#bbbstory

THE DAY HE COMES BACK

Incheon Airport looks different the moment Wonpil lands his foot on the ground. Probably the new structure of the building? Or is that new burger chain restaurant? He is not sure anymore, but the only thing he is sure for now is, he is finally back.

To be honest, Wonpil is anxious to be back home. It's been too long. It's long enough for him to forget how it feels like to be Korean. Italy had changed him to a completely different person. Nonetheless, he is still excited. He is finally able to see his family again not through phone screen.

He is walking slowly to claim his luggage and queue for a taxi. Thank God, he doesn't forget his mother language after staying abroad, so he doesn't find any hassle in catching a taxi. The taxi drives through the busy street of Seoul and all the skyscrapers flashing in front of him. They look so different from the last time he saw it. He doesn't exactly remember how it was, but seeing his hometown again after a really long time feels strange.

His mind wanders to the reason why he left. Why he sacrificed his family for living alone somewhere far away instead. He wanted to make peace with himself. He wanted to be able to accept and love himself first. When he finally found his inner peace after thirteen years, that’s also when he decided to go home for good.

The trip doesn't really take a long time though. He doesn’t realize he has reached his destination in twenty minutes. After saying thanks to the driver and taking his luggage from the trunk, he pulls it to a front door of a house. The house isn't too big, but it radiates warm energy. It's not only a house for Wonpil, it's a home that he misses the most.

He knocks on the door but no one answers it at first. He knows it will happen since he doesn't tell anyone he will come home. He knocks again when a middle aged woman appears from the house.

“Who— Oh my God, my son!” the woman hugs him immediately. Her hug is tight and Wonpil can feel his shoulder is getting wet from his mother's tear. It makes him cry too.

“Why don't you tell me that you will come back, Wonpil?” his mother pats him on his cheeks and inspects his face, cannot believe that her son is finally here.

“To surprise you?”

“What kind of surprise is this? I haven't cook anything for you and you look so skinny”

“Mom...” he whines, “but yeah, I lost some weight while living in Milan. There's no delicious food there and I need to be on a strict diet for my job.”

“Come here, I will cook you a lot of food then,” she says while opening the door wider so Wonpil can pass through it with his big luggage. She disappears to the kitchen then, probably preparing meals for him.

While everything in Seoul seems to change, his home stays the same. The wallpaper, the floor, even the furniture are still the same like the last time he was there. God, he really misses this. It's not like Wonpil never called his family in the last thirteen years. He called, but everything is different when he's actually there.

Wonpil is too immersed in his own nostalgia, he doesn't hear small steps coming from the bathroom.

“Grandma, where are you? We haven't washed our hands yet!”

A small boy, probably 7 years old, is running in his house and suddenly stops in front of his face, he looks scared like he sees a stranger. Well, he is indeed a stranger in his own house.

“GRANDMA! THERE'S A WEIRD AHJUSSI HERE!” he screams and walks slowly to the corner of the room.

“I'm not weird ahjussi, Dowoon-ah”

“Who are you then? Why do you know my name?”

“I'm Uncle Wonpil, you don't remember?” he speaks with a fake hurt tone.

“Uncle Wonpil? Mom's brother?”

“Yeah, he is your mom's brother,” his mother comes back from the kitchen, probably remembering that his grandson was still in the bathroom before.

“Grandma, why did you leave me suddenly? We haven't finished washing hands”

“I know, Grandma is sorry. But I heard the knocking on our door so I opened it and Uncle Wonpil was there. I think I was too excited so I forgot you,” she chuckles while pinching the chubby cheeks of Dowoon. “I will continue cooking and you will wash your hands with Uncle Wonpil, okay?”

The little kid only gives a small nod and walks to the bathroom. Wonpil follows him and helps him to stand near the sink.

“Are you really Uncle Wonpil?” Dowoon asks. His eyes are skeptical and Wonpil wants to laugh.

“Of course I'm Uncle Wonpil! Why do you keep asking that?”

Dowoon only shrugs. He doesn't ask anymore and wash his hands in silence. After they finish with their hands, Wonpil comes to the kitchen while Dowoon sprints off to somewhere in their house.

In the small amount of time, his mom manages to cook so many dishes and it makes his stomach growl. “Eat a lot,” she says and Wonpil doesn't need to be told to inhale all those food. He almost tears up again because he really misses his mom's cooking.

Later that night, he surprises the rest of the family. To say they are shocked when Wonpil appears for his bedroom is understatement. His father hugs him immediately, telling him that he is proud of Wonpil for finishing his college and surviving alone in another country while his older sister messes his hair and pinch his cheeks, saying she misses his annoying little brother.

He catches up with the whole family while eating dinner. From the conversation, he knows that his father started to have interest in gardening so he planted a lot of things in their small garden in front of the house. His older sister got promoted not long after she gave birth to Dowoon and Wonpil says sorry because he couldn't go home for her labour. His brother-in-law was moved to another branch of his company, it's a little bit further so he is stressed with the traffic jam every day. It's also the reason why he isn't there. And Dowoon, well he says he made rocketship in his class.

Wonpil sees his family chatting happily and he is glad he makes the right decision to come back home and stay here.

---

THE DAY HE REMINISCES

He tries to sleep that night but he can't. He doesn't know whether it's because jet lag or the heaviness in his heart. Yes, he is glad he is at home with his family, but there's an unsettling feeling inside. His thought flies away to the reason why he left this country thirteen years ago and a question suddenly pops in his head, “what if he meets him again?”

Funny enough, the reason why he applied for that scholarship in the first place was to avoid this city. No, he didn't hate Seoul, nor have problems with his family. He only wanted to avoid this particular person because he knew, everywhere he went, if it's still in Seoul, there's a slight chance that he would meet him and he didn't want that.

Now he is back for good, there's possibility that he will meet him somewhere, someday. He is not sure if he will be ready or not. He only hopes he will.

Since the sleepiness doesn't come anyway, he decides to take a midnight walk to get some fresh air. He wears his coat and leaves his house to any places where his feet bring.

It ends up in an empty park near their high school. A pair of familiar swings welcome him. The swings are still the same but the paint is already worn off and it's rusty. The saddles also remain the same although it's a little bit dirty and old.

He sits in one of the swings and swinging lightly. A wave of memories suddenly come crashing and it takes him to thirteen years ago, to a boy named Park Sungjin, the Busan guy who sat beside him for three years of high school. His seatmate who had allergy for his aegyo but actually cared a lot. The one who played guitar and had a sweet voice.

Also Park Sungjin, the guy that he tries to avoid the most. The guy behind the reason why he took the scholarship to a strange land. His only crush but also the one who broke his heart because he likes girls and Wonpil is not a girl.

He sighs, Park Sungjin, how is he doing right now?

The sky is so pretty that night, he looks it up and he remembers clearly what happened years ago in this place.

###

It was also late night when he walked home with Sungjin from the music store where they used to hang out to play the instrument. It was a good day, at least for Wonpil because he didn't have to hear Sungjin talking about his crush all the time.

But the good day had come to an end in the worst way.

They were in the middle of talking about the guitar that Sungjin played at the store, the one he said he wanted to buy it, when suddenly Sungjin's steps came to halt. Wonpil didn't know what made him stop until he was following Sungjin's sight.

Sungjin was looking at this swing, the exact same swing that Wonpil is currently sitting in the present time, but his eyes fixed on someone. It was the girl, his long time crush. She was talking with Younghyun, the loner of the class. From Wonpil's eyes, they seemed talking animatedly, which was weird because Younghyun never talked to anyone at school.

When Wonpil looked at Sungjin's face, his mood turned somber. There's no longer happy Sungjin like few minutes ago. A mixture of pain, sadness, and disappointment appeared clearly on his face.

And it was hurting Wonpil all over again. Sungjin deserved someone better than her, someone that truly cared about him. If Wonpil could be selfish, he wished Sungjin would look at him instead like they way he looked at the girl. Wonpil wanted to know how it felt like to be that girl. To be someone that could make Sungjin's heart flutter and the only thing he's talking about all the time.

He took a deep sigh and put his ego aside. He should be the best friend that Sungjin needed. After all, Sungjin still needed him even though not in a way that Wonpil needed him.

“You are done mopping?” he walked closer to Sungjin. His sudden existence surprised him and burst out his bubble.

“Yeah, let's go home,” they continued their walk in silence. At first, Wonpil tried to make a conversation so it wouldn't be awkward, but Sungjin only answered him in short sentences. Therefore, Wonpil stopped trying and Sungjin didn't say anything afterwards.

Their great day had ended and Wonpil remembers it as an awful memory.

###

A strong blow of wind makes Wonpil shivers. He tightens his coat and smiles bitterly. He was a fool who used to wish he could heal Sungjin's pain. However, being his best friend was even worse because along the way, he got hurt instead.

Wonpil gets up from the swing. He doesn't want to be drowned in painful memory anymore. He continues his midnight walk to somewhere that won't hurt him.

He walks through a small mini market, cafe, and arcade where he used to spend his time after school. Everything remains the same, maybe there are some slight changes that go unnoticed by Wonpil, but he doesn't really care.

His feet bring him further until they stop at the end of the bridge that connects to another neighborhood. He looks straight and all his defenses crumble. This place is the hardest.

He takes a deep breath, walks in small steps until he reaches the middle part of the bridge. Then, he leans himself on the railing. He tries to look under the bridge, wondering if the small river is still the same or not, but he cannot see anything since it passed midnight.

The memory is still vivid in his mind even after thirteen years. The last moment they spent together on the bridge, a place where they used to meet for 'emergency' situations.

###

Sungjin was late at that time but Wonpil didn't really care because he had something more important to tell. He was panicking inside.

“Sorry, I'm late,” he said while leaning on the railing. His elbow knocked on Wonpil's and it made him jump a little.

“It's okay.”

There was only silence lingering around them. The air was heavy but none of them tried to break it off. Sungjin was waiting for Wonpil to speak but he was too scared that it would lead to something bad.

Wonpil gathered up his courage and gave him the little bunny keychain from the night before. His palm opened up and Sungjin took it. He was looking at it with a sad smile on his face, the memory of last night came flashing.

“I was rejected you know. I mean, I've seen it coming. I've seen the way she was looking at Younghyun and I knew I had no chance. But I still did it anyway,” he let out a small chuckle, “I just... I didn't want to regret if I never confessed to her. I'm a fool, right, Pil?”

“No, you are not. Because if you are fool, I am too.”

Sungjin looked at him puzzled as he waited for Wonpil to continue his talk. He couldn't look at Sungjin, too afraid that he would undo his plan because he was too coward.

He took a deep breath and let it out. Here goes nothing.

“I like you. I like you more than as best friend or brother. I like you the way you like her,”

From the corner of his eye, he could see Sungjin opened up his mouth to say something. So he continued, stopping Sungjin from saying anything that potentially could hurt him more than this.

“You don't have to answer it. I know you don't feel the same way. Like you said, I don't want to regret never telling you my feelings.”

He finally looked at Sungjin. His face was full of confusion, but there's no disgust there and it made Wonpil a little bit relieved.

“I... I'm sorry, Wonpil”

“It's okay, I'll be fine,” he put a fake smile on his face to cover the sadness he felt inside, “I'll be going home first, okay. Take care!”

He straightened himself out of the railing and walked away from the bridge. Leaving the boy whom he just confessed drowning in his own bewilderment.

The next day, Wonpil left the country without telling goodbye to Sungjin.

###

He doesn't know why he sighs over that memory, but it's still hurting him as if it's a fresh wound that just happened yesterday.

The fact that he is still longing for Sungjin irks him. Even after all these years, when he thought he would finally be able to move on from him, he cannot do that.

And if someone asks him whether he has made a peace with himself or not, the answer is actually no.

His heart remains the same, it's aching for Sungjin.

---

THE DAY THEY MEET

It has been 6 months and Wonpil has settled in Seoul. He got a stable job as a model that paid him well. He moved to a small studio apartment in the heart of Gangnam. The most important thing, he didn't meet Sungjin at all.

He thinks maybe, just maybe, Sungjin moved back to Busan after they graduated and settled there. He is thankful if he really did that.

His life is almost perfect until he gets a homecoming invitation from Jae, his former classmate. He is contemplating whether he will come or not. He really wants to come but he is afraid that he will meet Sungjin.

After a long consideration, he decides to come. It's time for him to stop avoiding his problem and face the small fear inside of him instead.

The homecoming takes place in a restaurant around Itaewon. He comes a little bit late because a magazine photo shoot holds him for a while. When he arrived, he could see almost all of his classmates are there, except one person. It actually eases his worry.

It's all fun until a familiar figure enters the restaurant in the middle of the event. He is late again.

Wonpil recognizes him, though. Even after all these years, he still knows the owner of that broad back. The back he used to hug only to annoy him.

“Oy, Park Sungjin, you are late!” someone shouts from the crowd.

“I'm sorry, but the traffic jam is the worst,” he lets out a small laugh while scratching the back of his neck.

God, his laugh is still the same. It's blaring with a hint of playfulness in it. His habit of scratching his neck when he feels embarrassed also remains the same. He doesn't change at all.

Wonpil doesn't realize he is staring at Sungjin, but when he is awake from his trance, the said guy was also looking at him. He cannot read Sungjin's face, but there's a really tiny smile in the corner of his lips.

During the homecoming, Wonpil doesn't talk to Sungjin. He tries to make himself invisible and avoid any conversation. He only needs to survive until the end of this event.

When everyone is ready to go home, someone taps his shoulder and somehow it makes him anxious. His stomach churns and his palms turn clammy. He prepares himself for the worst. He turns his back and sees Sungjin is standing right behind him.

“Can we talk?” It's a simple question and Wonpil can make any fake excuses not to talk to him.

But here he is, in the small stairs beside the restaurant with Sungjin. The air around them reminds him of what happened thirteen years ago, of all the things that better be remain unsaid.

“You never tell me why did you move back then. Heck, I didn't even know you got a scholarship in Italy until I saw your Instagram post,” he sounds upset, but Wonpil cannot blame him though. He left so suddenly without warning.

“You know the reason, Sungjin. It's complicated. I just... I wanna make peace with myself at that time.”

“How's Milan, then?” he suddenly turns their conversation to something lighter. Something that doesn't remind them about the last time they meet.

He sighs, “It was good. The city was beautiful. The food was okay even though it's not as good as Korean food. How's yours?”

“Never been better,” there's a proud smile on his face. He seems like he wants to elaborate further when his phone suddenly rings. Sungjin picks up his phone and suddenly there's a voice of a little girl jarring from the call.

“Dad, where are you? Why is it so dark? I cannot see your face!”

“Dad is outside with his friend. It's dark because the lighting is dim, sweetie.”

This side of Sungjin is foreign to Wonpil. It's totally different. Sungjin never talks to someone this sweetly before and it's a surprise for him to see the soft side of Sungjin.

What's shocking the most is how Sungjin addresses himself as 'dad'. His mind cannot catch up with this new information. It's short circuited until he realizes there's Sungjin's phone in front of his face.

“Eunji-ya, say hi to Uncle Wonpil. He is dad's best friend from high school,” Sungjin says excitedly.

Wonpil wants to scoff but when he sees the screen, there's a cute little girl around 3 years old smiling at him. He doesn't have the heart to do so.

“Hello, Uncle Wonpil!”

“Umm... Hi, Eunji-ya?” he says awkwardly. At this point, he is not sure what to feel anymore. His heart is a mess and he wants to go home right now.

“Dad, when will you go home? I'm sleepy while waiting for you”

“Dad will be home soon! I will talk to you later, okay?”

“Alright! Love you, Dad!”

“Love you too, Park Eunji,” he blows a kiss for his daughter before hanging up the call.

“Hey, Pil, I'm sorry, I need to go home now. My daughter is waiting. We gotta catch up someday. See you soon!” he says abruptly.

He sees Sungjin makes a little run to the parking lot without waiting for his reply. The same thing he did thirteen years ago in the bridge when he left him.

He scoffs for real this time. Who is he kidding for holding on to the same silly hope.

Hanbin stares at his now cold dark mocha. His thought flies to the time when Sunday coffee dates weren't this silent before.

It's been 6 years since he's in relationship with Jiwon. He met Jiwon when he was a freshman at college and Jiwon was a sophomore who was also his mentor for college orientation. They got along really well because they had the same passion and shared the same interest in music.

Jiwon also helped Hanbin to adapt with college's environment since Hanbin was socially awkward. Hanbin remembered his first day at college. He didn't know what he should do or what building to go. He just stood there looking fresh like an innocent high school student. He was pretty much anxious since he didn’t know anyone so he started biting his nails, his usual habit when he was nervous.

"Dude, you okay?", someone patted him on shoulder and asked him with worried face. That person is taller than him with oversized sweater. His ripped jeans was too low for his hips.

"Y...yeah... I guess...Um...I'm new student here and I'm kinda lost?"

"Ah right freshman! You should go to the auditorium now. All the freshmen are there for some kind of opening ceremony. Actually I'm going to there too. You wanna come with me? I swear I'm not gonna bite you", that guy smiled to him. His eyes disappeared into beautiful crescents and showed his bunny teeth.

"Ah... thank you sunbae-nim!"

That guy didn't reply, he only walked away to where Hanbin assumed as the auditorium.

The  auditorium was so big and crowded and Hanbin felt suffocated there. He chose to stay to the nearest wall, looked really awkward rather than had to blend with the other freshmen.

Soon, someone told them to gather on the center of the auditorium since the dean would open the ceremony. He didn't really catch his words or he didn't really care. He only needed to get his degree and found a stable job.

So, when the dean finally finished his speech and someone took over the microphone, he didn’t realize that the said person was making groups for the freshman. He really hate this kind of event when he had to socialize with other people. Not until someone patted his shoulder again.

"You seem like you really love to doze off, aren't you?"

That guy again. The one he met in hallway before with ripped jeans hanging low on his hips and oversized sweater. With crescents eyes and bunny teeth smile.

"Ah right sunbae", he stuttered. He tried to answer his question politely. He didn't want to get trouble for the rest of his college life just because he didn't try to be nice with other people. But this guy seems like he wasn't harmful.

"So, what group are you?"

"I think I'm group 18 but I don't know any other members of this group", he didn't really care actually. He just wanted to finish this whatever event.

"Cool! I'm Kim Jiwon, sophomore, and apparently your mentor for the orientation. What's your name then?"

"Kim Hanbin"

"Alright Hanbin-ah, now let's meet with other members from this group. And you don't have to be formal with me dude. What the heck with that sunbaenim before in the hallway, just call me hyung is enough", he laughed and Hanbin swore he never met someone that laughing so free with stranger like this before. Or probably that was the first time when Hanbin fell for Jiwon's charm.

---

"You done? My coffee is done and I'm tired", Jiwon asks and makes Hanbin awakes from dozing off.

"Yeah I guess"

"Let's go home then. I wanna play some games at home", he asks while focusing at his phone. Hanbin forgets when was the last time Jiwon looks at him properly like before.

"Are we finally going home now, Hayi?" He asked with a hint of tiredness on his voice. They had already roamed the shopping district for like 5 hours, hopping from one shop to another shop, stopping here and there to take pictures. Honestly, who didn’t even feel tired though.

“There's still one place left to go", she smiled. Her shopping bags dangling from both of her fingers. 

"WHAT?!" He gave her ridiculous look. Hanbin didn't understand how she still had some energy left after her haul.

"I promise, this will be our last stop, okay? Please..." this time Hayi gave him her innocent puppy eyes that Hanbin usually couldn’t even say no. But it didn’t work. Hanbin was too tired to care about her. 

Don't get him wrong. He loves her okay. She is his best friend since he can remember. They were probably 2 years old when Hayi moved to the house beside Hanbin. Her mom was really friendly and introduced her family as the new neighbour to Hanbin's family. His mom was around Hayi's mom age so they hit off immediately and ever since that day, they became best friend also. Hayi means a lot to him. She is also the one and only that knows Hanbin's secret. Not even his family know about it. 

Lately they've been busy with college and part time job so they never hang out together anymore. So, when Hayi asked him to accompany her to go shopping, he said yes right away. Thinking that maybe he could spend quality time with her. He kinda regretted his decision now.

"You also said that since the last five shops. "Okay it will be our last stop"  then you keep going to another shops. Let's go home, I'm tired!" He said mimicking they way Hayi talked. He had already annoyed because there's seem no end for this shopping trip.

"No... No... Hanbin, listen to me, I SWEAR TO GOD this is our last stop, okay. And it will be only a coffee shop that really popular on Instagram lately. All my friends are talking about it and they also post a picture while in there. The place is so aesthetic and they have nice coffee! So, please..." she pleaded this time. Her voice was panicked that Hanbin might reject her offer.

Hanbin only sighed this time. He knew Hayi too well that this girl was so stubborn. She would do anything to get what she wanted. A habit from the only child of her family.

"And you bring that cool camera of yours. It will be such a waste if you don’t take pictures of that coffee shop"

"YAH! I almost run out of my photo film already! You took pictures for every 'cute' place you visited!" He emphasized 'cute' word. She was forcing him to take picture for every places she thought it's cute, when Hanbin himself thought that the places were not even worthy.

"I promise this time, it will be a good place, Hanbin. See..." She showed a picture of the coffee shop that she found from the internet to Hanbin. 

Hanbin, being skeptical as he was, didn't believe that picture. Hayi always showed him pictures of places that she wanted to go. Some of them didn't even look similar to the pictures. It irritated Hanbin.

"Beside, I'll pay for the coffees and cakes as a sorry"

He only shrugged as a response. Well, he couldn't say no to free food. He had already hungry since the last two shops, but he couldn't say anything to Hayi when that girl already moved to another shop.

Their walk to the coffee shop only took ten minutes. The place almost hidden among other building. If he didn't know that it was a coffee shop, he might think it's an ordinary house. 

They were kinda confused with how to enter the place because the door was almost invisible. It's actually painted in white, the same as the wall. It's really embarrassing moment for both of them. Not until a smiley guy, which he assumed was one of the staff of the cafe, finally opened the door for them.

When they entered the place, he was shocked to see that the place was exactly the same as the picture. The interior was really similar to ordinary house with zen design. The walls were painted in white while all the furniture in this place were in black and white or wood texture.

There were sofas and coffee table right beside the door, it's almost like his own living room. And if you went a little bit further to the cafe, it also had outdoor place for smokers with zen garden and small pebbles around it.

There's long common table right in front of the  order table. The order table itself was a long table that connected to the coffee bar and cake dome.

They chose to sit in the corner of the room, close enough to see the menu behind the bar. Hayi sat there first while Hanbin order the coffees. He knew Hayi long enough to memorize her preference of coffee.

The girl loved iced americano with less sugar and two extra shot. She loved her coffee bitter. It's the exact opposite with Hanbin. The guy didn't really like coffee. He'd rather choose cookies and cream blend than coffee. Blame his childish tongue.

He made his way to the cashier to drop his order. There was the same guy who opened the door for him and Hayi before. Hanbin assumed that guy was also around his age. He had kind smile and blonde hair.

“Welcome to The Halcyon. What do you want to order?” He asked. The smile never leave his lips.

Right when he opened his mouth, a deep husky voice distracted him. There he saw the cutest guy he’d ever seen in his life. The barista was slightly taller than him. His hair was brunette and pushed back so Hanbin could see his nice forehead. He only wore a black polo with brown apron, the standard uniform for barista, but he could be effortlessly handsome in that simple cloth.

The barista called the name of other customer once again and when the customer came to the bar to take her order, Hanbin could see the guy smiled to her while saying thank you. His smile was so blinding. The guy had uneven bunny teeth but that made his smile even cuter if that even make sense. Hanbin was dazed off for a while until a voice, too cheery for his liking, called him back to reality.

“Sir?”

Ah, that blonde cashier guy.

“Ah yes… Hmm… One iced americano with less sugar and two extra shots. One carrot cake. And…” Hanbin suddenly couldn’t decide what he wanted. Too distracted by the sexy back of the barista. The guy was making another coffee for another customer. His move was smooth but agile.

“One cookies and cream blend and one chocolate brownie”, he was surprised that he could finish his order.

“Okay, it will be 20.000 won. And with the name of…?”

“Kim Hanbin”, he said his name too fast and gave the cashier the exact amount of money. He really needed to come back to his seat to calm his beating heart because that barista called another customer’s name again.

When he was back to his seat, he saw Hayi’s scowling face. The girl wasn’t busy with her phone, which was unusual because Hayi always playing with her phone if she’s waiting over something.

“Why did you take a really long time to order?”

“I was kinda confused what to order and beside, you also took a really long time for shopping. So it’s equal”, he made up immediate excuse. He tried to act indifferent as if nothing happened.

“We’ve already been best friend since 2 years old and you forgot my coffee preference? What a bad friend.” He knew she only was joking when she said that. There’s no harm behind that words. “Anyway, did you see that barista? And no, please don’t turn around right away because he may think we are talking about him.” she continued with hushed voice.

“Yeah I saw him”, he said nonchalantly.

“Oh my god, he is so cute. I saw his smile to other customer and it was the sweetest smile I’ve ever seen. And oh, his voice! Damn, I love that kind of voice!” she continued rambling about the nameless barista. Hanbin didn’t listen to her anymore, too busy to care that his best friend also having a crush on his crush. It wasn’t the first time for this case to happen, but Hayi didn’t have to know that.

“Can I get our order instead when he calls your name?”

“WHAT?” now he paid attention to her.

“Huh? I said, I will get our order instead”, she clicked her tongue and continued “So I can see him that close… and maybe get a smile?”

He wanted to say no and be selfish for the first time since he saw that guy first. He wanted to get their order so he could see his smile up close. But his heart also saying that there’s no way this guy would like Hanbin. He’s not that kind of guy. Hanbin was 100% sure that this guy was as straight as a ruler and there would be no chance for him.

While Hayi, Hayi was the prettiest girl for Hanbin. He knew he didn’t like girls in that way, but for Hanbin, Hayi was gorgeous. She had long black hair with big round eyes and cute lips. She could be a dork and still looked beautiful. Any normal men would fall for her charm.

Hanbin ever thought that if one day his parents forced him to marry, the only girl he could think of was Hayi. Hayi probably would understand her best friend’s situation and agreed to marry him. There’s no way he came out to his parents. Beside, his parents already knew Hayi for too long and they would be happy if he ended up marry her. The thought of him and Hayi would have family together is so gross for Hanbin.

So he agreed. He gave up his crush again for the nth time. He always let Hayi win.

“Kim Mambin-sshi”, the barista called, but Hanbin was too tired to even care because in the end, Hayi would be the one that took their order and met him (and probably will date him in the future).

The guy called his name again but this time Hayi heard it and she immediately went up to the bar to take the order. Hanbin saw the barista guy also gave Hayi his sweetest smile and thanking her. He didn’t know if that guy was naturally kind or it’s just obligation.

Hayi went back to their seat with happy smile on his face. She kept talking about her encounter with that cute barista. All her words went blur for Hanbin. He didn’t pay attention and only gave nod and shrug as a response. Hayi was ecstatic to notice Hanbin’s drastic mood change.

It was late and Hanbin just wanted to go home. He wanted to forget his crush to the cute barista when Hayi suddenly said something that made Hanbin wanted to explode. She asked Hanbin to send a note for that barista. Hanbin wanted to scream at her. He really wanted to tell her that he’s also having crush for that guy. But in the end, he didn’t do that. He tried to fake his reaction instead. And being the best friend who always supporting her, he only could give small words of encouragement. The words itself could lit up Hayi’s mood.

“Please write my name and my number in the napkin”, she said while giving Hanbin her pen.

“I just write your name and your number? That’s it?”

“No, dummy. Write something. A message. I don’t know, maybe something like ‘Hey, if you’re not gay, my friend thinks you’re cute. Here’s her number: 010-0923-1996.’ Whatever you want, Hanbin.”

“Fine.” He wrote the exact same words as what Hayi had told him and also wrote her name.

“Wait, did you really write it?” her voice full with shock after she read what Hanbin had written on the napkin. “Are you crazy?”

“Why? You are the one that told me to write this!”

“Yeah but I didn’t think you would do that for real!”

She looked at the napkin once again and laughed. “Well, it’s okay though. It’s a funny message even though I’m sure he is straight. C’mon, let’s go home!”

Hayi stood up from her seat and gather all her belongings including all her shopping bags while Hanbin walked to the bar again. He read and reread the napkin. He was contemplating to do something crazy. He usually let his crush on someone aside, but this time, he felt the urgency to do something or he might be going crazy instead. The cute barista was one of a kind and he was different with any guys that Hanbin ever met before. He probably would never meet with this guy again later. This was his only chance.

“Fuck it”, he thought. So, he grabbed a pen near the cashier and wrote something under Hayi’s message.

‘And if you are gay, here’s mine: 010-1022-1996. The name is Kim Hanbin by the way, not Kim Mambin’

He folded the napkin neatly so the message that visible in the front was Hayi’s message, but if the barista unfolds the napkin he also could see Hanbin’s message under it. He gather up his courage and walked to the barista. The guy was talking to the cashier guy and immediately stopped when he saw Hanbin was standing in front of the bar.

“Can I help you, sir?” He asked politely.

It was the first time Hanbin heard his voice beside calling other customer’s name. He liked that voice already.

“Umm… My friend wants me to give you this”, he handed the napkin and say thanks. He left the cafe right away because he couldn’t stand his wildly beating heart. He also missed the face on the cute barista when he unfolded the napkin and saw their messages.

---

One week later Hanbin received a message from unknown number. At first he was confused because he didn’t remember he gave his number to stranger. The sudden realization hit him and he almost screamed at his room.

“Hey, Kim Hanbin not Kim Mambin. I’m the cute barista from the cafe you were asking out last week. We should go on date some time, I know this delicious Mexican restaurant near Hongdae. The name is Kim Jiwon, by the way :)”

He never expecting he would get a message from the cute barista, let alone knew his name. He had given up and thought that maybe, just maybe, the barista already contacted Hayi and asked her to go on a date. But here he was, reading and rereading the same message for hundredth times and couldn’t stop smiling.

Scattered clothes across the floor and one unoccupied bed while the other one is messy with two human beings snuggling close to each other. A pair of strong arms hugging the smaller one closer to his chest. A soft snore can be heard in the dead silence of the room.

It was a mistake. A mistake where nobody can find out, not even their teammates.

"Hanbin-ah, wake up", he said softly. "Dude, wake up! Umm... I can't feel my arms. It hurts!", he tried to wake the other one up. Instead of waking up, the other snuggles closer and mumbles something inaudible. "Bin, hey, I need to go to the bathroom. Wake up!", he tried to push him aside, untangle himself from the warm of the other's body.

He collects his t-shirt from the floor and makes his way to the bathroom. A hazy memories from last night suddenly flooding his mind, that's when a realization hits him. Everything was messy. The clothes, the bed, the sheet. There he was, standing still frozen in the middle of the hallway to their shared hotel bathroom when he remembers what happened last night. Something that shouldn't have happened in the first place.

He turns around to see Hanbin is still sleeping soundly in their bed, wrapped in warm blanket, like a cocoon. His peaceful face and disheveled bed hair make him looks even cuter. Not harmful at all. Not the scary tigerbin that he used to see in the practice room or studio.

That's what scared him. He shouldn't feel this way towards his best friend for six years. He shouldn't feel how his heart races when seeing his smile or the way their touch. It is wrong.

He wakes up from his trance and continues his way towards the bathroom. He stands in front of the sink and washes his face. He looks at his reflection in the mirror and the memories of last night getting even clearer.

---

It was the night after their last concert in Osaka. It's also marked their last tour in Japan. They threw a party to celebrate it. Not a big party in a club with a big crowd. It's only a small party with a couple of beers, vodkas, and wines in June and Chanwoo’s shared room. It's good to relieve their stress after a long tour in another country.

The party started off well. They talked about memorable and funny memories of their tour. It went along nicely until June suggested a drinking game. "It's getting boring" he said that night. They agreed to play and the night was getting crazy with ridiculous dares. That's when everything went wrong.

Hanbin with his little tolerance of alcohol passed out after two rounds. "Guys, I think I need to take Hanbin back to our room. He is really wasted and probably will be puking in the next 10 minutes", he said to the other guys. He made Hanbin stood up and put his arm around his shoulder, then he went back to their shared bedroom. "I don't know you can be this heavy when you drunk", he chuckled lightly.

He unlocked their bedroom and put Hanbin in his bed when suddenly Hanbin grabbed his neck and pulled him closer. "Yah, kimbab, stay!" he mumbled with his eyes still closed. Their faces were so close to the point he could smell a faint of alcohol from his breath. He couldn't deny that his friend still looks so cute even when he was wasted.

Then, suddenly, Hanbin sat up from his sleep and threw up to his t-shirt, while some of them splattered to Bobby's t-shirt. "What the hell, Bin! This brat, seriously. Don't drink if in the end you trouble the other!" he grumbled.

He removed Hanbin's t-shirt, left him shirtless and used his shirt to clean up the mess in the floor. Then he also removed his own shirt because it smelled disgusting. "Why I have to share the room with him. No, no. Why he has to be drunk. Ugh", he said on his mind.

He started to gather their clothes to put them in a plastic bag when Hanbin pulled him again, "Kimbab, stay!". This time Hanbin pulled him stronger than before and made him stumbled to their shared bed.

Then everything escalated quickly from that point. Hanbin suddenly grabbed his face and kissed him. He knew that Hanbin is a clingy guy, what he didn't know is his drunk habit.

Sure he had seen Hanbin drunk and threw up before, but Hanbin never been so wasted like this. To say that he was shocked was understatement, but nonetheless he enjoyed it. He liked the feeling of chapped lips with a reeked of alcohol against his lips.

Hanbin suddenly pulled away from him, gasping for air. It was quick, merely a peck. He is left in a blank state and that's when he could see him really up-close. He observed his face, his closed lids, his pointed nose, his full lips, even some pimples here and there. Hanbin still looked beautiful even though he has pimples, that's what he thought.

Without he was even realizing, he is getting closer and smashed their lips together. He didn't know what he was doing but he knew that it felt right. How Hanbin's hand made its own way to his hair, how his arms were on Hanbin's slim waist to grab him close, how their lips moved in sync or how Hanbin let a strangle sound slipped his lips. That's all felt right. That's all natural.

He could feel something electrifying when he heard that sound again. He wanted to hear that small moan again and again like it was the best melody that he could hear. He wouldn't stop. He couldn't stop. If he could say to the world what is the best moment of his live, he would say that this is the best moment of his live.

He lost the time when they're kissed. He felt light with their lips meld together. Then suddenly, Hanbin's broke the kiss for some air. He could see Hanbin's blissful face, eyes still closed with his plump and red lips after a kiss. He couldn't contain his feeling anymore, he went for another round of a kiss. This time, it felt more passionate. Felt more heated up with tongue and teeth biting.

He suddenly felt a hand was creeping out to his south that's when he suddenly realized a tent was formed in his shorts. He was freaked out for a moment but he lost it as soon as he felt something bumped to his boner.

He wasn't the only one that felt this way. Apparently, Hanbin felt the same. Some of his rational mind think that it was probably because of the alcohol. Not like him who clearly turned on by their made out session. He tried to pull away before everything went even worse. It's already wrong tho when he could feel their boners. And no, it's not a friendly boner. It's something more than that. Probably pent up sexual frustration or plainly arousal.

He did try to pull away from Hanbin's grip but it was too late when he felt Hanbin's hand squeezed his manhood through his shorts.

---

"Hyung!" He wakes up from his trance again, he sees Hanbin standing in their bathroom, leaning to the door frame. He can sees Hanbin is looking at him through the mirror.

"Hyung, umm... what happened last night... it was a mistake. We should forget it and acting like nothing's happened", Hanbin said as he turns his head to the floor. He can't see his hyung's face. He knows it's a hurtful decision for both of them but he can't risk what they've already had now for their own feelings. He can't be selfish for his family, his team and his fans.