The Difference Between Love & Lust || A Jongup Fanfiction PT.1
Okay, so this is my first proper k-pop fanfiction so forgive me if it is terrible. I also wrote this story for two of my other old accounts and thought it’d fit this scenario perfectly. I apologise if there are any mistakes and I’m sorry if the layout is weird (I’m uploading from my phone!)
Reading Time: 5-10 minutes
Warnings: Swearing, sexual references and slight violent actions
He was lodged in her throat, unable to be ignored, unable to be dealt with. He was like an itch that couldn't be scratched, always lingering, always there with her. His presence became her shadow that was with her every move, and as the darkness consumed her heart, he did so too.
Her and Jongup had been somewhat dating for near enough a year before she found out what he had done. Everything used to be great, they weren't always together and they didn't usually do couple type things, they were more close friends with something on the side. They may have acted like friends but they both knew they were more lovers than anything else, they were the first love of each other. Both were too stubborn to admit what they knew, their feelings bubbled and burned away inside of them and did nothing but build. Frustration and anger only grew more as the love eventually began to turn sour and form into hatred, there was a fine line between love and hatred and their emotions had just overstepped too far.
"Could you breathe any louder? I just love when you do.” she muttered under her breath as she crossed her legs while casually flicking through the pages of her favourite book.
"Maybe you could just stop breathing, that'd be even better" he growled back. He glared up towards her, his eyes shot daggers through her skull as he clenched his teeth together.
Spending so much time together began to take a toll on them, they bickered like an old, married couple. They often argued and stormed away from each other but they never went far from each other, it wasn’t like either of them had any other place to go. Sticking together seemed like the only sensible thing to do at this point, as annoying as they were to each other being completely alone was by far worse. They were perfect for each other even though they were complete opposites and she couldn’t exactly forgive him for what he had done but, it was either being with him or being alone; she much preferred the company of her deranged lover. A daily routine become a chore, it was constantly repeated with no change which made it difficult. Both knew they needed a change of scenery but it was the question of where to go and if they should really go together. They had met each other during difficult times in their lives and each became a rock for the other, they knew the way their friendship blossomed was through the toxicity that was their past but they knew nothing else but to take that chance.
"If dying were that easy, I would have done it months ago..." she rolled her eyes as she threw the book down and looked up at him "anything would be better than constantly looking at you and hearing you complain".
"Me complain? If I'm not mistaken you're the one that tried to start this argument. Maybe you should stick to reading your silly little books".
She barged past him and grabbed a cup before she poured a cup of coffee and rested her back against the counter. They stood in silence for what seemed like an eternity, she wanted nothing more than to reply to his last remark but he was right, she was the one that said something first so she couldn't exactly complain about his retaliation. Her free hand tapped at the side of her cup as she sipped at the hot beverage, Jongup let out an annoyed sigh. Her line of sight instantly pointed towards him while one of her eyebrows raised in frustration.
"Problem, your highness?"
"You call me annoying and you're the one making all the sound. Just drink your damn coffee and get on with it."
"Don't you normally leave at this time? How about you get on with it and get out of the damn house." She growled, she had grown tired of the way he had been treating her in the last few weeks.
She was always kind and accepting of Jongup, she always listened to his complaints and tried to understand what he was going through. Through all he had done over the time they knew each other she accepted him and tried to work through his issues, even when he practically murdered his “friends”. But recently her patience had worn thin and she was at the end of her tether, there was only so much one person could take and he just manage to push every single one of her buttons.
"As far as I’m aware, we both live here, maybe you should leave!" Jongup stormed towards her and grabbed her by the collar of her shirt, he dragged her towards the door in a fit of fury.
She hastily shoved him back and brought her hand to his face, her eyes widened after she realised what she had done. She gulped as took a step back. No matter how much she loved him there was always some part of him that scared her, she couldn't quite explain the feeling he gave her but occasionally it would make her stomach turn and her hair stand on end. There was always something unpredictable about his personality, it intrigued her just as much as it startled her, he was always so smug as if he were on the verge of setting some master plan into action. The silence only grew more deafening as he stood, his brows furrowed as he processed exactly what had just occurred. This was the first time any of their arguments had gotten physical and neither of them showed any interest in backing down, the fight had gone this far already so they could do nothing but end what they started.
"Did you...just fucking slap me?" His hand rose to his cheek, he rubbed his fingers slowly across the increasingly red mark as he glared upwards towards the woman who seemed to be shrinking back in fear.
"I’m...I'm sorry, I didn't mean to it just happened, I swear". Her heart was in her mouth as he stepped forwards.
"I'm sick to death of you".
Her head lowered at his words before she took a deep breath and shook her head.
"Sick of me? You are sick of me? You've got to be fucking kidding me! You've done nothing but try and cause arguments with me since we got to this damn house!"
"Because you're pathetic enough to argue back, you love having the attention".
She stepped back, her back hit up against the wall near the front door. His words angered her like no one had before, it was like someone had lit a fire in her stomach, it was a burning red flame and all she wanted to do was scream at him but she didn't want to give him the satisfaction. She could not believe the audacity he had to say she was the one that loved attention, it was all he ever craved, whether it was from her or everyone around him. He wanted to be known, to be feared but no one ever gave him what he wanted which made him crave it all the more. He was desperate to find some form of love and attention to make up for all that he had lost in his childhood, he began to enjoy the idea of being alone but he hated the idea of being lonely again.
"I don't know why I listen to what a fucking psycho thinks, like your opinions actually matter!”
His eyes widened as he slammed his hands either side of her head "what did you just call me?"
"What the fuck did you just call me? A psycho? What does that make you, hm? You're the one that loves to have sex with me, you practically beg for me to fuck you senseless" his tone grew deep and husky as he leaned in towards her ear as if he were spitting venom, his breath crawled against her skin.
She looked up at him as her eyes slightly filled with tears but she refused to let them fall.
“Because it seems to be the only way you actually show that you love me now!" He sniggered at her words, leaving her confused.
"Love? You really believe that I love you? You're just a fucking whore to me. There is a difference between love and lust, shame it took you so long to figure that out!" They both stood in silence as they both realised his words.
Moments past them by as everything replayed in her head, his words echoing and rattling their way through her brain. Tears fell down her flushed cheeks, her heart sank to the bottom of her stomach and it ached, it was like he had reached into her chest and pulled her heart out with his bare hands. She hadn't realised just how much she had loved him until he ripped that away from her. She was always so strong and she could take any hit but this was like no other, this hit was different and it shattered her completely, all she could do was stand there helplessly as the words weighed down on top of her fragile self. She reached up towards his arms as she slapped them away from her head, she pushed him back and ran to the front door. Her hands snatched the car keys from the wooden table that was against the wall opposite where they had stood and she sped out of the door
"No, please, Y/N don't leave! I swear I didn't mean that. I was just angry!"
"Maybe it's better this way! You clearly don't want me here". she was left breathless as the oxygen was unable to get into her lungs as she held tried so hard to keep back a flood of tears.
Jongup stuttered and scrambled to find any words to reply with as he stumbled back, he quickly ran towards the open door and reached his arm out towards the woman he loved as she stood by the car. Her hand rested against the handle of the metal door, she chewed on her bottom lip as she refused any urge she had to say something to him or run into his arms. The car door opened and she climbed in as fast as she could, her hands scrambled at the ignition as she began to sob uncontrollably. Her sight grew blurred as she furiously wiped her hands across her face. She looked up ever so slightly, just enough to see him and just as she wanted, she saw Jongup stood there unable to move his feet to even attempt to stop her. He hopelessly watched as the car reversed out of the drive and drove off into the distance.
"Please....please don't leave me all alone, Y/N".
