#back-stabber

Don’t let them get to you. ❤

[Credit: I care]

I don't do actual blog posts but I've gone through so much emotional turmoil this week, I just gotta let it out. Let it out to people who just might understand me, you tumblrites. ( I'll be using fake names, but the people are so real. I'm still decent.) 

First comes someone I thought was my friend. At least he was. For a while... Things got bad. I got hurt. He's a melo-dramatic ass-in-the-crack face hole. Ugh. He complains about how his life is so bad. He... He... He has no idea. He has no idea what a life I've had. If he was in my shoes, he would crumple, disinigrate within 5 hours. He doesn't deserve me, or anyone who is half-way decent on this planet. I don't like thinking about this stupid pile of whale crap, because I only lose brain cells when I do. So please, I'm done. Leave me alone forever now, I don't need you. I really don't.

And next, the boy I want. Ohhhh you. I just want to talk to you with no end, and then just hug you. Hug you with such passion that we both break down crying because it was so intense and then start laughing our asses off because we're so very perfect together. I've liked you for two years now, and I've just gotten the courage to actually make conversation with you. Over text. But yet, I'm so smitten, afraid, confused, ignorant, and awkward I can't handle one text or think up a response without freaking out. Oh, Pac-Man. I call you that now. I told you I liked your shirt, but truth is I loved it. God. A Pac-Man shirt? You really know a way to a girl's heart. At least, my heart. And the rumors that started in your band class with that pathological liar, Sarah. Yes, that's her real name, I'm going to be cruel about this. You said he was going out with Diamond, and when LaChaff told me, I basically wanted to crawl inside my friend's locker and never come out. My heart slowed. My feet felt heavy. I just couldn't compute it through my brain. I want you all to my own. Nobody else, please, my love. Only love me, because I only love you.

And yet, I smile, and make it through with playing my heart through my instrument and having friends. Hal3y-R, if your'e reading this, I love you. Your my best friend. Thank you so much. ( I teared up as I wrote that.) And thanks to LaChaff, Matanyana, Bekqua, Jubia, Mother Mary, and even you, Knives Chau. You know who you are. You probably only 's understand 20% of this, but that's okay. We should be better friends.

I feel different, tumblr. My emotions are all laid out in front of me, and I can finally feel everything. I feel... free. No wonder people have legit blogs. I'm here because it's a free country. Just kidding. I want to do this more, and with all the shit i go through, I probably could. Just gotta get off my lazy ass.

Thanks for listening, tumblr, if you're out there. I feel accepted because of this website and all the people on here.

Thank You From The Bottom Of My Heart,

Ceara. (Yes, my real name is Ceara, pronounced Keer-uh.)