#backtozero

i used to draw and paint until i was a teenager.

Hello you there! yesterday had a huge impact on my mental state. I couldn’t sleep until 6:00 pm, I think my mind’s keeping me from falling asleep. I just had another bad day. I’m about to forget everything that upsets me the other day, then there’s my mom, bringing up something she shouldn’t. She brought up something about my ex’s story, a picture of him with another girl, in a room, lying on the same bed, and blurting out words like “ang kapal talaga ng muka nya!” and many sort of things like he wouldn’t be who he is right now if it’s not for all the things that I have done for him. That was not the first time that she brought it up, she was telling that story since the other day, asking me if I knew about it, and I said NO, but I know that he always do those kind of things so I’m so used to it. It really didn’t affect me at first, I don’t care, really. We both parted ways because I cannot bear to be with someone as horrible as him anymore, after spending more than 7 years of my life, loving him and taking care of him, I got really tired and accepted that he couldn’t really love me back the way he loved me the first time. But yesterday’s conversation was different, after hearing all the side comments from my mom about my relationship with the jerk that I’m not even mentioning to her, her words got me, it sank on me, inside my head. I feel horrible, I pity myself all over again, feeling that I’m back to square one again. How can someone replace me so easily? After all the things I have done, after all the sacrifices, he replaced me like I was just nothing, like I was just in the past, well I really am. I feel so worthless again. I feel worthless when were together, and now I feel worse. It’s just so unfair! how can someone who did you wrong gets to be happy first? I really don’t get it, I really don’t understand a thing. I shouldn’t be saying all these things because we’re over, and part of moving on is accepting the fact that we’re really not meant to be, but I just can’t help it, especially when people keep on mentioning him. I hope this day will be great and refreshing, because this is the last time that I’m saying things related to him. I’m keeping him out of my mind! I’ll do my best to feel good today.