#avoid people

It has recently come to my attention that not everyone knows how to avoid interacting with people—or specifically people they don’t like—when needed. As a resident introvert, I have built up a bit of a successful repertoire in this area. Some of these tips apply to specific situations (family reunion, school, party), but most are adaptable.

Starting off simple: the bathroom is your friend. Go frequently and stay for as long as socially acceptable (even longer if you can claim a line!), whether or not you actually have to go. People might think you have some sort of bowel issue. Who cares? You don’t even like these people.

If a question comes up in conversation—offer to look it up! I don’t care if you know the answer or if it only takes 30 seconds, this is now a complex Google search that requires multiple articles and cross checking. This is also a great way to find something to say if you feel the need to contribute to a conversation. Because people will likely move on, you can wait until a natural break to speak up about your findings (or longer). Also, if you ever find yourself wanting to be on your phone, just make sure that after a little bit you chime in with something relevant to the earlier conversation so people will assume you’ve been looking it up this whole time.

Similar to the last—find a task to do. Cleaning up, setting up, getting something from another room, looking for something/someone, even braiding someone’s hair. Find some way to make yourself look busy.

Stare at something. Pictures on the walls, a garden, an instruction manual, you name it—look very intently at this chosen item (if there’s any words, mouth these silently) as if you are fascinated and studying it.

Go check on something. Check on the pets, that friend, the food, the door, etc and always make sure that it takes twice as much time as it should. Sometimes I’ll just mumble and generically point and then disappear for five minutes. People assume I had some reason.

Pretend you didn’t hear. Someone calls to you in the hallway? You didn’t even notice. They knocked on your door? Sorry, you had headphones in. They asked you a question? You were distracted by something else. With this, master the art of “innocently oblivious” face.

Make a “quick phone call.” Your family member needs to order something by tonight so they don’t miss a sale and they need your input. Your coworker has a question about an email. Your friend is lost. No obviously fake serious emergency needed to fake a phone call—just something simple and urgent.

Play tag team. If you and someone else both don’t want to interact with people but can’t acceptably just interact with each other, play tag team. For example, if you’re at a family reunion, have your sibling talk to the relatives while you disappear (all the attention on them), and then return and pull all the attention to you so they can disappear for a bit.

Get two people into a discussion so you can slip away. Kind of like the last one, but with an unsuspecting victim instead of a volunteer.

Leave early. I don’t just mean from events—I mean from conversations too. If you think a group is soon to disperse, don’t get stuck being one of the last ones where it’s awkward to leave! Get out when you can.

Always be vague about how much work you have. Never tell someone that you’ve finished your work for the day because it’s a great excuse for getting out of something. If they ask, you always have something else you *could* work on and were thinking of getting done later.