#audrey friendly

    with a mouth full of apologies, audrey followed harry into the room.  he had held the door open but it wasn’t the same as when ben or chad did it.  (maybe it was the way he bowed while he did it so mockingly) when the blonde set eyes on uma, she opened her mouth to apologize about how she had acted the previous day. but uma gave her a firm look that shut her back up, and audrey’s eyes cast down to her feet.

    now she wrung her hands together anxiously as she listened to gil ramble on about a new fruit he tried today to harry. (who sat and listened which confused her to no end because she was so used to him not listening to literally anyone) she was sitting next to uma, not right next to her because she was still nervous but they were still fairly close to each other.

   there was a movie on the t.v. that audrey didn’t know, but these days all she watched were ‘chick flicks’ so she shouldn’t be surprised that pirates were watching something other than those.  her knees were pulled up to her chest and it was now that she had begun to regret not keeping her sweat pants on. (only a very small part of herself wished this because it was simply un-princess like for her to be dressed so sloppily in front of her friends)

   maybe she had wished she had still kept on the comfortable clothes because uma had tilted her head when the two of them had sat on her bed together.  the pirate captain had asked her if that was what she wore to sleep, to which audrey replied, no. (the problem was she couldn’t give an answer that she wasn’t semi ashamed of to why she was wearing actual clothes at ten o’ clock in the night)

   audrey tilted her head back into the reasonably soft pillows uma had propped up behind their backs. slowly she let her legs stretch out in front of her. the princess was very good at pretending to be interested in the seven children screaming about something on uma’s t.v.,but apparently she slipped or something because uma put a hand on her shoulder.  “hey, you okay?”

    to this she sat back up and nodded, “yes, of course.  why wouldn’t i be?” she trailed her fingers over the braid that was slowly becoming loose.  really though, why wouldn’t she be okay? she was safe, and comfortable, and (according to the other people in the room with her, though audrey’s self doubt still ran wild in her head.) she was with friends.

    “i dunno, you just seemed, like, off almost.” audrey shook her head in response and chuckled delicately.   even if she felt a little out of place and like an intruder, it wasn’t like uma would care.  audrey has witnessed firsthand the kind of behavior you get if you talk to uma about your feelings.  (not to audrey, never to audrey, but to unsuspecting aks who get put in the dumb talking groups ben had put together to help ‘mingle’ the villain kids and the auradonian kids.)

    uma made a noise that sounded oddly like a scoff, but audrey turned her attention to where gil was laid on harry’s lap.  she pondered to herself how that worked, because it seemed far too affectionate to be friendly.  uma caught her eyes yet again and squeezed her hand on her shoulder.  when audrey looked over at her, uma’s eyes were on the television.  (it confused her but she came o the possible realization that maybe uma was trying to comfort her.  and then she accidentally melted into her grasp.) 

     uma made a little humming sound at the laughter of the two boys on the floor, a soft smile on her face that made audrey smile a little too.  and suddenly audrey didn’t feel quite so lonely.

     it was about an hour and they were half way through another movie before uma had taken audrey’s braid out and the two of them had sat much closer to each other than before.  uma was humming a song audrey didn’t know, and it helped to distract her from the fact she was almost leaning against uma while she was playing with her hair.

     audrey twisted her hands in her sweater, nervous that uma would do something to hurt her because she never got the chance to apologize.  the fear made her feel awful, so she apologized.  her words were quiet but she knew uma heard her because of her sigh.  

     “i thought i told you i was getting sick of all these apologies.” she tilted her head down shamefully and uma tugged her hair to make her bring her head back up.  which made audrey squeak out a ‘sorry’. uma groaned at this and continued to mess with her hair.

     “harry?” uma took her by the shoulders and moved her so she was sitting in front of her between her open legs. harry turned around immediately and so did gil. (for some reason audrey was unaware of) “do you think dizzy has hair dye in her room?”

      he nodded, “i walked in on her redoing celia’s hair, they’ve got just about everything in there.”  audrey assumed that uma grinned before she turned and reached for her phone, the princess turning her head to follow her movements.

      she turned around completely so she could make eye contact with uma, who was looking at the screen of her cellphone rather focused.  “why do you need hair dye?” a lump in her stomach formed at a revenge plot for her.  maybe uma was just pretending to be her friend while really they were going to dye her hair neon green.  she shuddered at the thought, no one could convince her that there would ever be a right time to wear neon green.

      “well, if you must know.” uma sighed dramatically, obviously mocking literally every princess to exist ever, and set down her phone. “i thought we could make your hair brown again.”

      audrey blinked, out of everything that was not what she expected to come out of uma’s mouth. “oh, uhm, why?” uma had picked up her phone again and from what audrey could see she seemed to be texting somebody, probably celia or dizzy. (or both)

      uma groaned like it was the most obvious thing ever, “you told me that you dyed your hair because you wanted to look more like your mother.  so, i thought we could make you audrey again.”  the girl in question pursed her lips and brought a hand to touch her hair.  by now, harry and gil were still looking at the t.v. and uma was scrolling on her phone again.

      “well, that’s very kind of you.” she sat up on her knees and ran her fingers though her hair again.  “i’m just not sure-” uma pressed a finger to her lips to quiet her, and it worked of course.  who could ever refuse uma?

       “audrey,” uma slowly put her hand back down. “i can read you like a book.  you don’t need to pretend around me,” she waves her hand towards the boys curled up at the foot of the bed on the floor. “around us.”  audrey took her bottom lip between her teeth.  yeah, the reason she dyed her hair in the first place was so that she looked more like her mother.  but she did sort of change because she didn’t feel interesting enough before as well.  audrey isn’t sure what to think because something as simple as dying her hair wouldn’t make her happy, at least that’s what she thinks.

      audrey squeezes one of uma’s pillows against her chest in frustration, “i just don’t know.  my grammy already lost her mind when i dyed it the first time. i don’t want to disappoint her anymore than i already have.”  harry had looked up at her words, and that was probably because gil had sat up and peered up at her from behind the foot of the bed.  “she’s already kicked me out of the castle, i don’t want her to disown me or anything.” 

       uma sighed and squeezed her shoulder, “one of these days, i promise you won’t ever have to worry about your grandmother ever again.” audrey half smiled and shrugged.  gil got up and gave her a hug to match her smile, cautious. 

       audrey smiled in thanks and her hands found her hair as she worried it between her fingers. “i’m just not sure, uma.”  she let go of her hair and crossed her arms.  audrey used to be good at holding her own and being firm, but after the engagement and her little incident with the scepter her self confidence had taken a nosedive.

       uma groans, “if you let dizzy dye your hair, i’ll teach you how to sword fight.” the other girl sounds like this was a last resort option, and audrey tilts her head in confusion.

       “i thought you were already going to teach me how?”  uma had expressed a concern for audrey’s lack of fighting skills before, and the princess in turn had laughed it off, thinking she was joking.  but of course, uma had persisted.  audrey had been told that she would learn how to sword fight or at least something whether she liked it or not.

        “no,” uma stretched out on the bed. “i was going to have harry do it and then laugh at you when he beat you.” audrey gave her a look that was less than what a proper princess should give.  “he’s not a very good teacher when you don’t know where to start, especially if you’re a princess.” harry scoffed at this, of course, but he wasn’t denying anything.

        audrey really didn’t want to embarrass herself, especially not in front of uma, gil or harry. (now that she had confirmed that she has friends again, she really needed to focus on keeping them.  and she couldn’t go off the rails like last time)  it would be easier just to agree with uma, because the girl had proven to be persistent and audrey just didn’t think at this point she could get away from this especially since gil and harry were aware that this was would uma wanted. she doubted she’d walk away with her blonde hair.

       she propped up her head in her hands with a sigh, “okay, are they awake right now?” audrey smiled softly feeling gil’s head on her shoulder.

      uma gave her a victorious smile, “audrey, honey, not everybody goes to bed at nine o’ clock like a fucking middle-aged man.” audrey blushed and laughed softly.  she supposed they were teenagers after all, it’s not like they had a reason to go to bed so early.  audrey had cheer practice on every morning around seven, so sometimes it was still dark when she ended up getting up to get ready. 

      audrey purses her lips.  what uma doesn’t know is that she has to take a special pill (normally crushed up and put in her tea) because of the curse.  audrey finds it especially hard to sleep most nights because of the gnawing feeling that she could fall asleep and never wake up.  however, there was no reason uma had to know that.  and it would be okay because she could just go to bed and get her tea and stuff after her hair was done. she just smiled and nodded as uma took her hand and said something about leaving.  too wrapped up in her mind to care, she didn’t really notice when uma got up and picked up a pair of shorts and a t-shirt out of her dresser drawers.

      “you should probably put these on,” uma set the surprisingly neatly folded clothes in her lap before running an arm down the sleeve of audrey’s perfectly pink sweater. “wouldn’t want you to get this dirty.”

       audrey smiles and nods, uncrossing her legs so she can get up.  gil moves, and suddenly she feels cold again. she pretend it doesn’t happen and she doesn’t feel it as she goes to the bathroom connected to uma’s room.  “thank you.” is what she says as she opens the door.  and even though she wishes to say more, it’s all that she says.

       by the time audrey gets changed, she tries not to think about how she much she likes wearing uma clothes, even just the thought made her heart spin.  when she comes out uma has this soft little smile that audrey hopes means that she doesn’t look terrible.  they leave to go to dizzy’s room, and her heart is beating so hard.

      the amount of squeals that come out of dizzy’s mouth while audrey’s hair is wrapped in foil is honestly astonishing. audrey is worried, and as always uma holds her hand.  uma isn’t really paying attention to her, but she’s there and that helps.

      she’s afraid to look after dizzy leaves her with freshly curled hair.  by then, uma’s hand had left hers so she could go with harry and gil.  audrey thinks it’s to go back to her room but she’s not sure.  dizzy has this adorable smile on her face so she tries not to express her nervousness.  

      “audrey, audrey look! it’s so pretty!” a mirror was thrust in front of her face, and dizzy was right. it was pretty. shiny, bouncy brown curls framed her face and audrey hoped that her grandmother wouldn’t be too cross because she honestly really liked how it looked.

      as audrey looked over, she found celia curled up in her bed and dizzy practically on her toes hopefully waiting for praise.  audrey smiled in thanks, “thank you dizzy, it’s really beautiful.”  a squeal came from dizzy as she stood up and brushed off her shorts.

      a knock was heard on the door before a teal head peaked in.  audrey holds her breath and for some reason prays that she likes it.  uma’s smile says it all as she comes to her to touch it.  “there, now you look alive again.”  audrey laughs and smiles, like she knows she should.

     only after audrey starts to breath again and she had paid dizzy (which surprises her for some reason) does uma tell her that she has a surprise for her.  audrey is confused but smiles as she should and let’s herself be taken away with uma.

--

     “are you fucking kidding me!?” she screams over the wind and the roaring engine of chad charming’s car.  uma just laughs and gestures to harry with his wild smile and the key that doesn’t belong to him in the ignition. she pulls her hand with her as they walk closer.

     gil looks over to her with this confused puppy look, then he looks to uma.  “she knows fuck is a curse word here, right?”

   “yes, gil, i promise they won’t make you drop out even if you don’t do your chores.  you don’t even have to do chores anymore.  you know that don’t you?”

   audrey rose was trying her damn best to keep that god-forsaken snark out of her tone.  she was trying because honestly, she did care. she cared so much, in fact, that the blonde had taken it upon her self to see that every single villian kid on that damned isle would be happily situated in healthy and safe homes.  because she owes it to them, doesn’t she?

   doesn’t she owe it to them after the half-ass apology she got from her royal highness, lady of the court, daughter of maleficent?  because she almost destroyed everything, which is enough for her to almost start screaming because she didn’t really mean to.  

    but, it’s not right to dwell on the past, (she can still hear those words coming out of her own grandmother’s mouth, seated in the formal living room on golden detailed sofas, praying the lesson would end so she could go see her future husband ben.)  she can think of old audrey, who’s snarky words were all that she had and held her tongue until one day it slipped loose of her hold. and now she’s lost everything, chad won’t look her in the eye (as he should, best friends don’t curse each other) but then she was queen, dark and incredibly regal so much so that she no longer had just her words, oh no, she had magic then, and she had made them pay (something still whispers that it’s not enough, they haven’t paid their dues, that it was only a fraction of the cost.  she had been cheated)

   sometimes, when those words get too loud, she goes away. for days at a time, its only gone over a week once, which got her in so much trouble with her family, so she’ll never do that again. audrey never seems to remember where exactly she goes, which is certainly nightmarish in every way all things considered. (by all things she really means her little incident not so long ago)

   god forbid she actually feel something out of line, the world would turn upside down should she ever be angry, or passionate.  even mal is walking on eggshells around her, the daughter of an effing villian scared of sweet little audrey rose.  it would be laughable if audrey wasn’t scared of herself too.

   “are you sure? i can..” the boy looked around their surroundings, the calm chatter of the cluster of picnic tables near them drowning out the birds chirping (which audrey has come to find out, uma hates the noise, harry’s indifferent; though his captain disliking it makes him hate it too, and gil just adores it, which makes the other two say that they don’t care even though they were hellbent on making gil happy. this kind of behavior audrey may or may not be jealous of. nobody wants to make her happy, they just want to keep her from exploding, it sounds so tempting to let her emotions run free, however dangerous it is.)

    audrey doesn’t let him finish, putting a soft hand over top his own the table, like ben does.  “i’m very sure.” she says with finality, which makes him beam gratefully causing the princess to smile in return. (”it’s a super power of his” harry had said. “uma coulda’ just lost a battle to mal and if he smiled, we were all doin better already.”)

    but of course all so suddenly, disaster strikes. she can spot dark purple (a new establishment after several critiquing comments from  council members about the blue she had sported) out of the corner of eye and she can tell she visibly pales because even oblivious sweet gil looks at her with concern.  her hand leaves gil’s and goes to push herself off and up the table, heart pumping so loud it thunders through her.

    gil’s face flashes briefly with alarm, before he turned around to discover the almost-queen laughing and waving at familiar faces and he turns back to her, his face soft with understanding (which fires up rage in her heart because he doesn’t understand, no one does.  nobodies ever kissed his boyfriend in front of everybody with no apology.)

    she wants to snap at him, her mind reeling in a response as soon as he looked at her.  but she couldn’t. that was the old audrey, now she is kind and forgiving and gracious. (and jealous)

    so instead she ignores him, (arguably not the best choice, but whatever) and picks up her purse from where it had been laid on the bench.  audrey offers a smile, “i’m not feeling too well, must’ve been something i ate.” she laughs to cover up her bundled nerves but she’s not fooling anybody.

    but then, gil stands up with her and goes over to where she stands, she’s in shock but tries to keep a neutral face on, her eyes following him. normally he always lets her leave because he’s such a pushover sweet friend. are they friends? or is he just here to tell mal she’s not losing her fucking mind? because she is, but if you can convince everybody you’re not falling apart of anger but of sadness, nobody has to tell that your therapist is really just somebody you vent to, and that they don’t actually make your gnawing anxiety go away.

   “audrey, you haven’t eaten anything.” she wants to cry at the way he says her name, like he’s fucking disappointed when he really doesn’t have any right to be.  it’s none of his business, but she really can’t think about it too much because she doesn’t want mal to see her and she doesn’t want to pretend to talk to her.

   “oh,” the little noise she makes is pathetic and she immediately wishes she never made it she can’t let her guard down. “well i have to go talk to uh..” she tries to think of a name, any name that’s not mal bertha almost florian.  audrey realizes how unsure she sounds and she tries again, “i have to go talk to freddie, she wanted me to help her with her goodness 101 homework, it’s funny sometimes i forget i’m in that class too.” i don’t belong there tries to force it way out of her mouth which surprisingly would’ve gone perfectly with that bitter tone the last part was uttered in.

   she tugs her arm out of his grip (she hadn’t even noticed that he had touched her in the first place isle instincts would’ve gifted her so greatly.) “so, i should go.  i’m sorry, i’m such a ditz i can’t believe i forgot!” she offers an apologetic smile and goes to turn but his arm is back, tighter this time, and she knows she isn’t getting away.

  gil purses his lips like he’s in thought, before looking back at her. “i don’t believe for one minute that freddie needs help, mal helps her with her homework.” audrey opens her mouth to say something, whether an apology or an excuse she isn’t sure. “but --” her mouth abruptly closes with the look he gives her. “-- we are going to go with harry and uma and the four of us will do our homework together” he finishes with passion and a firm nod of his head, leaving no room for argument. 

  audrey wants to snarl and say something clever and fiendish like how he is dumb as rocks and really won’t be able to do the homework which isn’t true. she almost sobs at how easy it is to be mean, how quick she would’ve been had she not thought.

  instead, she nods mournfully, like a pathetic pitied princess scolded toddler. she tries to regain her dignity by standing up straighter, which gil adorably tilts his head at.

  the princess looks over her shoulder to still spot purple hair causing her to  frantically drag gil away from the inevitable scene she could’ve caused.  face paced heeled feet carry her far away from the anxiety inducing area and back to the comfort of her own dorm where she could wrap herself up in a blanket and just forget. 

  unfortunately, as she tries to make a break for it, gil notices and he tugs gentle as could be her back in the direction of uma’s dorm.  normally audrey would argue that the library would be better suited, if it was somebody else.  but harry hook is not well known for being quiet or getting along with other students.

  and then she’s sitting on a lazily thrown teal comforter on top of uma’s bed, her book propped up against the foot board and her binder in her lap on top of uma’s feet.

  the princess had finished her homework for the class the sea witch was currently groaning about a long time ago, it was simple and the questions were phrased in such a way you’d think that they were for kindergartners. 

  a pillow hits her shoulder and she is quickly startled out of her studies. “harry!” she cries, throwing it back at him.  it misses, making him burst out laughing as uma leans back off of the side of the bed, causing audrey to grab her ankle in attempt to keep her from falling. uma punches harry on his knee from where he sits next to the bed, and that’s when gil starts to laugh.

   and it stays like that for awhile, audrey trying to study while the so called ‘sea three’ goof off.  it’s so sweet audrey almost doesn’t notice the prickling burning thoughts that start to bubble to the surface after gil says something offhandedly about taking over auradon that even uma doesn’t catch.

   they laugh it off, although audrey’s laugh is a lot less convincing and her face is screwed up, she’s sure it looking absolutely disgraceful but they don’t notice so she lets it be.

   and then she messes up because she lets the thoughts ravage her mind until that’s all she can hear.  so much so she almost doesn’t realize that uma, who had taken a notice at her silence and brown eyes boring into the paper, is calling her name and now sitting up.

   at least, until she does see and then she’s met with fierce eyes and a fiercer face laced with concern which makes her feel angry and comforted at the same time.

   and that’s where things start to worsen for audrey because she could blow off and fake everybody else in the world, but not uma, and not her pirates.  so really, it shouldn’t of surprised her when she tried to make up an excuse and got off the bed when uma pulled her back down.

  “what is going on?” uma’s voice goes in one ear and out the other, truly, because she continues to try and leave.

  “uma, please let me go. i’m serious i have to go.” she tugs backwards only to find a pale hand on her shoulder, and she looks up to meet blue eyes that tell her she’s not going anywhere until she answers them.

   which is fine, because she scoffs and pushes harry’s hand off, squirming through uma’s tight grip on her hand. “i’m fine, please i have to go.”

  her words don’t seem to affect uma at all because she’s still looking at her so sternly that audrey can feel herself shrinking back. “i’m sorry, but i’m fine.” she purses her lips to look up at uma. “ i don’t want you to pity me, i told you i’m not playing this game with you.”  she sneers, and it’s accidental, but uma’s gaze only narrows.

   she remembers the first time they met, when harry had conveniently disappeared and left her alone prime time for pirates ganging up on her, she supposed.  she remembers uma telling her she wasn’t alone. and that was all she had said before taking her back to harry.  

   they were not friends, but they were not cruel to each other. they were kind, even.  it was a mutual respect kind of deal (but did mutual respect include calming audrey down when she’s about to burst or letting her play with her fingers under the desks in goodness 101?) it was nothing more, really.  audrey doesn’t owe her anything. (which is maybe why they get along so well.)

   uma’s glare had turned cold as she let go of audrey’s arm, crossing her own over her chest. “i’m not going to pity you, princess.” uma’s tone matches her gaze and audrey feels as if her heart would shatter.  and it’s especially ridiculous that her heart feels so broken because she wants this, doesn’t she.  all she really wants is to be left alone, away from people who make guilt stir deep in her stomach because it hurts.

   audrey’s is at a loss for words, her thoughts spinning her head around. “good,” she states, tilting her nose up only slightly (a habit) uma hates when she does that, because it makes her look entitled.  but why not hide what is already there. “can i go now? or are you going to interrogate me some more?” interrogation, like when the kidnapped ben for the wand, because they’re pirates. every pirate’s a villian in the end, her grandmother had taught her that at least, maybe this is something she’s right about.

   she can tell she did something because there’s a trace of sadness on uma’s face before it’s gone, she can see uma disappointingly wave her hand at harry and suddenly audrey’s free to go. (it’s pathetic how much she wants to dive into uma’s lap and never leave, to hold on tight to something, anything would be so lovely.)

   she pretends she does not think about staying and collects her things quietly, imagining like she can not feel the three other teens’ eyes burning through her.  her heart is stinging and she’s about to cry. (she can’t cry, she cannot cry in front of pirates, in front of villians.)  but, she would rather be bitter than cry in front of people so instead she gathers her pride and leaves. audrey imagines in her head that they’re running after her, that somebody still wants her even after she’s been a bitch. 

   it’s a ridiculous hope, she wouldn’t want to be friends with herself after all she’s done and continues to do.  she always finds herself alone and mean at the end of the day.  her nightmares are always the same, her lying dead in a room full of adults she once was adored by, her cursing an entire kingdom (and abusing her best friend) and nobody ever saves her, nobody wakes her up.  

   the princess has always had nightmares, she had always imagined it was her mother’s curse, and her own curse had only heightened the fear and realism of them.  once a week turned into every other night, which turned into never having a single dreamless night.  

princess audrey rose never had any peace.

     what audrey should’ve done with her spare time was think up an apology for her friend ally, uma.  but instead, she spent it with a pair of pink tinted heart-shaped sunglasses on her eyes and a shopping bag on her arms.  it was considerably less fun without chad, or even gil (because apparently he liked fashion too.)  audrey was particularly good at blowing off emotions, pretending that her gnawing guilt screaming at her in her head wasn’t there was all too easy.

       yesterday was friday, and today is saturday which means she doesn’t have to go to school, and she can stay and mope all day. (and try on her fabulous clothes duhsies)  if chad were here, they’d order a pizza and online shop until they fell asleep, and then they’d wake up and talk shit about everything that pissed them off that week.  and god, she missed it so damn much.

       but now, her day consisted of pretending to study, which made her feel sick to her stomach because all she could think about was storming off out of uma’s room.  she accidentally imagined sitting with the three pirates and studying with them instead, which made her decide to blow off studying for a few more hours.  then, she fell on top of her bed and stared at the ceiling, ignoring the television rambling about mal and ben being the cutest couple since forever. (she ignored the part where it said that she was just a stuck up gold digger, as angry as it made her.)

     audrey couldn’t react, she was a princess for god’s sake. she wasn’t any of those things they accused her of right?  she was doing better than before, she had volunteered on the isle, helped restore the damage she had done, and apologized.  the only word that seemed to be coming out of her mouth these days was ‘sorry’. she had to be better.  if she wasn’t her grandmother would never let her back into the castle.

     her grandmother had made her stay at school to keep the other woman safe, like she was afraid of being attacked by her own fucking granddaughter.  it still burns in her heart (her own grandmother won’t trust her), and she can’t seem to keep the flame put out no matter what.  but she can’t get angry, princesses don’t get angry no matter what happens.  they turned the other cheek and smiled gracefully.  

     it’s harder to push down feelings if she has friends and people to talk to.  but nobody wants her.  she had apologized to everyone, but it wasn’t enough.  it’s not like she blamed them, she was a bitch.

    audrey groans and she visibly winces at how un-ladylike it had sounded.  the princess reached down to where her feet lay, dropping her phone down next to her from where she was scrolling through a gossip column from a random magazine.   she tugged at the fluffy blanket that was bunched up around her sock covered feet, bring it up to rest on her body as she practically hid in it. her bed was unmade, which disgusted her because she had always been taught to be clean and tidy, but today was the exception.

    she empty hole in her chest is supposed to feel warm and fill because it would be filled with loved ones and friends. instead, she is alone and her whole body feels cold sometimes. (but maybe that’s just the remnants of her mother’s curse and her own.)  she keeps pushing people, falling into her old habits.  the sneering voice in her mind in her mind tells her that she could have it all, if only she touched the staff again.  but even with how much anger audrey had, she didn’t let it consume her.  she knows that if she ever touched that staff again, she would fall prey to the same curse as her mother, but no one loves her enough to wake her.

     she finds that it’s a wretched thing to be alone.  and while her sweatpants and comfy cheer sweatshirt are soft around her body and bare skin, it isn’t enough.  what she really wants is to be held. nobody has even put a hand on her shoulder since what seems like forever ago.  even when people brush up against her they flinch away like they had been burned horribly.   clinging to ben is a distant memory, and hugging chad is even fainter than that.

    the buzzing of her phone startles her, she imagines it’s just a stupid prank call from when those petty reporters got a hold of her cell number and had broad casted it live because she wouldn’t tell them if she was possessed.  she had still gotten some of those calls, so it wouldn’t surprise her if it was just some kid.

    but it buzzed again, and even as she pushed a pillow on top of it, the muffled sounds continued.   she groaned and pulled it out, squinting at the bright screen.  she had closed her curtains earlier, and it was nearly nine at night, meaning the darkness of her room with only the lamp was a great contrast to the screen of both her t.v. and her phone, but one was closer to her eyes than the other.

     in all honesty, her heart jumped in her chest when she found it wasn’t an unknown caller.  no, the i.d. clearly read ‘uma’.  she nearly dropped her phone, the buzzing seemed to grow louder as she shakily pressed accept, lifting it up to her ear, “hello?”

    “are you done?” the sharpness of her tone startles audrey, her brows furrow in confusion.  the blonde fists a small hand nervously in her sweatshirt, gnawing on her lip.

     “uhm, done with what?” 

     “are you done being a little bitch, yet?  gil told me to wait, so i waited.  i’m done waiting, either come over or don’t.  i’m not playing these games with you, remember?”  audrey curls in herself, tears pricking at her eyes.  stress makes her cry, she remembers sitting in classrooms begging her teachers to let her take the exams at lunch.  when she was sad, she turned angry, but she never cried.  

      “uma, i-” she fights to keep her voice from shaking, uma is not allowed to know that the teal haired girl talking to her is enough to make her cry.  “it’s late, and dark.” she manages to force that out of her before taking a shaky breath, “i’ll get in trouble.”

      “harry’s already on his way, good luck.” she hears the phone line cut off and she drops the phone on her lap before rolling into her blanket. she brought her head to her knees, curling up into a fetal position.  only the top of her head poked out at the top of the blanket, but she wasn’t paying much attention.  

       she squeezed her eyes to get rid of the budding tears.  her heart clenched in her chest having to think about what uma will say to her.  audrey won’t kid with herself, ‘interrogation’ was a pretty low blow.  she didn’t even know why she was crying, she can’t let herself get so emotional, it doesn’t matter anyways.   nothing had happened to her.  she’s fine, everything’s fucking fine.

      she gets too wrapped in her thoughts and almost doesn’t hear the harsh knocking on her door.  damn, she didn’t lock it.  she can’t stay buried under the covers (because for some god damn reason, she wants to look presentable for pirates.  how pathetic is that?)  now it hits her that harry hook is right outside her door, ready to take her who knows where, and she looks like a former a-lister on crack.

      her voice betrays her as it comes out shrill when she calls screeches, “just a minute!”  she tugs her sweatshirt off, begging silently to whoever the hell is in charge that harry hook actually fucking listens to her for once.  she’s one unlocked door away from a teenage boy and she doesn’t have a shirt on, god how could she let herself get like this?  she practically trips over to her closet, snatches a pale colored sweater off of the hanger and pulls it over her body.  she does a quick look in the mirror, a very faint blush arises as she notices the lacy bralette straps that are visible on her shoulders.

      but no matter, she swipes on some lip gloss in a very timely manner. (if she does say so herself.)  trying her best not to fall, she steps out of those comfortable but dreadful looking (and the way they look is all that matters, certainly not how they feel, who cares about that?) sweatpants and pulls on skinny jeans that she had snagged from the closet as well. (again, not comfortable per se, but she’s not going out looking like a mother of nineteen children with a hangover)  fluffy socks have to leave as well, replacing with soft but not fluffy white ankle socks.

     she adjusts herself in the mirror, going to open the door, braiding her hair with one hand and she finishes with a hastily done side braid that falls onto her back.  pleased, she opens the door to an impatiently waiting harry hook.

   “do princesses always sleep like this?” his head is cocked to the side and his arms are crossed, unimpressed. (which makes her heart hurt in her chest and that causes her to shrink back a little too much)

    “oh, uhm, no they don’t.” she says sheepishly. “i just changed, is all.”   her hands instinctively goes to fiddle with the end of her braid.  a twinge of nervousness recollects in her stomach returns as she looks up at him and it’s because he looks like he’s analyzing her. 

    “why?” she opens the door a little more, feeling the need to curl in on herself in the gaze of a pirate seems rather silly, but she needs to be polite.  (the angry voice in her head tells her to lock the door in his face and do what the hell she wants, but she ignores it, of course. she’s a princess for god’s sake.)  “we’re not going anywhere fancy, just to uma’s room.” he sounds tired, he’s tired of her.  he wants to leave, audrey can tell.  a million self-deprecating thoughts are whirling through her mind, he’s only here because uma asked him to be here.  he doesn’t want to see audrey. (nobody does)  

   “oh, i just wanted to look...” she’s struggling to answer with anything but, ’i wanted to look pretty’. “uhm, i just wanted to look not ugly.”  okay, officially, that was the dumbest effing thing she’s ever said.  she sees the confusion on harry’s face and exhales, rocking on her toes.

   he scoffs and rolls his eyes, “you couldn’t look ugly if you tried.” she blushes at that and opens the door wide enough so that he could come in.  

   “do you know why uma wants me to come over?” he follows her in as she sits down on the bed, crossing her ankles.  her tone is polite, (and stiff) she tries to keep it sound calm and unpracticed (like she doesn’t practice sentences in the mirror because she doesn’t.)

    “is it weird in auradon to want to spend time with your friends?”  audrey blinks, they’re friends? gil had told her that they didn’t have friends on the isle, just non-enemies (and yes, that’s exactly how he said it.)  

    “we’re friends?”  it sounds too snarky and she almost flinches with an apology at the tip of her tongue.  uma tells her that she hates how much she apologizes, but she does it anyways. “sorry, i just thought there wasn’t friends on the isle.”  she hates the way she sounds, she sounds so judgy.  and there’s no way uma wants to be her friend, she attempted to attack her with magic suits of armor.

   harry’s sitting next to her now, and in the midst of her talking he had grabbed her pale pink fluffy blanket (unbeknownst to him that she had been curled up in it only minutes before) and now had it in his hands.  “well, we’re not on the isle anymore, are we princess?”  his voice doesn’t waver at princess, doesn’t turn upwards in a mocking way.  he means it in a nickname, which makes her melt a little more then it should.  “besides, even if we were, i think she’d still.”  he wraps the blanket around her shoulders, she takes the edges in her fingers like a cape or a cloak.  “i think we both would, and gil too.” 

    she’s got a shy pathetic little smile on as she looks down to her feet.  she nods, “oh," her voice is so soft and small and so unlike her that it makes her sick to her stomach.  princesses aren’t supposed to like being around pirates, they’re supposed to be scared. and for a minute she forgets that she’s supposed to be scared too.  

    something buzzes from harry’s hoodie pocket, he takes it out to see the text that popped up on the screen.  squinting at it, he says, “uma wants us back now, are you ready?”

    she inhales and rubs her hands over her thighs, “yeah, i am.”