#aushunweek2018

If it weren't for the fact that Elizabetha didn't know how to drive and that she was currently at an avenue that was far away from the nearest bus stop and that she was wearing 5 inch heels with this specific tight, long black dress, she would definitely leave and go home at that very moment.

The night was supposed to beautiful. And it was. The skies were clear of any dark clouds, the few stars that were visible in the city shone alongside the white crescent moon. Besides the pulsing beat of the music blaring of the hall inside the building she was currently sitting in front of, the night was calm and quiet, with crickets chirping a tune in the grass nearby.

Tonight was supposed to be her special night. Sure, it was just another one of those yearly spring school formals they had, but this specific one was supposed to be special.

“Why did I agree to this?” Elizabetha cried in a low mumbled, trying hard not to let the tears accumulating in her eyes spill, knowing that she would regret the streaks of black mascara and eyeliner along her cheeks when she stopped crying.

Elizabetha hated this. She hated the fact that she went all out to the point of buying this stupid She hated the fact that she even allowed Gilbert to talk her into going to the formal to begin with.

Think of it like a last hoorah before we go our separate ways, Gilbert had coaxed her, before adding in a coy tone, And it would be the perfect night to finally tell him how you feel.

Tonight was supposed to be the night she confesses to Roderich, her long-time friend since the day they met in Grade 9. She was always infatuated with him, with the way he was so calm and collected, the way he treated her with respect and kindness rather than being crude and crass as many boys would be with her, and he thought he was rather cute when they first met, unlike how many didn't take notice until Grade 12. It wasn't until this year, however, when her feelings of infatuation turned to a serious crush.

The everlooming fact that this was their last year before they left for university made her realise that she actually wanted to be much more than friends, even have a serious relationship with him, and although she knew they were going to the same university campus, she felt a slight worry that if she didn't tell him how she felt and he finds someone at university, she would live regretting not trying.

Tonight, she was supposed to bring him to side, this specific place actually to tell him. It could have been perfect way to confess your feelings- the building was nearby a river and forest, and the moonlight scenery would have just romantic. Even Gilbert agreed, and that boy wouldn't know what's romantic and not until it slaps him in the face.

She was supposed to tell him how she felt.

However, at that very moment she was having second thoughts.

Seeing him and a specific girl talking around the tables while Elizabetha danced with a few of her girl friends on the dancefloor particularly gave her second thoughts. Seeing him and that girl leave the hall together ultimately ruined the night for her, and any plans that she had made prior. That specific girl was none other than her archrival and spawn of Satan, Lena.

Ahh how she loathed Lena. And her hatred actually had nothing to do with the fact that Lena had an obvious crush on Roderich (though, it helped fuel the fire). They didn’t get along at first, with Elizabetha always feeling as if Lena held herself up in a pedestal and looked down on Elizabetha. It wasn't until a few months, thought, when there was a rumour going around about Elizabetha being, well, to put it mildly, a slut. She hung out with three people mainly at school, a nuclear group of sorts- Gilbert, Roderich, and a Swiss transfer student, Basch. Apparently, according to rumours, she's sleeping with both Gilbert and Basch, while she probably hanging out with an outstanding guy like Roderich for the same reason.

When Elizabetha first heard of this rumour, she didn't know whether to laugh or beat the nearest trash can. She laughed due to being in the hallways during lunch, and not wanting to appear weak and overly invested in this rumour. She then got up to go to the washroom, locking herself in a stall, and started to cry into her sleeves. Regardless of how Elizabetha reacted and felt, the rumours were traced back to Lena, and from then on, Elizabetha had a stewing hatred building inside of her, as did Lena.

For Lena, her disliking for Elizabetha was likely because of how much Roderich was with Elizabetha, likely jealous. She even decided once to ask him to the movies alone (unbeknownst to Roderich that she was asking for a date), in which he rejected her to go out with Elizabetha instead (all Elizabetha could do in the moment was smugly smile while Lena stared daggers into her soul).

Although it was clear that Roderich was not all that aware of Lena’s affection for him, nor did it ever seem apparent that he actually liked Lena as a person, a part of Elizabethat thinks otherwise.

It was obvious Lena came from an affluent background, as did Roderich- both families were relatively ‘well-off’ and had that sophisticated and classy upbringing that Elizabetha did not receive from her little apartment she shared with her parents. They were both musically gifted as well, Roderich with the piano and Lena with the violin, musical instruments that have classically melded together, harmonious and beautiful. Elizabetha could carry a note with her voice, but she wasn’t musically trained, and was a bit afraid to try, intimidated by the many students who had had training since they were young. They meshed well together, they were practically made for each while Elizabetha and Roderich were...well, it was by pure association with Gilbert that they met.

Even though Gilbert has insisted many, many times that Roderich likes her too and he's too much of a wuss to ask her out, there was a slight fear of rejection that built up within her that blocked her from pulling Roderich aside despite being with Lena.

Perhaps she felt that, deep down, underneath all the confidence she had built up over the years, she still inadequate compared to Lena. And although Roderich never made her feel that way, a voice, the subtle and venomous voice that always whispered in her head during her times of weakness, made her feel as such.

It doesn’t matter anymore, Elizabetha thought, her arms folded up and prompting her face, staring out into the sky. I just want to go home.

Elizabetha was always one with the plan. She had charted out every move and every word she would use while confessing to Roderich. Originally, she was to bring Roderich out onto the balcony connected to the hall and tell him how she felt.

It was meant to be her movie moment- the moment when the heroine tells her love interest how she felt (or was it the hero? Whatever, she found gender roles to be stupid), and they were going to spend the rest of the night together. She even went as far as telling the DJ he had to play a slow song, and she calculated that by the time he ended up playing it, she and Roderich would already be in in each others arms, and they would be able to slow dance on the balcony, underneath the moonlight.

Now that that plan was scrapped, she came up with a new plan on the spot - get a ride back home with Gilbert as soon as she could, tear this dress off her body and wash the layer of makeup off before snuggling underneath the covers on her bed and pulling up the latest shojo romance anime while she cries about her loneliness into the crappy microwave popcorn she will inevitably make.

Elizabetha felt her mood lighten up slightly at the idea of crying alone, without anyone seeing her, and she took another deep breathe to calm herself down once more. Her night could still be perfect- all she has to do is survive the next few hours and avoid Roderich, and she should be all.

I got this, Elizabetha thought, trying to maintain a confident voice, and was ready to stand up and run back inside, before she heard the doors swing open behind her.

“Elizabetha?” A familiar voice, low and smooth with a slight twang of a German accent, asked from behind her. Elizabetha immediately straightened her back, frozen, and quickly to make it her face not give away how devastated she was.

“What are you doing?” The sound of shoes on the pavement followed, as the person stepped down to where she sat. “Did something happen?”

“No, I'm fine. Just wanted some air,” Elizabetha said, forcing a soft smile, looking up towards Roderich, who stood by.

He looked absolutely dashing in his black suit, with the dark blue tie bringing out how vivid his eyes were. He chose to wear contact lenses, something he hates doing, but by Elizabetha’s request, he chose to forgo his usual rectangular specs. His dark brown hair, that was usually a bit of a bedheaded mess, was slicked back to reveal much of his face, and the little mole on his peachy chin was noticeable despite how dim it was was- although, Elizabetha always notices that little mark, finding that it suited his face more than blemish it.

“I was feeling a bit stuffy,” Elizabetha continued, noticing the slight frown growing on his face, wishing he wasn’t talking to her.

“It is a stuffy, isn’t it?” Roderich asked with his usual tone, before pausing slightly, looking at Elizabetha’s face. Elizabetha prayed that her eyes were not red and puffy from the almost crying, and looked down to the pavement in front of her, finding a particular spot. He seemed to narrow his eyes, suspicious about whether she was telling the truth, but he didn’t press on. Instead, he asked, “May I sit with you?”

“Do you have to ask?” Elizabetha joked without looking up, thought internally, she desperately wanting to say no. Roderich just smiled - a small, soft smile - and sat down beside her. They were close- too close. Elizabetha could feel the warmth coming off his body through the suit along her bare arms, and even though she really wanted to jump into his arm to escape the cold, she had to stay put. Maybe if she stayed indifferent, he’d leave her alone.

“Aren’t you cold out here?” Roderich asked, raising an eyebrow raised, as if to humour her.

“No.” Yes. “I love the cold.”

“Really? Since when?”

“Since always,” Elizabetha replied, keeping her answers court in order to dissuade him from talking to her.

“Maybe next winter, you should come with us to the Alps," Roderich commented. "Since you're fond of the cold, apparently."

"Maybe." She finally looked over at Roderich, trying her best to not to appear rude. “Why did you come out here?"

"Because I needed air."

Sure. "You could have stayed in the foyer instead."

"That's true," Roderich contemplated her answer. "Then why didn't you stay inside as well?"

Touché. Elizabetha didn't respond, and started ahead, returning back to her spot on the pavement.

“Are you planning the rest of your night here?”

“Yes,” Elizabetha said. “If you're bored, you can go back inside. I'm sure Lena is waiting for you.”

“Lena?” She could see his face skew slightly at the name. “Why would she be waiting for me?”

“Hm, I thought I saw her hanging around you back there,” Elizabetha said, keeping the same tone she would use for a joke, but it was out of pure pettiness that she asked.

“Oh, that,” Roderich mumbled, his eyebrows pulled on his face, almost looking annoyed. “No she just wanted to talk to me about something.”

“Mhm,” Elizabetha hummed, and she let her tone drop, persistent annoyance. “You two looked awfully cozy together.”

“I'm serious, Eliza,” Roderich said quickly, catching on to her implication. “It was nothing.”

“Why are you getting defensive?” Elizabetha asked, feeling a tight squeeze in her chest at the shift of his voice.

“You're the one being moody for some reason,” Roderich replied, finally breaking face, and Elizabetha scoffed. “Do you want to know why she was talking to me?”

“Maybe,” Elizabetha said.

“She said that she has feelings for me,” Roderich muttered, placing a hand on his head, his eyebrows pulled in as if he were in pain. “And she apparently had feelings for me for a long time, but I...I just don’t feel the same way.”

A feeling of giddiness swelled in Elizabetha’s chest, make it’s way from her lungs to her throat, and she could hear herself let out a loud

“Why are you laughing?”

“I'm surprised you didn't see it coming,” Elizabetha's laugh died immediately, though her imp smile remained. Roderich stared at her blankly, genuine confusion on his face, and Elizabetha had to try so hard not to gush over how cute he looked when he was lost. “You're so silly!”

“H-how am I silly?” Roderich asked, taken aback.

“She's had a crush on you for the longest time!”

“Really?”

“You can't be this oblivious,” Elizabetha insisted, but Roderich gave her no indication of him being otherwise. She shook her head, allowing the conversation to fall flat. There was a weird pause, before she decided there was no way she was going to sit through the night with Roderich around the area.

“I just want to go home,” Elizabetha admitted, looking over to her companion. “You think Gilbert would be willing to come out?”

“No,” Roderich chuckled slightly. “He’s busy dancing with his boyfriend.”

“Of course he is,” Elizabetha sighed, thought she wasn’t really mad at Gilbert at all- he deserved to live his fullest romantic life, even if it means Elizabetha would be essentially the third wheel and left out. “Guess I'll have to stick the rest of the night out here.”

“If you want,” Roderich started, a bit slow, as if he were hesitating. “I can drop you off.”

She looked at him with a slight frown, and didn’t think twice before asking, “You sure you don't want to go back in there and dance?”

“You know I can't dance,” Roderich responded, standing up and patting the dust off his pants. “Do you want to stay here or not?”

Elizabetha contemplated this idea for a bit. Did she really want to go home that badly? Did she really want to suffer through an hour drive home in order to be in the comfort of her pyjamas and bed, with a screen playing in front of her while in the dark?

Absolutely. You didn't need to tell her twice.

“Sure. Let's ditch this place,” Elizabetha said, trying to come off as cool and nonchalent, but inside, she felt anxious.

“It's been a while since it's just been the two of us,” Roderich said, after switching the radio station, tired of hearing the same repetitive songs again and again. “How have you been?”

“We see each other everyday,” Elizabetha couldn't help but smile at how awkward Roderich was at conversation.

They left the hall after saying a quick farewell to Gilbert and Basch, and were now in Roderich's car, currently making their way towards Elizabetha’s building in the quiet suburbs, far away from the city life. Elizabetha was surprised about how little cars there were on the road, expecting there to be traffic, and a part of her was glad that she didn’t have to sit alongside Roderich for too long.

"But it's different when Basch and Gilbert are with us," Roderich continued, keeping his eyes on the road. "It's much less chaotic when they aren't with us."

"I know what you mean," Elizabetha agreed along, laughing. "Gilbert is a handful."

"An annoying one," Roderich replied, though she knew he meant it in a loving way, as they always do with their friend. "Do you mind if we don't listen to pop songs? Maybe we could listen to some-"

"Classical?" Elizabetha finished his sentence, knowing that he had an affinity for wordless music, and Roderich smiled bashfully for being called out. Elizabetha pressed the specific button that she knew lead to the radio station Roderich loved, and they sat in silent, listening to a piece that Elizabetha did not recognize, but was able to enjoy.

What do I do?  Elizabetha, becoming conscious about the lack of words between them, finding that she started to tune into her own thoughts as she stole quick glances at Roderich, keeping her face slightly towards the window. Elizabetha could feel blood pulsing in her ears at the words, and she was worried that her heart was beating so loud. Why did he have to be so good-looking? Was fate mocking her by placing her in this situation?

She heard Roderich clear his throat suddenly, before turning down the volume of the piece playing on the radio. There was another pause between that, and then, she heard Roderich speak.

“I’ve been meaning to tell you this for a while now.”

She felt her blood run cold at how the sudden seriousness in his voice.

They stopped at a light, and Elizabetha finally looked over to Roderich, who stared with a blank expression on his face towards the empty road that laid in front of them. A pause settled between them, and Elizabetha maintained the glance, anticipating, but Roderich did not continue, instead opting to wait. The light turned green, and he continued, taking a left in silence, at which point, Elizabetha felt a bit antsy.

“What did you want to tell me,” she finally said, the words falling out into a whisper, and she could see Roderich tighten his grip on the steering wheel. He cleared his throat, opening his mouth, but no words came out.

“Are you okay?” Elizabetha asked in the same tone, now slightly worried about why Roderich wasn’t answer her.

Another unsettling pause, and suddenly, Roderich muttered. “For fuck’s sake. Can we go to the Cliffs?”

The Cliffs were as what one would expect it to be- just a cliffside that ran along and overlooked the lake nearby in their city, and it was oftentimes a great place to go walking through, with a nice flat parking spot that is accessible to many, thought at this time, people would use that area for...other activities.

Elizabetha had never been asked to go there, knowing what kids her age did, and she was taken aback that Roderich, of all people, suggested to go there.

“Um,” Elizabetha started, unsure how to answer, and Roderich must have noticed her uneasiness, because he quickly exclaimed.

“No, I’m not trying to-! I just want to talk and...I don’t want to stop at some weird parking lot. That would be bad, it would be horrible I just thought it would be better if we went somewhere better. Get some air, you know?”

Elizabetha was about to answer, but Roderich quickly interjected.

“But, I assume your parents be worried if you come home late,” Roderich continued, thought he appeared to not want her to agree.

“Maybe, but I told them the dance would end at 12,” Elizabeth replied, a smile playing on her lips. The Cliffs were quite a romantic place, if anything. “We can still go, if you want to.”

He likes you, Gilbert's voice echoed in her head, and she felt her heart beat faster. She shouldn't get ahead of herself- but why else would Roderich insist on talking to her alone?

“Would you like to grab some coffee? It might be cold,” Roderich asked, his demeanour calmer, but he still looked a bit on edge . Elizabetha nodded with a hum, shifting her glance towards the window beside her.

One drive through later, the buildings soon turned to long stretches of houses and trees, before finally, they came to The Cliffs, the parking lot barren and lit dimly with a half functioning light.

The ground was flat, a few trees hanging around the sides, and once they stepped out of the car and walked a bit further down the pavement that lead to the rotting gazebo near edge of the cliff, Elizabetha could hear the overlapping waters below, slow and steady. Despite the coffee in her hands and the scalding temperature it held, she still felt cold, and the lakeside wind that blew did not help with the goosebumps covering her arms. She tried to stare out into the horizon, her eyes adjusting so she could see the line between the water and the sky, the moonlight giving off a shade of white over them.

This right here was much better than some balcony at an overpriced hall surrounded by hormonal teenagers. The view itself was breathtaking, and almost compensates for how badly her night went.

There was a bench nearby, and Roderich stood nearby, gesturing for her to sit. She sat silently, a first considering she tends to talk a lot, and Roderich waited until she settled.

“Are you sure you're not cold?” Roderich asked when he noticed Elizabetha rubbing her arm with a hand and her legs together.

“I-I'm fine,” Elizabetha stumbled on her words, giving how she truly felt about the weather away.

“...Why do you insist on being stubborn,” Roderich sighed.

Without missing a best, Roderich took off his suit blazer, and drapped it over her shoulders, the warmth of the blazer hugging onto his body immediately evelopping her. Elizabetha felt a warm sensation pique her cheeks, and she didn't say anything, holding the collar of the blazer closer to her.

“You said you wanted to tell me something,” Elizabetha said softly, and Roderich nodded, glancing down to the floor.

“I did…” He finally said, facing her body towards. Their knees almost touched, and Elizabetha maintained eye contact with Roderich, who still glanced around a bit nervously.

“I wanted to slow dance with you,” Roderich started rapidly, her voice starting out loud before dropping to a mumble.

Elizabetha stared blankly, her ears and head not knowing how to digest this, not understanding.

“Wha-”

“Back at the dance,” Roderich continued, his voice still shaking. He paused, and he Roderich said after the pause, “ I mean...um...don't you think it sucks that they don't play any slow songs at these things?”

“I guess,” Elizabetha said, a bit confused, and she could tell that Roderich was covering up what he wanted to say. “They never play slow songs anymore.”

“Did you want to slow dance?” Roderich found his voice, and Elizabetha felt her heart beat slightly fast.

Yes, with you. “Yeah, it would be nice to slow dance with someone.”

“Would...would you like to dance with me, then?” Roderich said, eyes finally locked onto Elizabetha’s, and she felt if she continued looking into his deep blues, she would internally implode.

“What, are you saying you want to slow dance with me?” Elizabetha asked with a nervous chuckle, grinning to herself, thinking that he was just trying to make a joke. “Don't play with a girl's feeling like that, Roddy-”

“No, I'm being serious,” Roderich replied, getting up. He lowered a hand towards Elizabetha, now a bit confident in his stance, and he continued in a smoother voice, “Will you dance with me?”

Elizabetha looked up, waiting for him to say something along the lines of “Kidding! April Fools!” (maybe not in that way exactly, because Roderich never talked like that), but he just waited, hand held up to her.

Elizabetha slowly gave him her hand, the moment they touched sending waves through Elizabetha's body, and he helped her up. She hoped he couldn't see her flushed face, and made sure her chin was down.

He had his phone in one song, and started to scroll through it. “Did you want to dance to something specific or-”

“No, you can choose,” she said. She smiled softly at him, saying, “Surprise me.”

Roderich didn't say anything, just squinted his eyes at his phone as if he were still blind without his glasses, and finally clicked on something. He laid the phone down on the bench, and sound of the guitar strummed lightly, a soothing voice singing.

I've been waiting for answers I've been waiting a long, long time If I open the door won't you come inside

“I thought you would choose a piano ballad,” Elizabetha said playfully, and she could see a small smile appear on Roderich's face.

“I do, but I think this song suits us better,” he said softly. He took a step closer, as if waiting for her to do something. When Elizabetha didn't anything, he spoke up, “Do you know how to slow dance?”

“No. I've never slow danced in my life,” she admitted, and she could have sworn Roderich's face lit up. “This would be my first time.”

“Well, just follow my lead,” Roderich said, guiding her other hand over his shoulder, before placing his hand on her waist.

“I've watched movies, so I know what I have to do,” Elizabetha said, knowing Roderich would explain the smallest details to her if she didn't say otherwise.

“Then show me what you can do,” Roderich said with a small smile as he took a step back to the rhythm, Elizabetha following suite.

My heart’s begging for mercy How much longer can I sit still and be Hopeful and doubting and torn inside

“You know, you should look at the person you're dancing with,” Roderich said, when Elizabetha continued to stare at a specific place between their feet.

“Okay, okay,” Elizabetha mumbled, looking up, her heart pulsing, and she maintained eye contact with Roderich, who looked at her with an expression she couldn't decipher.

He twirled her suddenly, and it felt so natural that Elizabetha didn't realise she just did a spin on heels without falling, a first for her.

And all this time I’ve been staring at the minute hand Oh what a crime That I can’t seem to understand that life is in the waiting

“Why did you choose this specific song,” Elizabetha asked as she continue to listen, the lyrics pulling her heartstrings, the yearning in the singer's voice something she can relate.

“Do you really want to know?” Roderich asked, and Elizabetha nodded, her throat drying at the buildup of Roderich's answer.

I’ve been working on patience Trying to trust in the timing of my tiny existence I come alive

“It's how I feel about you,” Roderich said in a low voice, almost coming out as a whisper, but he didn't break the eye contact.

Elizabetha felt as if time had stopped.

“What?”

“I like you, Eliza,” Roderich started with the same soft tone. “And not in a friend way but in a - a romantic way.”

I sat still in the twilight I found peace in the quiet things How could I wish away all the in between

“I told Gilbert about it before so it’s not something random,” Roderich continued, nervousness seeping into his voice, and he paused slightly, collecting his thoughts, but it came out as rambles. “I wanted to tell you how I felt, and I decided tonight would be a good night I went looking for you because I wanted to tell you how I felt, but something got in the way of it-”

“Wait, you wanted to tell me you liked me?” Elizabetha asked, feeling an overwhelming emotion swept over her. Was it happiness? Was it excitement? Both, perhaps? Regardless, she couldn't believe what was happening.

Roderich simply nodded, the music playing as they stopped. “I’ve like you for a long time…”

“How long?”

“I-” Roderich fumbled, glancing away. “Since...we first met…”

All the way back in their first year of high school. Elizabetha felt her heart skip a beat, swallowing a bit of saliva to help clear her dry throat. She continued, “So why didn’t you ask me before?”

“I...I didn’t think it was the right time,” Roderich muttered, and he lifted his hand to his nose, a reflex he did when he would wear glasses and was trying to hide his embarrassment. When Elizabetha did not respond, being in the middle of comprehending what was happening, he quickly let go of her waist, saying, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to jump

“Didn’t Gil tell you?” Elizabetha almost laughed, the excitement getting the best of her.

“Tell me what?”

That little shit, Elizabetha thought, a smile breaking on her face. He knew all along what they were going to do, and didn’t bother telling either of them.

A sense of relief swept over her, and she reached out for Roderich’s arms, feeling the dread disappearing and be replaced with warmth, pulling one along her back and the other in her hand. “We didn’t finish our dance.”

“Oh,” Roderich muttered, not fighting back, and they continued to follow the steps, albeit slower than before.

“I like you too,” Elizabetha said in a soft voice, smiling just as softly. “I’ve liked you for a while now too.”

And all this time I’ve been staring at the minute hand Oh what a crime That I can’t seem to understand that life is in the waiting

Roderich did not respond, but instead nodded, his flustered expression going back to his usual calm manner, but there was a tinge of happiness on his face, in his smiles and his eyes twinkled.

They danced under the moonlight, the strum of the guitar guiding their moves, delicate and quiet. Thought this was not part of her plan, and not even part of Roderich’s plan, it still felt right, and much more perfect than anything she could conjure up.