#bb47

I was waiting for her to say something. She’d definitely sat me down with something to say for herself, but she was looking at me like she was waiting for me to say something. “Do you want a drink or something?” I offered, unsure what else to say. “I wanted to talk to you about Harry.” “So… So no drink?” I hadn’t even spoken to her about her and Zayn yet, which was obviously the more dramatic pairing of the two, so I was visibly a little confused why she wanted to have a sit down chat with me about Harry. “Are you sure this is a good idea?” Concern pressed her tone. “What? Me and Harry?” “Yeah.” “I… I don’t understand why you would think it’s not?” “Because it’s seems like I’m the only person who remembers him backing you up against my bedroom door by your throat, Pippa.” Maybe she was the only person who remembered that, or at least the only person who was still thinking about it of the three of us who knew it had happened. Every recollection of that night had been shoved from my mind the second Harry explained why he had reacted that way, why I had ended up in that situation. I didn’t want to tell that story to Ringo as a way of explaining why everything was okay, because that wasn’t my story to tell. Harry had told me that in confidence, and I refused to explain his actions to her. I’d already told her once before that it was okay. “Harry told me the exact reason he reacted like that, and we were both as bad as each other.” My guard went up. “I’m not saying you were in the right, Pip. What I’m saying is that he obviously has a really aggressive side to him. A side he thinks is okay to take out on people! It’s not just you, is it? You’ve seen it happening a lot. Aren’t you scared of him?” I was close to exploding. I was so angry. So protective of him. I was frustrated by the thought that anyone could see Harry that way. He wasn’t this violent, aggressive person she was making him out to be, and it broke my heart that was the way she genuinely thought he was, to the point where she was kind of warning me off having a relationship with him. Harry did flip that night, but I had too, and nobody was calling me aggressive, no one was worrying for Harry. Why? Just because I was a girl? Because I was smaller than him? Harry had started fights with other people too, but without condoning it, on most occasions he had a half decent reason to do that. The main thing was, that Harry knew his faults and really wanted to work on them. Harry was the only person I knew who focused on his issues, figured out why he had those issues, and tried to better himself. Everyone else was just floating around like their shit didn’t stink, struggling to see their faults, and that was the complete opposite of Harry and how his brain worked. I understood him, and I needed to have his back. As much as I could. “Look, Ringo,” I tried to control my tone. “As much as I appreciate your concern, I kinda don’t want to hear it. You… you don’t know what you’re talking about. Harry knows what’s going on his head more than anyone, okay? And he knows how to deal with it. He gets worked up sometimes, but he’s trying his best to change, more than anyone I know. So, no, I’m not scared of him. In fact, more than anything I want to look after him. I want to help him and make him realise how special he is. I’m sorry for getting worked up, but it just pisses me off. I love you, but you don’t know him, do you? Really? So, I don’t need to hear it. I just don’t.” For once, I was glad to see Ringo being the girl who could barely construct a sentence. I didn’t like being so sharp with her, it did feel like kicking a puppy, but I was just so wound up. I especially didn’t think that Ringo was in the right place in her life to be lecturing anyone about their relationships. Not that the one she was in was a bad one, but the circumstances of how it had come to be certainly weren’t good. “I was just… I was just trying to make sure you’re safe and happy.” “I can promise you that I am, Ringo. If I felt that way at all, I wouldn’t be with him.” “You’re right… I’m sorry… it’s just… I’ve been in… in a bad relationship before, and I didn’t want you to be at risk. It’s different when you’re in that situation. But you’re right. I’m sorry.” I nearly burst out crying before I even mustered the strength to ask her the first question that came to my head. “Was-was it Ed?” I whimpered. “NO! Oh god, no. No, it was at college. No, god. Ed is too soft. He couldn’t even kill spiders.” She chuckled. That made us a little less tense, once my tears went back to where they’d come from, I let out a small laugh too, glad to feel the tension draining from the room. I didn’t want to fight with anyone, especially not Ringo, and I could tell she was kicking herself for saying anything already. If I even had the slightest inkling of fear thanks to Harry, I wouldn’t be anywhere near him. She knew that. “H-how’s he doing? Ed?” She asked with hesitation. “He’s okay.” I nodded. “I know it’s selfish and I shouldn’t but… I miss him, y’know? I don’t know if that makes any sense.” “It makes sense.” I sighed. “You guys were close.” She nodded, sadness creating a glint in her eyes and crease in her eyebrows as she stared off to nothing ahead of her. I couldn’t really imagine what that had been like for her, and this was one of the first times I’d really thought about her side of things rather than just Ed’s. It wasn’t like their relationship had fizzled out after a few years. It wasn’t like Ed hadn’t loved her, it wasn’t like he didn’t treat her well. She had no reason to fall out of love with him, other than the fact she simply loved someone else more. It must have been hard to step away from something like that, knowing that a friendship wasn’t possible, at least not right away. “I’m sorry for coming in all guns blazing.” She apologised. “I’m sorry for returning fire.” I murmured. “I’m protective of Harry. He puts on a good front, I’ll give him that, but he’s pretty soft too.” We heard the front door opening. Ringo whipped her head so she could look down the hall and see who it was, and from the amazing smile that burst onto her face, I knew Zayn was back from his lecture. “Hey, you’re still here!” I heard his cheery voice before I saw him. “Is that okay?” She blushed. “Of course it’s okay.” He entered the room, and gave her a brief kiss, bending over to reach her mouth. “Careful, you have company.” I warned. “Hi, Pip.” He greeted, wandering into the kitchen. “How crazy is this weather?” It was far too early to be expecting snow, especially at the very beginning of December. In the UK, we could have been warned about the snow months in advance, to have been told the exact day it would hit, and none of us would be prepared for it. Every year the whole country would just go into a state of panic over the smallest outbreak of snow, and this year was no different. “Apparently it’s not going to last.” “Good.” He groaned. “I fucking hate it when it gets like this.” Ringo glanced to me, giving me the silent look as if to say, let’s not tell Zayn about this little row we just had, let’s keep this to ourselves and forget it ever happened, because neither of us had gained anything from it, apart from my voice was a little more raspy than it had been. I smiled to her, and nodded. The whole thing was pretty much forgotten right away. I was starting to come to terms with the fact that I knew Harry better than anyone. There were still so many things I had to learn about him, things I was eager to learn about, but it was slowly starting to dawn on me that there were aspects of him that other people couldn’t see or understand. I had been honoured by being the person Harry opened up to, I’d been able to figure him out slowly over the past year, and I was so grateful for that. It frustrated me, seeing that people could see Harry in this completely different way to how I did, but it also made me realise that I was incredibly lucky to have been welcomed into him, and I hoped he felt the same way about me. + + + I stood in the kitchen, beginning to prepare myself a solid meal of cheesy beans on toast, Pink Floyd blaring as loudly as they could through my terrible portable-speakers, trying my best to sing along, but singing had never been a strong talent of mine. Just as I grabbed hold of the knife to cut the cheese, I felt two hands grab my waist. “OH SHIT!” I cried, putting the knife down before Harry spun me around. “You scared the living shit out of me.” “I missed you.” He began kissing me straight away. “I missed today.” “You shouldn’t…” I tried to speak between kisses. “Surprise people… when… when they’re wielding knives, Harry!” “But I missed you.” He grunted. “I need you.” I squealed as he hooked his hands under my legs and lifted me from the floor, placing me on the counter with my legs wrapped around him. I was almost sure I was sat on the cheese. “What did I tell you about the kitchen?” I giggled. “That we’re not having sex in it?” He continued kissing me. “Mhm.” “I’m sure I could change your mind.” “I’m sure you can’t.” I tried not to moan, running my hand through his hair. “Why’ve you missed me so much?” “I always miss you.” He picked me up, using his strength to begin carrying me from the kitchen through the living room, expertly manoeuvring himself around our house like he had already studied it and mapped it out in his head so he could do this perfectly. “I missed you too.” I panted. “Where’s Zayn?” “He’s out.” “Can we fuck in the living room?” “What is your issue with beds?” I chuckled as he stopped ahead of one of the sofas. “What is your issue with anywhere other than bed?” He cried. “I gave you a tent, isn’t that enough?” I grinned. “I seriously fucking love you.” He baffled. “I really do.” “Then take me to bed.” He did as he was told, carrying me into his bedroom and then pushing me up against the wall at the foot of his bed. I lifted my arms up and let him pull off my t-shirt. He kept me in place with the weight of his body, using one hand to awkwardly move down to his zipper and inelegantly pull down his jeans and pants, just enough. “I love these little shorts.” He grunted, biting my ear lobe and pushing the groin of the shorts to one side. “Did you really think I’d want to do anything other than this when you’re wearing those shorts?” His fingers touched and brushed over my wet heat, and the shudder that asserted each inch of my body convinced me that I hadn’t been touched like that ever before in my life, when in reality I had been blessed with his touch that very morning. He eased one finger into me, its length exploring my insides as he began to bite and kiss down my neck, my hands resting on his chest as he added another finger, working me up so I was ready for him. We hadn’t quite made it to the bed like I had been planning, but at least we were in a bedroom. His touch got rougher, moving from kissing my neck to biting it instead, removing his fingers and pushing himself into me roughly, shooting his thrusts upwards, jagged and sharp, a hand tangling in my hair and tugging on it, forcing my vision up to the roof as my mouth dropped open and goose-bumps made their mark upon my heated skin. On occasion, Harry was filthy like that. Every touch was harsh, eager and powerful. His strength was noticeable with every single touch without ever being too much, without ever being the kind of pain that would make me uncomfortable. He just had that kind of flow in him, the thing Ringo had concerns about. But sometimes he could use that strength in such a miraculous way. I wanted every inch of that passionate anger he had to be taken out on me, if that was how he was going to use it. I could feel the muscles in his arse work against the heels of my feet, with each dominant thrust they tensed, and it made me all in the more in awe of him. He was doing it so well, the next word fell out of my mouth before I’d even thought of the repercussions. “Harder.” I gasped. He didn’t need to go any harder. Fuck, I wasn’t even convinced he could go any harder. He moved his face round to stare at me, the tip of his nose brushing mine as he glared down to my lips, a questioning look on his face before he fucked his hips up even harder than before, my back crashing and scratching against the wall behind me. He continued with that strength, and I think he was watching me so closely to see if I could handle it. I barely could, but at the same time it was incredible and I didn’t want him to stop. He trapped my bottom lip between his teeth once he realised that I wasn’t backing down from how hard I had asked him to do it, and how he was doing it ten times harder than I had expected. The bottom of my back ached and my entire body felt like it was going to fall apart, but I had never felt anything like it. He was just about to make it even better. “D’ya like it when I fuck you like this, Baby?” He grunted. “Fuck. You’re so dirty, fuck!” Suddenly I was screaming, my pants and moans building up and up until I was practically blaring out my loud satisfaction, releasing my pleasure both verbally and physically as Harry gripped my waist, digging his nails into me. “Oh fuck, Har-” I gawped. “Tell me you love me.” “Fuck-” “Tell me you fucking love me! Tell me now.” “I love you.” He came as soon as the word love wheezed from my open mouth, his thrusts dying down as we tried to catch our breath. Harry kissed me until I was calm, his touches suddenly soft and adorning as he waited for me to ease, every patter of his lips against my skin as beautiful as the last. It was an extreme high to come down from, but Harry somehow made it easy, simple, exquisite. He kept me up against the wall until we were in a relatively normal state, still inside me as he became limp, which made me chuckle, and all the chuckling caused his tired member to slip from inside me. He gave me a disapproving look as I giggled, trying to hide his smile. “Is my penis funny to you?” He quizzed. “It’s just gone so little.” I squeaked. “How does it go so little?” “Compared to how big it actually is?” He ticked an eyebrow. “How does it end up so small?” I laughed, covering my mouth with the back of my hand. “It’s not small!” He fought. “Don’t be mean about me!” I couldn’t stop laughing as Harry let me drop to the floor and tucked himself in, zipping up his pants as I reached out to cup where it was over his jeans. “So tiny.” “I’ll fucking kill you!” He laughed. “I’m a grower, okay? Leave me alone.” I loved taking the piss out of him, because as much as I could tell he was finding it funny, there was this tiny little part of him that was bothered by it, though he knew it was stupid, and it just made it all the more funny. On top of that, we both knew full well that it wasn’t tiny. He moved and grabbed a tissue box, throwing it my way before he stuck his middle finger up at me. “Clean yourself up, woman.” He tutted. “I’ll go make us some food.” “I want cheesy beans on toast!” I yelled as he left the room. “You’ll get what you’re given, Pip-Squeak!” I did as I was told, and then rushed to join him in the kitchen, seeing that he was carrying on the work I had been doing earlier, cutting enough cheese for the both of us. I got out a few extra slices of bread for him, blushing when he turned to me and gave me a small wink. Doing anything with Harry was fun. Even just making cheesy beans on toast in our kitchen was fun. Just being with him. Every single mundane task was a pleasure when I was doing it alongside Harry. He shook his head, huffing and smirking to himself. “What?” I cried. “You.” “What about me?” “Well, I hear you’re supposed to get to know the girl you’re seeing before you move in with her.” He played. “I thought we’d be okay. Turns out you’re actually really mean.” “Are you saying you don’t want to live with me anymore?” I played along. “Depends. If you’re really nice to me for the rest of the night, I’ll consider not kicking you out.” “WHY ARE YOU KICKING ME OUT?” I yelped. “UNNECCESSARY YELLING!” He screamed back, a smile breaking his face. I loved him. I loved him so, so much it was literally ridiculous. He was like no one I had ever known. He was so confident and self-assured at the same time as having absolutely no clue how amazing he was, having no clue whatsoever how genuinely incredible he was. He was cocky but endearing at the same time, protective of his masculinity, and yet at the same time he wanted obscure the visions of masculinity, to challenge them and abolish them. He was so endlessly fascinating, I couldn’t see myself ever growing tired of him and everything he stood for. “Stop looking at me like that.” He said cheekily. “Like what?” “Like how you’re looking at me! I’ll take you straight back to that bedroom, I swear.” “Then do.” I shrugged. Without another word he picked me up, leaving me squealing as he flung me off my feet and carried me into his bedroom. I kicked my legs in false protest as he carried me from the kitchen into his bedroom for the second time in less than an hour. This was the kind of relationship I’d dreamed of having all my life, the kind of thing I’d conjured up in my head as my ideal, thinking it was out of reach, impossible, something that didn’t happen to real people. Yet there I was, in the middle of this perfect coupling where everything was just so sweet and so spectacular. He threw me onto his bed and then jumped on top of me, smothering me with playful kisses as I squirmed and giggled beneath him, wondering if I would ever get round to eating, or if I would just end up back there in his room every single time we attempted to make food. Once he stopped, he looked down to me with kind eyes, tracing over my face and brushing some hair from my face, letting out a really heavy breath, love beaming from him without him having to say a word. I gave him a soft kiss on the lips before my head fell back down to his pillow, staring up to him with one thought on my mind. “Y’know,” I began. “You haven’t actually officially asked me out yet.” “You’re right.” He sighed. “I haven’t.” I smiled and stayed silent, flicking my eyes to the side, silently egging him on, telling him this was the ideal moment for him to ask me to be his girlfriend. But he didn’t. He let out an audible groan and fell to the spare side of his bed, rubbing over his face with his hands. I leaned on my side next to him, my loving look having dropped from my face as my brows creased. I could tell this wasn’t going to go exactly how I wanted it to. “Why won’t you ask me out?” I mumbled. “I just don’t think we’re there yet.” He said lowly, revealing his face to me. “Yeah,” I sarcastically bit. “When you live with a girl and you’re in love with her, I hear it’s not really a good idea to actually be in a relationship with her.” “What’s wrong with what we’re like now?” He tried to soften me, brushing the back of his fingers over my cheek, but I just pulled away from his touch, sitting myself up and crossing both my legs and my arms on top of his sheets, waiting for a half decent explanation. “Why won’t you ask me out? C’mon. Be brutally honest. I wanna know.” He sat up too, crossing his legs in front of me so our knees were touching, looking me dead in the eye as he got ready to explain himself. “I just got out of a relationship, Pip.” He breathed. “I don’t want anyone to think any less of us because of that! I don’t want anyone to look at you and think you’re some kind of rebound, because you’re not!” “Anyone who matters would know that’s not the case!” I argued. “That’s not true!” He replied. “You’re telling me that people like Ronnie won’t be like, really? Didn’t he just have a girlfriend? Are you sure about this? Even Tally! Tally came up to me the other night and said that I better not be using you. It’s too quick. It’s too soon. I would hate anyone to think any less of what we are, just because of the timing.” “I can’t believe you care.” I huffed. “Well I do, Pip!” He scalded. “Of course I’m in love with you, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t take this steady. We’re still getting used to this, we’re still getting used to us! and I don’t think that’s too stupid of me to want to take it steady. I will ask you out eventually, you know I will, but right now… it just doesn’t feel right.” He tried to reach for my hand, but I wasn’t taking it. I folded my arms even tighter as a way of trying to prove just how mad I was at him for this. “Well that’s just stupid.” I snorted. “Thanks, Pip.” He scowled. “I’m glad you think so little of my opinion.” “If you’re going to ask me out at some point, why not just do it now?” I cried. “I don’t care what people think! I just want to be your girlfriend! I really don’t think I’m asking too much.” He rolled his eyes, and so did I, because eye rolls were my thing, and I was even mad that he was doing that. He pretty much could have done anything at that point, and I would have been mad at him. “We’re really young, Pip.” He tutted. “I don’t think it’s such a bad thing that I want to make sure this is real and that we’re going to work before we’re really committed.” “Are you saying you’re not committed to me?” I squealed. “NO! Fuck! I’m saying that a relationship being official is a really big deal, and you can’t argue with that, or else you wouldn’t be bothered about being official.” I wanted to argue, but he was right. I knew it was a big step, even when we did live together, even when we were in love. The tagline of being official boyfriend and girlfriend was a big deal, and that was why I wanted it so much. We sat in silence for a little while, and I tried to make sure he had spotted exactly how many times I rolled my eyes, which was a number even I lost count of. All I knew was that it was a number so high, that I had a really bad headache. There were a lot of huffs as well. “So stupid.” I huffed again. “C’mon, Pip. Are you really that mad at me for it?” “Yes!” I howled. “Because I want to be your girlfriend! I don’t care what anyone thinks, that’s just what I want. And I do not see what bloody difference it makes if you do it now, or if you do it in a few months, or whenever you want to bloody do it. I want to feel like we’re a real couple. I want to know that this is it now. I need to know that it’s me and you, and that no one else in the world matters. That’s just what I want, okay? I just didn’t realise I was asking so much of you.” He cursed under his breath, running his hand through his hair and shaking his head one last time for good measure before he grunted. “Fine, will you go out with me?” “No!” I yelped. “WHAT? I literally just did what you’ve been telling me to do!” “I don’t want it to be like this!” I pointed out the obvious. “You think I want to tell the story of you asking me out with it being me forcing you to do it? I don’t fucking think so!” “What the fuck do you want from me then?” I could see he was getting wound up. “Call me crazy, Harry, but I’d actually like you to want to ask me out. I can’t believe that you don’t, but here we are.” I got up off his bed and stormed out of his room, ignoring him trying to call me back to him, because I just needed to get out of there. He had made some points that I understood, but I was begging my brain not to think that way and be so bloody understanding, because I needed some time to just be angry with him. I needed a moment where I could just revel in our first argument as a couple, if you could even call us that. The boy wouldn’t even ask me to be his girlfriend, so I didn’t really have a clue what we were. In that moment, all we were, was angry at each other, and I knew that was going to last the evening. + + + “I’m mad at him.” I continued my rant. “Can’t you be mad at him to someone else?” Liam seemed exhausted on the other end of the line. “I tried to ring Grace, but she didn’t answer. So I’m complaining to you. Why can’t you just be a good brother and listen?” “I have been listening for half an hour, Pip.” He chuckled. “God, I forgot how dramatic you are.” It had been just over an hour since I stormed out of Harry’s room, and the house had been more or less silent since. Well, apart from me ranting down the phone to my older brother. I was glad Harry hadn’t come up to bother me, but at the same time, I was a little bit sad he hadn’t come up to try and make amends. I decided to voice this to Liam. “Y’know what else is annoying?” “I’m sure you’re going to tell me.” He sighed. “He hasn’t even come upstairs to say sorry.” “Sorry for what?” He laughed. “You feel differently about something. He’s allowed to feel that way, Pip. Besides, he didn’t ask you out and you got mad, and then when he did, you got mad too! He’s pretty much in a lose-lose situation at the minute. I wouldn’t approach you either. Actually, if you want my advice, it’s probably best for you to approach him.” Perhaps that made sense, though I wasn’t too eager to admit it. It was me who needed to calm down. It was me who had the issue I needed to brush past. The way I’d stormed out on him, I probably wouldn’t want to approach me either. What was he even supposed to say? He couldn’t ask me out, and he couldn’t say he wasn’t going to ask me out. Of course he wasn’t approaching me, what the hell was he supposed to say? I guess it was my job to go down and apologise, I just wasn’t quite ready to do it. It had been a while since me and Harry had argued like that, and the stubborn girl who existed the year before was back in full force, and maybe even more powerful than ever before. Sure, I’d changed and I’d matured, but it was bound to be the case that sometimes I would fall back to my old ways. Especially when it came to Harry. The fire between us existed in every sense. “I should have rung someone else.” I moaned. “I’m giving you good advice here, little one. If you want to make amends for this, it’s down to you. I know it’s rubbish that he won’t ask you out, but you shouldn’t have gone off at him like that.” “I’m not admitting you’re right. But I’m also not going to say you’re wrong. I’m just going to sulk some more.” “Well, I’m going to bed. Let me know what happens tomorrow, alright? I’m pretty knackered now, but I also do love some good gossip. Goodnight, Pip.” “Night, Liam.” I put the phone down and then crossed my arms over my chest again, still rolling my eyes and letting out the occasional huff. No one was even there to see it. I guess I was just trying to get all my frustration out before I decided to go and make things right with Harry. I was still wound up, and I really, really didn’t want to go downstairs and just carry on the argument. I was truly gutted that we weren’t going to be an ‘official’ couple yet, but I didn’t mind waiting really. Because it was Harry for fuck sake. I’d been craving his love for months, and now I finally had it, and I wasn’t willing to give it up. If I had to wait, I would. But I still really needed my time to process it, and get rid of my anger. So when Harry burst through my bedroom door without even having the courtesy to knock, I was still in a foul mood. “I’m not done being mad at you yet, Harry.” “Well you’re going to have to get over it. We need to leave.” He was breathless; his voice was shaking and I could see that something was really wrong. I could just see it in his eyes. “What?” I became gentle “Look, Pip, we need to go.” “What’s happening?” I got to my feet. “Zayn’s been in an accident. We need to go. We need to go the hospital now!” He shuddered. “Just get dressed please. We need to go, please.” “Harry what’s happening?” Tears filled my eyes. “I DON’T KNOW! I just got a call from the hospital. I don’t know! Can we go, please?” I didn’t bother to put on a normal outfit, it was a complete waste of time. All I did was throw on a coat, and we both ran out of the front door. The tears didn’t stop, and that short car journey to the hospital, was honestly the most petrifying drive of my life.