#batcat yapping

Things I hate...

Parents who say they're supportive and accepting of lgbt stuff, that say to respect everyone equally, but the second their own child shows sighs of being one of them they just... Get mad...

Example, I'm not out to my parents, I doubt I ever will...

Some times I've asked one of them what they would think of me it I was part of the community, the parent says that they would be sad but would never hate me...

But when I asked for a short haircut, when I asked for a haircut that "looks like boy hair" I get yelled at, they get mad. That reaction showed me what would happen if I came out.

I love my parents, they've put a roof on my head, but under that roof I cannot be my true self.

I'm afab, most times I hate having my chest. I get told I shouldn't feel that way cause "other girls wish they had it, they even get surgery done to!" WELL I DON'T WANT IT. I HATE IT. IT'S NOT A GIFT TO ME. IT'S A BURDEN.

Hell I was even denied to be able to get myself a binder cause they used that excuse, along with looking weird at me cause the packaging had a trans flag on it...

At the same time I don't think I'd ever get top surgery. Because there are times that I'm okay with having them. Tho it's not most times, but sometimes it does happen.

I have skirts, I get told to wear them for occasions, sometimes they make me feel pretty. But only if I can wear pants under them. Otherwise it just feels. Wrong. Scary.

I hate being feminine 99% of the time, but there's still that 1% of me that actually likes dresses and all.

But actually wearing a dress would mean what, coming back to "being a girl"? I don't want to. I'm not a girl.

...

I love my parents but I know here I'll never be able to be me. I'm lucky enough that I was able to get a short hair look that seems androgynous enough to me and not androgynous enough to be "alarming" to my parents.

Funny how despite all this, my chosen name is "Lily", something pretty feminine. But it feels like my name, I don't care if it's feminine to other people...