#bameli

“Eight…” Keamy says slowly, still counting down. I look over at Sawyer and I can tell we have matching expressions.

I’m feeling absolutely helpless right now. I can’t just run out there and take Alex’s place or else I’ll be dead and then what. Bedsides, whatever happened, happened. I can’t change anything and it’s killing me. If I take her place she’s just going to die sometime else.

“I stole her as a baby from an insane woman. She's a pawn, nothing more. She means nothing to me. I'm not coming out of this house. So if you want to kill her, go ahead and do it—“ Ben says but is cut off by a muffled gunshot.

Alex falls to the ground, limp, Keamy standing over her, his gun pointed down where her head was. Ben is shocked, dumbfounded. Keamy steps away. I feel myself stumble, but a hand grips my waist and keeps me steady.

“I gotcha,” Sawyer murmurs and I nod slowly. I feel sick to my stomach. Alex's dead body just lays on the ground, and Claire's house burning in the background.

I think I am going to be sick, so I push away from Sawyer and run to Ben’s bathroom. I puke water and stomach acid since I haven't had a proper meal in a while. I cough and wipe my mouth with the back of my hand. I stumble back to the living room. Still looking out from the window, Ben stares in horror. Sawyer is pacing.

“Ben?” I ask tentatively, making my way over to the man. I gently settle my fingers on his shoulder.

Been doesn't move or react. That scares me more than any sort of reaction. He knows I know the future. I'm sure he knows I knew this would happen. Ben turns to me slowly, and I take a step back to make sure he's not going to hurt me.

“Did you know?” he asks in a quietly dangerous voice. I swallow hard.

“Ben…” I repeat, hoping to keep him calm.

“You fucking knew and you let her die!” Ben shouts at me, grabbing me by the neck and choking me. I hear a few shouts of surprise behind me, and then I'm being dragged away. Ben looks at me murderously as I cough, trying to catch my breath.

“What was I supposed to do..” I gasp in response, still trying to get air. He didn't choke me for very long, but my throat is still sore from puking, “Whatever happened, happened. You know I can't change anything. I would have been stupidly risking my life.”

“Maybe you should have,” Ben spits at me and I flinch into Sawyer’s chest.

Ben strides past us, not even saying anything. This is the rules part, I know, but the fact he didn't say it intrigues me more. We turn to see him pulling aside a bookshelf to reveal his secret room.

“Hey! Where you goin'?” Sawyer shout-asks, breaking away from me. I grip a nearby chair to stay steady.

Sawyer chases Ben, but he’s too late. Ben vanishes inside, triggers a switch, and a steel security door comes down over the opening. Sawyer pounds on the door.

“It's no use James,” I whisper, and I’m guessing he heard me because he stops, “It’s time to move on.”

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I huff when he doesn’t respond, “Ben you know about this Island as well as I do. I know that this Island will do whatever it takes to keep things on track. Whatever happened, happened. Time for me is not the same. I’m trying to save you from guilt, and I know that you’ve hated me but now is not the time.”

Finally Ben turns back to me, studying me with his large eyes. I just stand there, breathing heavily from my all-in-one-breath mini-rant.

“I’m sorry,” he says finally, and I look at him in confusion.

“For what?” I ask, not daring to take a step closer in case he lunges at me with a weapon.

“Everything,” he replies simply, and I steel myself for an attack. It doesn’t come and he continues, “I’m very sorry for all that I have done to you and your friends. I forget sometimes that you are special and know what will happen. At first it unnerved me, yes, and I felt out of control. Yet I have come to appreciate you and your ability. Jacob wanted you for a reason, more than just a Candidate. I hope you’re able to find out why.”

I smile and I realize that I’m crying. Ben looks at me with mild concern as I wipe away my tears. I fling myself at him and he tenses up, ready for a fight. I hug him, which is a weird sensation at first. I surprise myself every day at how I feel about Benjamin Linus. He went from my enemy to my friend, and another person I’m trying to save.

Ben finally wraps his arms around my lower back, patting me awkwardly as we hug. I laugh and shake my head, and then pull back from the hug.

“Let’s go finish this,” I say, and all Ben does is nod in response.

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I pad quietly down the hallway, and glance back every so often to make sure no one notices me moving away. I slowly creak open the study door and flip on the light. My eyes light up in excitement at the sight of the books. I look down the hallway one last time before delving into the study to peruse the books.

I walk around the shelves slowly, running my finger along the spines. I smile at the textures, each one of them teeming with a new story. I giggle at the irony of that. I’m thrust into a story I love, yet I want to read another to keep my mind occupied. It’s truly something.

I find a book I want, or well, one that I haven’t read 500 times and settle into one of the armchairs in the room. I hold my breath and listen to the sounds coming from the front room. Everything seems normal, no sign of the ringing phone or the mercenaries yet.

Despite trying to read, my mind can’t help but worry about Alex and Keamy. I tap my foot restlessly, and eventually shut the book and stare at the cover. I’ve barely made any progress, and I’ve had to read sentences over and over again to actually comprehend them.

“Is that my book?” I hear a voice slowly ask, and I look up to see Linus standing in the doorway of his study.

“Yeah, I needed a distraction for the things to come,” I reply vaguely not really wanting to reveal his daughter will die. I just hope he doesn’t react badly.

“I trusted you knew that the freighter wasn’t here to help your friends,” Linus responds, walking over and sitting in the armchair next to me. He picks up the book I was reading and studies it for a moment.

“Most of my friends don’t believe me. At least Jack didn’t, and neither does Locke. James, Juliet, and Kate believed me but now I’m not so sure if 2 of the 3 do.”

“If it’s any consolation, I believe you.”

I bark out a laugh and turn to look at Linus, “You’re not serious?”

Linus nods, “I am actually.”

I sink back into my chair, Linus surprises me every single day. Just then a phone rings, and the sound is coming from the front room. I jump to my feet, looking at Linus worriedly. He slowly gets up and strides quickly out of the study with me at his heels. So it begins.

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