#azusuga

The other obvious thing to have done would have been to blame each other--poor tosses, missed follows, a selfish demand for the ball knowing full well it wouldn’t go where it had to. That never happened either. If anything, the confrontation in the supply closet proved that the foundation of Karasuno was one that was more likely to fall apart than cave in on itself.

At the end of the day, they each walked away blaming themselves. Not even Kageyama’s presence on the team was enough to relieve that weight on Suga. In a way, he was glad to carry it. Someone had to.

Suga never lost hope that Asahi might change his mind and come back, not even after the showdown in the hallway that sent Noya out of school. He had already decided that he wasn’t going to pressure him anymore, though. He’d done enough of that in the Dateko match, tossing to him again and again. He’d expected too much. If he wanted the ace to return now, he’d have to make sure the space he came back to was safe and light and liberating. A space as high and open as the tosses Asahi liked. Somewhere easy.

Suga was proud of himself for learning what kind of tosses Asahi preferred, even if it made no difference in the end.

He was as cautious as he could be during the practice match. Asahi wasn’t even supposed to be there (though Suga saw no point in denying the tightening in his chest and the tingle in his hands when he realized Asahi would play; he was the only one who would ever know). He moved his tosses around. He avoided focusing too much on Asahi.

After Asahi came back to life, though, air filling his lungs and lifting his shoulders and bellowing out of him in a call like no other, it was impossible to not fall right back into the comfort of his presence. The easy banter, the gratification Suga felt when Asahi absorbed his praise, the sense of singular communication that came with their hand signals. It was all so simple again. Even Daichi noticed, mentioning it so bluntly that Suga felt compelled to apologize; if he didn’t, Asahi might know just how big a hole his absence had left, and being Asahi, he’d shrink under the pressure to fill it again.

Practice done, the team scattered, exhausted but heartened. Suga was the last to leave, waiting with Takeda-san to make sure everything was secured. It meant walking home alone but he didn’t live far and the night was fair and fresh with a green, vital smell on the breeze. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and started down the sidewalk only to see a huge shadow trying to hide itself beneath the awning.

“Asahi. I can see you.”

The shadow started and stepped forward into the dim yellow circle cast by the safety light on the gym.  “Sorry, Suga. I just…” He glanced at the gym then at his feet.

“You aren’t ready to go home yet, huh?” Suga didn’t mean to smile but he couldn’t help it. That had happened a lot tonight.

“Not just that. I wanted to ask you something, actually, but now…” Asahi let his voice trail off again and this time Suga had to laugh.

“You really haven’t changed at all. Are you even afraid of me, Asahi? Was I that scary today?” He realized even as he spoke that that was a question he needed to ask, that he wouldn’t be able to let himself fully enjoy Asahi’s presence on the team again until he was sure the ace still trusted him. He knew Asahi had cleared the air with Noya--Noya’s tiny frame was too small to store a grudge; there wouldn’t be enough room for his heart if he did--but something felt like it was hanging in the air between the two of them and without even intending to, Suga’d brought it directly front and center.

“No! No. I was actually wondering if somehow you were scared of me, or,” he rushed to continue as Suga started to reply because being afraid of Asahi was impossible, “of my getting blocked again. Scared to let me back for some reason.”

“Of course not,” Suga replied, stepping a little closer to Asahi as the ace curled his shoulders in and lowered his head.  “What made you think that?”

Asahi looked at Suga from the corner of his eye.  “Daichi mentioned how relieved you were to have me back and I thought that was a good thing but you turned it into a joke. Or at least it seemed like one.”  His big brown eyes narrowed and looked down. Suga had forgotten just how much they saw and just how much you could see by watching them.

“I did.” He scratched absently at the back of his neck.  “Not because you not being here was a joke or because you coming back isn’t serious. I just didn’t want you to feel pressured. I thought you might panic if you to knew how good it was to have you back.” Asahi lifted his head, making direct eye contact with Suga. His heart did an odd little flip and somehow his mouth began working before his brain.  “How good it made me feel to have you back, Asahi.”

Asahi’s eyes widened and a blush spread across his face and down toward his neck.  “When I heard that, I thought my coming back didn’t matter, or that maybe… maybe you didn’t even want me here.”

“I’m sorry, Asahi.” Suga wished he could find a stronger way to say that, to make it span the weeks Asahi had been gone, to carry his apology all the way back to the Dateko match. “That was never my intention.  Of course I want you back. Having you back tonight was like…” He thought for a moment, watching Asahi’s face get redder. “Like coming home for a holiday. You’re in your favorite place, the place you feel the most comfortable, where everything is familiar and simple, and on top of that you get to celebrate with the people you care about. And,” he continued, shuffling a little closer to Asahi. Somehow this had gotten completely out of control but here in the schoolyard with Asahi clearly alarmed but also not running away Suga suddenly felt like anything was possible, “depending on the holiday, there might even be presents.”

Asahi swallowed hard and looked down at Suga as though he didn’t realize just how close the other boy had gotten. He still wasn’t running away.  “But I don’t have--”

“I like you, Asahi.” It was Suga’s turn to blush. He could feel it on his forehead, his cheeks, his nose. He hoped with his back to the light that Asahi wouldn’t see much of it but it was too late now.  “I’m glad you’re back because you’re our ace, because our team needs you, because you make us all better, but also because I missed you. Because I like you.” Even as he said it, the fear subsided. It felt like such a simple, obvious thing once it was out.

Before Suga’s eyes, Asahi’s blush faded. His trembling stilled, his shoulders lifted, and he looked down at Suga with eyes full of light.  “I--I like you too, Suga. I missed you too.”