Oh, who the fuck am I kidding?
I wrote that previous post more as a reminder, no, a notice. An inducer, perhaps.
Convincing myself was the main motive. I want so badly to believe the truth in those words but truthfully? I see none.
I want this to end. This shallow, unidentified “affinity” because it hurts to think that this is all there is, this is all this can be. No matter how hard I try it can never be more and I choose to believe that.
For some reason, I choose to believe that whatever this is can never be more. Am I so afraid of what this will become that I’d rather give up now than see what this is all meant to be? That I’d rather cut it now than hold on, to avoid the ever flourishing sentiment to grow further therefore making it harder to let go in the future?
I guess I really am afraid. Afraid of getting hurt, afraid of that soul-crushing pain that is inevitable in love. Afraid because all this makes me vulnerable and that is one thing I can’t stand.
I guess what I’m trying to say is, goodbye.