#b;s

it is the gentle breeze that wakes her up for good. it brings clarity to the thoughts of a body that doesn’t rest peacefully in duur’s castle. such clarity that makes you wonder whether it is a blessing or her own doom. the innocence that sheltered her was left in every bandage and in every tear stained face and in every underweight body. the most innocent thing she had was now the child that rested on her arms. she had the peaceful expression of someone that knows that their parents are resting within the stars. her tired body seemed to grow cold by the minute inside the princess’ arms and it brings a frown to the eldest child face, a wrinkle to her forehead. 

ahreum tries to call for the girl and she shakes her gently in her embrace. her breath is frantic and fear makes her fingers cold. she feels like she is detached from her body for her mind was relentlessly denying that moment. there was no breathing disturbing the girl’s chest and there was no beating of heart against ahreum’s sweaty palms. and then it hits her, sinks deep into her soul. and a sound of agony leaves her lips together with her tears because this was never what she expected. her whole body shakes and she watches as her guards come to take the girl away. she watches her own hands, pale and shivering and it comes to her that she had that girl’s last breath in her arms. the princess put her to a sleep that she would never wake up from. 

“i will go, you are aware of that.” she starts again, in a more sober of tone. she takes a deep breath and she calms down her nerves. the princess is not shaken by anger, but by frustration and by sadness. she was never able to help in any way since war started when she was a little child - in fact, she lived more years in war than years in peace. and now that ahreum had a chance, she was not going to let it slip from her fingers and haunt her sleep with remorse. “it is a matter of if i am doing that with your protection or without it” and then the princess sighs for it’s too tiring for her to offer ultimatums. “are we not supposed to be role models for our citizens? what kind of role model would i be if i remain ignorant of these missions, hiding myself in the safety of my own bedroom? what kind of role model would i become if i was to ignore the cries of these people?” 

tears are the ones to win. is of grasp to everyone that going on those missions will hurt her. it will deeply scar her innocent soul who never witnessed the fear in the refugees’ eyes. however, it’s clear that if she was to do nothing at all, that would hurt her more. bitterness and regret would endanger the light ahreum carries and they could envelop the princess in darkness. 

and with bravery, she’s off in a mission. she feels a bit uncomfortable with the guards around her when there were so many people who needed protection. however, those were the conditions the king and the queen put to her and in her efforts to make up to them, the princess accepted it. they get to where they were having a camp to help the refugees and despite the heaviness on her shoulders, ahreum’s curious eyes drank everything around her. she has little time to wonder about how the place looked ten years ago for she was soon to help the rest of the volunteers. 

the first refugees were received as well as you would receive a sword through your chest. it hurts and she has to put all her efforts to make her tears go back to her eyes for there was no time to lose. ahreum isn’t a physician, but she knows a bit of what could help. so she runs around, mind blank except for the commands - fetch water, fetch bandages, press firmly, hold, comfort. she does everything in a sort of mechanical way that prevents her heart from breaking. that’s it, until the night comes and she’s sent to rest. her bones are tired and she has her hands caressing the hair of a child who now found herself orphan. mimi holds her close and tells her the most beautiful bedtime story - she tells her that old story and promises that her parents became the brightest stars in the sky.