#ayhiyf

Janus knew that the villain monologues from the twins’ giant-slaying games weren’t true to life, that humans were vast and varied and there were plenty of them out there who wouldn’t dream of harming another creature just because it was smaller than them.

Unfortunately, he also knew that for every human that peacefully carried an insect outside in a cup, there was another that kicked over errant anthills just to see the carnage— and, more concerningly, a third that would stick a spider in a jar and watch it waste away.

His current captor seemed like the ‘couldn’t harm a fly’ type, but Janus knew better than to blindly believe in the goodwill of others. Particularly when they held his life in the palm of their hand.

Literally. The human was carrying him around the kitchen like he was giving a guided tour of a room Janus had been in countless times already.

Although never from quite this angle. He shuffled back slightly, grateful that Patton at least had the presence of mind to hold the side of his hand against his chest, providing a solid back wall on one side.

He wasn’t prone to vertigo— not many living Borrowers were— but he was also used to being in control of his surroundings when he was dangling above a fall that meant certain death. The reactive fleshy hand shifting beneath him was a far cry from the stability of his hook driven into the corner of a cabinet.

“And that’s about all the leftovers we’ve got!” Patton announced, finishing off a rambling side note that Janus had been paying exactly zero attention to. “But I can always make something, if you’d prefer that instead! And if you’re okay with the wait, of course.”

Cooking would distract the human for a little while, long enough that Janus could find some sort of escape, depending on where he was placed. That was, if he was set down at all, and Patton didn’t simply attempt to cook one-handedly. He quickly weighed the odds of the human being that idiotic, and didn’t like the way the scales tipped.

“Leftovers are fine,” he said in his most demure tone. “I wouldn’t want to make any trouble.”

“Oh, no, not at all!” Patton exclaimed, lifting his hand up to eye level to peer at Janus with concern. He automatically scrambled for a grip, barely avoiding digging his nails into the human’s hand. “It wouldn’t be any trouble at all, it’s really the least I can do for you as my guest.”

How polite of him. Janus grit his teeth slightly before setting his expression into something less blatantly irritated.

“Really, it’s okay. Warm food is warm food, right?” Patton’s expression softened into pity, and Janus hurriedly added, “I’m sure I’ll get to try something you’ve cooked later. After all, it’s not like I’m going anywhere.”

He managed to only allow a tinge of bitterness to seep through in the assertion, though the feeling grew when Patton nodded thoughtfully, apparently entirely unperturbed by the idea of keeping Janus captive.

“That’s right, you’re more of a roommate than a guest, huh?”

What a quaint way of putting it.

“Absolutely,” Janus lied, his pleasant smile thinning slightly.

“In that case, I’ll get something quick and easy reheated!” Patton announced with a smile, and then turned and slowly lowered his hand to the dining room table.

Janus scrambled off on instinct, relieved to have a solid surface underneath him again, and then turned to stare blankly at the human as he bustled over to the fridge, humming.

Apparently, he’d miscalculated.

Of course, he still couldn’t attempt an escape now, because there was no way to cover all the ground necessary in the measly few moments it would take Patton to microwave something.

How deeply vexing.

He allowed himself one extremely dramatic sigh, and then started casually wandering the table, attempting to look absentminded while also eyeing every inch of the space and measuring its potential as a getaway route.

“Woah!” A hand appeared in front of him, quick and unexpected enough that he recoiled sharply. “Watch out for the edge, little guy!”

Patton was apparently lighter on his feet than he first seemed. Janus’s apprehension about that particular fact was swiftly overcome by sheer disgust at the way the human was disguising his attempts to keep Janus contained as concern for his safety.

He was a Borrower. He’d been scaling heights larger than this for longer than Patton had been walking.

Not that he could say as much without revealing far more than he wished to.

“Whoopsies! Silly me. I’ll be more careful,” he promised, voice as saccharine as he could force it.

The crinkle in Patton’s brow didn’t quite fade away; the human must have been more wary of losing his catch than Janus had thought. “I, um, didn’t mean to startle you.”

Janus’s expression of surprise was genuine. He’d noticed Janus’s tiny flinch? “No harm done! I suppose I’m just not used to other people around, I guess.”

“Right, of… of course.” Patton smiled again, this one a little more faltering in nature. “Well, here we are.”

He set two plates carefully on the table, pulling a chair out to sit down.

Hilariously, the plates’ contents were identical in appearance, two matching heaps of fried rice. He’d apparently dished Janus an entire human-sized serving.

It was a ludicrous amount of food for a Borrower. The twins would have—

Janus cut the thought off, his amusement falling away sharply. The twins didn’t have this, and because of this human, they didn’t have Janus, either. They were alone now, forced to figure things out by themselves when they should still have a guardian looking over them.

He’d survived on his own from a young age, younger than they were now, and it had been hellish at times. Things were supposed to be better for them. Janus was supposed to make things better.

“Kiddo?” Patton asked, drawing his attention. “Is everything alright?”

(Kiddo? He was literally twenty seven.)

“Of course!” Janus replied with a cheerful wave of the hand, seating himself at the edge of his plate. “Everything’s just perfect.”

He kept his gaze on the meal in front of him, mind so caught up in scheming that he barely even registered the novelty of warm, fresh food.

Like he’d said, there were perks to being caught by an idiot.

Unfortunately for Patton, there weren’t enough perks in the world to keep him separated from his nephews for long.

—

Two apartments down, the nephews in question were standing on top of a bookshelf, their progress stalled in favor of a heated argument about directions. One that had grown progressively louder without their uncle there to chide them.

Loud enough to be audible past even the aggressive chords of a My Chemical Romance song, as it turned out.

He quickly strode towards the opening to the cage, taking in the situation. It was a large, wire box, with a slightly raised platform in the center next to the cookies that were now easily identifiable as bait. The floor of the cage was mostly covered in a fabric that matched the bag, so it was no wonder the twins hadn’t realized at first. 

Ignoring the concerned noises from his nephews, he stepped into the cage, carefully stepping over to them. His heart sank. Roman was safe, a few steps away from the center, but Remus- Remus was standing solidly on top of the pressure plate, body tense with the strain of staying still. Dee took a deep breath. 

“Okay. Roman, get out of the cage.”

Roman glanced between Remus and Dee, face pale, and Dee cut off the forming argument before it could start, grabbing him by the shoulders. 

“I need you safe so I can work without any distractions. I will get your brother out of here, alright?” He held firm as Roman stared at him hard, and then nodded. “Good.”

He waited until the younger twin had cleared the exit of the trap before turning to Remus, who looked almost sickly with the sweat on his clammy face. He stepped forwards, careful, and crouched to look at the plate. 

“It’s gonna snap on me as soon as I move, isn’t it?” Remus asked, hands balled into tiny fists. “Is it one of the ones that breaks your neck or chops your head off? Or are the humans gonna get me instead?” His voice wavered slightly. 

Dee knew how these traps worked. The moment the pressure was moved off the plate or even shifted slightly, the trap door would be triggered and it would take human-level strength to open it again. 

“You’re not going to die today, Remus.” Dee said, carefully gauging the distance between them and the trap door. Much too far to run, no matter how quick Borrowers were. 

Remus sniffled petulantly. “You don’t know that. I could die a hundred billion ways today. Smushed, boiled, stabbed, breaking all my bones, eaten by a rat-” 

“Well, I know that you aren’t going to die stuck in a trap like this one, because I’m your uncle and I know everything.” Dee grabbed one of Remus’s arms and the back of his shirt, taking a couple of deep breaths. “You’re going to get out of here just fine.” 

Remus looked up at him, eyes narrowing. “Both of us, right? You’re gonna save me like a knight in one of Roman’s dumb stories and we’re going to go die horribly together some other day, right?” 

Dee cursed the fact that the more perceptive twin had been the one to reach the pressure plate first. He gave Remus a tired smile. “That’s absolutely right.” 

The kid’s eyes widened, his mouth opening, but before he could say anything to make this harder than it already was, Dee was hauling him up and tossing him with all the upper body strength he’d accumulated over his many years of borrowing. 

Remus collided with his brother in a tangle of limbs and yelps, and Dee sighed in relief even as the door snapped shut, leaving him trapped. He ambled over to the front of the cage anyhow, trying to make sure the door hadn’t caught any stray limbs. 

Roman got up first, rushing to press himself against the cage door. 

“Uncle Dee, you’re stuck! Oh no, we have to get you out of there-!” 

“Easy, Roman.” Dee reached through the criss crossed bars of the trap, and a small pair of hands immediately latched onto his arm like a lifeline. “We can still try to get the trap open.” 

Roman nodded, rubbing at his eyes, but was cut off by the muttering from his brother, who was still on his hands and knees, not looking at either of them.

“Liar.” Remus looked up at him, green eyes furious. “Liar! You lied!” 

Dee sighed. “A ‘thank you for saving my butt, Uncle Dee’ would suffice as well, you know.” 

Roman pulled at his brother’s arms, ignoring Remus’s angry shoves. “Come on, Rem, we don’t have time to be mad! We have to help him before-!” 

Loud as a gunshot, the sound of footsteps approaching the front door cut Roman off. Dee reached out, letting himself be selfish one more time as his nephews crowded against him for a mockery of a hug, and then pushed them back harshly. He shoved his bag through the grated door, and before they could protest, held up his hook to show he was keeping it. 

“Take that and get out of here. I’m not going to lay down and die, so you two better not either. Don’t fight, or I’ll ground you both when I get back.” Look after each other.

The lock turned with a loud clunk, and the twins shared a look before bolting for the hole in the wall they’d emerged from. Even with Roman so obviously crying, they made it back in record time, and Dee made sure not to drop his relaxed slouch until the wallpaper closed up behind them. 

Just in time for the human to enter the room. 

Dee retreated to the back of the cage immediately, despite knowing it would only delay the inevitable, and shoved the hook into the back of his shirt. Uncomfortable? Yes. Worth a potential getaway? Also yes.

Unfortunately, the human seemed intent on checking the trap first thing, and so he only got a moment of reprieve before huge hands were gripping the wires and pulling the cage out of the bag, into the open. There was immediately a gasp. 

“You’re not a mouse!” The human said. He adjusted his glasses, getting even closer to the floor to peer into the cage properly. Dee met the giant brown eyes with a glare. “Oh my goodness, you’re a tiny person!”   

Astute, Dee thought bitingly, but remained quiet even as the human sat back up and the door was pried open. He attempted to duck around the hand that reached in, hoping to squeeze past to the exit, but humans were a Borrower’s worst nightmare for a reason. They were fast and precise, and in no time, he was enclosed in a warm fist and lifted to eye level. 

“Are you the reason my snacks keep disappearing?” The human asked, opening his hand slightly so that Dee was flat on his back in his palm and he could poke at him. He shied away from the touch, and to his surprise, the human withdrew. “Sorry, little guy. Gosh, you must be innovative to survive at that size… Are you all alone? Do you have a little family that helps you?” 

Panic hit Dee so hard it was nearly blinding. “No!” 

He slapped a hand over his own mouth, but the damage was done. The fingers around him twitched, and the human’s eyes were huge. “You do talk!” His one-word response seemed to register a moment later, and the human’s expression went all sad and pitying. “You’re all alone?” 

Dee struggled for a moment, and then gave in, haunted by the image of his nephews getting caught and him unable to stop it. “Yes. There’s no one else. I’m the only one.” 

The human seemed on the brink of tears now. “That must be so hard…” He glanced down at the trap, where the cookies he’d left as bait were crumbled at the bottom, and seemed to make up his mind. 

“Well don’t you worry, little guy!” He stood, the rush of movement making Dee a little dizzy. “I’ll make you a warm, home-cooked meal, and I’ll be your friend! Then you won’t have to scavenge for crumbs by yourself anymore!” 

Dee bristled internally, but he couldn’t let himself give into the anger he felt at being treated so demeaningly. Demanding this giant let him go wouldn’t get him anywhere but stuck back in a cage. He just needed to wait for the human to let his guard down, and then he’d get back to the kids and they’d move far away.

“That sounds fantastic!” He enthused, voice sickly-sweet. The human beamed at him, making his way into the kitchen, and Dee began to plot potential routes to the nearest wall entrances.