#avof

🔥 BONUS CHAPTER 🔥 OF A VISION OF FIRE LIVE ON SUBSTACK!!

Thank you so much for sticking around this far! This story is one of the most personal I've ever written <3

BONUS CHAPTER: The Queer Crisis

Congrats, you've made it to the end!!!

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I usually only post these newsletters on substack and patreon, but because you've likely noticed I have not been active on tumblr in... well... months, really, I thought I was share it here as well.

I am going through a deeply personal shift in almost every aspect of my life, and since it has not only impacted me but my readers, my tumblr and my newsletter, I thought I would take this week to reframe for myself everything that has happened.

This year has been the second worst of my life so far (and to be frank, if it doesn’t get better, will probably end up as worst). My father was in and out of the hospital for 6 months straight with cancer treatments and near-death experiences, my previous job’s productivity standards became entirely unethical starting in Jan/Feb, and my boss slowly starting to gaslight and abuse me over it for months…

It became clear, through my neglect of my own life, my hobbies, my blog, this newsletter, and my writing itself, that I needed to change. It hit me about a month ago that I hadn’t written anything since about March. No brainstorming, no word vomit “outlines”, and I hadn’t even read anything. My reading challenge for the year is empty. I have not finished a single book since January.

The only other time I went this long without writing was, you guessed it, the worst year of my life. In 2021, I did not write from January through November, and then I exploded in writing. That’s when I finally wrote and finished a first complete draft of AVOF’s sequel.

This time, it fortunately didn’t take me 11 months to realize what was happening. About a month ago, I hit rock bottom. With my father being a full month out from any life-threatening incidences—he’s finally turning around and improving now—the effects of being in a constant state of fight or flight for 6 months combined with my job’s new 100% productivity standard just demolished me.

So, I applied for a different job. I restarted therapy with a new therapist. I put in a short notice, meaning I am now blacklisted from ever working for that company again. I’m taking a $13k pay cut, but this job offers significantly more time off, less rigorous hours, I design my own schedule, and allows me to be much closer to my parents, who are still adjusting to my dad’s new post-cancer normal. (I’ve also managed to score a much larger apartment!)

There is something poetic about this shift all happening literally a month before I begin releasing AVOF. In all the stories I have written, this is the one I always end up coming back to. When I am down, when I am alone, it is Danny and Lara and Helio that remind me I’m not.

It is this, actually, that made me realize I was in a state of burnout. Every night for five years, I have thought about Danny and Lara and Helio. I imagine scenes already written or AUs or probably-canon-but-will-never-exist scenes as I drift off to sleep.

I had not been able to do this for 6 weeks. I was so burnt out, and frankly depressed, that even my most beloved characters were lost to me. This was the final straw, the trigger that made me realize this was not something I was going to be able to move past; that I needed to get out.

In a way, they have saved me again. I thought Danny and Lara had already saved me, back in 2020-2021 which were such difficult years for me. The story has been written, completed, for years, and I thought its impact on me was over. I thought it was out of me, finished, and had become something to be shared with others.

I see now that stories can continue saving you even long after you’ve written them; even when you are no longer the same writer anymore. Funnily enough this epiphany is not dissimilar to what Danny experiences in book 2, though that’s still a long ways out from being shared with you all.

It is quite fitting that, as I realize this, as I feel closer to Danny than I have in a really long time, is when I will begin preparing his story for release.

Something something... fate... something something lol

If you’re still reading, thanks for sticking with me. I know this was a more personal post, but hopefully it didn’t bore you too much.

There is only one more substack before AVOF starts releasing on Patreon!! Check them out if you're interested!!

PATREON

SUBSTACK

~MJ

First Meet Ben:

At times, Caitlin..provides somewhat aimless comic relief between her and the love-interest (though very smart, resource linguist) Ben. I say “somewhat,” because I sorta liked their jokey conversations, which provided nice comic relief and fun couple bantering, in between moments of very intense drama and suspense theatricals. - A Vision of Fire Book Review

A definition of linguistics:   Any analysis of language, including 8th-grade grammar, can be called linguistics. As recently as 200 years ago, ordinary grammar was about the only kind of linguistics there was. Today a linguist may be a person who learns foreign languages, but the term usually refers to people who devote themselves to analyzing the structure of language. Many linguists concentrate on the history of a language; others study the way children learn to speak; others analyze the sounds of a language—and still others just study English grammar, a subject so big that you could easily spend your entire life on it.

Which kind of reminds me of someone...hmm

Q: Does he actually talk like that?

Gillian: Yeah, he does! But mostly when he’s doing interviews. I mean, I think it’s because he’s got such a vast knowledge of words. He’s studied the theory of words. He pulls it out when it’s needed most, like in interviews.

Do you ever feel dumb reading his interviews?

Gillian: I think, in general, reading my interviews next to David’s interviews I always feel kind of not-there upstairs.

TV Hits, March 1996

From the man himself:

“But no, I still like language a little too much to call myself Beckettian. He is very austere, and I like fooling around with words. I guess I’m more Joycean, although that’ll sound really pretentious.” - David Duchovny NYT 2015

And Gillian Caitlin and Ben have breakfast “appointments”

It seems like these two like having breakfast together too:

Q: Your former “X-Files” co-star, Gillian Anderson, recently published her first novel, too. So, in a sense, did Agents Scully and Mulder end up together after all? 

David:  No. I think it’s very rare to have two writers in the household. Isn’t it? There was a rumor a couple of years ago that we were living together.

Q: Do you think of your work as being in the tradition of Samuel Beckett or are you more of a Gillian Anderson? 

David: I didn’t read Gillian’s book. We just had breakfast a few days ago, and she didn’t even mention that she had one.

NYT, 2015

Ben also shares some curious habits, including a quirk on the subway:

Strangely, he’s not the only one who does this:

But it seems like Ben may never have asked her on a date:

Hmm...

But in the end, this is all that matters:

🔥 CHAPTER 21 🔥 OF A VISION OF FIRE (FREE VERSION) LIVE ON SUBSTACK!!

Chapter 21: Even the Taxi Driver is One of Them

Stretching and relaxing her fingers a few times, they feel normal. That drug must be out of her system. The heat has faded. Resting her hands in her lap, she finds her focus drifting over to the vampire. His eyes stare out the window, but Lara realizes he’s not looking at anything in particular. He’s so still, it’s unnatural. He doesn’t fidget, his clothes don’t even move. She can’t even tell if he’s breathing. Do vampires breathe? His eyes remain faraway and still, only his mouth moving. “You’re staring.”

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🔥 CHAPTER 34 🔥 OF A VISION OF FIRE (FREE VERSION) LIVE ON SUBSTACK!!

Now that they've survived, will the gays finally get together?? Find out now!!

Chapter 34: ...But The Werewolf Didn't

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A VISION OF FIRE FREE VERSION CHAPTER 1 NOW LIVE!

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🩸 CHAPTER 6 🩸 OF A VISION OF FIRE (FREE VERSION) LIVE ON SUBSTACK!!

Chapter 6: Another Warning from a Child

Tonight, Danny is owner, manager, and bartender. As if his presence can be detected from afar, vampires make up the majority of his clientele whenever he works.

Most of them are Order affiliated, but too low on the food chain to know about the situation at hand. These are not formal members who dedicated their lives to the Order, but what they call “semsas.” They have done their time, abide by the Order’s codes and treaties, but lead their own lives outside of their direct command.

One of them, wearing eyeliner to hide the red rims of his eyes as Danny does, sits across from him at the edge of the bar. Danny pours him Crimson’s signature blood martini, with plasma cubes in place of olives.

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🔥 CHAPTER 27 🔥 OF A VISION OF FIRE (FREE VERSION) LIVE ON SUBSTACK!!

Chapter 27: Wasted Vampires Can Still Dance

Crimson looks dead. The neon lights in the windows are off, there’s no bright red flashing from the inside. There’s no thumpa thumpa when she approaches the door. It’s silent. 

Lara enters alone....

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