#bbb2019

Some part of him feels better seeing her revelling at his words. But another part of him hates it, the part of him that’s telling him to stop playing with her emotions and with his own.

The one that’s been nervous to go to the party he is headed for.

The one that he rarely let’s out nowadays.

The one actually looking forward for him to go to this party and finally get to see you.

‘How long has it been?’ 

‘More than eight weeks’, the same part reminds him.

‘Two months, 3 days, 14 hours…’

‘Not if you count the brief phone call couple of weeks back’.

God Bucky was such an asshole to you!

Sure the timing was odd and the way you asked, no begged him to come and visit assuring that you just wanted to talk to him felt weird, but at the time the so called “rational” part of him felt proud that he reprimanded you standing his ground by saying no to you.

But he didn’t feel better after that, he continuously thought of you after that, even though he watched movie with her, his now girlfriend.

Made love no tried to make love to her and although she reached her release because of him, he had to think of his rushed, encounter with you at the midnight on the rooftop to achieve his peak. 

‘okay stop’, other part the more rational part yells at him…

It’s like he has an angel and a demon sitting on his shoulders.

But he can’t tell who is eviller, the angel or the demon. 

The angel part tells him, what he did was right, what he is doing is right, for both of you.

The demon part smirks at him? Which both? Him and her or him and you? 

‘Stop it’, angel part warns. 

What he did, what he said was the right thing. This love between the two of you is toxic!

It’s not good for him, for you.

To see you ready to be blown along with him, because you couldn’t get him out in time, that’s not love.

That’s obsession, it’s not healthy. 

But what’s love if you are not ready to die for it? Isn’t that’s what those love stories say.

 No no no.

He can’t do this. He can’t go back to these thoughts, not when he is about to see you in few minutes. Not when he is standing with another woman in his bathroom, getting ready to go. Meet his friends, officially be introduced as his girlfriend.

He needs to do this; he needs to set it right. He needs this time, for himself, to discover himself away from everyone, his friends, his team, his family, you.  

She is perfect, she is beautiful, sane, grounded, wonderful, knows everything, still accepts him, dare he say loves him. 

But so, do you. 

He knows love when he sees it. 

And that’s not what he feels for her. Or he does but it’s not the same kind.

God! This is so confusing, so Messy.

Why? Why life was so difficult. Which deity did he displease in his past life that his sufferings never end? 

No. No, what he is doing is right. It’s right for him, it’s best for him. The woman in front of him is the best thing that can happen to him. She is the blessing, she is the one who has been there for him for past two years, she is “perfect”. 

Then why does he keep on thinking about you? Every damn second of the day. Why does he fight himself from running towards the tower where he knows you are waiting, waiting for him.

To be his. 

‘Because love is not perfect’, the demon whispers. 

‘It is this messy, this consuming, this painful, yet exhilarating, freeing’. 

Why does he close his eyes and thinks about you when he is being intimate with the perfect woman in front of him. 

Why does he, keeps on thinking about you when he is alone, he just has to close his eyes and he can remember every single detail of your body perfectly. The marks on your body left from missions, or the ones he left himself. When he accidentally held you harder while having nightmares. Or the happy ones when he bit your thighs while going down on you when you snuck into the empty office before the meetings. 

‘No no no’, he can’t think about this. The angel screams. 

“Bucky” she tapes his shoulder 

“Huh” Bucky looks at her 

“Did, you get lost in your head again?” She observes mildly

“Yeah, no, I just” Bucky shook his head

“It’s going to be alright Bucky” she assures

God this woman had patience of a saint. 

“Of course, it is” Bucky says “Everything is perfect, they’re going to love you, they already know you, nothing has changed, and it’s just Stevie’s birthday nothing big” he reassures her or himself he doesn’t know.

She gives him wary smile, but says nothing further.

“You look beautiful sweetheart” Bucky says once more and kisses her cheek.

It feels more formal, he still isn’t comfortable with her. They have kissed, made love for God sake but every time he tries to be free, something in him holds back.

Is it because he doesn’t want to get hurt again or he feels guilty because it’s not you, he doesn’t know and he doesn’t dwell on it either. 

The closer they come to the tower, his anxiety skyrockets. 

The demon is thudding against his ribcage, trying to be free. Trying to run away and latch itself to you, like a child latches itself to its mother’s leg after being separated. 

‘Ugh, he is pathetic’, Bucky thinks & angel and demon nod in agreement.  

It’s the usual hustle bustle, typical Stark party thrown for America’s Golden Boy. People everywhere, who’s who from every part of industry is here.

Grrr, Bucky hates this already, but what can he do? He can’t turn his back away to his oldest and his only living family member because he is anxious and has love problems.

‘Classic Bucky, always has a problem with dames’, he hears Steve’s mocking in his head. 

Seriously, what a pathetic friend Bucky has been to Steve. Moving out of tower, not answering his calls, texts, meeting him when his girlfriend is with him. 

Poor Steve, deserves better than this. They’re Avengers, have bigger problems than Bucky’s love life. He sinks deeper into his self-deprecating rabbit hole. 

Steve also has issues and no-one to understand than Bucky and all Bucky does is self-wallowing. 

He spots Steve quickly, always surrounded by people nowadays, it’s a good picture especially when back in the day Bucky had to try so hard to find company for Steve and try even harder to keep it as little punk always found trouble. 

He walks up to his best friend without a word and hugs him tight. Not caring people’s gaze or judgement.

“Whoa” Steve breaths “hey there buddy”

“Happy Birthday Stevie” Bucky whispers tightening his hold. 

“Thank you, jerk” Steve pat his back

“You welcome, punk” Bucky retorted with no heat behind the name calling

Steve looked over his shoulder towards her, concealing his mild discomfort very well. 

It was a package deal he guessed, wherever Bucky went she went. 

“Happy Birthday” she wishes Steve shaking his hand “thanks for inviting me" 

"Of course,” “you are our friend too, not just Bucky’s” Steve says to her

He hands each of them champagne flutes, Bucky could see teasing defiant glint in his best friend’s eye which challenges to be corrected, and little disappointment on her face at being addressed as his friend not “girlfriend”. He could see his friends were still not warmed up to the idea. 

Steve clicks glass with Bucky, “This is just for show, real stuff at the bar available on request only” winking 

Bucky just snorts, coming out of his thoughts.

His gaze fleeting around, looking over at the guests. Steve sees but before he could say anything Bucky spots you, laughing with Natasha and Wanda.

The demon and angel sigh, for once have the same reaction to something rather someone.

In dim lighting you are “glowing” as if you have some fire within which is bringing out a warmth. 

“Wow” angel exclaims “Not seeing you does benefit her" 

Bucky’s heart clench at the observation.

"Isn’t that’s what you want?” Demon asks  

Bucky thinks, demon feels it serves him and angel right for pushing you away. Although he knows demon will do something to change it very soon, yet he can’t help but stare at you.

The glow is not a wildfire that burns everything down, that resonates passion!

It’s a calm burning wood fire, like the one he remembers when his Ma used to take him to the bakery to buy bread, or standing next to the stove to get that extra comfort on cold winter mornings. 

The one tells you that you are home, safe! That everything will always be alright.  

Before he could tear his gaze away, someone approaches you.

‘A man’, Angel remarks, demon snarls.

The man puts a hand over your shoulder casually and offers sip of a fruity drink from their glass. 

You smile gratefully and take long sip. Then whisper something, a thank you maybe. Person just smiles at you and rubs your back gently.

Since when do enjoy, let alone drink fruity cocktails? Bucky thinks?

You were a scotch girl. You liked it neat. Hell, you were the only one after Steve and him who could handle Thor’s famous Asgardian mead. His gaze again flickers to the group.

Nat says something and Wanda agrees, you just roll your eyes and blush. The person next to agrees too and you poke him playfully. Bucky’s hand wraps around his beer bottle dangerously that sound of a crack brings him out of his thoughts.

This man next to you is nothing special. He looks so ordinary, like he has no business being here, being next to you. Still he is there, next to you like he belongs at your side.

Like he deserves to bask in your warmth.

And you!

“You” are readily giving it to him. Holding on to him, daresay Bucky, you are clinging to this man, as if you need his ordinary existence to survive.

You! You don’t cling. You don’t need support. You don’t need him! 

‘Which him?’ Angel asks

Demon snorts, growling!

Bucky just can’t take it anymore; he must do something. 

Before he makes a move, someone touches his forearm. He is about to brush away but he looks up, her.

‘shit’ Bucky curses inwardly. How must he be looking staring at you without care in the world. Did she caught him looking at you?

Could she feel his turmoil, could she see storm in his eyes?

Of course, she could, she can see everything, feel everything knows everything.

‘You are an asshole’ demon points out

Angel just groans

He meets her eyes, half ashamed to be caught. But she is smiling at him gently, wait she didn’t see him looking at you? Her eyes are a different story than her face, there’s pleading as if imploring him not to embarrass himself and her of course. Not to backtrack on his promise, not to crack the trust. He hates himself more for putting her in a place where she is still questioning her place in his life.

Before he could say or do anything, his gaze lands on you one more time and this time he finds you staring at him already. The glow is dimmed, there is sadness in your eyes, the look on your face is that of loss.

Loss of something precious, loss of Love.

You take sharp breathe in as if to control yourself from crying but a tiny sob betrays you, and your eyes glister. Everyone around you notice change in you and follow your gaze. They all look at Bucky and her, even if they notice they decide not to acknowledge. 

The women are literally throwing daggers at him with their sharp looks. He knows and fears that Wanda can actually hurt him, but her dark eyes just show tinge of wrath before it turns back to normal same with the fiery redhead. The man next to all is little clueless but within seconds recognition runs in his eyes and his hold on you tightens.

They all just turn and drag you to dancefloor.

“Bucky”, she calls as runs her hand over his forearms, voice little unsure, after witnessing the exchange.

Before she could say anything or offer any words, Bucky smiles at her shaking his head.

Takes her hand and guides her to the dance floor. He promised her good time, he is going to be the best boyfriend and ‘play’ his part. 

She wants to protest, but within seconds her resolve weavers and they’re dancing on the peppy number playing. 

He can see the group. He makes sure they’re in his line of vision.

None of you are doing any serious dancing, instead the other three are doing funny expressions and little shenanigans as if to make you laugh, to improve your mood. 

It looks like you are caught in your head and they’re doing their best to distract you and get you to enjoy the party.

It works somehow when Sam and Steve join the group and what seems like, Steve pulling out, “it’s my birthday and you have to do as I wish” card.

Although the punk can’t dance to save his own life and as if it’s a cue, DJ changes the song to a slower one. 

Bucky sighs knowing it’s your song.

He looks over, Steve pulls you closer and you sigh in his embrace, it’s as if someone from family held you close and gives you comfort. Both Steve and you saway slowly. 

He exhales and closes his eyes and your face pops up in his mind, while pulling her closer, burying his face in her neck, hands roaming, he inhales her scent but it’s all wrong it’s not bad but it’s not what he likes and it’s not what he wants. 

She is not unaware what’s playing in Bucky’s mind, but for some time she wants to give in, wants to relish in the attention, the touch Bucky is offering her, even though she knows it’s not hers, that these moments maybe numbered and might be taken from her.

She knows your hold on him is permanent, body and soul. It was easy for her to think or pretend that Bucky could be hers eventually, when you were not around but the moment you came back.

She knew she was fighting lost battle.

A fight she had no place in, but the heart wants what it wants.

She wanted to be selfish, wanted to believe him when he said he didn’t love you anymore, that he was hers and he would love her the way she loved him.

But the moment you came around, he was lost. 

She still remembers the phone call in the middle of movie night. Just minutes before Bucky had asked her to stay over, while watching movie. How even though Bucky insisted he didn’t want to talk to you, he itched to answer you, it was like he was conditioned to answer you. 

She hated it how deep your hooks were in him. She told him to answer as she made her way to kitchen to drink water or to soothe herself, she could here when Bucky reprimand you, insisting he needed space. After the dreadful conversation, for a minute she felt he will leave her to come to you, but he tossed his phone away. 

The same night they made love for the first time. She knew he was giving in to reassure her that he was hers, even though he was not ready for it. He was still insistent, maybe they both needed the assurance.

So, she took it.

She selfishly basked in the warmth. Felt like a small victory. Only for a new day to arrive, and start new battle. 

That’s what tonight was, she knew Bucky was dreading meeting you, but he couldn’t avoid his best friend’s birthday.

Also, he couldn’t avoid you and his team, his family forever.

So, when he asked her to be there with him, she was going to be there as his anchor. Someone for him to hold on to when his mind strays and tries to get him to latch to you again.

She saw the way he looked at you, the way his body trembled as if it was trying to work against gravity that was pulling him towards you.

As if, his body was doing something unnatural by not being next to you.  

But right now, he is in her arms, rather she is in his. He is caressing her, kissing her neck, feeling her up. By the moments pass his actions are getting heated and she is forgetting everything, it’s so easy to love him to fall for him.

How can she not?! 

He is nipping at her collar bone, grunting in the process, lips ghosting over her jawline and then over her lips.

As if he trying to make love to her.

His tongue slips past her lips and he grabs her hips pulling her as closer as it was possible and grinds against her.

Her skin prickles and she gasp, it’s as if he is trying to make love to her. But suddenly song stops and she realises they’re on the dance floor, in public for everyone to see.  

“Bucky” she sighs. Trying to push him away, both of them trying to control their breathes.  

“Bucky, everyone can see us” she chastised him  

Even though there is no heat behind her rebuke, it pulls Bucky out of his spell and his eyes widen in realisation as she tries to get free and excuses herself to the bathroom. 

Bucky straightens up and nods at her. He takes in the surroundings to see if anyone noticed.  It’s dark and people are enjoying the party. 

His eyes roam in your direction, you are standing as if frozen, you have witnessed his actions and Bucky can see unshed tears in your widened eyes.  

“Well done”, Demon snarls 

Bucky whimpers.

All the while he was dancing his eyes were closed and he was imagining you in his arms. But you don’t know neither does she. 

Bucky, thinks he is a ‘number one’ asshole. 

“Yes, you are” angel and demon affirm.  

And of course, you saw him, of course you look hurt. Like you can’t believe he would actually hurt you like this, like some kind of vengeance. He, feels ashamed, like he somehow is betraying you. 

You must be thinking he is doing it on purpose, to show you that he has moved on. To make his words true, that he doesn’t love you anymore.  

Steve is trying to coax you, ask you why are you so upset but you just look upset. You shake your head, mumbling something asking for fresh air and water. 

Steve nods and makes his way to get the drink. 

Bucky releases the breath he was holding when your eyes meet. He saw you make your way to the balcony; he follows you avoiding angry stares from widow and witch duo.

Sam and your other companion just look confused. 

When he enters the balcony, your back is to the door, your shoulders are shaking looks like you are wiping the angry tears. 

He curses himself for being the cause of your pain. He never wants to see you cry; his heart literally breaks in pieces when he sees you like this. 

Before he could say something, or at least announce his presence you speak. 

“I always thought it would be impossible for me to fall in love. To find someone, doing what we do and still get to have everything. Then, I met you and thought it was a dream, maybe it was. Because nothing good lasts forever. I broke us, in fear thinking I could never achieve the heights I wanted, if I had someone to tie me down, to hold me back. So I ran, ran from everything, you, my family, the love. ” You laugh 

Bucky doesn’t interrupt, at first, he thinks you are talking to yourself but soon he realises you are addressing him. He lets you continue. 

“Your Love” you say still have your back to him 

“It’s so hard to stay away from it, to fight against it, every day, every minute, every second. It was like fighting gravity, an unnatural thing to do. Staying away from you from our love was the hardest thing to do and god knows, I have done some pretty tough shit” you laugh again and continue, 

“So I came back, asking for forgiveness, to beg you to love me back. Knew there was no way I’ll get what was lost, the Love is one emotion that’s impossible to find, even tough create, then you tell me you don’t love me anymore. And think that’s when I knew, the pain you must have felt when I said the same thing to you. When, I broke your heart, because I think that’s what dying would feel like.”

“But then in the moment of anger and passion, love and hate, we created something, something both of us unaware that it was possible, something so valuable that it’s beyond you and me. Something I didn’t know I could love more than you, more than my life." 

Bucky is frozen to place, he doesn’t know what to make of your speech, he understands your words but not quite there yet. He is still comprehending your words when you turn. 

Red nose, clearly dishevelled, eyes red and face distort with tears and emotions.  

Before he could say anything, before he could offer any comfort you speak again with a sorrowful smile, 

"I’m pregnant” you announce 

Bucky feels as if someone pulled the rug from under his feet, like someone punched air out of his lungs or put his head in cold water making him unable to breathe.  

The angel and demon are shocked too but they’re quick to make the choice, they don’t think twice before pushing him, making up his mind for him.

His legs move to their accords and before his mind can understand he is falling to his knees in front of you burying his face into your middle, hands wrapping around your waist, he lets out a sob before confessing, 

“I love you…" 

                            ✪‎ - ‎✪‎ - ‎✪‎ - ‎✪‎ - ‎✪‎ - ‎✪‎ - ‎✪‎ - ‎✪‎ ‎- ‎✪‎ - ‎✪‎

A/N: Thank you for reading. Show me some love. Tell me if you enjoy my writing. is it any good/bad? Would love to hear from you. xoxo :) 

One | Two | Three | Four | Five | Six

Y/N could feel all the blood drain from her face.

“Y-you couldn’t have possibly…”

The words died on her lips as she watched him lean back and crossed his arms, making the leather jacket he wore creak slightly. He didn’t say anything, but his eyes looked her over as if to make sure she was okay.

“You come here---expect me to believe that you---you are just---”

“Just what, Lil’ Bit?”

“Stop calling me that. You haven’t been here for almost two decades, James. Two. Decades. You haven’t even written in forever.” Y/N’s chest started to rise rapidly as all the emotions she had felt in the last dozen years came crashing over her. “Do you realize how much that hurt? Then you waltz in here like nothing happened and that I haven’t changed a bit? News flash, James. I’m not the same girl you left all those years ago.” 

She couldn’t believe how much her voice was cracking and she needed a distraction, but unfortunately all she could bring herself to look at was him; he was the only thing in the world that could calm her down. It was the first time she noticed he wore a black leather glove over his left hand, complementing the biker jacket he wore, but only on his left hand. His hand clenched and moved to his lap and cleared his throat, making her gaze snap back up at his eyes. The way he was looking at her made her bite her lower lip and shift in her chair. She swore she saw him stiffen, his eyes flick down to her lips, but she had to have imagined it. 

“Um, I think...I think we---I mean I---should go. You don’t have to be pity company for me,” she sighed, getting up slowly and took her jacket. “Goodbye James.”

She didn’t wait for his response and walked down the small hallway to the door of the women’s bathroom. She looked at her reflection and frowned at her flushed face. She turned on the water, splashing cold onto her face, hoping to get herself together before facing the man responsible. She was mad at him but at the same time her body just wanted to jump in his lap and kiss him, and her heart was happy to see he was actually alive and not a ghost.

“You sure about this?” Bucky asked, pulling away from the heated kiss he and Y/N shared in the cab of his truck. His hand moved through her hair, his eyes soft on her as his breath mingled with hers.

She nodded, her fingers moving over the open button-up he wore over the black v-neck. “You’re graduating in a month,” she whispered, eyes closing softly, “and I want you.” She looked up at him with innocent eyes, scooting closer to him with her bottom lip between her teeth. 

Bucky let out a harsh sigh and she knew he was fighting an internal battle she wasn’t privy to, but she had a guess. He took her hands in his, the sweatband on his left obscured the tattoo he had and never shared with anyone, and brought both to his lips to press a kiss to her knuckles. 

“You’ll wait for me to get home. Is that want you want?” he asked softly, pulling her to him so she was pressed against his chest. “You’re not quite sixteen yet. Two years waiting for someone who might not be your ---”

“Stop,” she growled, pressing a finger she flexed out to his lips, “You’re it for me Bucky. I don’t care what some stupid tattoo thing is suppose to say. I love you.”

“You’re fifteen--”

“And we’ve been together for almost two years. If you think this isn’t supposed to be...you had plenty of time to tell me different. You said I wasn’t--”

“A stand in, I know. I just don’t want you to throw someone more worthy to the side because you made a promise to wait with the chance that we might not be meant to be.”

Y/N looked at their joined hands and worried her lip. She knew it was a lot to do with her still having years of school left before he came back; the chance she might have a complete tattoo before he served his time for their country was still there.

“I choose you, James Barnes. I don’t need this to prove to me that you’re the one for me. We will be one of those couples that states that a tattoo doesn’t mean an unhappy life.”

“You’re very optimistic, you know that?” he chuckled, pulling her close and kissed the tip of her nose.

“You’re best friends with my brother, you should know that we share more than just our parents,” she sighed in mock frustration. She was about to add more when he captured her lips in a slow, meaningful kiss, letting her hands go to thread his fingers into her hair. 

“I’ll come back home to you, Lil’ Bit,” he whispered, his thumbs moving gently over her temples as he pressed his forehead against hers, lips brushing against hers as he spoke.

“You better,” she rasped. Her fingers gripped the opened shirt again and pulled him towards her as she leaned back against the door. “Until then, kiss me senseless.”

The memory made her cheeks flush more. It was the last time they were able to be alone as graduation preparations and his own family demanded most of his free time; the little they were able to get was mostly spent around others. But that night in his truck, where she lost her innocence to the man who she loved, still love, kept her going for a few years after. Keeping her hopes high that he was still coming home to her.

But life wasn’t fair. He wasn’t fair. He never came back for her, never even broke it off with her. He depended on time to do the erasure of him from her life. Then he thought he could come back, waltz in like he was just a friend where no time or drama had transpired, and that she wouldn’t hate him. No, it wasn’t hate; her heart still thumped ferociously seeing him. 

She cursed as she patted her face dry, hearing the door open, moving slightly to give the new person some room, as the sink was on the other side of the door. She turned around, bumping into a broad chest and the scent of pine and spice. It didn’t take a second for her to realize that it was Bucky. He reached behind him to throw the lock on the door, eyes looking down at her as his mouth set in a firm line. He slowly grabbed her left hand, bring it up so he could look at her wrist which made her Y/N pull slightly back, not wanting him to see that she was still alone.

“Let go,” she seethed, pulling against his steel grip. “I don’t want to see you anymore, James.”

“Huh,” he huffed, making her heart stop as she steeled herself for his mocking or pity. “I needed to check.”

“Yeah, I know. Poor Y/N Rogers is an ol’ maid,” she grumbled, pulling her hand harder, but he still held her hand firmly. His laugh made her cheeks reddened even more, this time in anger. “I’m glad you find that funny, you jerkass,” she bit out, looking towards the side towards the floor. She didn’t want to see the look he could possibly have on his face.

“I don’t find the ol’ maid comment funny, just that you think you’re single,” he replied, his voice husky, his breath fanning her face. She looked up at him, perplexed. He turned her wrist towards her, making her jaw drop slightly. The dark howling wolf she had on her skin was now shadowing a vibrant orange fox sitting regally. “Remember, I left before your tattoo would call to me,” he added, backing her into the vanity. He finally dropped her hand so he could cup her face with both of his, the leather still sheathing his left. 

“How did you not know back at the table?” she asked, feeling stupid she didn’t feel anything either.

He bit his lip and pulled off the glove, revealing a scarred hand. “Skin grafts don’t bring back my tattoo, but it will give me my wolf even if it’s kind of shoddy.” Her eyes focused on the black mess of the mirrored wolf that she felt had plagued her every day since she was sixteen. “Sure, yours isn’t there anymore, but I think this is proof enough, don’t you think?” His lips quirk in a quick grin before he claimed her mouth with his in a searing kiss, and when she gasped, his tongue slipped in, exploring her mouth in a mixture of passion and tenderness.

Her fingers gripped his jacket, pulling him closer to her as his hands moved over her shoulders then held her hips, deepening the kiss. The clean, woodsy scent of him was overwhelming when it was mixed with his taste, slightly sweet and earthy. Even though she was mad at him a moment ago, the kiss washed everything from her mind. Y/N couldn’t help but moan lightly, her knees feeling weak as she melted into him further. She felt him lift her effortlessly, setting her down on the vanity while his lips moved to her neck, placing soft kisses and light nips along her sensitive skin. 

“And you still look the same to me,” he breathed and placed a soft kiss to her jaw, “you’re still beautiful.”

“Bucky,” she sighed, her fingers moving to thread into his dark hair, dragging her nails over his scalp which made him growl and grip her harder. Her eyes opened slightly, peeking at the two animals again, the fox still vibrant. It didn’t feel quite real to her yet, even with his thumbs slipping under the hem of her tank, grazing her soft skin there.

“I love how you say my name,” he murmured against the crook of her neck, lips brushing softly, “always did. I was hoping this fox was yours, but I was so scared of the day you turn sixteen.”

Y/N managed enough sense to pull back, her hands cupping his face. “You still had no right to avoid me all these years. To write me off,” she whispered, eyes hooded as his hands slid further up under her shirt, his hands hot against her bare sides. He made is so hard to be mad at him when he was touching her. She couldn’t help but lean in and kiss him as fiercely as she could, pressing her body into him silently asking him for more. When he moved his hands downward, she growled, not wanting him to make this less heated, not when her body was asking for more. But when his touch scorched her bare thighs just below the hem of her skirt, she couldn’t hold back the gasp.

“Eighteen years,” he breathed, his hands squeezing her thighs before sliding his right one up further, fingers grazing along the seam of her lace panties as his forehead rested against hers. “I don’t think I can wait another day without you.” She could hear the warning in his words, that if they kept going, she might not be able to show her face in the bar again due to embarrassment.

But this was her fated soulmate. Her tattoo was now complete with a childhood friend being the one she was destined for. Her hand moved to wrap around his wrist and gently moved his hand so he was cupping her core, making herself gasp.

“Then don’t wait,” she replied, her voice thick with sultry heat as she was overcome with the need to be with him. Her eyes looked into his, licking her bottom lip between her teeth. Her core ached as she waited for his next move.

“I should explain--”

“Explain later. I want you James Barnes. I wanted it to be you in so many ways, especially since our last time together.”

There was a moment where they looked at each other, Y/N with nothing but acceptance and love, but Bucky seemed to be fighting an internal battle she didn’t know what it was about. Before she could ask, his lips were on hers again, his tongue swiping into her mouth in a tender possessive way that was uniquely him. It was exactly how she remembered him except more experienced. She could feel his fingers move against her clothed core, teasing her the only way he could.

“I should confess that I’ve been with others,” he panted as he moved to kiss her neck, along her jaw and behind her ear, anywhere he could as his pulled her panties to the side to run a calloused finger through her folds.

“Me too,” she replied breathlessly. Her mind was trying to focus on what he was making her feel but it wandered with his confession that other women got to hold him, kiss him, make his body tremble like it was now.

“No one compared to you.” It was like he could sense her worries, his eyes focused on her. 

She leaned into him and kissed him feverishly, her hands pulling him close as her hips moved awkwardly against his fingers, afraid if she tried for more she would fall into the sink. His other arm moved to hold her to him as he began to circle her clit, making her eyes close slightly, biting back a moan.

“Let me hear you,” he whispered as he stilled his movements. She whined slightly making the corner of his mouth twitched upward. “You’ll get more if you promise to give me everything.”

Y/N couldn’t help but wriggle against his hand because his words made her wetter than she ever could remember. “You have me,” she whispered, leaning back against his arm knowing he had her. Her eyes held his gaze as she let her head hang back, giving him a view of her neck and chest. She couldn’t help but smile when she saw him swallow hard.

His finger recommenced its torturous circling, varying the pressure and direction before he slipped it down to her dripping entrance, looking at her in a silent asking of permission, to which she nodded. She gasped when he slipped his finger in her waiting heat, curling against the spot that only he knew existed in her. 

“You still like that,” he chuckled lowly, continuing to stroke her with his deft finger as his thumb continued to stroke her clit. She could only whimper, her hands moving to his shoulders so she could keep her balance.

So many nights Y/N has dreamt of this moment where they met again, but this was far better than her imagine could ever concoct. Instead of the clean shaven, slightly built boy she gave herself to, Bucky was now this hunk of pristine beefcake with a rough around the edges look that worked for him. And it worked for her too.

She couldn’t keep the moan back as his lips found her pulse, sucking on her skin slowly as he added another finger to her. 

“Fuck,” she mewled, her head coming forward to rest on his shoulder, rolling her hips into his hand. She didn’t want to know how wanton she looked as she sat at the edge of the sink with her legs spread wide for him.

“So responsive,” Bucky rasped, his breath hot against her ear as his arm tightened around her and moved her closer to the wall where the vanity had a wider ledge for her to rest on. His fingers continued to work her, bringing her closer to her release until her fingers dug into his side and came around his fingers. He tilted her head up, taking her lips in a slow, heady kiss as he carried on with his ministrations. She could barely breathe as she fell from the high but felt another build.

“B-bucky, please,” she whispered, “need you. Now.” Her fingers pulled at his shirt, her mind focused solely on having him completely, but before he could answer there was a loud knock on the bathroom door, snapping them both out of the intimate moment.

“Be right out,” Y/N called with a shaky voice, pushing Bucky away from her so she could get down. After adjusting her skirt slightly and gave him a sheepish smile. “We can go back to my place,” she added in a whisper. She maneuvered around him and unlocked the door to reveal an older gentleman with handsome features and blond hair that grayed on the sides.

“I see you got re-acquainted,” he smiled pleasantly but it didn’t reach his eyes. “I’m Major Alexander Pierce, your man’s commanding officer. These are Sergeants Rumlow and Rollins. They worked with Barnes and I in Russia before he went AWOL.”

Y/N looked at the other two men and fear ran through her as they were the same men that had assaulted her in the parking lot after work. She felt Bucky’s arm wrap around her, moving her behind his large frame.

“She’s got nothing to do with this, Pierce,” Bucky growled and Y/N could see his back muscles tense. “If you remember, they tried to blow me up. I got discharged. There’s no reason for you to hunt me down or threaten my girl.”

The older gentleman laughed almost cynically and tsked. “See, that’s not how I’m seeing it. You went on the lam with sensitive information pertaining to an investigation, which is punishable by law, Sergeant Barnes. But I think it would be best if you and your girl would come with us.” There was a click, making Y/N peak around Bucky to see that the Pierce guy was holding a gun on him, them. “It’s that, or I shoot you and take you while the boys here deal with your sweetheart,” he added cooly. Y/N’s blood ran cold at the thought of being alone with the two burly men from earlier. She did not want to be left alone with either of them, especially the one named Brock. 

“We’ll go,” Bucky replied gruffly, and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, holding her tightly to him. The one she knew was Brock stepped forward, hand pressed to Bucky’s chest. 

“Lady goes with me,” he stated cockily, his eyes roaming over Y/N like she was something to be used.

“Over my dead body,” snarled Bucky.

“That can be arranged,” Brock snided.

“Gentleman, please,” Pierce sighed annoyingly, “Rumlow, we need him alive, and the girl is not to be touched unless I state otherwise. See? Good conscience. But I will have to ask you both to give my men your cellphones. Don’t need you calling for help.” 

Rollins took their phones, turning them off before stuffing them in his pocket. Pierce turned to the side and waved them to follow Rollins out. Bucky let her go first, his hand holding hers and the older man following him with Rumlow behind. 

You laugh heartily this time, dropping your weapon to your side and resting your hand on stomach as you throw your head back.

“Sam, cool it.” Steve answers calmly, not a hint of amusement in his voice. 

Sam scoffs, “Maybe we can switch spots then? Cuz last time I checked, I’m the only mother fucker out in the heat, while y'all get to cuddle up in the air conditioning and shit.”

“Aww, Sam,” You coo, “I’ll switch with you buddy.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be watching that metal armed son of a-”

“Sam.” Steve warns.

You laugh, “You know Barnes.” You roll your eyes playfully,  “He went down to get a hot dog and a soda.”

“In the middle of our recon? Really?” Sam responds dully. 

You shrug as Natasha’s voice comes over, “Well yeah, duh. I’m about to do the same honestly. We haven’t seen shit all day.”

A rumbling behind you makes you snap your head toward it. You pull your glock from the holster strapped to your thigh and bring it eye level, pointing it toward the door. You rush forward, just as it pops open to reveal the one and only Bucky Barnes. He stops in the door frame, furrowing his brow as he comes face to face with your weapon. 

“Jumpy much?” He asks.

You sigh heavily, blowing some of your curly hair out of your face before clicking the gun back into its holster, “Ass. You scared me.” You turn, heading back toward the window as Bucky moves further into the room.

“You okay?” Natasha asks, a few floors down from you.

“Yeah, yeah. It was just Bucky.”

“Hot dogs in hand?”

“Three, in fact.” You answer, turning slightly to eye him.

Bucky shrugs, tearing into his first hot dog, “I got one for you, don’t get pissy.”

A heavy sigh sounds over the comm, “Alright guys, let's take a break, huh? You’re all getting a little testy.” Steve says.

“You're getting just as testy as the rest of us, Captain Asshole.” Natasha quips.

“Romanov.”

“That’s my name, don’t wear it out.”

“Outside in two minutes Romanov. One hour guys, got it?”

“Aye aye, Cap.” You answer, as other grumblings from Sam and Natasha play back in your ears. 

You lean your military grade weapon up against the wall and move back toward the small table in the corner of the room where Bucky sits. You scoff playfully when you reach him, a smile covering your face, “You scarfed down two hot dogs already?” He nods quickly, chewing on his last bite as he balls up the silver aluminum foil, “God.”

You plop down into the wooden chair in front of him, leaning back into it as you bring your foot to rest on his chair, “Hot dogs are so much better now.” He starts, tossing his trash in the small garbage can behind him, “Back in the thirties, they tasted like shit. Everything was boiled, you know? Fuckin’ nasty. Still ate ‘em, though.”

You chuckle again, shaking your head, “I’m sure you did.”

He leans back into his chair, dropping his head back slightly to run his fingers through his hair, “Did I miss anything?”

You flick your eyes at him quickly before turning them back down toward your lunch, “Not much. Steve said we could take a break.”

Bucky’s eyebrows reach for the ceiling, “Steve said we could take a break?”

“Mmm hmm.”

“Steve Rogers said we could take a break? The same Steve Rogers that timed how long it took me to take a piss while on a mission last month?”

You nod, taking a bite, “The one and only.”

“Wow. For how long?”

“An hour. Although, you’ve been on break for,” You tilt your wrist toward you, illuminating your apple watch, “Twenty minutes already, so, forty minutes for you, I guess.”

“Psssh,” he scoffs, “He don’t know that.”

“Yes he does.”

He scoffs, his mouth dropping open as his eyes widen, “You told them?”

You shrug, taking a bite, “Mmm hmm.”

“Snitch.”

You smile widely as he flips you off before you continue with your hot dog. Bucky watches you silently, his eyes dropping down to your nose, your lips, your chin. You smirk and sigh happily, taking a sip of your knock off Sprite as you sway your leg back and forth. He grabs your ankle that’s propped on his chair, between his legs. His fingers are rough against your skin as they push up into your black cargo pants. You pull your leg back, letting it fall to the ground with a thud before you push away from the table. 

You throw your trash away, feeling his eyes on you as you move through the small apartment, “Don’t even think about it.” You say after a few minutes while washing your hands. 

“I didn’t say anything.”

You roll your eyes as you dry your hands and move from the kitchen. You’re just about to reach the window when you’re pushed onto the thin mattress on the floor. You’re suddenly covered with Bucky’s body, his lips and mouth in the crook of your neck as you laugh. 

“Bucky Barnes!” You screech.

“I love it when you say my name, baby.”

“We don’t have time for this! Stop it!”

He leans up, looming over you, the ends of his hair scratching against your face. He cocks his head and smiles as you reach up and cup his cheek in your palm. You rub his stubbled cheek with your thumb, a slow smile spreading on your face as you gaze into his blue eyes, “You sure are pretty.” You whisper.  

His smile widens, his eyes squinting with it. He leans in and kisses you again, this time claiming your lips. Your eyes flutter shut as his warm tongue pushes into your mouth, massaging yours gently. Your thin fingers move into his hair, tangling themselves with his tresses as he settles between your legs. You moan into him as he pushes his hips into yours, but soon lose yourself in a fit of giggles as he tickles your sides gently.

“Damn you,” You say lightly as he pushes those hands up into your black tank top, tugging it over your head and throwing it into the corner of the room, “I said we don’t have time for this.”

“Oh baby,” he starts, lifting your back from the mattress as his fingers fumble with the clasps of your bra, “We always have time for this.”

He drops you back to the thin mattress once your breasts are free. He moves down the length of your body, splattering kisses on your stomach and hips as he goes. He undoes the button of your pants, his eyes flicking back to yours as he unzips them. He begins to de-weaponize you, pulling your healthy collection of knives from your belt and leg straps, then removing your glock from your thigh, and your smaller .22 holstered on your ankle. 

He reaches back toward your waist once you’re weapon free, and begins inching your pants down your legs. He sits on his knees as he pulls your legs free of the material and then drops them somewhere behind him. You laugh again as he places your legs on his shoulders, your feet by his ears as he peppers kisses along your right ankle and calf. He eyes you again, biting at your toes as his hand travels down the length of your leg. He pushes his fingers in between your folds and you hiss, rolling your head as you arch your back from the mattress. 

You bite your bottom lip as he slowly massages your clit with his index and middle finger. You roll your hips as you drop your left leg from his shoulder, curling it around his waist to help you wiggle down closer to him. He sinks two fingers into your wet sex, prompting a low, long groan to rise in your throat. He pulls his digits out, then sinks them back in again before curling them inside of you. He massages your spongy g-spot with quick, light strokes before dipping a third digit into you. 

You arch your back away from the mattress, your head holding your weight as your face twists with pleasure. You grab onto the metal wrist that holds his own weight as he leans over you. He sits back again, withdrawing his devilish fingers, only to replace them with his lips. You jerk your hips into his face at the sudden change in sensation as you slam your back down onto the mattress. He slurps you loudly, smacking his lips as he laps you up, his arms reaching the length of your body to palm your breasts in his hands. 

He kneads your mounds gently, taking your nipples between his fingers to tweak and roll them to add to your heightening arousal. You rest your hands on his, and then run them down his forearms before you reach for his head, your fingertips scratching at his scalp. He pushes his tongue into you before pulling out and wrapping his lips around your throbbing clit. He pulls back with a loud smack, biting his bottom lip seductively as he stares down at your wet cunt. 

“You get this wet for anybody else?”

His voice is deep and throaty, full of fervor. You shake your head, your eyelids heavy, “Only for my Bucky.”

He moans at your words, removing his hands from you to unzip himself quickly. He lifts you into his lap and wraps his arms around your torso, hugging you to his chest, “Your Bucky.” He repeats as you lower down onto his cock. 

You both let out breaths as you slowly take him in, reveling in the feeling of your walls spreading to accommodate him. You throw your arms around his shoulders as you begin to push your hips into his. You lean back, letting your head loll as you push his face into your breasts before you lean forward again. You cradle his head in your hands, your teeth sink into your bottom lip as his hot tongue darts out from behind his lips to sweep across your nipple. 

You hiss as electricity surges through your veins. Your hips push and pull against his as a fire ignites deep in the pit of your stomach. You pull his head back, your fingers gripping his hair as he peers up at you with those gorgeous blue eyes, “My Bucky.” You reiterate.

“Your Bucky.”

You crash your lips to his, squeezing his face in your hands as you suck on his bottom lip. He pushes his hips into yours, his pace and force varying by the minute, just to drive you nuts. He’s soon hammering into you, your skin slapping against his as your mouth falls open, your eyes slamming shut. Then, without warning, he slows to almost nothing. He hips barely move as he cups your right breast in his hand, while sucking lightly on the left. You flex your toes on the mattress as you hug him to you, your hands in his hair, his tongue on your neck.

He quickens again, pushing his metal hand down between your slick folds, finding your clit to massage it again. The pressure begins to build, your muscles spasming, closing in on his thickness, then relaxing as jolts of electricity begin to fire within you. Ragged breaths fall from Bucky’s lips, grunts and growls scratch at the back of his throat as he slams into you. His hips falter as his grip on your breasts tightens with each stroke. 

You feel him shudder. You watch as his long, dark lashes splash against his fair skin, his eyes fluttering shut. His chest is tight, his pretty, pink lips parted as he groans. He pushes into you once more and suddenly you’re full of his hot cum. His hips jerk as obscenities fall from his lips. He fingers dig into your flesh as he comes, hot, long streams of his seed painting your clenched walls. 

You give in moments later; the sheer beauty of him as he comes pushing you over the edge. Your orgasm rips through you, the waves strengthening with each pass, pushing your octave higher and higher as your voice fills the otherwise silent apartment. Bucky falls backward, pulling you with him. The two of you end up in a heap, breath harsh, skin sticking to each other as a hot breeze pushes into the room from the cracked window. 

You smile softly as lazy kisses splash along your shoulder. Your eyes become heavy as sleep begins to pull at you. You still have time to fit in a quick power nap. Bucky’s fingertips trailing up and down your spine pacifies you further. You’re just about to give into the lure of sleep when a slow clap begins to ring in your ear.

“Bra-fucking-vo Barnes. I personally didn’t think you could last that long.”

The two of you jump as Sam’s voice comes over your comms, causing you to frantically search for your clothes as curse words fall from your lips.

“I’m going to fucking kill you Wilson!” Bucky growls as he rushes from the room, slamming the door behind him. 

You slip your tank top over your head, before dropping your arms dramatically as a laugh comes over the comm, “You two really need to learn to turn your comms off when taking a break.”

“Not now, Nat. Okay?”

She giggles again, “Hey look, we’re getting another show.”

You crawl to the window, peeking out just in time to see Sam hovering just out of Bucky’s reach on the rooftop of the building across the street. You close your eyes and shake your head as Steve and Natasha’s laughter fills your ears, the muffled voices of your lover and friend wafting over to you with the breeze.

His gaze wandered over his left arm, that looked just like the material of the scissors, and then down to his hand. The hand held an old picture, black and white, edges yellow and wavy. The man in the middle of the picture stared at Bucky, or rather whoever had taken the picture such a long time ago. The smile on his lips lit up his whole face, mad his eyes crinkle and Bucky could almost hear the man laugh at something a person who wasn’t in the picture had said.

But Bucky’s eyes were always drawn to the man’s hair. Short, definitely shorter than Bucky’s that was already reaching his shoulders. If the picture weren’t all grey, white and black, he could have sworn that the guy’s hair was the same colour as his own.

It wasn’t just the hair that looked similar to Bucky’s. The whole face looked like people at HYDRA had put some of his blood in a damn test tube again and cloned the Winter Soldier. Just that the clone had short hair. Bucky was certain, that the man wasn’t his clone. Though he didn’t remember the picture being taken, people had told him that Bucky himself was the man. Maybe it was normal, that he didn’t remember that particular photo, but it still concerned him, that he didn’t remember much of his past after all those years.

He clenched his fist even tighter at the lost memories, the lost past, the lost life, until the metal cut into his palm and Bucky felt warm, thick blood run down his hand. Though it stung, Bucky ignored the cut as much as he could. The wound would heal fast and it wasn’t too deep anyway.

When he finally stepped out of the bathroom, he had made a decision.

“I want you to cut my hair.” Bucky’s voice was small and quiet, but he was sure that you had heard him. “What?” “I want you to cut my hair,” he repeated and added a soft ‘please?’ this time. “Buck, I’m not a professional, it’s gonna look horrible,” you protested. Bucky only shook his head. “No, I’m serious! The last time I cut someone’s hair it was my brother’s and I actually cut into his ear, and-” Your friend stepped closer and offered you the pair of scissors. “Please.” This time, it was neither a question nor a plead, it was a command. Though phrased nicely, you could hear that Bucky was, indeed, serious. He wanted you, and only you, to cut his hair.

Sighing, you took the tool from him, not noticing the cut that was almost fully healed.

“What do you want it to look like?”

Bucky offered you his other hand with the picture. “Like this.”

The scissors in your hand were shaking when you brought them anywhere near Bucky’s hair. You had no clue where to begin, so you just started cutting. Bucky had closed his eyes, you weren’t sure if he just wanted to prevent the hair from falling into his eyes, or if he wanted his new hair cut to be a surprise.

During the whole procedure, the two of you didn’t say a word to one another. There was just the sound of the two sharp edges of the scissors meeting, cutting through hair, and parting again.

“Okay,” you announced, “I think I’m done.” You handed a small mirror to Bucky once he had opened his eyes again. For a few heartbeats, he stayed quiet, didn’t even breath. And when you thought that he was going to tell you that he hated it, Bucky whispered, “Thank you so much,” barely audible. A smile formed on his lips, and you thought to see his eyes watering, but he blinked the tears away too fast.

“I like it.” “So, should I become a professional, then?” “You should consider it.” Bucky chuckled warmly.

He looked like the man in the picture, well, almost. There were a few strands of hair you had totally messed up, but Bucky seemed to not care about that. The only things that looked different from the Bucky in the picture was the slightly sadder smile your Bucky wore, and the fine hair that sat on the skin of his face like freckles. They laid there like a small galaxy but vanished when Bucky ran over his cheeks with the palm of his hand.

“Why did you want to get your hair cut in the first place?”

Bucky’s mouth opened and closed a few times, it seemed like all words he knew had fallen out of his mind.

“I-” a nervous chuckle, and he blinked his tears away again. “I think that I’m recovering.” He sucked in a deep breath. “From everything. I’m recovering.” A watery smile formed on his trembling lips.

“Oh, Bucky.” In the next moment, your arms were wrapped around his torso, his chest pressing against yours as he quietly sobbed into your shoulder.

“I’m finally recovering.”

Bucky pulled away after a few seconds. A hand swiped over his face and he forced the tears to disappear.

“That wasn’t my only reason though,” he admitted a little unsure. “What’s the other reason then?” Bucky’s steel blue eyes locked with yours through his long lashes. “I thought that I should look pretty for our first date.”

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