#authoroflast

I've put this on every page I managed already but here I'll do it again to be clear.

I'm not feeling depressed, which is a relief, and nor am I feeling anxious, which is a darn miracle.

I'll list things as I have done when describing the situation to my friends.

I can go to Paris and America as soon as covid allows provided nothing else happens.

My fourth book is literally my life obsession rn.

I have nre in what might become a LDP who is ok with me being poly. (Also he can play the star wars theme on the ocarina)

I am getting trained to a department where I have more friends and will be less pressure on me for sales.

It is amazing!! The only true thing I have that I am struggling with is back pain and inflammation in my chest. My sleep is not so much insomnia and more my clock has adjusted to the West coast American timezone because I speak to my friends every day.

Although, I was going to write a nice New Year blog on Hogmanay... Inspired by the speech from our lovely First Minister, Nicola Sturgeon. However, I think it best just to quote my favourite part.

2020 has been unimaginably difficult/.../ We have had to deny ourselves so many of the things that we most value in life, human companionship, hugs from loved ones, the comfort and the pleasure we get from meeting and spending time with each other.

Speaking of the things those who have been fighting on the front line in NHS and essential staff, praising those who volunteered for vaccine trials, in addition to the quite phenomenol achievements of various charities, businesses and people in their community during the pandemic, Ms Sturgeon added: “These have all been points of brightness in dark times. They have reminded us again of what truly matters in life – kindness, compassion, solidarity and love.”

I could not say it better myself.

In all honesty, the speech led me nearly to tears. I have a warmth for my country of birth. This is the best place I've lived and I've no end of gratitude for those who have risked their lives. Many have lost loved ones this year and risked their own health to keep the world afloat in the new normal.

It breaks my heart that people would dare to hurt others in the ways I have been treated this year.

Thank you for being my best friend.

Thank you for putting up with me.

I'm very tired all the time.

Thank you for making sure I eat.

Thank you for helping me function.

I found myself avoiding the subject

I always knew I wasn't ready

You made believe that I was irresistible

You said you couldn't wait to have me

You told me the same thing if I asked

"we're taking it slow"

You'd make me feel gorgeous and amazing

When I was finally able to admit my feelings

You took it all away

You will always be a coward

I will not let you dim my shine

I am the fire within the rampaging flame

Save me from these awful guys

Protect me, Hecate, make me wise

Take me to the other side

It melts me so!

When you touch me and you get that wicked smile, that devious grin, that delicious mouth. It sends hot shivers down my spine, a tingling sensation in my head, makes my heart ache and I get butterflies in my stomach. A warm fuzzy feeling.

How are you doing this?

These fantastic images, my wonderful dream about you, the first one who has ever made me feel really special. Respected. Desire his lips and tongue, how can you tell I've worked so hard to deny this feeling, this longing, but it's too much. So intense

I can't delete that

Why do you have to do that? Get inside my mind, soul and body that way? You're likely the man of my dreams. I see you when I am seconds before waking up in the morning. And there you are on my phone saying "good morning" in the way only you can do.