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It’s just simply the fact that Julian could hear his heart thumping in his chest whenever the taller man entered the room. His palms would start to sweat and he’d trip on his words. It didn’t help that Julian was naturally an outspoken person, but, whenever Barry was around, his filter was practically nonexistent as he spewed out whatever thought came to mind.
It wasn’t like Julian was harboring a crush for Barry.
Not at all.
Who was Julian kidding though? Caitlin would burn holes into Julian’s skull whenever he would trip up on his words in front of Barry. Cisco would give him a little nudge when he walked past him when Julian and Barry were talking. HR would give him a little wink whenever he left the room.
It seemed like everyone knew about his stupid, schoolboy crush. Everybody except for Barry.
And he intended to keep it that way.
He could ignore the pang in his heart every time he saw Barry with Iris. He could ignore the feeling in the pit of his stomach whenever he sat behind the monitors while Barry was out saving Central City as the Flash.
What he couldn’t ignore was how Barry was sitting in a daze at his desk, holding a picture of him and Iris in his hands as he stared out the large window.
Julian dropped his file he was currently skimming through in favor of looking up at the brunette man across the room from him.
“Allen,” Julian whisper-yelled from his desk. Barry didn’t flinch as he continued to gaze out at the window. Julian sighed, his hand going up to mess with the fringe falling onto his forehead. “Barry.”
Once again, not a single movement. Julian sucked his bottom lip in between his teeth as he pushed himself out of his chair. He knew he shouldn’t get involved in all of this, for it wasn’t any of his business, but he knew that if he was in Barry’s position, he would want someone to confide in. Him and Barry were friends, right?Â
Julian made his was around his desk and over to Barry’s, his heart racing a bit more with each step. Once he made it over to Barry’s desk, he placed a firm hand on Barry’s shoulder, which caused the speedster to break out of whatever trance he was in.
“You okay, mate?” Julian asked as Barry craned his neck to look up at Julian. Barry’s dark eyelashes framed his pained hazel eyes. His eyebrows were furrowed, a sign of distress. His bottom lip was bitten raw as Barry began to gnaw at it again.Â
He still looked beautiful.
Barry broke eye contact with Julian as he stared down at the picture of him and Iris. It was a picture of them the day Barry proposed. Iris had her left hand covering her mouth, flaunting the ring, as Barry had his arm slung around her, kissing her cheek. They looked happy.Â
Barry heavily sighed as he forced himself to gently place the picture face down on his desk.Â
“Yeah,” Barry whispered. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
“You and I both know you're a bloody awful liar, so let’s get to the point where you tell me the truth.”
Barry let a small smile flash onto his face for a mere second before looking back up to Julian with watery eyes. Julian leaned against one of Barry’s large desks.Â
“It’s just been hard, the whole thing with Iris and me...”
“I heard you two broke off the engagement.”Â
“Yeah, didn’t propose for the right reasons,” Barry muttered, following by a huff of a laugh. “She isn’t wrong. I proposed to her in an effort to change the future. She deserves better than that.”
“Why did you think proposing was a good idea then?” Julian asked, ignoring the feeling of his heart weighing heavily in his chest.
“I’m running out of options, Julian,” Barry said, sounding exasperated. “There are no leads to who Savitar is, there is no new information on how to stop him. There is only so much I can do to change the future.”
Julian stayed silent as he stared at Barry. The speedster had his head in his hands as he shook his head slightly.Â
“I just feel like shit about it all,” Barry whispered. “I’m just scared this is a concrete event in the future. That there is nothing I’ll ever be able to do to change it.”
“Time is always in flux, there is no such thing as concrete, especially when it comes to you,” Julian said. Barry looked up from his position before casting his eyes downward once more.Â
“I don’t deserve Iris, do I?”
Julian stayed silent once more.
“Eddie was gonna propose to Iris, Eddie Thawne... he scarified himself for all of us before you came along,” Barry gulped. “They were in love. If Eddie was still here, Iris could’ve been happily married and wouldn’t have to live each and everyday worrying that it will be her last.”
“That’s no way to think.”
“It’s true though. I’ll never be half the man Eddie was,” Barry said. “No matter how hard I try to change the future, it always just backfires. I don’t know if I’ll be able to save her, Julian... I don’t know anymore.”
“Barry,” Julian said, his face dropping. He moved over so he was squatting in front of Barry as Barry sat in his seat. “You need to get yourself out of your hole of self pity. Sitting here feeling sorry for yourself will not change anything, it will only make you feel worse about yourself.”
“Julian, you don’t understand-”
“I don’t understand what it’s like to not have control of an aspect of my life?” Julian asked, raising a quirked eyebrow at Barry. Barry shut his eyes and sighed.
“I didn’t mean it like that.”
“It sounded like you were headed in that direction.”
“I realize that now,” Barry sighed. “I don’t know what to do.”
Julian looked into Barry’s eyes. He could practically feel the stress and anxiety oozing out of Barry. He had to refrain himself from placing a comforting hand over Barry’s.
“Look, I know I’m not the best at... connecting with people,” Julian said, clearing his throat. “But, you are under a lot of stress right now. You’re trying to get control of your life when it isn’t even in your hands anymore. You’re juggling work, Flash business, and this whole ordeal with Iris. This would drive any normal man insane.”
“Are you saying I'm not normal?” Barry asked with a stifled laugh. Julian bit back a smile as he shifted a little closer to Barry.Â
“You are nothing short of extraordinary, Allen.”Â
Barry stared at Julian with a toothy smile, something Julian hadn’t seen on the speedster in months. Julian felt succumbed by emotion as a flood of adoration filled him.Â
If life was the night’s sky, Barry Allen was the brightest star. He was the same as everyone else, but just a little different. He had this shine about him that set him apart from everyone else. Julian wasn’t sure what exactly that shine was, but he knew that Barry made him feel different than anyone had ever made him feel before.Â
He knew he shouldn’t feel this way, considering that Barry was in love with Iris and had been for almost the entirety of his life, but he couldn’t resist.
He couldn’t resist, with Barry looking at Julian and Julian looking at Barry. Barry Allen had stars in his eyes and Julian Albert was only an astronomer searching for the brightest star in the darkest of nights.Â
With a heart filled with adoration and impending guilt, Julian moved forward and captured Barry’s lips in his own.Â
Julian cradled Barry’s cheek for a mere second as his lips pressed against Barry’s for only a moment. A moment of bliss.
Julian knew that it was a mistake, a happy mistake, but he wanted to pretend, even if it was only for a moment, that he was Barry’s and Barry was his.Â
Julian disconnected his lips from Barry’s after a few seconds, his hand now hovering over Barry’s cheek. He moved far enough away that he could look Barry in the eye. He could feel Barry’s breath ghosting against his lips as Barry blankly blinked at Julian.Â
“I’m sorry,” Julian mumbled. He felt frozen in place as he just stood there, staring. “I’m sorry.”
“Julian-” Barry’s voice snapped him out of whatever trance he was in. Julian immediately straightened up and adjusted his tie, even though it was still pristinely in place.
“That was incredibly unprofessional of me, I’m-”
“Julian-”
“It was a mistake, I really shouldn’t have, I should’ve kept it to myself-”
“Julian, let me-”
“Bloody hell, I’m such an idiot-”
“Julian.”
Julian froze in place.
“It was just a kiss.”
“Just a kiss.”
“Just a kiss.”
Julian gulped as his hands found their way into his hair.Â
“I’m really sorry, Julian, I just... I don’t see you like that. Even if I did, there’s just too much going on and-”
“I know, it was a mistake.”
Barry stayed silent as he sat in his seat. He couldn’t bring himself to look Julian in the eye.
“I’m gonna go now,” Julian whispered.
“Julian, wait.”
“No, I need some air, or something...” Julian said, walking towards the door.
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“Dominic Richards would you please come to the service bay.”
A low voice sounded out in the small room Dom was using.  He still hadn’t adjusted to the lack of windows and cramped space of being underground, though he knew deep deep down he probably never would.  Even if his mind wasn’t adjusted, his body certainly had.  Already, Dom had turned into one of the main people sent on missions.  His well-trained body and power made him perfect for combat situations, and since Morgana’s Academy now seemed to have become a bunker for a small army, it only made sense that he would be one of their main officers. Â
With a small sigh, Dom sat up, rubbing at the scruff on his chin. He wouldn’t have time to get rid of that, though he was slowly beginning to think that it suited him now.  Ever since Meggie had- well... it was just hard for him to care about stuff like shaving since... since a while now. Â
He let out another sigh, before grabbing a shirt and shoving it over his head, then quickly scrawling a note out for Marissa.  She had been just as busy as he was recently, but in case she came to find him, he’d promised her he would always leave a note.  Finally, with one last “I love you,” scrawled in his messy script, he opened his door into the dark hallway and made his way towards the main hall where he knew he would find whoever else he had been matched up with waiting.  He opened the doors to the room, blinking as the artificial lights temporarily blinded him, and then looked around before his eyes finally fell upon a familiar face. Â
