t take THE LIES!!! Save me, Sammy!!! I hate it here! I hate it everywhere! I’m an ACTRESS! Why won’t they just let me ACT?! Why must my mistakes be all I’m known for?? The car crashes, the drugs, the partying with my mother, the squabbling between my family! It’s all beyond my control! They take everything bad that happens to me and make it worse! Who hasn’t crashed their Mercedes? Fuck Sam, why can’t we get away?? Just for a year or two, enough time to be ourselves with only each other…no camera, no stages, nothing but our love! The paparazzi Sammy, the paparazzi…I swear…..I know you think I’m crazy but they’re tracking me! They know where I’m going before I even get there! They’re waiting for me Sam!! How?! They must have bugged my car, but how do I prove it? And even if I found it, they could just do it again… Oh Sam, what will I do with myself? What can I do? The courthouse has become a home away from home…my ankle monitor became the hottest accessory of the season, and now my latest mugshot is getting more press than my last two movies combined! If I could only land the right role Sam! If they could only see that my talent is true! SAM! Let’s run away! We have to! We must!!! Damn the vicious Hollywood Machine!!!” Lindsay burst into tears and fell into Sam’s arms, her sobs masked under the lyrics of “My Humps” blasting out the nearby speakers.
Samantha grabbed Lindsay by the shoulders and stared her dead in the eyes, which darted around like a frightened fawn, lost in the big city. In a hushed, determined tone, undetectable below the thumping bass, Sam spoke from the heart. “Lindz, I love you, you know that. We lift each other up and are stronger, better people because of it. You know you’re a star, I know it…and all those people out there, they know it too. You’re a true Artist, Lindsay, and ya know what? You’re too good for this town. They don’t know what to do with a spirit like yours. Don’t you see, Lindsay? You’re the Real Thing! You’re a living embodiment of Los Angeles, of America, of Modern Times!! A martyr of fame’s excess of follies, a symbol of feminine sexuality and innocence, of vice and glamour; a sacred sinner of pious profanity!! And you’ll never hold that Oscar! You’ll never win the respect of the industry, because you’re above it! You’re too different, and that’s a good thing! You’re the only human left on the planet of the apes, and you don’t need their little toy statue! You’re eternal Lindsay, and every breath you take makes the world a better place.” Lindsay nodded with tears in her eyes. She smiled and again fell into Samantha’s arms. Lindsay looked beyond Sam’s shoulder, out into the crowd. Sam’s words were sweet, but Lindsay didn’t care. She still wanted the respect of the industry, to hold that golden toy statue and prove them wrong. If only the right part could come along…
