#autocosmic

Not every fictomere is a part of our autocosm, though. I may harbor the memories and thoughts of other versions of me, but not all of them connect with the autocosm. I suspect some don’t even know that we exist.

Furthermore, I know for certain that none of my core identities are potential headmates. Those identities exclusively belong to me, as in the me who is writing this and goes by Sivaan. While we agreed on “autocosmic” as a descriptor, the terminology surrounding autocosm (the noun) tripped me up since I would technically fall in between being a metasoul and a lunan.

For autocosms, a metasoul is the central self that connects us all. In simpler terms, it is our point of origin. A lunan is an individual whose existence stems from the metasoul and shares a sense of selfhood with both the metasoul and others connected to it.

In our case, the metasoul is one of my core species: the gold dragonne. Since we’re parallel lives of the gold dragonne, or me, *dragonsight informs us of each other. Even so, I feel like I’m neither the “center” of our group nor a fragment of myself in the way that my headmates are. The metasoul is one of my core species, but I’m not always that species. It’s an awkward spot that makes me feel a little alienated from the proposed framework of an autocosm. Because of this, we also agreed to avoid using those terms when describing our connection to each other.

*In Dungeons & Dragons, dragonsight is a dragon’s ability to perceive alternate versions of itself from different realities.

Besides autocosmic identity, our experience is closest to a gateway system. I’d say it’s the main label for our plurality, whereas autocosm specifically refers to those of us are, well, me. My selves can depart to and fro from their realms. I’ve had soulbonds who’ve done the same. Early into my personal explorations, I recall referring to the body as a vessel of sorts. Around then, it was in regards to the fact that much of our memories and noemata seemed to pour into this body. However, that was solely from my perspective. In retrospect, it’s possible that this body is a vessel in the literal sense in which it serves as a waypoint between my headmates’ world(s) and our headspace.

There are members who don’t leave, though. Ade and Quinn stick around since they theoretically should be dead in their worlds. On the flip side, the only member who doesn’t leave their realm is Cap. He’s the leader of a whole space crew, so he rarely stops by in our inner world. Instead, he talks to me and whoever else is present through his radio. For a connection so far away, his alternative is surprisingly efficient.

It’s not just us here, either. We’re accompanied by habitans, which is the only autocosm-based term we use. A habitan simply means someone who isn’t one of us. They aren’t someone or something I identify as nor are they a parallel life that I have. Nonetheless, they still live alongside the autocosm.

How habitans exist in our headspace can differ. For example: there’s my dæmon, Maxwell. As a dæ, Max is a thoughtform segmented from my subconscious. He takes the form of a raggiana bird-of-paradise; previously, he was a rainbow boa. His position as a habitan isn’t the same as say, Rina and Hachi, who both entered our headspace as accidental soulbonds. Since many of our daytrippers have left permanently to attend to their own matters, we have a total of four habitans. Our Scrivener Construct is the fourth and final habitan of our collective thus far.

Regarding those of us within the autocosm, we don’t have roles. Although Quinn, Ade, and Bea motioned in favor of having roles and offered to take up roles of their own, we came to the conclusion that collectively establishing roles would be inconsiderate of our selves who’re more active within their own realms. Ultimately, if someone wanted to perform a specific duty within our headspace, then they’re free to do so on their own accord. However, no one is required to do the same.

Recently, Quinn took up the role of being our protector. Although he has a rough history with guarding, he decided to take up this role anyway because he was actually given a choice unlike his past experiences.

Despite being such a wild card, Bea took up the role of a protector as well. While Quinn protects the interior of our headspace, Bea oversees travel to and fro from the headspace, making sure folks reach their destinations safely. They also keep an eye out for any beings from outside of our collective, allowing or denying access to the headspace if need be. No one gets in and out without Bea knowing. Makes sense since The Beyonder, in-source or otherwise, is as far-reaching as it gets, metaphysically speaking. I guess that’d also make them a gatekeeper, but they’re admittedly not fond of that title.

In Ade’s case, he took up the role of being our internal self helper. He helps me keep in touch with everyone and support the structure of our inner world. He and I often share this role by comparing notes and conversing extensively on what we know so far. Scrivener assists us from time to time too. Based on my suspicions last year, there were already signs of them doing that before I came to terms with being plural.

As for me, you could kind of say I’m the “host” since I’m the main one operating the body. To be fair, it’s not exactly a job anyone else wants. Last year, I once thought I stress-shifted into a zonai at my job. However, according to Ade, that “stress shift” was actually him fronting for the first time. It at least explained why “I” suddenly didn’t know how to work the machinery at my job. That’s because Ade’s never worked with earthen technology before! He’s loathed the idea of fronting ever since.

Rina, Hachi, Quinn and Ink are the ones who’re the most interested in joining me while I front. They're like passengers while I drive the car. However, only Quinn and Solai have expressed interest in co-fronting with me. In Quinn's case, he wants to know what it feels like to have a human body again. In Solai's case, it's because it just wants to see the world again without being bothered by quests or otherworldly interruptions.

Occasionally, Cap will ask me to describe things on my end out of curiosity. Although he’s made peace with his Earth going dark, and the fact that our Earth is different from his Earth, he still misses what he once knew. He likes to hear about the mountains I grew up around and the places I’d visit while in college.

Otherwise, everyone else couldn’t care less. Bea has allegedly seen better and is content with the role they currently have. They don’t care to operate the body, despite matching its appearance internally. Makame and Sa'ya'la are disinterested since they’re already familiar with this world as interdimensional travelers, similar to Beyonder.

That then leaves me. Not much of a role when I hold the position that no one else cares to have. I do appreciate Quinn and Solai’s interest, though. I'll take them up on that in the future.

That’s all we have noted for now. Although I’ve had experiences related to plurality since last year, particularly through dæmonism and soulbonding, the reality of being plural is still new to me. We’re not even bothering with -genic labels since it adds nothing of substance to any of us. Our origin is entirely metaphysical. That’s what matters.