#azrik

She walked through the forest this night, like every other night. Her companion was close by but not immediately at her side. He was foraging, working, mending the unspoken fracture that had occurred when he had come to visit her home town, her family. There had been an energy, a slight, something that she realized she wouldn’t be able to immediately rectify the way that she wanted to. Their days together had been quieter than usual although she tried to create some closeness through usual tasks, through opportunities to serve. She maintained her responsibility to him, to the relationship, to the dream she still held onto about making him exactly what she wanted. 

Tonight there was a gathering by the bonfire in a town nearby. There would be visitors there that she was acquainted with and had received notice in the mail that they wanted to see her. While she didn’t feel particularly bound to them or the invitation, she felt that it might be good to be around others, for them to witness how others interacted, to remind them of where they could be or where they were going. She led them through the forest, down the path, and into the edge of town as the bonfire was just beginning.

Almost immediately she laid eyes upon those who had sent her an invitation but she walked around the perimeter of the gathering first, to ensure that she knew the space it was going to occupy, what the other stations of excitement were going to be, and to see if she recognized anyone else that might be in attendance. When there was no one else of interest or need for acknowledgement discovered by her, she returned to where the fire grew. 

She exchanged pleasantries with the couple that looked similar to her and her companion. They spoke of the time they had spent together in her home town, of the lessons they had learned together. He spoke to her about what was going on in his life and shared that his female companion was struggling with his Leading, especially because of the turmoil they had recently found themselves in. She listened and nodded, for she knew what he spoke of. She had already heard the news and knew that there would be much suffering between the two of them. But she also smiled and assured him, ‘This time next year will be better.’

He feigned a smile and a nod before changing the subject. He spoke of the different areas that he and his companion had been exploring and she delighted in hearing about those tales, the distraction of sorrow that they seemed so well settled into. New faces began to gather around the fire, some she recognized and some she didn’t. He spoke of sort of activity that didn’t necessarily intrigue her but it caught the attention of one of the new faces near the fire and he joined the conversation. Finding that to be the perfect time to slip away, she did just that.

She mentioned to her companion some of the issues of the one she’d been speaking with just a moment ago and he nodded his head. He understood the severity of the situation. These were moments that could break a relationship and make it irreparable. Not everyone was good at recognizing those kinds of moments or movements. He was good enough at Leading to understand what was happening and she respected him for that for certain.

‘I’m going to sit here and hope that someone will come and visit this station to entertain me.’ Her companion nodded and then graciously asked permission to wander to the other stations. In his time around these types, he had seen plenty of impact play and this station did not hold his heart the same way that it held hers. Because there was no service required and not even anything to see yet, she allowed him to wander, to mingle, to look. 

Eventually the male from the campfire wandered over to where she had settled in. He spoke with her privately for a bit about how not only was this event in his life having an effect on his relationship but how it was personally affecting him. He shared his concerns, his anxiety, his grief for what he was going through. She sat and listened as she had before, until he found a place of such deep sorrow that he couldn’t continue talking and wept instead. It was her teaching, her belief, that each creature should be allowed to feel their feelings without interruption, without the programming that is attributed with emotion to help make the witnesses feel more comfortable and so she remained seated, witnessing him, until she realized that he may not understand or appreciate all that she was doing. Breaking protocol would have been impossible for her when she was younger but now that she was slightly older and understood perspectives more rationally, she stood and offered, ‘Would you like a hug?’. At first he hesitated as though he was going to decline her but then his head nodded. She wrapped him up and held him for a moment, allowing him to cry into her. He dabbed at his eyes and thanked her and she said nothing at all but instead smiled at him. 

‘Would you care to play tonight? I am in search of entertainment and I haven’t had the pleasure of watching you play.’

He nodded his head again and got his voice under control long enough to say, ‘Yes,’ although then he paused and his voice began to shake again as he added, ‘It may be my last time playing with her. She deserves a good memory.’ 

She continued to smile and gave a soft nod of her head to acknowledge his fear without injecting her own reaction to it. He went to the campfire to gather his things, his companion, and returned. She told him, ‘I will bear witness,’ and he nodded, understanding that she spoke in response to his greatest fear. 

Memories are quick to fade, to betray us. They morph and they change against our will. Sometimes, an experience can change to a memory and if no one else is there to see or witness what happened, it is easy to forget it took place. It is easy to convince ourselves that no such thing happened. It is easy to deny the magic of the moment, of emotion, of the entire experience if there is no one to corroborate the story. Bearing witness to an experience is a sacred duty she was more than familiar with and so offering to do so was not for him at all, they both knew, but for his companion should he not return. She did not offer lightly and he did not accept blindly. 

As he unveiled all of his implements, he proudly presented them to her. Some were variations of those she was familiar with and so she asked politely if he might test them out on her arm. Startled, he drew the implement closer to his body, verifying he understood her request correctly. ‘You want me to hit you with this?’ he questioned, dancing dangerously close to asking if she was sure about something - a golden rule almost all knew not to break. ‘Yes,’ she confirmed, her voice even and cool. ‘I want you to hit me on my forearm with that so I know what it feels like.’

He did. Almost too cautiously. She closed her eyes and let the follow through sensation land before she commented on what had taken place. ‘I could enjoy using something like that,’ she said. He paraded a few more before her and she made the same request of each of them. The final one was more brutal than the rest and he had gotten quite comfortable with her request at that time. He warned that this was the worst of them all and once he struck her flesh she tilted her head to the side, questioning what he thought was terrible, until the sting sweetened the thud she had felt a moment ago. ‘Oh, you’re right, that is terrible,’ she laughed. He looked quite pleased that she was so entertained with his toys and his assessment of them.

Just then, his companion arrived, and he excused himself. There was work to be done. Those who had been waiting alongside her for entertainment seemed to excuse themselves as well. Perhaps they understood the importance of the moment and excused themselves from the responsibility of bearing witness. Perhaps they did not understand the importance of the moment and moved away blindly. Either way she was settled in and comfortable, ready to watch whatever happened before her. 

As their scene began and she watched the way that he danced around her, a new creature approached. He asked if he could sit next to her and she gave a nod of her head. The seat was empty and she was preoccupied. She was certain that she would seem rude to someone who did not know who she was but that was not her current concern. She was watching the female companion squirm and squeal before her, enjoying the moments of connection she was getting to experience. 

The one next to her introduced himself briefly and she glanced at him but gave him very little attention, very little feedback. For a moment she wanted to scold him - did he not see what was taking place right there in front of him? Could he not see and feel the act of intimacy right in front of his own eyes? Did he not grok bearing witness in silence, in solitude? He spoke of how he had just started his adventure. He had only been on the path for a week or so and how he was enjoying every moment after he made his decision to begin. No, of course he had no idea. He couldn’t have had any idea. No one at that bonfire was going to teach him. No one even this far out in the woods would teach him. There were only three present that had any idea what was going on at the moment and none of the three had time to teach him.

So she smiled at him, forgiving him his ignorance, but also kept an eye on what was happening in front of her. They had fallen quiet, for the most part, and as the scene died down, they collapsed to the ground together. He pulled her into him and she sobbed, deep and uncontrollable. Though she couldn’t see him, she was certain that he wept again. 

The creature to her side paused and looked at those in front of him. This was not usually how adventures were advertised. Especially not adventures deep in the woods. She smiled at him once more and asked him, ‘How did you get here?’ and he gave a response that was satisfactory to her although she would never remember his exact words. No matter what he said, it was hard to believe he had gotten this far down the trail without any assistance at all. 

‘May I have your address?’ he asked, as it was customary to ask around these parts. Everyone was always seeking connection and the towns were so far apart from one another that it was great to get to visit, to get to know one another when they could. She often didn’t, as her address usually gave away more information than she wanted someone new to know, but he seemed so sweet. So innocent. So she recited it quickly and he eagerly took the information. It was then that her own Companion returned, listening to her prattle off her information, making a face that certainly almost all of the rest of the guests would understand but this sweet creature wouldn’t know what to make of. She gestured to him that all would be fine, he needn’t worry, and he settled his expression the best that he could. 

He thanked her for talking to him, though she felt like she barely said anything at all, and wished her a good night as she rose and departed. She smiled to herself, almost giddy with the entire interaction. As she and her companion left town, to settle in for the night under the stars as they often did, he asked her quietly, ‘Does he not know?’

‘Of course not,’ she replied. ‘He is new to the path.’ 

‘How did he get so deep into the woods already?’, he asked. 

‘He arrived on his own, is the answer I think you’re truly seeking.’

‘Yes Ma’am,’ he answered.

‘Go to sleep,’ she told him. ‘I’m exhausted and we both need rest.’