#aug 12th

From Suicidal Depression to Brimming Creativity

Introduction: Darkness as a Gateway to Light

The journey from the suffocating grip of suicidal depression to the overflowing joy of creativity is one of the most radical transformations a human being can undergo. For many, depression is an abyss—silent, isolating, and relentless. For me, this dark chapter was not only a crucible but also a turning point. It stretched across several months in 2015, plunging me into my lowest emotional, spiritual, and energetic state. Yet paradoxically, that same darkness became the womb of rebirth.

What emerged was a new way of living—brimming with creativity, compassion, and clarity. Depression stripped away illusions, broke open hardened defenses, and forced me to confront the rawest parts of my being. When I stopped resisting and began embracing the pain, hidden reservoirs of insight, healing, and artistic expression awakened.

In this blog, I share my intimate experience of depression, the practices and supports that helped me reclaim life, and how creativity—writing, poetry, music, and coaching—emerged from the ashes of despair. My hope is that these reflections not only inspire but also offer practical tools for anyone navigating similar shadows.

The Onset of Depression: A Storm in 2015

By 2015, my life looked like a paradox from the outside. Years of psychic exploration and spiritual experiences had deepened my understanding of the unseen dimensions of life. Yet in the physical realm, I was grappling with overwhelming challenges.

Triggers and Catalysts

Financial setbacks: A heavy business loss drained not only my resources but also my self-confidence.

Relationship dissolutions: Personal connections frayed, leaving me with feelings of rejection and abandonment.

Kundalini awakening side effects: Psychedelic energy surges coursed through my body, creating physical restlessness, heat, and sleeplessness. What should have been a blessing often felt like an unbearable burden.

Relentless thoughts: My mind raced endlessly—obsessions, fears, anxieties—creating an emotional storm that would not subside.

Insomnia: Nights blurred into days as sleep became elusive. Exhaustion amplified despair.

The Emotional Landscape

The world lost its colors. Joy felt impossible. Thoughts of ending my life surfaced daily, like whispers from a dark abyss. My sense of worth diminished, and I carried the heavy stigma of mental illness in silence.

Looking back, I see this phase as a crucible. While it tested my will to live, it also forced me to face the parts of myself I had ignored—the wounds, the grief, the unprocessed shadows. Beneath the pain lay seeds of awakening waiting to germinate.

Spiritual Practices that Helped Me Heal

The turning point came when I made a conscious decision: I would not run away from depression. Instead, I would walk into it with awareness. Instead of numbing myself solely with medication or distractions, I leaned into practices that combined ancient spiritual wisdom with modern mindfulness.

Bhuta Shuddhi: Cleansing the Five Elements

One of the most transformative practices was Bhuta Shuddhi, a yogic process designed to purify the five elements—earth, water, fire, air, and space—within the body. Depression often creates deep elemental imbalances. For me, the practice gradually:

Stabilized the restless Kundalini energy.

Cleansed emotional toxicity from trauma and stress.

Reconnected me to the body in a grounded, gentle way.

Over months of consistent practice, the storm inside me began to calm. Energy once chaotic began to integrate.

Mindfulness: Observing the Storm Without Resistance

The second pillar of my healing was mindful presence. Inspired by Buddhist teachings and the guidance of masters like Thich Nhat Hanh, I practiced observing my thoughts and emotions without clinging or resisting.

At first, this was brutally difficult. Sitting still with my thoughts felt like sitting inside a hurricane. But gradually, I learned that I was not my thoughts. I was the witness. Like clouds drifting across the sky, despair too would pass.

Radical Acceptance: Choosing to Feel the Pain

Perhaps the most radical shift came when I stopped trying to escape pain and instead chose to feel it fully. Instead of numbing or suppressing, I surrendered to the intensity. This surrender was not collapse—it was transformation. Pain became energy. Tears became cleansing. Darkness became initiation.

The Role of Support Systems and the Inner Guru

While spiritual practices anchored me, human love and divine guidance were equally essential.

Family and Friends

Even when they did not fully understand my inner battle, my loved ones showed kindness and patience. Their presence reminded me that I was not alone, dissolving some of the shame associated with mental health struggles.

The Inner Guru

Beyond external support, I began to sense a quiet inner guidance—an intuitive voice whispering encouragement. This inner Guru, the psychic teacher within, offered clarity when logic failed. It reminded me that depression was not the end of my story, only a passage.

This combination of outer support and inner presence became a lifeline.

Creativity Emerging from Darkness

As depression began to lift, something unexpected happened: creativity surged like a river breaking through a dam.

Writing and Poetry: Words flowed unfiltered—poems, stories, reflections. What had been silence became expression.

Music: Melodies emerged, sometimes spontaneously during meditation.

Coaching and Healing: My suffering became a bridge to connect with others. I began coaching with new empathy, offering support drawn from lived experience.

The very energy of pain became raw material for art and service. What once threatened to destroy me became the fuel for a more purposeful life.

Today, I see depression not as a curse but as an initiation. It stripped away pretense, unlocked creativity, and deepened compassion for others walking similar paths.

Practical Guidance for Readers

If you are struggling with depression or supporting someone who is, here are practices that may help—drawn directly from my journey:

Embrace the pain, don’t suppress itCreate safe spaces—whether through journaling, meditation, or therapy—to feel what arises without judgment.

Gentle cleansing methodsPractices like Bhuta Shuddhi, pranayama (breathwork), or energy healing can restore balance gradually.

Daily mindfulnessEven five minutes of observing your breath or thoughts can create islands of calm.

Reach out for supportIsolation deepens despair. Speak to loved ones, mentors, or a therapist. Connection is medicine.

Creative expressionWrite, paint, dance, sing—let emotions flow into form. Creativity transforms heaviness into beauty.

Seek professional help if neededDepression can be complex. Spiritual practices help, but medical and psychological support are valuable allies.

Remember you are not your painDepression is an experience, not your identity. Beneath it lies a resilient, radiant self waiting to emerge.

Lessons Learned: Depression as a Sacred Initiation

Looking back, I recognize depression as one of my greatest teachers. It taught me:

Impermanence: Even the darkest storms eventually pass.

Compassion: Suffering deepens our empathy for others.

Creativity: Pain, when embraced, becomes fuel for artistic and spiritual expression.

Surrender: Transformation happens when we stop resisting and allow life to move through us.

The descent into darkness was terrifying, but it became a doorway into a more authentic, vibrant existence.

Conclusion: The Seed of Light in Every Shadow

My descent into suicidal depression in 2015 felt like standing on the edge of an abyss. Yet that abyss became a launchpad. Through practices like Bhuta Shuddhi, mindfulness, acceptance, and the support of loved ones, I found my way back—not just to survival but to creativity, clarity, and purpose.

Today, I see depression not as a shameful secret but as a sacred initiation. Within the deepest dark, the seed of light was waiting. By choosing to face pain with courage and love, I unearthed creativity and compassion beyond anything I imagined.

If you are in the depths of despair, remember: you are not alone. The shadow is not the end. When embraced, it can become the soil in which your brightest creative awakening takes root. Walk through it patiently, persistently, and with love—you may emerge not only healed but transformed into a radiant being of infinite possibilities.

For more blogs on various topics: https://naran.guru/blogs-1

With Light, Love and Laughter,

Naran aka Jothi Ramesh

Extra Ordinary Humans to Extraordinary Beings

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this year im going to do everything i have ever wanted or have been afraid to do.... 33 is going to be my year of firsts.....