#azula ff

You had started to notice that Azula ordered more or less everything she needed to be written by you, sending everyone else that needed a writer to the other librarians employed by the royal palace. Once, she even made you rewrite all of the bending scrolls she used for training, constantly watching you work with an almost ridiculous amount of interest. You didn't mind it, though; you were flustered by every bit of attention she gave you, actually. You almost felt a bit sad she wasn't by your side right now; over time you had grown accustomed to it.

Also, she had tried to start a conversation about writing and calligraphy a few times, although those talks never lasted that long as she lacked the knowledge allowing you to really go into depth about the topic. Nonetheless talking to her more or less privately was something you could only have dreamt of when you were brought here, and you appreciated that she tried speaking to you about your interests.

Sometimes you had tried to talk to her about firebending to avoid the awkward silence, and you could see how happy that made her, but it had turned out that what you had read about bending wasn't nearly enough to actually get a proper conversation going with someone like her.

When you snapped out of your thoughts, you realised that you were almost finished writing the public declaration-thing. Azula had ordered you to bring it to her private chamber to review, so you carefully picked it up at its edges to not smudge the ink that hadn't dried yet and began walking.

As you arrived at her chamber, you were greeted by a guard standing in front of her door. You were confused; normally there weren't any guards here. The guard told you to stop and said that Azula wasn't present right now, and that no visitors were to be let in until her return. You quickly explained that she had specifically told you to come to her chamber and that you could simply wait inside. You even offered the guard to search you for any potential weapons or such, but he politely declined as he didn't feel in a position to mistrust one of the royal librarians. You were surprised what privileges your new title had given you, but you simply thanked him and went into Azula's room.

After you had closed the door behind you, you looked around the room a bit. It was magnificent. When you had arrived in the palace you had been blown away by the luxus your chamber had to offer, but this exceeded all your expectations. Everything looked like it was crafted by the greatest artists of the fire nation and there wasn't a single sign of dust or disarray anywhere. There had to be a whole army of servants dedicated to keeping this room clean, you thought.

There was only one place that didn't fit in the perfect image: in the middle of the room there was a huge pile of books and scrolls, each one in perfect condition. They looked like they were being treated as carefully as if they were made from porcelain, yet it was obvious that they had been read over and over again; the pages were not as stiff as they are when a book is new, but they rather were smooth and soft like they had been turned many times.

Also, you recognised the writing. Your eyes grew wide when you looked from book to book, your gaze shifting over dozens of opened scrolls and pitched books, heart thumping faster with every single one and emotions growing wilder when you finally realised that all of these books had been written by you.

You were overwhelmed by emotions; happiness, excitement, but most notably confusion. Why did she read all of this? Everyone you had talked to about her before had told you that she didn't bother wasting her time on reading anything that didn't benefit her bending abilities and that she wasn't interested in anything but herself, but yet here were enough texts to keep one reading for a whole month, every single one about a different topic. Was it maybe that she didn't care about what was written, but about the person that wrote the texts? No, that couldn't be. Your daydreams had overtaken your mind again; Azula did not share her love with anyone but herself. You shouldn't let yourself have hope, that would only make the disappointment and shame greater in the end. But still, you couldn't suppress the feeling that suddenly took over your thoughts, making you miss the sound of the door opening.

"Y/N."

It felt good go hear your name spoken by Azula again, so good you didn't realise what an unpleasant situation you were in. You quickly stood up, turning to her and bowing deeply. "Your highness. The declaration is finished and ready to be reviewed." You stood straight again, finally able to see her face, although you quickly wished you didn't. She was furious. You didn't hesitate to offer your help, as you didn't like seeing her in this way: "Your highness, is there anything that has upset you? Is there any way I could help?"

At the sound of your voice there was a change in her features, her expression turning to one you had never seen before. She still looked angry, but there was something different behind it: insecurity, maybe even desperation. What could possibly make someone like Azula insecure, you wondered? Until now you hadn't even expected her to be able to feel such an emotion at all.

You saw her gaze shifting between you and the books, and that was when it finally hit you. She had read all of this to be able to talk to you, and you were not supposed to know. She wanted you to keep the perfect image of herself, the image she was so eager to show to everyone, and the fact that she couldn't even keep up a simple conversation about your work with you because she lacked the knowledge to do so was something her ego did not allow her to tolerate. Or was it something different than her self-esteem, that made her care specifically about y o u r work and how y o u viewed her? Your thoughts were wandering in a dangerous direction again, and you had to fight that. But now that the thought had crossed your mind you couldn't help but wonder if she might actually care about you. Reading all these books only to create a positive image of yourself for only one person was something pretty special, after all.

But before you could do anything to find out whether she liked you, you had to worry about her temper, as the chances of her freaking out were still dangerously high. You watched her, and came to the conclusion that she was not sure on how to act, something that you also were not used to seeing from Azula.

Finally, she talked to you again: "What are you doing here?" Her voice didn't sound as smug as it did normally, making you concerned about her. It didn't really take much for you to worry about her as you basically valued her well-being over your life, but still, you were a bit amused that it was t h i s easy to make you worried.

Nevertheless you decided it was probably best to answer, so you reminded her that she had personally told you to bring your finished work to her. Now almost all of her anger was gone; even a slight bit of embarrassment showing on her face. You probably looked really stupid right now because of how fascinated you observed all of the emotions that you got to see for the first time from her. Even though you knew it didn't match the royal etiquette you showed the slightest glimpse of a smile, hoping that it would give her reassurance.

"That's right.", she said, trying to sound even more confident than usual. "Put it on my desk, I shall take a look at it later." When she reached the end of the sentence she almost sounded normal again.

Normally you would be dismissed when she said something like this, but there was no way around talking about what you saw, and she knew that too. To your misfortune neither of you knew what to say in such a situation, making you increasingly uncomfortable. You really should have spent more time thinking about if it was a crush or something bigger that you had for her. That would have made the decision whether to make a move in this situation easier. Why couldn't Azula say something? Normally she was always the first one to announce her opinion on everything, why couldn't she handle this little, silly question about potentially spending the rest of her life with you!

You looked directly in her eyes when you decided to make a move, if only a small one: "I am flattered that your highness has used so much of her precious time to read my humble work." Your choice of words was intended to push her to take the initiative again, and it worked.

"Call me Azula, y/n, please."

Your heart almost exploded at her words. Not only did she offer you, a mere servant of the throne, to call her by her first name; she, who could get anything the fire nation had to offer simply by demanding it, politely asked you to do something for her.

First, you simply nodded eagerly as no words could escape your throat. When you were finally in control of your voice again, you were quick to thank her, altough you couldn't avoid stuttering: "T-thank you, Azula!" Finally saying her name after all this time filled you with a joy you had never felt before. It made you want to feel the same way for the rest of your days.

Azula delighted in your obvious excitement. Seeing the flustered mess that you represented stand there in front of her, craving for every bit of attention she gave you made her regain her old confidence in an instant, the smug smile you had missed adorning her lips again.

"You seem to like pronouncing my name.", she said. "That's good. You're gonna have to do it often in the future."

Words couldn't describe how happy you were. But actions could, so you overthrew every boundary of your status and rushed over to Azula to embrace her.

Luckily, she didn't resist. She even hugged you back. Her embrace made you feel a warmth that seemed like it was sent from paradise itself. Or maybe it was because she was a firebender and had just arrived from training, but you didn't really question it when you melted into her arms.

"You do know that not even all of my relatives are allowed to touch me in this way, don't you, y/n?" You could hear in her voice how happy she was, making you hug her even more tightly. She began stroking your head with her hand.

Luckily, you were snatched from your thoughts by the sound of an opening door; the conference was over. Now it was time for the real panic to begin; you felt a shiver go through your body when Azula entered the hallway. Although it was hard to talk properly being this nervous, you called for her. Surprised, she turned around on the spot: "Y/n! What are you doing here? Why weren't you at the conference?" Normally, you would have been flattered by the fact that she had even noticed your presence the last few times, as you had only sat in the back, where visitors were accommodated, but her tone made it sound like a reproach. Well, almost everything she said sounded like that, so you should feel honored nonetheless.

But you didn't want to waste any more time explaining, so you went to her and said that you wanted to give her something, your voice becoming more and more of a whisper. Azula raised an eyebrow and gave you a skeptical look: "You want to g i v e something to me? I don't think that there is anything you could give me that I do not already possess, but if you insist on doing so I recommend you don't waste any more of my precious time, y/n." As always, Azula knew exactly the right words to make you feel stressed - and give you butterflies, because you got to hear her beautiful voice say your name, but really, it was mainly stress she made you feel.

Being unable to say another word, you held the cloth the flower was wrapped in in front of her and gently unwrapped it, showing the panda lily in all its beauty. You felt a blush take over your face, making you lower your eyes.

When her hands brushed yours while she took the flower from you, you felt a shiver run through your body yet again, but this time it was a warm one, one you wanted to feel more often. You looked at her again, trying to find any change in her features, if anything had changed at all, that was.

To your surprise she looked confused - as if she didn't know what to do in this situation. It was an expression you had never seen before on her face. And one you hadn't expected - she was Azula, she always knew how to act. Also, this couldn't be the first time something like this happened to her, surely she must have had many admirers give her flowers before, right? Suddenly the thought crossed your mind that you might be the first person ever to give her this kind of affection, but you did not have the time to think about it, as Azula finally began to move.

She had been alarmed by the footsteps of an Admiral who was coming in your direction from the conference hall, and she was quick to act. In an instance blue flame flared up and consumed the entirety of the flower, so that only black ash was left.