#avengers299

We haven’t seen Captain America since he jetted off to face the Inferno demons at the bequest of Jarvis, and here we catch up with him just as the New Mutants are spilling forth out of an engorged, trembling, hell rectum. This is just great because holy shit the New Mutants can’t even recognize Captain Fucking America when his suit is a different color

How much meth have these kids been doing?? And why is Sam talking like an 18th century orphan from a Dickens novel?

We’ve been watching the Orphan-Maker abduct children for some time now, and it always gets me when this weird, fucked up, child-mannered, sci-fi robot busts out a glock and starts plugging a bunch of bitches in their sleep. Like, can’t you mount some laser blasters or disintegrating rays in that alien suit of armor? No? Just going to use that unregistered .45? Ok. But this time around his bullets bounce off of Reed Richards rubber melon, or Sue’s subconscious invisible shield she projects while they’re sleeping, or something. Anyway, here’s that picture of Reed with his shirt off again.

I didn’t recognize them at first, but believe it or not, this yuppie family living in the ranch home out in the New York boonies, which includes this box shouldered, former high school quarterback dad, this orange haired mother, and the emotionally sensitive 4-year-old son, is actually the Richards family of the Fantastic Four. Did I miss a comic where Reed’s balls got subjected to cosmic radiation and he actually managed to grow a pair? I’m used to seeing him as the anal retentive, neglecting, self-absorbed, dickhead scientist husband, not this smoldering, authoritative alpha-figure with the bristling abs.