#augustwinter

Me: that's honestly an impossible question to answer; how do you define the feeling of love? Which sence would you use? To define love I'd say that its...warm yet...cold. its bright, as if a beam of light shone mear inches away from your face but...it can be dark also. Like.. the grimmest, inkyiest, black of dark. Its soft and enveloping like the fur lined of your favorite winter jacket and rough and maring like the mountains that scrape our skies... its.... its...... like the whisper of angel and the roaring howls of the foulest of beats. It's that breath you take someone grabs you from behind, yet you knew it was the embrace of someone who's heart was your to cherish. You just knew it. The concept of love can be found in life, in all our fights, all our embraces, through every laugh and every tear; these are all apart of love but that isnt what should be in question; I was able to call up any of those individuals at any moment I so chooseed . In my coldest of nights I could feel the warmth of her embrace. When my inner demons would scream through the night, her voice would soothe them to sleep. to feel that shutter through my body the very first moment we kissed. (And) even that gut wrenching feeling..that..that uncontrollable shaking you get as youre laying curled in an agonizing mass kind if feeling when you find her cheating and then finally hearing that...."goodbye," THAT IS WHY I DO IT! TO FEEL LOVE.. TO FEEL PAIN... JUST TO FINALLY FEEL ALIVE!!!!!!! But with all my power it only lasts just a little while, dwindling down into nothingness. No warmth, no pain, no... anything. And I'm tired of that. Im tired of only just existing. So life less, so numb..

Avatar: that must of been pretty indescribable

Love.. *scoffs* love. As fragile as my insecurities may seem I never thought I would break because of such a concept.

I stood there and watched you smile as the bus pulled away, what ever game you where playing you knew I wasn't going to follow; I wasn't going to run crying your name, you knew I was going to stand there with my hand held out as you slipped away... you knew

When you faded away, I felt my heart break, when I heard your last goodbye I felt the remnants disappear. When I asked you why you said nothing, and (finally) when you said it was me, I lost it.

You came back and called for a midnight tryst. I obliged, I scrapped togeher what I could find and came heart in hand. It fluttered at the shear thought of us once again; but it was all apart of the game...wasn't it? Like seconds ticking by I watched your lovers come and go, you praising each one as they pass and when your supply dwindled you beckoned my way to tithe you over until your reup was complete and then your correspondence fell flat.

When I watched another one come, I felt my heart beat less, and as I saw him go, I felt it die just the same. When i watched you shower another with the credit of turning your life around, I winced..at first.. but now? I feel nothing. You and I know the truth, I took a pipe to the head just to save you from an abusive, fraction of a man, not him, or him, or him... I was the one who got you into college, I was the one who was working two jobs to try and support you and your two kids, in the end i was the one who freed you from a continuing home imprisonment that lasted four years plus, Who saved your mother as she tried to kill herself.

You are right, it wasn't me.. it was them...You where right, you said I reminded you of Jack Nicholson from the shining, if there was any point where I felt like him, theres no better one then now. I guess all work and no play really makes James a dull boy.

When I first saw you. I felt my heart flutter, when I watched you leave I felt it shutter. When i heard you whisper good bye i felt it break, and when i heard you whisper "I love you"...to another; I felt it die. (But) now as i type this i feel nothing; the anger has come and i wallowed in sorrow, I've tried to keep my head above water but what's the point? I treaded for far too long and its finally time to give in. So again, I ask, what's the point? Why did I hold on to that glimmer of a fading spark from a fire you doused so long ago? What warmth did it provide as the cold winter crept through and engulfed me? All it did was shatter the last of my crystalized humanity; it tortured me and haunted every waking moment, it seeped in threw and soured my hopes, setting my mind a blaze and burning my very last dream to the ground... now I sit here and watch that dream dwindle as ash and char chase the ember which consumes the last page of our story.