#author:micky

       It’s hard to put something back together once it starts to break. Its an inevitability that certain things like, people or feelings, have no place in the realms of eternity.  For once those cracks start to show on the surface, it is only a matter of time before it becomes broken. Before it becomes useless.

                                           To try to fix it,

                                          To hope it can last,

                                          To continue fighting…

         After all to be inevitable, means somewhere down the line, it is bound to happen. Whether it is right at that very moment or even a few years later, all things will eventually reach their end. Jinyoung, however, was unable to accept that. You see, when Jaebum came into his life, it was almost as if the world had finally begun to move. Put into motion by the sight of his smile and the sweet melody from his lips, Jinyoung had finally felt apart of something. He had found a goal, and someone who promised to stay by his side no matter what happened.

        Because of that, Jinyoung couldn’t just let him go. Even while the cracks pushed them further and further from each other, he couldn’t just give up. At least not yet. Not like this.

        “We don’t have time for this, Jinyoung-ah, we’re up next.” Jaebum said loudly, as he was dragged into the waiting room by a rather persistent and frantic Jr. Flower wreaths and banners hung all around the room. Brightly colored balloons which spelled out ‘GOT7’ floated in the middle, a present from the staff for all their hard work.

       “You said that if I ever need to talk, that if anything ever felt wrong…that I could go to you right? No matter where we were, no matter what stage it was, you’d always-” As Jinyoung began to speak, his eyes were looking down at the floor, unable to bring them to look into his leader’s eyes. After taking a deep breath, he finally looked up. The moment he locked eyes with Jaebum, he could feel his chest begin to cave in. He felt worthless and troublesome, especially with the way the slightly taller male was looking down at him. As if he didn’t even want to be there.

                       As if he would rather be with the others.

       “…T-that you’d always take care of me first…right?” The slightly shorter male pleaded with his voice cracking strained by the weight of his words. It was now Jaebum’s turn to take a deep breath, his thoughts clouded by the fact that they had to be on stage within the next 15 minutes. “Of course I’d always take care of you, now tell me what’s wrong quickly. You know we can’t do this right now.” The leader said annoyed by Jinyoung’s sudden behavior.

 “Let’s just leave.”

“…What?”

        “You heard me…lets just stop being GOT7. I can’t do this anymore hyung, I can’t be in this group knowing that it’s the reason why we’re growing apart.”

        Jaebum was stunned by the words falling out from Jinyoung’s lips. They were unusual, and erratic, for the member who was dubbed the mother figure of the group. “Jinyoung, what are you talking ab-”

        “THEY’RE BREAKING US UP HYUNG!” Jinyoung yelled, tears threatening to fall from his eyes. “They want to take you away from me. First it was JJ Project, they took that from us…Do you remember how much fun we had together? When it was just us two?!” He exclaimed chuckling from the memories that had swarmed his head the minute he mentioned JJ Project. “Why couldn’t it just be us two, why did they have to come along…huh?! Why?” He said laughing, while the tears streamed down his cheek.  

         Jinyoung was aware how insane he must have looked to his leader at that moment. Aware that his words were unstable and desperation was plastered all over his trembling form. He was completely aware of how pathetic he was acting, but he needed Jaebum to understand how much he really needed him and that he wouldn’t let them break without one last fight.

        Turning around towards the banners and other things so carefully decorated with the words GOT7, Jr. could feel his chest begin to cave in once again. “Hajima…hajima…HAJIMA!” He began to shout grabbing the banner closest to him and ripping it in half. Turning towards the balloons, his solitary step towards its direction was because of a warm hand that was now gripping his shoulder.

                                   “Jinyoung, stop…please.”

          The tears were not going to stop and no matter how unstable Jinyoung’s emotions were, that same pitiful feeling always returned the minute he looked back into his leader’s eyes.  

          “I can’t hyung.” He said through his sobbing. “I can’t do this anymore hyung.” He said biting his lips and looking down, unable to look into his eyes any longer. “You don’t-…you don’t look at me the same anymore. Not like how you use to. You don’t hug me, you don’t kiss me…not like how you use to.”

                                       Jaebum said nothing.

          “You know there are nights,” Jinyoung continued bringing his face up once again after gathering the last bit of courage he had, “where I can’t sleep because etched in the back of my mind is the image of you and Youngjae sleeping together. “

                                   Again Jaebum said nothing.

         “You and Jackson have gotten closer now a days. Everytime we film, he’s all over you. Hugging you, singing you lullabies, just…hanging all over you. Hanging over what’s mine! Even off camera…it’s all the same. Jackson, Bambam, Youngjae…just take your pick.” He said smiling through the tears as if he wasn’t sobbing uncontrollably a second ago. “Is their love replacing mine hyung?” Jinyoung asked holding himself as if he was preparing for the words that would come next.

                           But again…Jaebum said nothing.

 “…I can’t do this anymore. I can’t be apart of this group…and I can’t leave you behind.”

          Jinyoung pleaded dropping down to his knees in front of Jaebum. “Please say you’ll come with me. Please say you haven’t lost your love for me. Just…please…

                                         Say something.”

         Jaebum stared down at Jinyoung, whose tears had now stained his cheek and showed no shame in highlighting how desperate he was.

         “Leader! Jinyoung hyung!” Called a voice from the hallway. “Jaebum hyung, Jinyoung hyung! Where are you guys?” called another.

        The silence between them was unbearable and Jinyoung was unable to stop the tears and sobs that were coming from him once again.

        “Say something.” The crying boy managed to spit out,as he dug his nails in his arms.

But Jaebum said nothing, as he turned around towards the door.

        “Say something…” Jinyoung muttered but it was already too late. Jaebum was already outside, greeting the other’s. He had left Jinyoung behind who was still fighting the sobs, caught in his throat after watching Jaebum leave.

        Jr. opened his mouth again, it seemed that there were more words that needed to be said. Looking down at his lips, the figure waited in anticipation. “Thank…you.” He repeated, whispering it this time with a low raspy voice.

“This is why…I love you.”

      Time seemed to stop at that moment and while silence had surrounded the two since the beginning, it was almost eerie at how much more quiet it became. The figure stared down and after holding his breath for what seemed like forever, the knot in his throat finally disappeared. Those words, while common to him, especially by the mother-like Jinyoung had a different feel to them this time. Unlike before, he could tell that those three simple words were much more genuine and much more sincere, and most importantly, he truly meant them.

    Or at least, the figure felt like he did. “S-say it again.” The figure spat out, inching closer towards Jinyoung’s face. “Say my name this time.” he pleaded desperately. Even though Jr was slowly drifting off to sleep, the words that were said to him caused him to chuckle. ‘So he hasn’t gotten it by now, huh.’ He thought adjusting his position once more in order to sleep comfortably.

“I love you, Mark-hyung.”

[2 weeks later]

      It took about three weeks for Jinyoung to recover from the Swine flu, and after returning from the hospital he was finally given permission to continue the promotional activities with the rest of the members. Jaebum, the group leader and Youngjae were also diagnosed with the same flu, a fate they blamed on Jr. But after bed rest and medication, they too returned back to their regular schedule.

       When the umma walked through the door, the members showered him with attention. It was almost as if he was on his deathbed, but miraculously pulled through. The only one missing from the group, however, was the eldest. Mark was watching them from the couch and when Jr laid his eyes on him, he quickly looked away, pretending to be interested by the cow documentary displayed on the TV.

          A faint smile sprawled on his lips and he quickly weaved through the group, making his way towards Mark. “Thank you, again…for what you did that night.” He said throwing himself down next to Mark. The eldest smiled, his eyes still turned towards the television, while Jr. clasped his hand around his. “I’m just glad you said my name.” Mark said, finally turning his gaze towards the man next to him. Jr. laughed at those words.

“And whose else name would I say?”

“I don’t know…maybe…JB.”

“Hah! In what world would I say Jaebum-hyung’s name over yours?”

“A world that I wouldn’t want to be in.” Mark joked, adjusting his position on the couch so he could be closer to Jr.

“Oh, by the way…I love you too Jirongie, and I’m glad you’re not sick anymore.”

4:37 AM

       Unearthly sounds could be heard behind the clear door as Jinyoung tossed and turned, scattering the large amount of dolls that surrounded him. The maknae’s who shared the room with him were plastered against the closed door looking down at their beloved umma. Jinyoung had been diagnosed with Swine influenza (swine flu) sometime last week and even though it’s been a few days, there were certain nights that were completely unbearable for him.

       The insufferable throbbing was scattered throughout his entire body, as if it were unable to pick a home. His throat was dry and it took him to get sick to realize how much he absentmindedly swallowed throughout the day. With every attempt, he clenched his teeth and closed his eyes tightly anticipating the pain that would come, every single time.

          “What should we do?” BB whispered looking back at Yugyeom. The giant maknae continued to stared, unable to come up with a logical response being that he was still a bit sleepy. But as he opened his mouth to answer, a gentle hand touched his shoulder, surprising the both of them.

“Go back to sleep, I’ll take care of him.”

         It took them a few seconds to fully register the words they were told, but after a few seconds of silence, the two nodded their heads and walked away from the door. While they were definitely surprised, they were also relieved because they knew that this hyung was probably the best person for him right now.

             The painkillers Jinyoung always took right before he went to bed were of no help at this moment, shown in his obvious display of discomfort. His head was pounding and for some reason, he couldn’t open his eyes. They were weighing heavily on him and with every attempt, just like his throat, only succeeded in reminding him that every single part of his body was in pain.

        Even though he was a man, it was in that moment that he began to miss his mother. He wanted to cry out for her, to tell her to take the pain away like she always promised she would. But a part of him knew, that he couldn’t rely on her right now, because she was just too far from reach.

        All of a sudden, his desperate thoughts were interrupted by light footsteps of someone entering the room. At first he thought it was one of his roommates, maybe he had made enough noise for one of them to notice that he was in pain. But when the figure placed his hands around Jinyoung’s waist to adjust his sleeping position, the sensation it gave him was not that of the maknae’s touch.

      The mysterious member had come prepared, armed with a bowl of cold water with a face towel placed inside and a small water bottle. The bottle of painkillers located by his bed shook slightly, and he could hear the mysterious figure opening the top and shaking it into his hand. The figure paused for a few seconds, as if he was putting some thought as to how he was going to get the sick man to swallow the pills. After some deliberation, he tucked his fingers under Jinyoung’s chin and pushed it up. He then proceeded to slide his fingers towards the umma’s cheek. Pushing down gently, Jr parted his lips. His body, while still in pain, was bending to the man’s commanding touch without even the slightest bit of resistance.

     A few seconds of silence passed before Jinyoung could feel soft lips touch his and a round pill being pushed into his mouth. The warm tongue had continued, sliding deeper towards the back of his mouth trying his best to propel it down Jr.’s throat. After the unknown figure broke away from his lips, a cool refreshing liquid followed after, causing him to swallow the pill and revitalize his throat that had been bothering him for the past hour.

‘Thank you.’

     Even though his body was still in pain, Jr. knew it wasn’t going to be long before the medication would take into effect. In about ten minutes or so, the aches would begin to die down and he would finally be able to rest again. Surprised by the cold sensation on his forehead, brought upon by the wet towel, his body jerked to the side and he could feel the figure move his free hand towards his cheek. “Shhh.” The man cooed moving the towel into place with his right hand as he gently stroked Jinyoung’s cheek with the other.

      With the towel cooling his forehead, it was his cheek that was now on fire. The warm strokes that slid gently across Jr’s skin was sending chills down his spine, completely different from the sensations he had been feeling earlier. Instead of a gripping pain, it was a reassuring warmth that was now taking its spot. As the figure continued to stroke his cheek, a few seconds of silence passed before he felt the soft lips from earlier plant onto his warm skin.

      Thankful for what the man had done, Jinyoung opened his mouth to say something. “Thank…you.” He spat out, with a brief pause between the two words. The figure quickly removed his hand from Jr’s face and stared down at his pale skin. The sudden words took him by surprise but he couldn’t help but smile. It wasn’t a thank you that he was looking for, instead the mysterious man did out of a peace of mind, for both him and Jr. Even though he couldn’t hear the umma’s cries, being that he was in another room, he continued to worry throughout the night always wondering if he was in pain or not.

    Jr opened his mouth again, it seemed that there were more words that needed to be spoken. Looking down at his lips, the figure waited in anticipation. “Thank…you….Jaebum-hyung.” Jr whispered, sincerity and gratitude laced within his words. “I can always…count on…you.”

They say that once that first shot of alcohol goes down the throat, the effects are immediate. The burning sensation that starts at the tongue makes its way through the esophagus marking every spot, almost as if it were mapping the insides of a person’s chest. For JB, this was nothing new however it was the first time with his precious members. While he promised himself to stay sober in order to watch out for the others, Wooyoung was being far too persistent. “Come on one shot won’t hurt.” He insisted waving the small shot glass in his face. The party was thrown for the JYP artist who had been working really hard in preparation for the big concert that was coming up. GOT7 especially were encouraged by all their hyungs to let loose for a bit and take a break from being an idol. “Come on, just one shot and I won’t bother you anymore.” Wooyung said putting his arm around the young man’s shoulder. JB looked between the glass and his hyung a few times, before smiling. “I guess one won’t hurt.” He said immediately grabbing the glass and downing it. “Ahhhhhh! Leader!” called a familiar voice as he was quickly tackled by a skinnier male.

 JB looked over surprised and embarrassed, “Jr! Don’t tell me you’re drunk already?” He quickly questioned attempting to hide his guilty expression. “Ah of course not, I know how to control myself. But you on the other hand, need another drink!” It didn’t take long for the young man to get wasted, and Jr. and Wooyoung were having way too much fun with the drunk Jae-bum. The other members of 2PM also joined in on the fun, encouraging him with every shot he took. “Make way for the chic leader!” JB yelled breaking through the circle his hyungs formed around him. “Don’t do anything too stupid!” Jr. yelled watching him walk away in a drunken manner. “Is he going to be okay?” Nickhun asked worried about the consequences. “He’ll be fine…well I hope he’ll be fine.” Jr. responded scratching the back of his head.

On the other side of the room, Mark and Jackson were sitting on the sofa, laughing at the younger members in front of them. It seemed that Youngjae had fallen asleep amidst all the partying and BamBam and Yugyeom were trying to wake him up. “Hyung! Yah, wake up!” The giant maknae yelled shaking his shoulders. BamBam chuckled and picked up the drink that the sleeping member was babysitting. Realizing that they weren’t going to be able to wake him, he went over to the sofa holding the drink. When Jackson saw him about to sit, he immediately grabbed the boy’s waist and plopped him on his lap. “Ah I almost dropped the cup.” BamBam said enjoying his favorite seat, preferring Jackson’s lap over any chair or sofa. “What’s in the cup?” Jackson asked wrapping his arms around the boy’s waist. “Drink it and find out.” Mark said coolly shooting Jackson a mischievous glance. The Hong Kong boy smirked at the suggestion. Due to his competitiveness it was hard for him to say no to things especially when given in a challenging tone that Mark displayed. “Just keep pouring.” He ordered opening his mouth towards BamBam. The other two foreigners looked at each other and laughed, satisfied with his willingness. “Here we go.” BamBam said cutely practically dumping the liquid down his throat. After drinking the whole cup in one shot, Jacksons face immediately curled and he leaned back from the burning sensation that was still going through his chest. “I don’t think that was a mix, it smelled like that cup was full of pure alcohol.” BamBam said looking at the empty cup. “Uh-oh here comes JB.” Mark said biting his lip.

JB miraculously made his way through the crowd of artist and staff without anyone noticing his current condition. Scanning the crowd, his face immediately lit up at the sight of a familiar black sports cap. “Yah!” He called out loudly with a huge smile on his face. Passing by Yugyeom and Youngjae, he paid them no attention and instead walked straight towards his foreign members. “Kids, are you having fun?” He asked slurring his words a bit. “You’re drunk too?” Mark asked surprised, since he assured everyone a few hours ago that he wouldn’t drink tonight. “Drunk too? Who else drank? Jackson?” He asked immediately rushing over. Pushing BamBam off in one single movement, he leaned down grabbing Jackson’s face. “Are you okay? Who gave you the drink?” He said loudly with his own face close to Jackson’s. “Ahh, stop yelling. I can hear you fine, where’d BamBam go my lap is getting cold.” Jackson said with his eyes closed, his words slurring as well. Anger began to well up inside the Leader at Jackson’s request for another. While he tried not to make it too obvious, he had developed feelings for Jackson over their time together. JB even tried to switch the roommate situation in their dorm, requesting Jackson to sleep with him in his room on the single mat. Letting go of his face, he glared down at the foreign members. Opening his mouth to say something, he was interrupted by Mark’s sudden shove. “Hurry, hurry, go into the bathroom with Jackson. Managers coming and you’ll get scolded if he sees you guys like this.” He said quickly pulling Jackson as well. Pushing them into the closest bathroom, he quickly closed the door and held the knob in case they tried to leave.

JB held his chest with his back against the door. His heart was beating quickly with the sudden situation of being alone with his crush. Jackson on the other hand, sat up on the sink with a large cup on his hand. It seemed amidst the shoving, he grabbed another cup from someone’s hand and they were way too drunk to even notice who took it. “No more, you’ve had en-” However before JB could even finish his sentence, Jackson took a big gulp.

“Yah! You couldn’t wait for me to even finish talking?”

“Ah, calm down.”

“Calm down? You punk, show resp-”

“Where’s BamBam? I want BamBam.”

With just that sentence, he could feel his rage about to come out. Not only was he angry about the disrespect but as of lately Jackson has only shown attention and skin ship towards the other foreign members.  For JB, who has longed to receive those sort of things from Jackson, it was always hard to watch. Seeing JB’s anger welling up, Jackson walked towards the door and reached for the knob. JB intercepted his reach, grabbing his hand and bringing it up next to his head. “Is that the only one you like out of everyone? Just BamBam?” He said anger seeping from his words. “Are you jealous?” Jackson quickly retorted with a serious expression. Instead of answering, he let go of Jacksons hand and turned around. Jackson chuckled at the leader’s behavior and gave him a back hug.

“You want me to do things like this to you?”

“…”

“You’re too skinny though, it doesn’t feel nice.”

“….”

“BamBam’s back is soft and warm, almost like baked bread.”

“Stop bringing him up.”

“It’s always like that too. And even though Mark hyung is skinnier, he has a sexy back.”

“Shut-up.”

“You’re cute when you’re jealous. But BamBam’s the cutest.”

It doesn’t take much to get JB angry, however he has improved a lot lately with controlling it. But in situations of love, that was one thing JB would never be able to control. “Stop talking!” He yelled, breaking free from the back hug by digging his elbows back. Due to Jackson’s intoxication, he was surprised by the action and lost his footing. Stumbling back, he fell and the back of his head collided with the sink top. Letting out a yell, he stayed on the floor and grasped his head in pain. JB stood frozen in his spot, his chest twisting from the painful cry he just heard. Mark and Jr. who were by the door, immediately rushed in to tend to Jackson. “Hyung, what happened?” Jr. yelled kneeling down next to Jackson. JB, unable to answer, stumbled out of the bathroom. Pain and regret was painted on his face and he was doing everything in his power not to break down. “What have I done?” He whispered, his voice cracking slightly as he made his way outside. The commotion was too much for him to bear, bringing him to the point where he could hardly breathe.

 A little while later, the party was coming to a close. People slowly began to make their way home unaware of Jackson’s accident. He had stayed in the bathroom with Mark and Jr. at his side, in order not worry anyone else. With an ice-pack on the back of his head, he took a deep breath. “I need to go find hyung.” He said suddenly grabbing the water bottle he had been drinking. Realizing they couldn’t say anything to stop him, Jr. and Mark just watched in silence.

JB had made his way towards the garden located in the back of the building, and was taking out his pain and anger by kicking one of the wooden benches. “Ahhhh!” He yelled out unable to make sense of what had just happened. “I hurt him! The guy I like, I hurt him!” He yelled talking out loud. “Do I even deserve to like him now?! I don’t deserve his touch, or his smile or to hear him laugh. I don’t deserve any of it…He’ll never look at me the same. I’ll never have a chance now.” He said dropping both his knee’s onto the concrete path. “There were still so many things I wanted to do with him and now it won’t be the same. I won’t be able to sing with him, or dance with him, or make him happy.” Taking a deep breath, he looked up as tears threatened to fall. “I should have been nicer to him, I should have let him joke around more. I should have told him how I felt, and how whenever I was around him I was the happiest. As long as he was by my side, there was nothing I couldn’t face. He gave me strength. But now…but now…Aish.” He exclaimed covering his face in shame. The pain that the young man was feeling was indescribable. He had failed both his team and his heart, and the regret was weighing too heavily on him. “But now what?” said a voice a few feet from the kneeling JB. Shooting his head up, he immediately stood up and turned around. He was surprised at the figure standing a couple of steps away.