#awkwardtext

I think I live my life between awkward text messages, does not matter if its drunken or sober. It’s just pure AWKWARD. AWKWARD. 

Before I go into  details of Mr. 23 encounter, I should mention a disclaimer, I know for a fact that he is not interested in me & I know his intent is just being friends. My intent is also being friends, but I do have a “tiny little” crush, I know eventually I’ll get over the crush, as most of my current friends are ex crushes I use to have. VERY HEALTHY. 

So I’ve successfully started the other day by sober texting my crush who is 23 about some random shit, like look how cute this poster is, it reminds me of the game we played last night.  I MEAN WHO GIVES A FUCK IF THAT POSTER IS CUTE. Thats what I would say if someone sent me that text. 

He obviously didn’t answer. 

I sent another barrage of embarrassing text messages, ending it with P.S. I am not flirting, i am friendly, 

By 12:45am I was so embarrassed of my drunken texts, I took a swipe of vodka, then focused my energy on messaging my other ex-crushes embarrassing messages, by now the others are just used to it.  

Wake up at 8:05am, look at the my phone, no response from 23, I decided fuck it, I’m not going to the office today, I have a hangover to nurse and some shame to hide. I don’t care that I’ve lost a guy whose a crush, what scared me is the possibility of me scaring off a good guy who could be a good friend. Stayed in bed till 9:03am reading what about Trump latest fuck up back home in the States, and what is currently happening the political mess here. 

9:03 am, he texted back.

I jumped out of bed. literally my legs pushed the duvet towards the ceiling, I’m upright on the edge of bed hanging on his 8 words reply to my 800 words. Hanging on every letter, analysing every letter. He said Haha. which means he found me funny, or he is just trying to be polite, because at the end he is a nice guy. 

I wanted to reply back again, say something. I wanted to see him again that night. But logic kicked in & it said just leave at that, just let it go. give space. 

See that is something my 20 something self would have not done, 20 something else would have sent a message, but 30 something self has learnt to wait a few days. That being said 30 something should have done that from the start and not drunk text 10 texts in the first place, but that is a lesson that i hope 40 something self would learn.. we are going to do it a baby steps. 

24 hours have passed from that incident and I still haven’t replied or texted back, okay maybe 35+ something could be learning the lesson.