My psychiatrist said fighting with my mum is a good sign because it means I’m beginning to care enough about things to argue about them but also now that I am no longer under a deep haze of bleh Jesus Christ my mother is a nightmare person.
I know she loves me and she did help me a lot, but it’s so incredibly difficult to cooperate with her. She doesn’t listen to anything I say, and I mean genuinely almost literally. I will say something like “oh I bought bananas”, and then she will immediately ask if I bought bananas. That’s a harmless example but most of the time its much more annoying. She’s also used to being a boss. Anyone who has met me knows how well I deal with authority. This morning she tried to “plan the day” by telling me what I should do when and for how long exactly. Naturally I didn’t take kindly to that.
I know it’s my fault, really, because I’m the one with the authority problem, but honestly, she is the most disorganised person I have ever met, both physically and mentally. I know for a fact that her time management strategies she’s taken directly from a thousand and one books on the subject Do. Not. Work. Not that the books are wrong, I’m sure they work for some people. They don’t work for her. And they don’t work for me. Because believe me I have tried all the standard strategies, and found that I needed to make my own because I’m ADHD and depressed and my way WORKS FOR ME. She doesn’t have a way that works for her. She just thinks she does, and then ends up not getting anything done anyway. But she will still try to push her way down my throat. I am coming off the tail end of 5 years of university. I needed a lot of extensions but they were all because of mental health crises (and once a computer crash). I know how to manage my time.
But no. Of course. Tell me exactly what I should do and when and for how long. Remember I’m the person who didn’t shower for 2 weeks in 45C weather because people kept telling me to. And then wonder why this doesn’t work.
