#averygaypost

More context:

my therapist and I have been talking about meltdowns, and she helped me realize I’ve internalized this idea that I must Always Avoid Meldowns, that they’re to be repressed at all costs —

And she was like “By all means do what you can to regulate yourself so that you don’t get to the point of a meltdown, but if you get to that point you just gotta let it out man”

And I was like. Oh. Oh damn. 🤯

“But I don’t wanna scream so loud my neighbors get worried!”

So my therapy homework was to create a space where I’d feel safe to have meltdowns when I need to. And my wife has been so sweet — the moment I told her about it she was online looking for stuff to put in it, and putting together a design plan 🥹

I know she’s really glad to have a, like, actionable way to help me with my mental health stuff. She needs a Project and this has been just the thing.

Bean update — she just woke me up at 3am because she Needed to eat Right Now and also proceeded to drink water for a solid two minutes

The phenobarbital has been keeping her sooooo tired; she spent almost all day yesterday sleeping on the backyard couch except when I made her come in for a the hottest hour of the afternoon. She was ravenous and ate whenever I put food in front of her, but too tired to actually Get Up for it a lot of the time.

I called places that do MRIs around the state and the cheapest one is $2,800??? 😭 Given that if it were to discover a tumor it would probably be inoperable we are probably not going to get one, but I’m going to talk to the vet more about it tomorrow. The other most likely option is it was a stroke. For both scenarios the main treatment option is phenobarbital to keep seizures at bay which we are doing anyway now, soooo an MRI would mainly be just to know for sure. We don’t have $2,800 to drop on that lol.

Flapjack has been afraid of her since she got home Monday; she must reek of vet + sickness and she hasn’t been bathing. But every now and then she approaches him and settles down a few feet away and they just Vibe a while.

Last night I slept on the couch downstairs with her with the stairs barricaded so she’d stay in the area with me where I’ll hear if another seizure happens. Tonight she’s been closed up in our bedroom with us which she was Not Happy about, but too tired to really fight about it.

I was actually kind of happy when I woke to her scratching at the door because that simple act was more energetic than she’d been all day yesterday!