#augustine headcanon

i really do love giving my characters flaws. most people should enjoy it, as it is such a cathartic experience. being able to write flaws, and accept them as a writer, even transferring your own into the writing to help ease that internal warfare about your ‘bad habits.’

for me, the flaws i tend to highlight with augustine are her insecurities and jealousy. which, don’t necessarily jump out in every interaction. insecurities that have been pressed into her brain from a young age, that she isn’t feminine enough, that she doesn’t try hard enough ... all of this a constant reminder playing in her head, so she plays ‘dumb,’ the classic feminine image that most men would want to see - the image she was trained to know and revert back to in times of distress. the jealousy thing is so huge for her - and it literally tears apart multiple friendships, but she would never acknowledge or admit that it was the reason. she stops being friends with emma because she’s envious of her family life, and because she hooks up with the guy she had feelings for. she fears liberty because she is so effortlessly herself, and doesn’t try to blend into the stereotypes. where the two of them were once parallels, augustine drifts further onto her own path, fitting more into the role that her mother always envisioned for her. 

other noted flaws is that augustine is indecisive. and not for the sake of being unable to pick, but because she gets greedy. for example, in the zac v. jay situation that tugs at her heart strings -- she wants both of them in her life. she doesn’t want to lose one to have the other. this is also a key element at the beginning of season four for augustine when she was dating spinner, while crushing on craig and jay. augustine has never been able to make a sturdy choice about her love life because she is scared of ending up with nothing if she makes one singular choice. she is truly greedy in terms of love. she would do anything to feel loved.

she’s also manipulative. if we paid attention to augustine in the earlier seasons that i’ve written out, she’s not a ditz. she’s incredibly intelligent. takes mostly honors / ap classes. she’s getting amazing grades, even through the trauma she’s faced, she focuses on her studies - somehow finds the time to do all of that ... but she still portrays herself as an airhead. she lets people think that she’s unintelligent so they not only expect less of her, ultimately relieving the pressure to be the best, but also so they’re kinder to her ... although, she’s definitely letting people think she’s dumb so they feel comfortable oversharing, overstepping. but, as we know - augustine is observant. doesn’t forget things very easily. and she uses the information she gains, not only for her benefit, but for the benefit of her friends as well.

do these flaws make her a bad person? absolutely not. augustine is an incredibly kindhearted individual. she’s often selfless, and very forgiving. she’d give someone the shirt off her back if she needed to. but she is incredibly flawed - and she should be. she’s experienced grand trauma in her life, countless events, that lead up to these types of emotions. ones that she isn’t even entirely aware of most of the time. but that makes playing her even more interesting.