#bb.angst

You felt as if it was the universe’s way of saying it was sorry for you. The ride back to school would be in the pouring rain that matched the gloominess of your heart, only to enter a campus where nobody wanted anything to do with you. His scent was all over you; despite being a Beta, you could feel it. You had been claimed and nobody would dare try and claim Ushijima Wakatoshi’s mate, despite the fact you’re not his mate.

Sobbing did little to ease the ache in your chest, eyes blotched from the constant tears and your nose sniffling as you tried to wipe away snot with your sleeves. Your sleeves, not his sleeves of a jacket you stole. Reading stories of how an Alpha would bestow their mate clothing would always warm your heart, but sitting on a dirty busstop with nobody but the rain beside you, your heart felt cold.

“What are you doing?” Someone asked. Your head snapped up to see a brunet looking down at you, his attire telling you he was dressed to run. Running? In pouring rain? What an idiot. He was gorgeous, though, hair collecting silver droplets that seemed to only accentuate his features. Your eyes trail down to the black collar adorning his neck, hidden beneath the white and blue jacket he wore. He quirked an eyebrow, giving off a small chuckle. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost,”

“More like an idiot running in rain. What’s up with that?” You sniffle, rubbing at your raw nose and cursing the timing. An Alpha coming on a claimed Beta alone — words don’t need to be spoken for the other man to know why you’re crying. But instead of running off, he sits next to you. “You’re gonna get me wet, weirdo,”

“Well if I sit too close, I’d get snot on me, so maybe I’d be better keeping my distance, anyways,” he shoots back, barely batting an eye. You just scoff, rolling your eyes.

“Someone seems to have a problem with me. I don’t even know who you are, stranger,” you give off a grin, trying to keep up the light tone.

“Well, you’re wearing a Shiratorizawa jacket and you stink like Ushiwaka, so can you blame me for being a bit of an ass?” He says, grinning. Though you were keeping a light tone, his words quickly reminded you of the position you’re in. Gloomy day, pouring rain, busstop. Looking back to the ground, you sigh heavily.

“Well, at least it’s the most interaction I’ve had all day. Ushijima’s got a stick up his ass and no funny bone in his body, so I suppose if this is my last interaction, it’s better than him,” you off handedly say. The man beside you quirks his eyebrow once more, your words settling into his brain before he’s leaning closer to you. His shadow moves towards you, making you jump back. “What are you doing?”

“You’re pregnant,” he flat out says. Before you can shoot anything back, his eyes get sad as he pulls himself back some more. “You’re going to kill yourself because he abandoned you?”

“How-” you sputter, tears springing to your eyes once more, “how did you-”

“You know if he’s abandoned you, another Alpha can take claim, right? You’re not worthless,”

“Easy for you to say. I’m a Beta with an Alpha’s bond mark. An Alpha that doesn’t even want to talk to me. My family and friends have turned their backs on me because it’s my fault. I wouldn’t expect an Alpha to understand the other party’s feelings,” you say, wiping away the tears. Despite trying to appear strong, your eyes are wet and there’s snot running down your face. “No Alpha wants Ushijima Wakatoshi’s leftovers. Don’t make me laugh,”

“Well, a cute little Beta would look better with a genuine smile then tears in their eyes, wouldn’t you agree?” He smiles, rubbing your cheek, but you slap away his hand.

“Stop patronizing me. You sound like a creepy old man. Who even are you?”

“Oh, I didn’t think I had to introduce myself. I’m Oikawa Tōru,” he smiles once more, a genuine smile, as he holds out his hand. “And if there’s someone who hates Ushiwaka more than you, it’s me,”

“[Y/N]. You’re from Seijoh, right?” You shake his hand, although it’s brisk. His nod confirms your suspicions. The captain of the team that never beat Ushijima’s team, but always aimed for the top. Ushijima also mentioned how talented Seijoh’s setter was, but you never expected to be sitting on a busstop next to the man himself. “Well, you’ve gotten my life story and told me you hate Ushijima, so I guess it’s time for you to go back to running in the rain,”

“Nah, I can’t,” he shrugs, but you look at him confused, waiting for him to continue. Eventually, you ask him why. “Well, I can’t leave someone in need alone. If I leave, you’ll still kill yourself. You’re hurting and I can’t just abandon you. I’m not like other Alphas, you know.” You know his reference is to only Ushijima, but it warms your stomach nonetheless, seeing someone actually be there for you.

“I’m sorry you had to meet me then. If you hadn’t stopped, we’d both be blissfully unaware of each other’s presence,” you say, letting a sob wrack your body before covering it with a cough. “Guess I’m the weirdo getting sick,”

“Still thinking there’s no other option, huh?”

“Well what do you expect? You’re the only person who hasn’t told me to face my consequences on my own and turned your back on me. There really is no reason for me to stay here, especially if I have to raise a child without a support system. I’m still in high school, what the fuck,” you huff, running your hand through your hair, looking up at the sky, noticing how the rain has eased up and the sky is brighter. “I’ll be out when it comes, but the fact of the matter is I’ll graduate pregnant, who wants to go through that? I’m basically a cheap slut in everybody’s eyes. I just wanted to feel needed by someone I admire and this is what it results in? The more I think about it the more I want to down a bottle of painkillers and never wake up.”

“If nobody is sticking up for you, then maybe they’re not your real friends. Fair weather friends, only there for good tea and sunny days. If there’s nobody there for you, reach out for help,”

“I don’t want to be a burden,”

“People who will help you willingly won’t see it that way. Me sitting here with you isn’t burdening me, and I haven’t turned from you. I know we just met, but I want to help you. There’s a lot to live for and one setback doesn’t deserve to sever that line before you’ve even gotten to the good part. Good people exist, you just need to find them,”

“‘Find them’? I thought I had, so what’s the point in trying to find more, only to be disappointed?”

“[Y/N], was it? I’m right here, you know,” he puts a hand on his chest, a smile on his lips and shining in his eyes. “I’ve seen you at your lowest and I’m still here. Find someone like me,”

“That’s sweet, but I doubt there are multiple Oikawas running around in the rain,” you sigh, looking back up. It’s almost time for the bus, but you have a feeling that if he’s still here, then he won’t let you leave. “Are you gonna sit there until my opinion changes?”

“They don’t change that easily, trust me,” he chuckles, but it lacks the merry behind it. Glancing at him, his eyes are downcast as he runs a thumb over his knee. “But I don’t want to see someone die over one thing. There’s a lot to live for, a lot to strive for, that’s why I keep moving even after all my failures. If someone kills themselves for one thing, something I don’t see as a reason to end, I wonder if it was deeper than what it was on the surface. Was it a quick way to feel numb for a while? Was it an easy solution? Sometimes the easiest path isn’t the right one. Surviving an attempt makes you realize things can change, but what if you didn’t survive? If you regret putting the blade to your skin or stepping off the ledge seconds after you do it or seconds before death? You can’t change it once it’s in motion.”

“I never.. I never thought about it like that,” you mutter, your hands holding each other, fingers twiddling. A brief meeting with a handsome Alpha suddenly put things in perspective. A laugh breaks you from your trance, his mouth behind his hand.

“If I see an opportunity to help, I’ll be there, but the fact is I can’t change your mind. I would like to put things in perspective and give you options, but that’s all I can do. If the reason you’re planning to end it all is because you have no friends, I can help with that. I’ll be your friend when nobody else gives you a chance.”

You mull it over, thinking of your options. In the end, the worst that could happen is you end up back on the bench, in the rain, ready to match to your death. “You know, I was told that if it sounds too good to be true, then it probably is,” you mutter, but rifle through your jacket pockets for your phone. “Don’t make me regret second guessing myself, Oikawa Tōru. If you want to be my friend, I’ll take the hand extended to me,”

“Wonderful! And just in the nick of time, the bus is here,” he takes out his own phone, ready to swap numbers. As the bus pulls up to a stop, Oikawa waves at you as he pockets his phone, your contact information all piled inside. You really hope you don’t regret this decision, too.

In the few days that pass, you find yourself wondering how you could have possibly thought bad of Oikawa. He was sweet to you, introducing you to his friends (who knew about your predicament prior), with their promise they’d never turn their back. Iwaizumi was also an Alpha, but the other two were Betas. You did think it to be odd about how they seemed to willingly to help you, stay beside you, despite having no reason to. Their only reason was a promise to you. To Oikawa? Maybe, but you never asked him about it; if you did, he’d just shrug and give you a vague answer.

He promised to show you the light on a dark and gloomy evening, and he kept that promise. As your friends turned their backs on you, scoffing about how your decision will affect you for the rest of your life, Oikawa was there when you needed him the most. He was on standby all hours of the day and night, his phone always on and beside him. When your family turned you away, calling you out on your sudden friendship with another Alpha while carrying a child, they kicked you out and you had nowhere else to go, Oikawa was there. When you felt your world crumbling around you, feeling hopeless and desperate, picking up a secret stash of painkillers, Oikawa was there to talk to you. He didn’t actively take away the pills, but he sat on the other side of the door and talked to you, listened to you. Even his mom was there for you when your family and friends had left you, but Oikawa stood beside you through it all.

Then your world crumbled again.

“I’m planning on moving to Argentina,” he had said. You were looking into colleges to further your education when he had knocked on your door, his old sister’s room, sitting on the bed.

“You’re.. leaving?” You wanted to add to that sentence, but you didn’t want to seem clingy. He’s been with you for so much, you’re not entirely sure you can be independent without him.

“It’s been almost 6 months since you met me. I actually went on that run to decide if I wanted to study abroad in Argentina, but after meeting you, I decided to wait. I’ve been studying the language and keeping up with local volleyball communities, but my dream is over there,” he explains. You click your pen and set it down, ready to ask if you should leave his house, but he continues. “I wanted to know if you’d come with me.”

“Wh- What?”

“I’ve been putting in extra time so we can both move together, get a fresh start,” his face tints as he speaks, hand rubbing the back of his neck. “It seems a bit forward, now that I’m actually talking aloud about it. Sorry ‘bout that,” he chuckles, before clearing his throat.

“You want me.. to come with you?” You ask, unsure if you’re hearing correctly. He’s asking you to move to a new country with him, which is exciting! But, the baby.. “He is due soon, you know,”

“5 weeks, if I remember correctly,” he smiles, looking down at the large bump. You run a hand over it, solemnly nodding. “He’d be born in Argentina, our new home, if you come with me,”

“But Ushijima—”

“He’s abandoned you, officially. Your bond, it’s hardly noticeable anymore. The scent, I mean,” he corrects himself. “He’s basically just a sperm donor at this point,”

“This is.. very sudden, you know,”

“I know. And it’s also a very grand way of asking to court you, while also essentially marrying you, but I will say that if you choose to stay here, Iwa-chan will take care of you. He’s going to study in California for some amount of time, but that’s not for another few months. There is Mattsun and Makki, but I’m not too sure-”

“Okay, don’t stress yourself,” you giggle, getting him to stop. “I’ll go with you, but you gotta teach me the language,”

“I’ve been told I’m a great tutor, actually,”

“I believe it. Will the bond go away, or is it just the scent that’s gone?” He raises his brows at that.

“Ah, I guess you never took those classes. The bond is permanent, but another Alpha can lay claim on a mate that has been abandoned. I’d be honored to replace his bond with mine, but I’m sure you’ll need-”

“I’m ready,” you interrupt him. He sputters as he processes the words, but then smirks.

“Are you sure? I don’t plan on making mistakes, so you’ll be stuck with me, you know?”

“Tōru, I’ve been ready for a while now. Hope you don’t mind bonding me while I’m pregnant,” your hand once more rubs the large bump, settling on the top.

“It just means I’ll have to wait until it’s my turn to try,” he licks his lips, moving towards the door. The locking sound seals your fate, keeping others from interrupting your moment.

- Years Later

“Koichi, come back here!” you shout, weaving in between the crowds. Aiko is somehow still asleep on your shoulder as you chase your son through the crowd. He’s been dying to meet his favorite uncle for quite some time, so see as he’s the trainer for the Nationals team of Japan, Koichi ran once the match ended. A brief Q&A with the members of the team would happen exactly right after they left the stadium, which he knew because of his father’s position.

You finally come to a stop, grabbing Koichi’s collar as he struggles to get through the crowd. “I told you to not leave me, and what did you do? Uncle Iwa isn’t going to suddenly disappear. He’s been waiting for this day, too, you know?”

“But mama! I told him I’d be the first one!”

“That’s impossible. The paparazzi gets to him first, that’s how it works in Hollywood movies,” you joke, but you pick him up. You’re no professional athlete, but you do stay in shape to take care of two children. As soon as you pick him up, he’s shouting as he sees Iwaizumi, trying to talk to the reporters. He catches Koichi’s waving hand and decides to take a break, going towards where you are as the crowd parts.

“How is the Oikawa family doing? I see Koichi is energetic,” he laughs, taking the boy from your arms.

“Ugh, as always. Don’t know where he gets it from, it’s not like his sister is bursting with energy all day,” you gesture to the child sleeping, despite the loud crowd.

“Well, definitely Oikawa’s kid. He sleeps through anything and so does she, jeez,” he sighs, but you just laugh. A few members of his team come over, excited by the new people.

“Iwa-chan, what’s this? Wife? Your kids?? You have kids???” A man with white and black hair says, giving Koichi a high five.

“Uh, no. They’re actually Oikawa’s wife and kids. I’m the favorite uncle, of course,”

“I wanna be the uncle! ‘Samu is never gonna get married, I need to be an amazing uncle somehow,” a man with platinum blond hair says, but he’s quickly pushed aside as a familiar face comes into view.

A face you didn’t want to see.

“[Y/N], I didn’t expect to see you here,” Ushijima says, tone as flat as ever. Iwaizumi takes on a forced smile as yours drops, a frown etched on.

“Didn’t expect to see you here either. Actually, ever again,”

“Oh?” The owlish man says, eyebrows quirked up as his eyes glance between the two of you.

“I see you moved on. I’m glad to see that,”

“No thanks to you,” the venom in your voice has Koichi turning to him, looking at the larger man with large eyes. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see the resemblance. He’s got the same hair color and eyes as the man in front of you, taking hardly any features from you. Not to mention, Koichi is showing signs of presenting as an Alpha.

“Darling, that’s where you were!” Oikawa shouts from over the crowd, them parting so he can mingle with the group around you. “I was wondering where my personal cheerleaders went to,” he smiles, pressing a kiss to your forehead. His eyes meet Ushijima’s and despite being unable to smell the tension, you can feel it. Reporters and guests alike back away as the overwhelming tension of two Alphas clash.

“Oikawa,” Ushijima says. Oikawa just tilts his head, looking over his opponent.

“I thought you’d look more defeated after I wiped the court with your ass, but I’m more disappointed in that. Emotionless as ever, aren’t you, Ushiwaka?”

“No, I wouldn’t say that,” he says, then looks to you. “I’ve been meaning to say something to you, [Y/N],”

“Trust me, I don’t want to hear it. You’re too late, Wakatoshi. You’re much too late,” you say, before nodding at Iwaizumi. “I’m leaving,”

Despite turning to leave, Oikawa taking Koichi away from his uncle and new “uncles”, despite being in the middle of a loud crowd, you can hear him. It’s quiet, almost as if he knows the words are weightless, holding nothing after years of his abandonment. Despite Oikawa’s bond pulsing, your heart still yearns for the other man, what he could have given you and what he did to you. Despite all this, you’ve fantasized about hearing those words, yet they do nothing.

“I’m sorry.”

Author’s Note: I’m sorry this took forever to publish but I hope it was worth the wait! I didn’t keep track of time while writing this, so if something seems wrong just ignore it. I might come back and fix it later but probably not lol ; Argentina residency rules and citizenship requirements were not consulted for this, seeing as it only took up like one sentence, but I might change it if I look more into it of course.

The day after is when Ushijima was informed by your distressed father, asking if he had heard the news. With his now-wife in the kitchen, making him breakfast, he listened to your father hold back his cries as he broke the news. Your funeral would be held soon, but family matters came first, so the wake would be held in the next two days. When his wife asked him what was the matter, he told her nothing. It was no longer his business. He left you hurt and broken, but this was not his place anymore. The invitation he received would not be used.

The next day was when he decided he would be attending your wake. A phone call from Tendō had him changing his decision, his sad voice asking if Ushijima can give the condolences he could not. Of course Ushijima would decide to go after that, giving your family a hefty amount of money and telling them it was his and Tendō’s condolence money. A trip to Japan suddenly was hard for Tendō, so hopefully your family would understand.

His wife seemed displeased at this event he’d be going to, but she said no more. He knew what she thought. She thought he wasn’t over you. Looking at her across the dinner table, he couldn’t find himself to blame her. The off-the-shoulder dress she adorned showed off her flawless skin — not a single bruise, hickey, or bond along it. After all, his mother was never bonded to his father, why would he force himself to bond to her?

But he bonded you.

He wonders if deep down inside, he did want to be with you. It would’ve never worked out, he tells himself when that thought flickers in his mind. A small candle he quickly snuffs out as soon as it’s lit, not wanting the flame to burn to bright nor too hot.

The day had finally arrived. Other Shiratorizawa alumni and peers of yours attended. A wake was held at your family’s house, to which he was also there. It was hard to ignore, but he felt out of place while people had their heads in their hands and continued to sob until tears stopped flowing. He felt sad, he shed a few tears, but not as much. Some friends of yours would look at him, glaring before looking back towards the altar.

Upon the altar, surrounded by flowers, especially your favorite, sat a picture of you. It looked like you — smiling joyfully as you held up a peace sign. In the back was the rest of the Shiratorizawa’s VBC. The picture was from last year, when he was still attending the school. You were only a second year, but you were the best manager for the team, even if they lost to Karasuno. A smile was plastered on your face, placed so freely and easily as if it was meant to never leave. Thinking back to when you left his house, you weren’t smiling.

That didn’t sit right with him.

When it was his time to be given a gift from the family members, your mother stopped him. “I’m glad you came. I’m sure she’s glad you came, too,” she said through her tears, a forced smile on her face. Ushijima wipes the tears away, before taking the gifts from her hands.

“I hope so, but I doubt it. Satori also gives his condolences. I know he’d be here if he wasn’t so far away,” he says, bowing. She thanks him and he leaves, but a friend of yours stops him before he can go too far.

“It’s your fault, you know. She wouldn’t be dead if you hadn’t left her,” they sneered, glaring at him despite the tears in their eyes and wavering lips. He sighs, but doesn’t dispute their claim. It isn’t his place to tell them where the blame lies. The blame lies in someone, whether that be him, them, your parents, society, or even you — it’s not up to him to tell them any different.

By the time Ushijima has made it to his car, his phone buzzes. From the hospital his wife goes to for checkups, he notes. Taking the call, he listens to the receptionist on the other end of the call.

“I’m sorry to inform you this way, sir, but your wife has suffered from a miscarriage,” she says. Ushijima feels his heartbeat increase as he feels his chest tighten. He won’t lie to himself and say he loves his wife — an arrangement forced by his mother with no room for love to bloom. However, the news of her miscarriage is news he didn’t expect or want to hear.

“Where...” he gulps, trying to stabilize his breathing. “Where is she?”

“She’s at the hospital. She won’t be able to leave for the next day or so, depending if she feels better and nothing is wrong with her. We’ll keep her overnight to check.”

“Thank you. I’ll come to get her tomorrow, then,” he ends the call there. He doesn’t question how she got there, if he should go, or if he should just sit in his car and watch people leave your wake. Sitting in his car doing exactly that, he decides going home to take in everything would be best.

Your funeral begins the next day at noon, Ushijima in attendance. With nobody at home, he feels as if this is a funeral for you and his miscarried child. He witnesses your family pay a hefty amount of money to give you a more elaborate name, most likely from the condolence money he offered to them. He thinks it’s fitting, given he didn’t do much when you were alive; in death, you’d benefit from his existence.

When the priest finishes the ceremony, the guests are able to see you upon your casket bed. Your mother weeps at the coffin, holding your favorite flowers to her chest while your father cries silently, rubbing his wife’s back. It’s a pitiful scene, but it does well to have tears springing into everyone’s eyes. Ushijima doesn’t have your favorite flowers, but rather a purple hyacinths and asphodel bouquet to place beside you. His place of choice? Above your heart, next to the bond he created. Despite the makeup and the kimono, he knows it’s there. He can sense it.

His sorrow comes from the lack of a beat behind the bond.

Once the funeral has come to a close, with your coffin being taken to the crematorium and your family moving to go follow, everyone is dismissed. However, your friend from before stops him before he can retreat to his car. “May I help you?”

“I saw the flowers you placed around her head. You do have a heart, apparently,” they scoffed, before moving to get off his car. A quick glance shows they didn’t damage it. “You shouldn’t have even been here. I wish she had never even met you and I regret telling her about the volleyball manager position.”

Ushijima doesn’t say a word back, but he does bow respectfully. They leave without looking back, letting him peacefully get into his car. He takes a couple of minutes to himself, knowing he has to go retrieve his wife from her hospital stay.

The drive home from the hospital was brutal. Silence hung in the air, Ushijima still dressed from when he attended your funeral. His wife sat in the passenger seat, yet had her eyes trained on the window and didn’t glance at him even once. He didn’t tell her he’d be going to your funeral as well, which might be why she’s upset, but he didn’t push an issue.

Arriving at home, she finally opened her mouth. “Your mother will be picking me up soon. She said she’ll take care of me while I properly recover.”

Once more, Ushijima says nothing. She scoffs, leaving the car to get her things. He doesn’t hurry, instead dragging his feet as he enters the house. It’s big and spacious, easy to feel alone in. When a knock resounds through the front room, Ushijima answers it to see his mother, the constant frown on her face as she looks up at him.

“I’ve come to get Mai.” Quick and to the point, as usual. She enters when he allows it, with his wife coming into the room shortly after. With barely any acknowledgement to his presence, his mother guides his wife out, rubbing her shoulder as she sniffles and spills some tears.

A click behind the door shutting really lets the silence settle. Ushijima trudges up to his bedroom, loosening his tie and shedding his jacket along the way. He changes into some more comfortable clothes, sitting on his edge of the bed while scrolling through the text messages Tendō has sent him throughout the day. Nothing of importance, but some of them do make him smile as it lights up the darkness life has forced upon him.

One of the messages is an old picture, one of Tendō and you throwing up a peace sign while smiling widely. Your eyes are shut while you grin, absolutely full of joy. With nobody around to witness his confession, nor the tears plinking against his phone screen, he doesn’t feel the need to snuff out the candle again. He doesn’t shove his feelings deep inside.

“I’m sorry, [Y/N]. I shouldn’t have let you go and I should have been honest. I truly do love you. I regret not standing up to my mother. I regret not having the strength to confront my mistake. But most of all,” he wipes a few tears, zooming in on your smiling face, a sorrowful smile on his face to mirror yours.

“I regret letting you leave that day.”

Author’s Note: This is the direct sequel to Regrets ; the flowers mentioned (purple hyacinths and asphodels) both represent a similar meaning — regret and “I’m sorry”, which I thought was fitting to the original work, as well as the other piece I’m working on. However, purple hyacinths also express the bearer’s sorrow and asks for forgiveness, which is where the title comes from for this piece.

The team was jumping and bouncing, giving out high fives as they did. Of course, they had to shake hands with the Adlers, bowing to the audience and thanking them for their support. When Bokuto did his classic ‘Bokuto Beam’ move towards the audience, you could hear the girls squealing and giggling. It isn’t like they didn’t do the same when Atsumu or Hinata waved to them, but it hit you different. After all, they were beautiful in your eyes, slim and flawless.

Oh, yes. You’re the MSBY Black Jackal’s manager, being a classmate of Hinata in his second and third year (as in you tutored him and helped manage the volleyball club with Yachi). Hinata was your first friend, which kind of sounds pathetic. It was, if you were being honest with yourself. Being heavier than the average girl at your school subjected you to bullying and pranks that ended with you crying until you threw up. Hinata never made you feel like that, though. He always made sure you were comfortable and every member of the club at Karasuno treated you like an angel. You ended up applying to be the MSBY manager when Hinata asked, saying they needed a manager and wondered if you could apply. Well, it was either that or finding a job at the circus, as your family would sneer at you. Truly, Hinata was the first to accept you.

Once you got the job, it was like being back at Karasuno, honestly. Everyone was friendly and treated you no differently than they would treat others. However, you wished one of them would treat you differently.

Bokuto.

He was the ace of the team, a goofy fella that could make anyone smile. Including you. Aside from Hinata, he made you feel accepted and made you forget about any woes and horrid thoughts you were facing. He didn’t know about them like Hinata did, but you were sure he’d treat you different if he knew.

Once everything was packed up, you and the coach headed out, the team not too far behind you.

“Shōyō-kun, that was one of yer best sets yet!” Atsumu cheerily piped up, walking behind Hinata. Hinata was right beside you, as he always was.

“I’m glad you think so! I don’t know if we can surprise the Adlers next time, though. Kageyama still knows my tricks,” he huffed as he finished his statement, putting his hair down so he could mock Kageyama. You giggled at his antics.

“Alright, change up and meet at the bus in 10 minutes, let’s go!” Coach commanded. Each member voiced their acquiescence. You decided to use this opportunity to go to the bathroom. After all, their match lasted almost an hour, if not more.

In the restrooms, you were almost done when you heard a bunch of girls giggling as they entered. Instead of leaving, you stayed in place, waiting for them to go.

You wish you hadn’t.

“Gosh, those boys are so attractive!” One of them said. Two voices agreed.

“Have you seen Atsumu and Kageyama? They’re both so hot!”

“I was too focused on that number 12,” oh no, “Bokuto, I think? He’s a good looking man, bet he has the stamina of a god, too,”

“Yeah, it’s a shame their brand is ruined by that mascot of theirs.” What?

“Mascot? Oh! You mean the pig? Yeah, she does put a damper on everything, doesn’t she? Imagine being that attractive and having that thing follow you around!” The girl cackled, her friends following suit. You felt your stomach drop, tears springing in the corner of your eyes as you listened to them.

It was easy to forget you were different when you with the team since they made you feel normal, but that didn’t mean others wouldn’t notice you.

The girls eventually left, the door slamming shut behind them. Whether they came in there to do makeup or just talk shit about you knowing you were in there didn’t matter. Not when you were crumpled up on the floor as sobs wracked your frame. Life sucks.

It’s not like you didn’t try! That’s the other thing! You try to lose weight and nothing happens, exercising doesn’t do much and diets are practically useless. You used to go to the gym, but stopped when you kept getting stares. You also used to run with Hinata in the mornings, but since he was so much faster than you, you stopped. What’s the point if you’re panting and breathless after a minute while he’s still going strong after 30 minutes? It felt like nothing would ever help.

A buzzing interrupted your crying fest, you sniffling as you wipe away the tears and look at the screen. It’s from the groupchat, Hinata asking if you’re okay and they were all at the bus. You typed back a quick ‘K’ and got up. The best you could hope for was nobody would point out the red eyes and the sniffling.

Hinata knew of your troubles, being there for you when you broke down in school more often than not. When you confided that he was the first person you felt comfortable with, it broke him. Seeing you had bottled up your emotions because nobody bothered to listen or care, it made him want to include you in his life. He would invite you over for dinner and his sister would excitedly talk to you, never making you feel uncomfortable. When he heard that you were in Osaka, he immediately called you up about being the MSBY manager.

He also knew of your crush on Bokuto. It was obvious to him, with how you looked at the ace with longing. Hinata even encouraged you to confess, but that was quickly dismissed when you told Hinata how you felt like Bokuto deserved better than someone like you. Bokuto was muscular, attractive, and charming — in your eyes, he deserved to be with someone his equal. That did not mean you. Hinata knew of your troubles, but he also knew of Bokuto’s. Bokuto has a crush on you, too, finding himself more accepted with you around. Contrary to the ace’s personality, he was insecure in a lot of things. He wasn’t very smart, which was often pointed out by others. He knew when someone was upset, though, so he always knew he needed to make you feel better.

Once you arrived at the bus, Hinata greeted you as everyone else had boarded. “What’s wrong?”

“The same old thing, you know,” you sniffle, your voice cracking as you remember the hateful words. Hinata’s face soured as you said those words. Back in high school, he would sit down and cry with you. Now, he was tired of you still being picked on as an adult.

“Immature, that’s what they are. Come on, we’re gonna stop by that restaurant you love.” Oh great, food. You may have been starving when the match ended, but after the incident, you just wanted to go home and cry. You numbly nodded and followed Hinata onto the bus. The coach didn’t bother pointing out anything, but he sent you a sad look when he noticed the red eyes on you. You sadly smiled and continued to your seat, behind the coach as the bus started to move. Curling into your jacket, you tried to think of something else.

The restaurant was a disaster. Everyone had been excited and gotten off the bus when a bunch of fangirls came up to them. You had just smiled and shook your head, feeling better already. At least, you had been until the girls noticed you and gave you looks of disgust. It was short lived, their attention turning back to the boys, so you briskly walked off, into the restaurant, away from the crowd. It took almost 5 minutes for the girls to leave, but you refused to eat anything other than a salad and drink water. Even then, you excused yourself to the restroom to take a break, crying and attempting to force yourself to throw up. Once home, you locked the front door and let your emotions spill out. Crying and screaming was common, so that’s what you did. Then came the process — getting rid of any reflective surface. Turning off the lights, turning on the tv, covering the mirrors with sheets, closing the blinds, shutting out any possibility of looking at yourself. Even with nobody around, those words and looks stuck and struck deep, you eventually curling into yourself on your bed as you cried yourself to sleep.

The next day came, your alarm ringing and the sound bouncing off the walls. You turned it off, completely turning off your phone. Instead of dealing with alarms and people, you’d suffer alone behind the comfort of your home.

The team was worried, you were never late. Bokuto was more pouty than normal, your cheerful greeting missing from his morning and his bear hug. Atsumu also missed your cheerful greeting, asking Hinata if he knew of anything. When Hinata said he did not, he texted and called you, receiving no answer.

Okay, then he’d go to you.

Hinata had stayed at your apartment before, spending the night or just to hang out. Sometimes he brings you food and snacks when you need it, or he just checks on you. He has a spare key in case of anything and he’s glad he does when the door’s locked with no answer. He calls you once more time, knocking until he hears something. It’s faint, but it sounds like movement. So, you’re awake. But not answering the door. Sighing, he unlocks the door.

The apartment is not surprising to him, the windows covered and reflective surfaces covered. He was afraid of this, but he continues on. When he reaches your room, he hears more sniffling and crying. “[Y/N]?”

“Leave me be, Shōyō,”

“[Y/N], please. The team misses you,”

“Fuck off. I’m a charity case to them, I know it. Why else would they keep me around? I should just wallow away,” your voice sounds tired, the thought of the boys sticking with you out of pity a common thought you’ve had.

A thought that isn’t true, but breaks Hinata’s heart. “You know that’s not true. Everyone loves you! Even Bokuto,”

“Shōyō, shut up. Empty words do nothing. Maybe it’d be better if I just... stayed here. Maybe I should just end the misery,”

“Do not. Talk like that. Please.” Hinata’s voice cracks with each word. He knew you were bad, but you could pretend like everything was fine. He should’ve known the harsh treatment yesterday would affect you like this. He should’ve spent the night with you when you ordered a salad and a water. He should’ve told the coach or Meian when you went to the bathroom for 10 minutes that you were trying to throw up. Your lie of there being a line was obvious, a common excuse after a long time away. Hinata felt his chest tighten as he realized you didn’t answer him. “I’m getting Bokuto.”

“Shōyō! Don’t you dare!” Your screams do nothing as he basically runs out your apartment, you flinging the door open to see him gone. You start crying more, afraid that Bokuto will see just how pathetic you are. If he ever looked at you with disgust, the way everyone else does, you don’t know if you could continue on with your life.

Maybe it’d be better that way.

Bokuto doesn’t really know what’s going on, one moment he’s stretching and the next he’s running to the train station with Hinata’s words repeating over and over again.

‘[Y/N] needs you’

Bokuto’s first thought immediately went into the gutters, a blush coating his cheeks until Hinata continued.

‘I think she’s in trouble’

With those two sentences, Bokuto ran off, forgetting his bag and just taking his phone with him. He only needed his phone, really. Strange stares from the public didn’t bother him, he knows he’s still wearing his practice clothes and his knee pads, the material looking like leggings. He made it to the train station before it left, getting on and calling Hinata back.

“Bokuto?”

“I’m on the train, is everything okay?” He was panting, the train station being a bit away from the practice gym. He didn’t even bother sitting, just standing beside the doors.

“I don’t know. She’s.. She’s in a bad place. She won’t listen to me, but she’ll listen to you,” Hinata’s words are slightly muffled, sniffling accompanying his sentence. The words make Bokuto’s chest tighten.

“I don’t know what I can do, you’re her best friend. What could I do?”

“She’s in love with you. Has been for a while, actually. I know you can help her where I can’t. Just — I’ll give you her apartment key when you get to the station. Once I do, please go to her. Please,”

“I—“ Bokuto’s eyes are wide, his face definitely pink now. He’s still worried about you, but the idea of you actually liking him — no, loving him the same way he loves you, it makes him giddy. It gives him the push he needs to make it to you.

As soon as the doors open, there’s Hinata, holding a key ring for him to take. Bokuto doesn’t hesitate, a quick nod in Hinata’s direction before he rushes off to your apartment complex. All of the boys have been to your apartment before, but Bokuto and Hinata are the only ones who know the way to the place. Bokuto has gotten a bit drunk before and ended up crashing at your place, as well as just staying there when practices run late since his place is the farthest away from their practice gym.

Arriving at the apartment, he slides the key in and turns the knob, momentarily confused at the sheets covering your glass coffee table and the TV, but he continues in. He knocks on your bedroom door. “[Y/N]? Are you in here?” When he gets no response, he freaks out. Turning the knob, he notices you’re not in there, but there are more sheets covering things, as well as the blinds being shut. Even more confused, he turns back to the hallway and notices the bathroom door is closed. Fear strikes him as he thinks he knows why you’re not answering — he hopes he’s wrong.

When he opens the door, he realizes he was partially right. With a bottle of wine pressed to your lips, an empty pill bottle in one hand, your eyes wide as Bokuto’s golden eyes met yours. A brief moment of anger flashed across his face before you were forced over the toilet, his thick fingers going down your throat.

“Shtap!” Your muffled voice comes out, gagging around his fingers as he attempts to activate your gag reflex. He doesn’t stop, your squirming easily quelled against his strong grip on your arms pinning them back. You feel the bile rise and then you’re expelling the contents of your stomach into the toilet, coughing and sputtering as the painkillers you just took are now emptied into the porcelain bowl. Bokuto doesn’t let go of you as you cry, trying to get out of his hold.

He doesn’t know what he should bring up first, the fact Hinata called him over or the fact he caught you in the middle of a suicide attempt. You’re screaming and telling him to get off of you, but he instead holds you closer, your sobs fading as tears spill out of his own eyes, staining the hoodie you’re in. “Why would you do that?” He whispers.

You don’t know how to respond to that, instead choosing the phrase, “why not?” His face scrunches up and you don’t know if he’s in pain or angry as he shakes you.

“Why would you do that?! Don’t you know how many people would be distraught over you? Hinata would be inconsolable! Who would TsumTsum and I joke with? Did you even think about that? Did you think about me?” His voice is loud and it makes you cry harder, the weight of his words hitting deep. Bokuto’s been there for you through a lot and you’ve been facing all your problems on your own. “You can’t just do that! That’s selfish!”

“Why would it matter, Bo? What’s the point? I can’t face myself let alone face my feelings! Why not just stop hurting?” You’re both crying, him holding onto you tightly as you dry heave a bit, a stinging in the back of your throat and an arrow in your heart.

“Why can’t you face your feelings? You have Hinata and me!” Before you can tell him something else, he presses his lips to your forehead. You freeze. “I don’t know what I’d do if you left me. I don’t think I could live without you,” He dryly chuckles, tears still streaking down his face. You hiccup and look down, afraid to face him.

“You don’t mean that. You’re trying to make me feel better, I know. Just be honest with your feelings. I’m already low enough, no reason to keep up appearances,” more tears come out as you try to not break into another fit. Bokuto would never look at you the same you looked at him, especially not after seeing you like this. You couldn’t blame him, you look like a mess in your old sweatpants and the old hoodie that felt too tight even if it was one of the largest sizes you could find. Your hair is no better, hasn’t been brushed and you’ve been in bed for a while.

“Hinata said you loved me—“

“Stop,”

“So I came because he said he was worried—“

“You don’t need to say it,”

“If I had been a second later—“

“Stop it, please,”

“I wouldn’t have been able to tell you my feelings—“

“Please, don’t,” you cover your face, tears blurring your vision anyways. Bokuto removes your hands, looking into your eyes. His own are full of warmth and love, not disgust or regret. It makes you cry more, a horrible wail as you dive into his chest. He laughs as his arms wrap around you, comforting in these dark moments.

“I love you, you know? I have for a while,”

“Why? What do you see in me? What could I possibly have to attract you? I’m not—“

“Don’t say it. Don’t say ‘I’m not like other girls’, because everyone’s different. You make me want to be a better man, you make me excited for each new day. Nobody can compare to you,”

“I can’t.. I’m sorry, I can’t trust you. I’ve— I’ve been made fun of for too long, I want to trust you, I want to love you, I want to be with you, but I don’t know if my heart can take another one,”

“Another— what?”

“It’s a long story, I don’t want to bore you,”

“Baby, I’m not going anywhere,” he nuzzles your cheek, more tears spilling out as your chest tightens with love.

You decided to explain to him what happened in the past and how you trusted Hinata. Bokuto brought you to your room and made you some tea, brought a bottle of water, and also made you a snack. The thought of eating made you feel sick, but a pouty buff man had you slowly nibbling on the piece of toast. You hadn’t eaten since dinner the previous day, so you wanted to inhale it, but you didn’t think you could stomach it.

After explaining everything to Bokuto, you tried to laugh it off, saying it wasn’t a big deal, but he refused to accept that. A quick call to Hinata to let him know you were okay and that Bokuto would be taking a day off was the next step, letting Bokuto stay with you for the rest of the day. He didn’t want to leave you alone, the fear of almost losing you still making his heart race in a bad way. Even as you just scrolled through InstaGram on your phone, he worried if he left you’d go back to the dark headspace. He couldn’t stop it, but he figured he could prevent it.

The first thing to change your mood is get you in the shower.

When he bounced back into your room, you looked at him from your position. You looked exhausted, the toast only half eaten but the glass was empty. Bokuto shook his head and clicked his tongue. “You need to refresh yourself. Time to take a shower!”

“What are you, my dad? If you want me to do it then make me,” You muttered, snuggling back under the covers. Bokuto closed his eyes and sighed, trying to not say anything sexual.

“I will throw you over my shoulder and into the bathroom. Don’t underestimate me, [Y/N],” the bed dips as he sits on the edge. “I’ll strip you down and wash you if I have to,”

“Why are you so forceful? Damn,” you made it sound like a bad thing, but you were smiling. “Fine, I’ll shower. You don’t gotta wash me, I’m not a baby,”

“But you’re my baby?” He sounded so confused, you freezing half out of the bed. Clearing your throat, you continued.

“Uh, sure. Are you planning on leaving soon? Or..”

“Nope! I’m staying over. I’ll change the sheets while you shower, too!”

“Oh, okay,” you say, numbly getting up to get clothes. With the lack of clean clothes, you have a few shirts and some pajama pants, but your stomach twists as you realize why they’re clean. They don’t fit as nicely as the other clothes, so you face two options: reuse the hoodie you’re wearing or face the humiliation of putting on a tight shirt. Thinking of the restriction, you decide the hoodie would be best. A large pair of pajama pants and a pair of panties is all you take, but Bokuto notices the lack of clothes.

“Are you just changing your pants? You’re showering, right?” Hes rifling through his bag, planning on changing out his practice clothes while you’re in the shower. He doesn’t want to get your clean sheets dirty, after all.

“Um, I’m out of shirts, so.. I’ll just reuse the hoodie,” you shrug, not seeing a problem. His eyes light up as he holds a finger up, digging through his bag once more. Apparently, Hinata dropped it off while you were taking a nap, all that crying had exhausted you. Bokuto smiles brightly as he pulls out his own hoodie, the black hoodie with the golden MSBY brand and the Black Jackal claws. “I don’t think—“

“I’ve been dreaming of you in my hoodie for some time, so this is a perfect opportunity! I’d prefer you to wear this,”

“Uh, I’m pretty big, Bokuto. I don’t think it’ll fit, if I’m being honest,” you look down at the ground, the disgust from earlier rising in your chest. Bokuto just tilts his head to the side.

“I think it’ll fit. It’s pretty big on me, so it’ll fit. If it doesn’t, let me know. I’ll get you something else,” he just shrugs, holding out the hoodie. His name is on the back and in a way, it feels like he’s marking his territory. You take it, thanking him as you head towards the bathroom. If it didn’t fit, you didn’t know what you’d do.

When you finished washing up, you put on the clothes. As big as Bokuto was, you still didn’t expect the hoodie to fit. When it slid on easily, you were highly surprised, but also it took you a moment to collect yourself. Seeing you in his hoodie was something out of your wildest dreams, him even telling you he’s fantasized about it making your body hotter than it should be. You had to calm yourself down before exiting the bathroom, entering the bedroom to see him lying on the bed in sweatpants. That’s it.

“Where the hell are your clothes?!” You cover your face, spreading your fingers a bit to see him stand up excitedly.

“You look so good in my hoodie!” He hugged you tightly, lifting you up a bit.

“Don’t pick me up, put on a shirt!” The only thing separating your skin from his was the hoodie which, well, wasn’t very thick. The zipper itself was as high as it could go but still felt too low.

“Why? Don’t I look good? Are you uncomfortable?”

“Yes, you look good and I’m uncomfortable. This is just a weird situation,” you try to explain... as if you had a shred of dignity left. The laptop propped open with the opening of your favorite movie caught your attention. “Are you gonna watch a movie?”

“We’re gonna watch it! To make you feel better, of course!” He seemed so proud of himself, standing with his fists on his hips as he smiled. You shook your head, rolling your eyes.

“Okay, then. Do you want snacks?”

“Snacks?!”

After getting snacks for the movie, to which he fed you some while you fed him, you ended up falling asleep as you watched the movie. It was nice and warm under the covers and Bokuto’s body heat right next to you helped to lull you to sleep. He didn’t seem to notice you falling asleep until your head hit his shoulder, eyes closed as you peacefully slept. After pressing a kiss to your forehead, he closed to laptop and got comfortable under the sheets. The worry of him losing you was still there, but he kept his arms around you tightly in case it was a dream. Like you, he hoped it wasn’t.

Waking up wasn’t that bad, an urge to quench your dry throat a common thing to wake up to. What wasn’t common, however, was the thing poking your butt. Now fully awake, you tried to shoot up in bed to see what was going on but Bokuto’s arms held you down. It was then you realized what was poking you. Attempting to get his arms off of you was a hard feat, trying to squeeze out of the grip when he moaned. You froze and looked at his face, still asleep. Attempting to move again, he let out another one. It didn’t take a genius to figure it out.

He was having a wet dream. In your bed. Beside you.

Your immediate thought was who? Your next thought was me? You dismissed that idea, rolling your eyes as if that could happen. Well, until your name came past his lips. You were surprised to hear it, even if he showed and attempted to prove his feelings for you. Him dreaming of you subconsciously? It gave you confidence.

Enough confidence to wake him up and let him continue his dream in reality? No.

But, you didn’t think you’d have another dark episode anytime soon. He didn’t seem to relent his grip on your body, so you dealt with it, staring at the wall in the dark as he continued his noises. Well, at least until he bucked his hips. You gasped as he did, him waking up to your noise. “You ‘kay? Somethin’ wrong?”

Wide eyes looked at him, before glancing down and flickering back up. He follows your eyes and his face goes red. It’s hard to tell in the dark, but the moonlight coming in from the uncovered window illuminates enough. “I am so sorry, I’ll le—“

“Why?” You can’t stop yourself from asking, immediately smacking your forehead. He’s a bit confused from your actions, but you continue. “Um, I’d, uh- I’d like to know what you dreaming about.” Confidence? Yeah, right. You’re practically shaking from the fear of his answer. Of course, it was your name but you could’ve heard wrong, right? Yeah, you—

“My boner speaks for itself, doesn’t it?” Does he have shame? You just look at him so exasperated as he just stares at you, not too sure what you were expecting. “Or do you not know?”

“I— Okay. Was it me?”

“Who... who else would it be?”

“Oh, okay. Why?” You’re both so confused, you not understanding the appeal while he’s not understanding why it’s so weird. Or confusing.

“Why not? I’m in the bed with my girlfriend, longtime crush, who I find extremely attractive? Is this too much? Is it wrong for me to, um, wanna do that? Or dream about it?” No shame!

“I’m still having problems seeing things from your perspective, but okay. Still cannot see the appealing side of me, so it’s just... it’s weird for me to actually realize you like that. You actually,” you gulp, “like me,”

“I’ll say it as many times as I need to, [Y/N]. You’re perfect in my eyes. I want you to see that in your eyes, too,”

“I cannot, if ever, do that. Sorry,” you just shrug, going back to lay down. It isn’t long until he’s straddling you. “What are you doing?”

“I want to make you see things how I do. You gave me this,” he gestured to the bulge in his sweatpants. Looking at it too long scares you, the size scaring you more. “I want you,”

“Oh my god, I’m being dead serious now: you are not gonna like what you see. I’m not attractive, Bo,”

“Let me be the judge of that, hm?” It’s the only thing he says, but you hesitantly nod. He smiles and as much as you want to enjoy it, you’re still shaking. You have no idea what’s coming next, you don’t know what he’s gonna do once he sees what’s underneath and it scares you. So badly. His hands go underneath your—his hoodie, running over your skin. “If you’re scared, I can stop. I don’t want to push you into anything,”

“It’s not that, I just can’t see what you see. But I want to. I want to see myself in your eyes, if you can do that,”

“All you gotta do is give me a signal if you want me to stop. I’ll try my best but you’re gonna have to relax, baby,” he has no idea what his words are doing to you. You just nod as he smiles, leaning down to kiss your forehead. He isn’t rough and excited, but rather gentle and soothing. Hands running under the hoodie eventually go up to the zipper, slowly pulling it down. It’s a small thing, but you notice his eyes flickering to your face for any sign of distress. Evening your breathing, you let him completely pull the zipper down as your skin is completely bare to him. You hide your face in shame, ready to apologize and have a million excuses lined up, but he doesn’t let that happen when he starts licking your chest.

“Oh!” Your hands thread through his hair, softer than you expected as it barely brushes against your skin. His eyes are still on you, your fingers moving his strands away so he could clearly see you and you, him. The way his predatory gaze latches onto your face has heat pooling between your legs, rubbing them together to create some kind of friction. Keeping his tongue connected to your skin, his eyes on yours, he moves onto one of your breasts. Popping your nipple into his mouth, he swirls the perked nipple in his mouth as his hand tweaks your other nipple. You’re panting, your head is thrown back as he continues. Soon enough, just rolling your nipples in between his fingers is not enough.

Gathering spit in his mouth, he lets it dribble onto your skin. It’s warm and slick, when he smears it across your other breast as goes back to tweaking your nipples. You look down at what he’s doing only to find him grinning devilishly at you. He then goes down to your stomach, biting into the flesh there. “Bokuto!”

“What? I just wanna taste you,” he shrugs, before licking the area he bit. He has a lot of spit, too, sucking into your flesh and leaving behind a bite mark and his saliva. It’s.. kind of gross, but hot. When he comes back up to your face, he pushes his lips against yours so forcefully that you’re reeling back, mouth opening as he slips his tongue in. It’s a deep, passionate kiss as he runs his hands over your body, squeezing anything he can as he slips his fingers into your pants. “May I?”

“Of course.” Once he has the okay, he moves back down, occasionally leaving love bites as he does. Pulling down your pants, he finds himself face to face with your damp panties. You don’t have time to get embarrassed, however, when he sticks his nose into your crotch and licks the fabric. “What is up with you and licking?” You giggle, finding humor in it. He just pops back up, shrugging. You giggle again, throwing your head back in the pillows. He goes to pull down your panties, sliding them down your legs until they’re completely off. Except for his hoodie, you’re completely naked.

Now if only you could have his cum in you, then would his wet dream be complete. However, there was one more thing he’s always wanted to try, but he’s worried you’ll be against it. “Babe?”

“Is something wrong?”

“No! No! Nothing’s wrong!” He hates how your mind immediately goes negative. Your shoulders relax and your wide eyes slowly lessen as you realize nothing wrong, yet. “Um, can you sit on my face?”

“Bokuto, I don’t-“

“C’mon, please? I’ve always wanted to try it! Especially between them delicious thick thighs of yours,” he then licked his lips with a resounding moan. Although embarrassed, you roll your eyes.

“If I’m too heavy, let me know. I’ll— I’ll get off,” you prop yourself up on your hands, feeling his spit ooze down your body. “You have a lot of spit. Reminds me of how much you sweat,”

“I produce a lot of liquids, y’know?” If it wasn’t for his wiggling eyebrows as he widely grins, you would not know he meant it to be sexual.

“Lay down!”

“Yes, ma’am,” he excitedly gets on his back, his bulge much more prominent than before now that it’s just there. You can see it. You’re still hesitant, but eventually move to straddle his face. He helps you, easily maneuvering your dripping cunt over his mouth. With his strong hands, he forces you down on top of him to the point where your legs can’t keep you up. You attempt to get up, afraid you’re crushing him but he keeps you firmly planted on his face.

A growl erupts from his throat when he gets tired of your squirming, you halting your movements as you try to calm down. His thumbs run over the skin of your thighs to try and soothe you. And it works. You’re feeling lightheaded as he sucks and licks your cunt and probably makes it messier than it is. He brushes his teeth over your clit, sending shivers down your spine as you moan from the feeling. With a grin, you can tell, he gets to work on tongue fucking you as well as sucking on your clit. It isn’t long until your fingernails are digging into his abdomen as you let out a high moan as you come undone on his face. He moans himself, using his thick tongue to gather up every ounce you produced. He also makes a loud slurping noise as he cleans it up.

You move off of him, panting as you look at him. He looks absolutely blissed out, like he saw Nirvana and Heaven all at once. You smile at him, his own smile wide and proud. He immediately gets up, pushing hips lips against yours once more as he licks the corners of your mouth. He is quickly moving to pull down his sweatpants and boxers, but hesitates. “You sure you want this?”

“You aren’t allowed to stop now,” you giggle as he glows, pulling down his pants. Your eyes go wide as you realize how big he actually is. The bulge in his pants was nothing. It is scary, you wondering if it’ll fit.

“Everything okay? Do you— Do you not want it?” He sounds so sad, you immediately coo at him, forgetting the third leg he has.

“No, no, no baby! It’s just— you’re very big. I did not expect that. Just be gentle, yeah?”

“Of course!” Another kiss to your lips, this one more of a peck than a passionate open mouthed kiss. “Can you get on your hands and knees?” You listen to him, rolling over on your stomach before getting in position. This way, you don’t have to worry about seeing him and can focus on what he’s doing, so it’s better in a way. Really, Bokuto just wants to end the night with you on your back and he plans on having you shaking from multiple orgasms before it’s over. He guides his cock to your entrance, a shaky breath leave him as his tip brushes against your folds. You shiver yourself, feeling yourself about to cry, but you wait.

Once he pushes into you, the tears come out for a different reason. “I’m sorry, it’ll feel better in a moment,” he licks your cheek, nuzzling you. You nod as you try to relax, him continuing to push into you. It isn’t until he nudged against your cervix does he stop. Even then, he is still not completely in you. He focuses on evening his breathing, inhaling your shampooed hair. It’s hard to not blow his load so quickly, you squeezing him so tightly. You’re nice and snug, though, your walls eventually relaxing as he stays inside.

“You can— you can move, Bo,”

“Fuck yeah,” he grunts, pulling out only to roughly thrust into you. You lurch forward from the thrust, immediately dropping your mouth open to moan as he sets a steady pace. It’s not fast or slow, but he’s definitely rough with his thrusts. It’s the grunts that really do you in, the way his hands grab at your ass and hips, sounds of pleasure coming from his as sinks his cock into your cunt that has you tightening around him. With a mewl, you have another orgasm and he curses, a low “shit” coming out as he struggles to pull out. He leans down to put his mouth next to your ear, biting the shell as he continues. He doesn’t even break a sweat as he does, stilling himself deep inside you as he lets out a low groan, your eyes scrunch together as you whimper. His cum fills you up to the brim, his hips swiveling to make sure he’s all done.

Well, for that round.

You’re panting heavily as he leaves you, leaning back as he watches your legs shake. His cum oozes out of you, your cunt clenching as it makes more pour out. It’s a beautiful reality, but he wants more. You’re soon flipped onto your back as he is over you again, his hands on the back of your knees, pushing them up. It’s not uncomfortable, but it’s not a very comfortable position, either. Confusion is etched in your face as he does, but his lidded eyes as he licks his lips tell you he’s not done. You’re exhausted, but he’s not.

He wastes no time in sinking himself back into you, his eyes focused on your face as you moan. His grin is almost evil, the way his lips stretch as he bottoms out inside you before roughly thrusting into you. It didn’t take long for another orgasm to start to buildup in you, your head thrown back as your back arches, your head turned to the side as he leans down to lick and bite your collarbone, sinking his teeth into the soft flesh. His hands find yours, intertwining his fingers with yours as he brings them up to your head. You focus on the way his arms flex, the muscles bulging with each thrusts as he puts every ounce of effort into the action. It really shows to how much he loves you and your body.

Even with all the marks on your body, even with all the places he’s touched and licked, that gnawing thought of you worrying nags him. The thought that you’ll still not know just how much he loves you. The thought that you’ll think it was a one time thing. He needs to know you know. He needs to know you’re seeing things in his perspective now. One hand leaves yours, it finding itself around your throat.

“Say my name,” he grunts, alternating his gaze between your face and his cock disappearing inside you. It’s something he’ll never get over. Maybe next time, he can record you two.

“B-Bo—“

“No, my given name. I want you to scream it,” his grip on your neck gets tighter, your walls tightening at the same time. He groans as he throws his head back, his thrusts slowing down as he drags his cock against your walls. “I want your neighbors to know who’s fucking you,”

“You, Kōtarō!” You loudly moan, humming in pleasure as he picks up the pace.

“Who’s making you feel this good? Who does your little cunt belong to?”

“God, you! It belongs to Kōtarō!” You scream, your eyes rolling back as his hands go back to under your knees, pushing them up to your chest. It’s hard to breathe, but you’re clamping down on his cock as a sheen of white forms around it, your slick dripping down your ass and down his balls. The last urge he needed to fuck you like an animal was that, you screaming his name. Your ands wrap around his neck, the material of his jacket rubbing against his thick neck as your nails take down his back. Hissing, he fucks you faster and harder, determination set to get you to one more orgasm. It doesn’t take long, your mouth hanging open as you come undone for one last time, him burying himself as far as he can as he spills another load into you. It’s heavy and fulfilling, but it’s wonderful. A wonderful feeling of being loved.

As you both come down from your highs, he gives you another sloppy kiss. Instead of pulling out, he released your legs and lays on his side, taking you with him.

“Shouldn’t we clean up?”

“That can wait. I don’t wanna leave quite yet,” he pants out, another sloppy kiss. Like he can’t get enough.

Really though, he can’t. He loves you too much

Iwaizumi

> It’s Oikawa’s fault, as usual. He got sick the day before he promised to go with his sister to some orchestra show and to sightsee. It was supposed to be a bonding day for them, but he came down with the flu and Iwaizumi was kindly volunteered to take his place. As in Oikawa begged him.

> It was fine, they got ice cream afterwards and she wanted to take a picture to remember the day. He took the picture and sent it to the group chat, letting Oikawa know his sister was having fun. The boys all laughed and congratulated Iwaizumi for going on a date with such a “bombshell”, as Makki said.

> You think it was an accident, which makes the pain sting more. He’d share his cheating with his friends so easily, it’s sickening. You immediately shut off your phone after that, deciding to not deal with it.

> The next day, when Iwaizumi goes to greet you, you continue walking. It’s something everyone notices, but nobody says anything. Makki and Mattsun give each other similar looks of ‘oh shit’ while Oikawa is still missing.

> Once Oikawa is back to proper shape, you welcome him back with a big hug. It’s the most emotion you’ve shown all week and Iwaizumi gets pissed. He continues to ignore you, though. He finds it hard to continue, though, when you start flirting with Oikawa.

> Mattsun fills Oikawa in on the situation while a plan forms in Iwaizumi’s head. He knows he did something wrong, but what? He decides to apologize anyways. Not having you talk to him was putting him on edge, worrying him.

> The next day, Oikawa tells you Iwaizumi won’t be attending since he’s busy. At first, you got worried, but when Oikawa winked at you, your face felt hot as anger boiled. You figured it would come to this, but it still hurts more than you thought. Then, Oikawa tells you he forgot his knee pad and could you go get it for him. As the helpful manager, you oblige. It’s not like anyone is in the locker room.

“What’s this?” Your voice cracks as you stare at Iwaizumi. He’s standing in the room, holding flowers and an apology note. His face is a dark shade of pink, his eyes glancing at you before going back to the floor.

“An apology. I’m sorry for being a bad boyfriend,” he says, clearly and cleanly. His palms are sweaty, but he is able to at least speak properly. “I don’t know what I did—“

“Oh, please. You’re tired of me, I get it. You don’t have to go apologizing on my account. Shouldn’t you be with the brunette girl?” You feel hot tears streaming down your face, quickly wiping them away as Iwaizumi looks at you, dumbfounded.

“Brunette— do you mean Shittykawa’s sister?” A confused look crosses your face as he groans, running a hand down his face. “Fuck, I forgot to tell you. Shittykawa made me fill in for him and go sightseeing with his sister. He didn’t ask before telling her, but she watched over us as kids, so I figured it wouldn’t hurt to just hang out. I didn’t think it’d be a big deal,”

“Not a big deal, Hajime? Not a big deal? I honestly thought you were bragging! It didn’t help Makki was all like ‘oh man she’s so hot’ in the chat!” Tears are freely falling now, as your blink away the blurriness. “I thought you had just gotten tired of me,”

“Baby, no, never,” he shushes you, hugging you. It’s nice to be talking to him, wrapped in his arms. It’s a sweet and tender moment, relaxing in his hold as he whispers apologies and sweet nothings into your hair, shifting on the balls on his feet as you follow suit. It’s not until you’re pressed against the cold metal of the lockers do you look at him. His face sports a familiar look, one that always has your knees buckling to his command.

“Hajime, not now,” you whimper, feeling his warm hands sliding underneath your shirt. Had you been in your uniform, you’d most likely have his hand down your panties right now. He just presses a kiss to your temple, hands moving the waistband of your pants.

“I gotta remind you that I’m all yours, baby. And you’re all mine, so don’t ever go flirting with Shittykawa again,” he growls out, sending heat down to your core.

Tendō

> So first off, your relationship with him is on the down-low as in the only person outside the relationship who knows is Ushijima because Tendō cannot keep a secret from his BFF. You wanted it to be a secret because you did like him when he confessed, but your friends would tease you for dating him. Coach Washijo didn’t allow his player to date, so it was a secret relationship.

> However, when a girl ended up flirting with Tendō because she wanted a free pass to see the games, you wished it wasn’t so secretive. He was obviously flirting with her, enjoying the attention, while you listened from the girls’ bathroom. When he called her a “pretty lady” though? You felt your world shatter. He never called you that.

> The following practice, you passed by the gymnasium doors to see that girl standing outside them. A brief glance in her direction before continuing on your way, back to the dorms. You didn’t text Tendō the rest of the day.

> Tendō was frantically looking for you, wondering what he did wrong. When that girl was outside the gym and not you, he panicked. It was lunchtime, so he expected you to be in your class. When he got there, you were gone.

> He asked your friends, but they didn’t give him an answer, asking him “why does it matter?” So he went back to perusing the halls, looking for your familiar hair color or your voice. He heard a male’s voice first. Then your laugh.

> Turning a corner, he saw your hand on some guy’s bicep, a smile on your face. He recognized the stranger as the dude who tried to date every girl in his grade. Why were you talking to him? Another giggle had him moving towards the two of you.

“Why don’t you and I, I don’t know, meet up for some drinks after school? There’s a good milkshake joint nearby,” he grins, flashing his bright teeth. It would make most girls keel to his demands, but you’re different.

“Oh, I’d love to—“

“But she’s my girlfriend, loser,” Tendō sneers, his hand gripping your elbow as he drags you away.

“Tendō-san, what are you doing?” You attempt to resist his pulling, but he doesn’t let up. “I thought I was barely a classmate to you,”

“Yeah, well who gave you the right to flirt with some fuck boy?” He looks down at you, anger flashing across your face. The guy is still standing there, watching.

“Oh, I figured I wasn’t a priority to you. After all, you called that other bitch a ‘pretty girl’, so what’s up? I don’t get a cute name like that, except ‘girlfriend’?” You wrench your arm free. “Leave me alone, Tendō. Go to that other girl,”

“You mean Hana? Ōno Hana? The girl who’s crushing on Wakatoshi-kun?” He raises a brow. “As if she’d like me. I was complimenting her because she was anxious about talking to Wakatoshi-kun,”

“Well, it didn’t seem like that. I listened to the conversation. Leave me alone,”

“Why would I want her when I have a perfect little girl in front of me? Who else could trust me enough to bind them so tight, or who could cream on my fingers so easily?” He smirks as your face gets hot. A swift smack to his chest is useless when he turns to the guy, holding your arms. He maneuvers you to face the guy, smushing your cheeks together. “Tell him who you’re a good girl for, because it’s not gonna be him,”

“Tendō, this is so awkward,” your muffled voice comes out, dealing with his fingers pushing your lips together. “I’m not gonna say it,”

“Then he can watch as you cream on my fingers. Front row show, you know?” He snickers, moving his hand off your face and moving it underneath your skirt. A brief flash of your underwear towards the boy has you submitting properly, squirming as you practically shout what Tendō wanted you to say. “See, not that hard? Oh look— he’s running away! I hope he enjoyed the show!” Tendō waves happily, smiling all the while. You’re finally released from his hold.

“What is wrong with you?”

“What’s wrong with you? Thinking you can go be a whore?”

“You want the relationship on the down-low! You wanted it to be a secret!”

“Well, if that means boys think you’re available, we’ll have to change that, won’t we?” He smirks, once again dragging you off. As he heads towards a closet, you know you’re not going back to class with steady legs.

Bokuto

> It was unusual for Bokuto to miss practice, so the managers and Akaashi were asking if you had seen him. You had not, but offered to go looking while everyone else started practice. Akaashi thanked you, leaving to fill in for his missing captain.

> Roaming the school, you checked the bathrooms to see if he was in there and even checked the classrooms to see if he fell asleep. When you didn’t find him, you went through checking the halls only to find him walking next to some girl with his arm around her shoulder. The scene hurt you, but a part of you knew he wouldn’t ditch practice and cheat on you, it was not in his nature.

> When the girl laughed at one of his jokes, you felt tears prick your eyes and ran off, back to the gymnasium where Akaashi was the first to greet you. You explained what you saw, after he took you to sit down on the bench, while the team continued. He said it probably wasn’t what it seemed like, but the scene kept replaying in your mind.

> The next day, you didn’t meet him on the roof for your normal lunch date so he got worried. Bokuto can usually read your moods, since you wear your heart on your sleeve, but he hadn’t seen you at all. He went looking for you, ignoring the strange looks he got as he ran through the hallways. Once he got to your class, he expected you to be sitting at your desk. Instead, he turned to your friends for help.

> One of them mentioned a dark haired student invited her to eat with him in his class and after he got a description, he went looking for the mystery man. He thought it might have been Akaashi, but he didn’t have brown eyes and a mole beside his right eye. It was finding a needle in a haystack, looking in each class until he saw your familiar hair color sitting in an unfamiliar class.

> He just kind of looked at you and the stranger through the window, watching as you laughed at the guy’s jokes. It was the same laugh you used at his jokes. It made an strange feeling in his chest burn, it made him jealous. Walking inside the classroom, you continued talking to the boy as he moved behind you.

> You closed your eyes for a moment but when you opened them, you saw the boy’s face drop as a shadow loomed over you. Looking behind you, you saw your boyfriend standing behind you. “Whatcha doing?” He asked. His voice seemed to be bright and cheerful, normal to the innocent bystander. To you, with the fake smile on his face, it sent shivers down your spine as you looked up at him.

> He wanted to talk to you alone, a hand on your back as he guided you to the stairs leading to the roof. You tried to ask him questions, but he didn’t answer. He didn’t turn to look at you. He just stared forward as anger simmered in his chest and his eyes.

> Once the roof door had shut, you were roughly pushed against it as his eyes finally met yours. His eyes bore into you, demanding an answer.

“What’s wrong?”

“Why were you flirting with him? Do you no longer love me? Did I do something wrong? Are you tired of me?” As his questions poured out, the anger in his eyes melted into sadness, guilt forming into a ball on your chest. His hair drooped down as he put on his pouty face. “Do you wanna break up?”

“N-No! Not unless you want to, that is. I saw your arm around that g-girl in the hallway. I—“ you gulped, unshed tears on your lashes, catching the sunlight as you look at him. “I thought you were tired of me,”

“Why would I be tired of you? You’re the love of my life!” He shouts, you flinching as his booming voice made your ears ring. He apologizes, hugging you tightly into his chest. You do a heaving motion, fighting back the tears as his words play on loop in your mind. “I could never see anyone replacing you in my life,”

“That’s nice, Bo,” you mumble, rubbing your nose into his chest. It’s warm and comforting, a nice contrast to the brisk wind in the autumn air. When he moves, you look up to see him grinning at you, a glint in his eyes. “What are you thinking?”

“We’re all alone and obviously my little bird needs to remember just who she belongs to,” he murmurs, rubbing his nose against yours before he quickly drops to his knees. It’s a sudden movement, his face in front of your skirt and then it’s under your skirt, a leg hooked over his shoulder. He’ll make sure you’re screaming his name before lunchtime is over.

-> You’re the manager for Karasuno, helping out Kiyoko and that’s how you got with Asahi, learning he isn’t as scary as he looks. There is a practice match going on between Karasuno and Date Tech, so a few girls are watching the match from the sidelines. It isn’t normal, but it’s appreciated.

-> At least, until one of the girls comes up to the boys during their timeout. It’s an unspoken rule that you don’t do that, but there she is. Rubbing Asahi’s bicep as his face goes red, completely stunned. Kiyoko has to restrain you, Daichi telling her she needs to stay on the sides.

-> You and Kiyoko have to go refill their water bottles, so you’re outside filling them up while the girls start talking. It’s fine, until one of them mentions how upset you got when her friend touched Asahi. Kiyoko, once again, puts her hand on your shoulder to restrain you.

-> When the friend mentions you’re not “a bother”, as in you’re not an obstacle in her way, it hurts. It hurts even more when she says Asahi could do better, hitting an insecurity of yours. Kiyoko knows this, sadly watching you stop refilling the water bottles and telling her you’d be back. A quick trip to the restroom, you say.

-> Well, 10 minutes later, you’re back and that girl is still all up on Asahi, crossing her arms to push up her breasts. Asahi isn’t backing up from her, nor telling her no, giving her no reason to back off. Combined with her earlier statement, you feel your chest hurt.

-> It’s too late when Asahi notices you, your back hurrying out of the gym as your bag is suddenly missing. He panics, telling the girl to finally leave him alone. She’s offended, watching him run off. Kiyoko decides to tell her to kindly leave.

-> Asahi chases after you, your form at the gates of the school as your rub your face. He stops you and panics even more because oh my god why are you crying??? When you tell him about the girl, he feels his heart break, especially when you agree with the girl, saying he deserves someone better.

-> He’s quick to deny that statement, telling you he can’t see himself with anyone else. He’s hurt that you would think that, especially since you knew he wasn’t very confrontational. Even knowing that, it’s hard to push past your insecurities. As someone who has insecurities, he understands. He grabbed his bag before leaving, so he walks you home, hand in yours as he squeezes it occasionally, letting you know he’s not going anywhere.

Tendō

-> This man has two moods with his hair down: sex god or greasy mop. Personally, he’s probably more like a greasy mop. For this time, he’s a sex god. His hair is smooth and fluffy and it’s like he’s a new person. You don’t like that.

-> One thing you don’t have to worry about with Tendō is that he isn’t conveniently attractive. He’s tall and lanky, he’s kind of weird and an otaku/weeb, so the VBC is really his only group of friends. With his hair down, strutting through the hallways and turning heads, it’s easy to forget he’s the same guy who sings out of nowhere.

-> When you go looking for him, hunting the hallways so you guys can study for an upcoming test, you don’t expect him to be surrounded by a bunch of girls in the hallway. It’s an odd sight for you, your heart clenching in a bad way as one of the girls’ hand runs through his hair, a giggle coming from her. Tendō is oblivious to your presence, absorbing all the positive attention.

-> You want to run up and pull him away, but as your legs move, you hear some girls talking to him. “Wow, you’re so attractive, Tendō! You don’t need to force yourself to be with that weird girl, you know?” An arrow to your chest, it is.

-> One thing that Tendō loved about you was the fact you were inconveniently weird. It’s what attracted him to you, the weird girl in his class that matched his own weirdness in a similar, yet different way. Well, he loved it, but you tried to pretend to not be weird. Tendō didn’t mind stares, but you did. It didn’t help that Tendō turned his head, thinking before nodding his head.

-> That’s all it really took, tears springing to your eyes as you turn heel and run away. Tendō’s eyes watch your retreating form, following you as you run into the girls’ restroom. He follows you in, not minding he’s not supposed to be in there. He’s not quick enough to make it into the stall, you quickly locking it.

-> It’s not what you think, he explains. He was going to tell her that he liked weird, but you denied his confession, telling him you saw him nod at her. So, in your eyes, he was agreeing that he didn’t need to be with you.

-> Once again, he explains. He tells you he was nodding because he agrees he doesn’t have to force himself, because he isn’t forcing himself. You still find it hard to believe him, but you hear a cap clicking open as he hums, moving to the sinks. Leaving the stall, you see his hair styled up like normal.

-> “I was trying to look good for you, but I guess that didn’t work out too well,” he tells you, rubbing his neck. You shake your head. “I like you better with your hair up. It suits you,” you tell him. He smiles and hugs you, promising he won’t ever let you feel bad about yourself. Or feel like you’re not worthy of being with him.

Akaashi

-> Fine ass man, probably has a fan club. He’s probably gotten at least a few love letters and confessions before, but he never cared for them. No, he cared for the girl who sat next to him in class. You were different from those girls, which is what had him drawn to you. When he confessed, it was a surprise and put a target on your back.

-> Gossip was common, often hearing girls talk about you in the bathrooms and in class, the lunch line and on the walk to school. You got the hottest guy in school and every girl (some guys) hated that. What made you special? Well, that was the problem. You weren’t special, you don’t know why he liked you. It was a common thought, but you often thought it was an elaborate prank.

-> You though you were right when you turned a corner to see Akaashi talking to some girl. You recognized her from your class, her sitting behind Akaashi. She was twirling her brown hair, fluttering her eyelashes as Akaashi smiled down at her. When her fingers lightly trailed down Akaashi’s arm and he didn’t move, you felt your heart shatter.

-> “Just break up with her. She’s not special, you know. We’ve all laughed it off, it’s not funny anymore.” Instead of running away, you collapse against the lockers as you listen to their conversation, tears staining your blouse.

-> “No, she’s not special, but that doesn’t matter. I’m not special, either. Our relationship isn’t supposed to be funny, Sara-san. Now if you’ll excuse me, my girlfriend is waiting for me behind those lockers.” You hear her gasp as his footsteps come closer, stopping in front of you. You look up at him, eyes red from crying. “Don’t look like that. There’s no reason for it.”

-> He walks you home, hand in yours as you slowly walk. You’re still not convinced he wants to be with you, which he notices. Practice was cancelled today, so he has a free afternoon. When he arrives at your house and your parents aren’t home, he has a plan.

-> Setting your bag beside your bed, you’re not expecting Akaashi to wrap his arms around you and kiss you, head tilted to deepen the kiss. “You wanna know how much I love you? Let me show you.” You don’t expect to fall against the bed, but you don’t deny him when he has a hunger in his eyes.

-> Your apartment has two rooms, one for you and one for your roommate, who happens to be there when he knocks. She’s surprised to see him, but let’s him in regardless. Offering him some tea or anything, he denies it and walks to your room instead. Instead of knocking, he opens the door when he hears your sniffling.

“Darling, what’s wrong?” His voice startles you, jumping as your furiously wipe your eyes. “You can’t hide from me, you know,” his weight on the bed let’s you know he’s beside you, his hand coming to rest on your side. You’re laying down on your side, facing the wall.

“It’s the same old thing, Keiji. You’re probably tired of hearing it,” you sniffle some more, continuing to wipe your face. The tears won’t stop flowing, and it breaks his heart. Which one, whether the tears or the fact his love can’t keep you safe forever? He doesn’t know, but he’s there now. “I.. It happened earlier today, it’s not a big deal anymore, though,”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t be there, today was a busy day. I’ll take off tomorrow so we can spend time together, okay? I love you, so everything is a big deal for me,” he whispers to you, voice warm and comforting. The door to the apartment shuts, signaling your roommate left for work. “I’ll make you feel better, would you like some tea?”

“Aren’t you tired of me? Why do you stick around? Keiji, be honest,” you finally turn to him, and he feels his heart break. You’ve been crying for a while, eyes all red and glassy, a bit of snot on your nose, still sniffling. Your face is expecting a harsh reality, when in fact the reality is much warmer. His love for you is true.

“Tired of you? Aren’t you tired of me? I’m always working, I can’t shower you in all my love all the time. But I do love you. I love the way you smile when you see me,” his long fingers wipe away more tears, using a tissue nearby to wipe your snot. “I love the way you giggle when I tickle you,” as a show, he dives his fingers under the covers to tickle your stomach, immediately getting you giggling and squirming. “I love the way you aim to improve yourself and I love that you let me be there with you. Please, never doubt yourself again, dear. You’re perfect for me,” and he seals his words with a kiss.