#batch2007

This will be a very long post. So if you have time, thanks for reading all the way through.

I woke up at around 5:30 am because I knew I had to go somewhere. Still lying on my bed, I grabbed my phone beside the bed and tried to look for a button to press. I did find what I was looking for and light beamed which took my eyes to stagger and close. “5:36 am, Feb 24, Friday”. Today’s the day. 

I mustered up the strength to take the comforter off my half-awake body and prepared. While I was heating water for a shower, I turned my PS4 on and watched the usual stuff, WatchMojo’s Top 10 list. I was entertained for a couple of minutes until I remembered I was heating water. Went in the shower and thought about my coming trip. I didn’t know what to feel. Nostalgic? Nervous? Happy? Or sad? 

I arrived at the airport and sat down near the boarding gate. Drank my Dr Pepper while reading the first chapter of the nth story of my favorite book. I stopped reading when I started to think “Hey! Maybe it’s(the trip) not gonna be that bad!”. After a couple of minutes, announcer said something that made me stand up and grab all my stuff. I sat on my assigned plane seat and listened to my usual playlist. After that, I didn’t realize I was starting to loose consciousness. Then I knew it, I was falling asleep. 

I woke up and contacted my friend who was picking me up. They were outside and we drove to this new place I knew didn’t exist the last time I was here. I felt happy seeing them again, talking to them, and just having fun. They dropped me off after our brunch somewhere I could ride a jeepney heading to my stepdad’s house. I remembered walking on this road, looking for the right jeepney. I felt nostalgic. Then I broke a smile.

I arrived at my stepdad’s house and expected his surprise. Though he didn’t look happy, I knew he was. I saw my brother and I felt even happier. I hate the feeling of happiness. It eats you alive. Yet still, you want some more.

We had lunch. I knew my stepdad was trying his best to bond and talk because we weren’t really that close. It broke my heart to see how things would have been a lot better between us if I only didn’t shut my heart out to him. It hurt me even more because I knew we won’t that much time to compensate for those years we’ve lost but I smiled and cherished the moment instead. I understood him. 

That afternoon, I showered, opened my laptop and worked a little, and prepared to go out. Met with my old high school classmates and ate “Batchoy” somewhere in the city. That feeling of not eating something you’ve yearned for for years. How I wish I could seal that moment forever. Then we went back to visit our old high school and met with old teachers. Something was off.

It didn’t feel right. I dunno. Everybody was talking to everybody else. Some of the guys remembering what they used to do in high school with everybody else. I knew I should be feeling happy, but weirdly, I didn’t. 

After that, they went to their hotels while some of us went to our high school reunion venue. I saw familiar faces and talked to some of them. Some of them I didn’t wanna see, some of them I was hoping to see. The number of people inside started increasing and it wasn’t long until we were ready to start the party. To be honest, it was fun. We played games, had raffles, and even had time to take class photos. 

Then after the event, I contacted my other friends who I made plans to go out with and chill. For some reason, we had to cancel. So I started walking. I walked on the streets that didn’t change. Alone. Seeing the same street, the same things, the same shops, the same people, the same everything, made me realize why I left in the first place. I’m different.

I thought hanging out with my old high school classmates would be fun. It wasn’t.

I thought going back to the place I grew up would make me smile. It didn’t. 

I thought I was gonna see my old friends. I didn’t. 

I thought talking to my stepdad would fill the void between us. It got worse.

I thought I was gonna be ok. Or so I thought.

It was so apparent that I was on a very different wavelength than everybody else around me. Everybody didn’t get me and I couldn’t understand them. I felt so ostracized and so out of place, I just wanna get out of here. 

Rode the jeepney that went straight to my stepdad’s place. Texted him and prepared for bed. It was so depressing. I opened Facebook and saw my old classmates post our pictures. Didn’t change a thing. I guess I was just different. 

That was the main reason I left this place years ago. 

The feeling of being out of place. 

The feeling that you just don’t belong here. 

The feeling of being alone.