#atzaria

“Min, are you awake?” With a soft knock to her bedroom door, Yeosang’s deep voice spoke. “Sanie is making you coffee! He even used the sacred caramel syrup!” The elder member laughed, once again leaving gentle taps against her door before walking away to join the other members in the kitchen. The girl groaned, stretching out as she left the warmth and comfort of her bed. Slipping on her fluffy bunny slippers, a gift from Jongho on her last birthday, she threw on one of the many stolen hoodies she acquired and went to make her presence known to the other members.

The view when she arrived into the communal areas wasn’t something unusual. Mingi, Yunho, Seonghwa and Jongho all danced around the kitchen, the rapper belting notes even some main vocalists would be proud of. Yeosang and Hongjoong sat around the leader’s laptop watching the kdrama they started not so long ago, all whilst Wooyoung and San were… Well, being Wooyoung and San.

“She’s alive!” San shouted, with too much energy for the time of day. Her almost-birthday twin came up to her, embracing her in one of his notorious back breaking hugs. The female groaned, her brain too sleep deprived and tired to take in what was happening. He pulled away, but still held onto her arms. “You okay, Ri?” He asked, tilting his head to the side and looking into his eyes. Instead of answering, she nodded her head slightly and leaned in to rest it on the black haired vocalist. There was nothing more she wanted than to go back into the warmth of her weighted blanket and sleep the day, and upcoming weeks away. Comeback promotions were no joke.

Before the group knew it, little time to rest had long gone. The members focus now lies on their appearance on Music Bank. Aria hadn’t really met the MC’s, Soobin and Arin, before. Not properly, anyway. Although, by having a certain Jung Wooyoung in the group, who seemed to just be friends with the entire industry, it was certain that this would not be their first encounter together, just the first one to be broadcasted all across the globe that wasn’t just a quick greeting.

The group sat in their waiting room getting their hair and makeup fixed. This comeback brought a new side out of Aria, one that her beloved ATINY’s haven’t seen in a very long time. Fitting with the sexy concept of Deja Vu, her long, bleached blonde hair was pinned back into a high ponytail, a small black ring standing out on her re-pierced nose and an outfit of a black leather cropped top with black leather pants hugged her figure in all the right places. Both she and Yeosang had worked so hard these last few months, to have their bodies in the best condition possible. There was something oddly therapeutic about working out, Aria found. If anything, it was a way to disengage from the outside world for a moment, and focus on herself whilst a true crime podcast played through her AirPods. The toned abs and arm muscles that now show proudly on her figure are like a reward for the hard work.

Aria couldn’t help but look at the screen on the wall, playing the performances of the other groups. Everyone there was just so talented. It would be a lie to say these music shows don’t give her massive imposter syndrome. Ever since she debuted, it was hard for her to believe that she too was going to perform on that stage. Although there was no physical crowd, just knowing that there would be millions of eyes watching her from all over the world was something that, no matter how long after debut, she would still be unable to comprehend.

“Ateez interview in 5!” A member of staff poked their head around the door of their dressing room to announce. The other members let out a sigh of relief, they are far too energetic to spend hours on end sitting in a small box room. It was her turn today, alongside Yeosang, Hongjoong, Mingi and Yunho.

Unlike what is seen on TV, the area for interviews was only a small corner of the studio. The MC’s eyes lit up as soon as they saw the members approach them, all dressed in outfits for their upcoming performance.

“Aria! So nice to finally be able to meet you,” Arin greeted, as the Ateez member bowed to her senior. “You too! I’m a big fan of you both!”

Yunho stood there, observing the interactions before him. An odd silence overcame him as Aria started speaking to the Tomorrow x Together leader. If anything, he shouldn’t be feeling like this. After all, Aria was a big fan of the HYBE boy group. She didn’t know, but the times she spent cleaning whilst simultaneously dancing along to ‘Magic’ certainly didn’t go unnoticed by the other members.

He mentally cursed when the interview started, noticing that his girlfriend was standing next to the male MC. Not like it was her personal decision anyway, as a main dancer who also happens to have a killing part in a song, it was inevitable that she would be asked to perform a little. Yunho felt so overwhelmingly protective of her, trying his best not to make it seem obvious but analysing every look Soobin gave her. On and off camera. He hated how kind she was sometimes. How she can be such a sweetheart to people she barely knew. It was something that attracted Yunho to her at first, but it was quickly becoming one of his rather disliked traits that Aria had. He hated how their relationship was made to be secret. Over a year of loving her yet being unable to express it, in fears of it being leaked to the public and the detrimental effect that would have on not only on him, but the whole group. Especially Aria. He couldn’t expose the people he cared about to that. Even if it meant not being able to shout from the rooftops that he was, in fact, very much in love with Aria Lee.

However, seeing her become so close to Soobin in such a short time, the interview couldn’t have ended soon enough for him.

“It was lovely meeting you, Aria! Good luck with the rest of your promotions!” The TXT member smiled at the blonde. Yeonjun was right, she was prettier in person. In fact, he found it difficult to take his eyes off of her when they performed. Her aura was so eye-catching, her ability to stand out whilst performing and truly immerse herself in a performance. No wonder she was the idol rookies now look up to.

Aria went home that night with a satisfied smile plastered all over her face. Eyes droopy, head rested comfortably on the shoulder belonging to Mingi. It was a long day. After persuasion from Seonghwa, she dragged her legs to their shared bathroom, taking her makeup off and half-heartedly doing her skincare routine. All whilst eagerly awaiting the daily occurrence where her boyfriend would join her, wrap his arms around her waist and whisper sweet nothings into her ear. Alone time was hard to come by, especially living with 7 other men.

He continued looking through the song library whilst Aria sipped on her red wine, forgetting the bright pink wig that is sitting, rather unevenly, on top of her hair from the previous song. “Bingo!” The blonde singer shouted as he made his way over to Aria, holding his hand out. “Will my incredibly gorgeous and talented aria please care to dance with me?” He asked, a wide smile taking over his flustered face and heart bursting at the seams when she took his larger hands and intertwined their fingers. “I would be stupid not to.”

The music started and Aria was immediately wrapped up in his arms, swaying side to side with her head resting on his vibrating chest. This was her idea of heaven. With the man she loves more than anything, unbelievably smitten. She loved times like these. when they weren’t Yunho and Aria the idols, who happened to live with 7 of their other groupmates, but Yunho and Aria the young adults, navigating their way through life and adulthood with the person they love. The notes fleeing from his mouth sounded like the gates of heaven were opening. His flawless runs, the ability to hit each note perfectly. She was convinced that he was born to be an idol, and she thanked her lucky stars every night that she was able to be by his side on this journey.

“Cold?” He held his lover close as they left the venue, wearing masks and hats to try to hide their identities. Aria nodded slightly, starting to slowly feel the effects of the red wine she consumed earlier that night. He pulled away from her slightly, much to her dismay. It wasn’t until a feeling of warmth and the scent of a familiar fragrance took over her shoulders that she realised what he had done. Yunho didn’t say anything, just proceeded to hold her hand again as if nothing had happened. His jacket was huge on her, but she loved it. She loved him. She loved the life she had created here.

“Yun?” Aria said quietly as they approached the car, which Yunho definitely did not steal from his manager for the night. He hummed in response, opening the door for her.

“Do you ever think about the future?” The blonde vocalist asked, fiddling with a ring on her middle finger. Yunho looked at her, raising an eyebrow slightly. “In what way?”

“You know, like imagining what our life could be like in 10 years time?” She said, looking down in her lap, with all thoughts influenced by the alcohol at this point.

He chucked slightly, which scared her a little. “Well, we’ll be 33 years old.” His eyes widened in realisation, shivering in fear at the thought for a moment. “I’m not sure whether any of us will be wanting, or able to, perform our choreos regularly. Who knows, maybe we’ll still be making albums and promoting when we’re 80.” The dancer turns around in his seat to face his girlfriend, still looking beautiful to him despite the black surgical mask covering her face.

“Or,” he smiles, reaching over to once again take her hand into his. “Who knows, maybe you and I will be married and living in some fancy place somewhere.” Aria looked up to him, imagining the thought.

“As long as my future is with you, I really don’t mind what it has in store.” The brunette pulled down his mask and leaned in towards her, provoking her to do the same. His hand caressed the side of her cheek and when their lips collided, the same buzzing feeling erupted in her stomach just as it did when they kissed for the first time.

“I love you, more than you can imagine.” His voice spoke against her lips.

The pair so smitten with each other, they didn’t even realise the camera that was lurking in the bushes in front of them.

She’d always wanted a tattoo growing up, having a whole pinterest board full of body art inspiration and designs she loved. “Wooyoung, I swear, do not tell me you’re backing out now.” She gave him a stern look, eyebrows raising.

“I’m not! I’m just saying-” He threw his hands up in surrender. Although he would never admit it, too scared of the boost it would give to Aria’s ego, Wooyoung sometimes found himself a bit intimidated by her. To him, she’s the sort of person you would never want to get on the wrong side of.

She rolled her eyes, pushing the door of the tattoo parlour open. “If it makes you feel better, I’ll hold your hand! My precious little Wooyoungie,” she giggled, sitting down in the waiting room.

“Atiny will flip once they see it,” he laughed, voice shaking a little as she took hold of his rather trembling hand, comfortingly running her thumb over the top.

Aria went first, sitting on the chair and leaning back until she was in a laying down position. She had met with the tattoo artist prior, designing the tattoo and making sure the permanent body art was perfect and what she envisioned. It wasn’t very complex, but the meaning was everything to her.

Ever since arriving in Korea all those years ago, she had never felt such a stronger feeling of belonging and love than what she did when surrounded with the boys. The love they’ve shown her, and the love given back to them, means everything to her. With ‘Wave’ showing success, getting multiple award show wins, what better way to show her love to the members than getting a tattoo?

It was a small piece of art, but one with a lot of significant value to her. It was a reminder that Ateez would always be a huge part in her life, no matter what.

The tattoo process wasn’t too lengthy, nor did it hurt as much as she first feared. It was situated on her left rib cage, a small and simple wave design to commemorate their first win, with the roman numerals of the date they made their debut underneath. As soon as she saw the reflection of the inkwork in the mirror, she immediately fell in love.

No matter what, a part of the 8 boys she considers family will be with her, in a way, forever. And nothing, in that moment, could make her happier.

“Miss Ariaaa,” Seonghwa poked his head around the open door of her bedroom. He smiled to himself as the singer laid on her bed, with her full attention in the novel she was currently reading. She looked relaxed, without a care in the world. It made Seonghwa so happy.

Once reading the page she was on, she turned towards the eldest member, shooting him a warm smile. “You called?”

He walked towards her bed, sitting down beside her. “You know, the living room is currently free. Wanna come watch a movie with me?” He sighed dramatically, putting his arm around the younger member's shoulder. Aria rolled her eyes, placing a quick kiss to his cheek.

“It would be an honour.”

Seonghwa carried the younger member to the living room on his back, her head resting gently on top of his own. “It’s been a while since we did anything like this,” Aria sat beside him, cuddling into his side. Seonghwa was a huge comfort to her; especially during times where she was particularly stressed. She didn’t know whether it was because he was the oldest, or that he reminded her of her brother back home, but she always felt at ease when she was around him.

With the movie ‘Tangled’ playing, and Seonghwa’s hands playing with her hair, Aria felt comforted. Times like this, the stress of what she does for a living all goes out the window. She felt like herself again.

The girl took a deep breath, sitting up from her position of being sprawled across his lap.

“Oppa?” He immediately turned to her. “I think I need to tell you something,”

Seonghwa’s eyes widened. “You’re not pregnant, right? I know you and Yunho are a thing and all but please, don’t tell me you’re pregnant,” his words came out in a fast and panicked tone.

“No! Of course I’m not pregnant, stupid. And how on earth do you know about Yunho?”

“Yeosang told me... And by your lack of denial I presume it’s true,”

Aria sighed, “that bastard.”

The eldest member took her hands, “so what’s up? You know you can tell me anything.”

But the truth is, she didn’t know. She didn’t know whether what she was about to say would change the way Seonghwa looked at her, or if he would just judge her and call her overdramatic.

She paused for a moment, planning her monologue in her head. She had so much to say, but the words just weren’t coming easily.

Here goes nothing.

"Well," she stopped breifly. “When I was around 13, I was diagnosed with something called ‘body dysmorphic disorder’, which is a condition where my body image and the way I looked at myself had such an effect on my life where it felt like I had a panic attack every time I went out in public. My anxiety got so bad, I didn’t want to go out with my friends and I didn’t go to school. Every time someone looked at me, I convinced myself that all they thought was how ugly I was or taking note of every single one of my flaws. It was really, really hard.” She looked to the floor, fiddling with her thumbs.

“But, I went to therapy, I took medication and eventually I managed to control those feelings. It took about 3 years, not long before I came to Korea, actually. And, well, ever since we started preparations for this comeback, I’ve been getting a lot of hate on social media. About those exact things. And I know I shouldn’t look at it, or take any notice of it, but there was just so much.”

“I started feeling the way I did back then. I could feel myself slip back into that headspace. It’s so, so scary.”

By this point, tears were free flowing from Aria’s eyes. Seonghwa pulled her into his chest, him too feeling his eyes tear up slightly. It broke his heart seeing her like this, and even more so now learning that she’s been battling these feelings for years. He wanted nothing more than to take away her pain “I didn’t want to say anything, I didn’t want you all to think of me any differently. I just don’t know what to do, oppa. I don’t want to feel this way anymore. ”

He didn’t know what to say. He felt guilty that he didn’t realise sooner. That he left her to suffer. He wishes he could’ve been more helpful to her.

Seonghwa rubbed her back comfortingly, rocking her back and forth as her sobs dampened his shirt. He didn’t care though. He was proud of her for telling him, he knew that it would’ve taken a lot of courage.

“Min, it’s ok, I got you.” He kissed the top of her head. “I’m proud of you, bug. Thank you for trusting me, I love you.”

Aria went to bed that night with her eyes still red and puffy, but the overwhelmingly heavy feeling on her chest lifted.

Seonghwa was still sitting in the living room, in the exact same position. Head in his hands, desperately thinking of what he could do to help Aria. His mind immediately went to the worst case scenario, that the hate would be so bad and triggering, to the point where she wanted to leave the group. He couldn’t let that happen. Aria was somewhat of a glue to Ateez. She went out of her way all the time to bring comfort to her members, whether that be by doing the littlest of things such as giving them compliments and hyping them up during practice, or bringing food to them as they practiced. She loved all of her boys.

“Honey, I’m home!” Hongjoong walked into the door of the dorms, returning home from his studio. He walked into the communal room, immediately stopping in his tracks at the sight of the eldest vocalist. “Seonghwa? Is something up?”

“Aria spoke to me,” the leader's eyes widened, eager to know more. Seonghwa explained everything the best he could, his heart once again breaking at the thought of someone so close to him in that much pain.

“What’s the punishment?” San asked, giving Mingi’s shoulders a rub as some sort of motivation.

Hongjoong pondered for a moment.

“A forehead flick, from Jongho.” Aria’s eyes widened. Only once was she subject to this punishment, and boy oh boy was it hard.

“Scared, Ari?” Mingi smirked, a chuckle escaping his lips at the look on her face.

“As if. Bring it on, rap boy.”

The game began, Mingi playing as the team Chelsea and Aria as the team Juventus. Not many people outside the group knew this, but to say she was a huge football fan would be an understatement. She used to love playing it with her brother and parents when she was younger, watching it on the TV at her grandparents house, and now playing video games with her group members. She was not to be underestimated here.

Within a few minutes, Aria took a 1-0 lead, much to the enjoyment of the members who chose to cheer her on. The game paused, fear washed all across the rapper’s face. Jongho dramatically warmed up, doing exaggerated stretches before flicking Mingi’s head. The group erupted into laughter, the taller member holding his head.

“I felt my life flash before my eyes!” Mingi said, shaking his head and picking up the controller yet again.

The game resumed, San and Yunho commentating as the duo battled it out. The whole group were competitive, especially in situations like this, but Aria and Mingi’s hatred of losing fuelled the intensity of the 5-minute game.

The pair were surprisingly doing well, there wasn’t much time until the game was over and Aria was still winning. Her pride was to be restored, her title of ‘Best Gamer’ was going nowhere. That was until...

“Oh, oh, oh. MINGI HAS DONE IT!” Yunho shouted, (consequently getting scolded by Seonghwa). It was now 1-1. Aria fell backwards onto the bed, hands covering her face in dread. The other members celebrated with Mingi, even those who were cheering for Aria the entire game.

“I feel bullied. You’re a bunch of fakes.” She pouted, crossing her arms.

“I’m sorry, noona, but rules are rules. Please don’t hate me,” Jongho rolled his sleeves up, making his way over to his elder.

She held her fringe up, eyes closed in preparation for impact. “If I don’t make it, Yeosang, I’m sorry for kicking your laptop last night.”

Aria didn’t even notice Yeosang standing up, an offended expression plastered all over his face, before Jongho flicked her and ran off, hiding behind Yunho.

“Choi Jongho you bastard.” She cried, holding her head dramatically.

“Won’t lie, Mini’s quite scary when she’s angry,” Yunho laughed, putting his arm around Jongho.

Aria sat up, arms still folded over her stomach, glaring at the other members across the room.

Eventually, they all gathered around Aria once more, her head resting in Seonghwa’s lap and his hand playing with her faded hair. “Did I ever mention, I was extremely intimidated by Aria when she first arrived at the company?” San laughed, thinking back on the memory.

“What? How? She was literally a baby,”

“Jung Wooyoung, you are THREE days older than me,” she added, escaping Seonghwa’s grasp and sitting up beside him.

“Best three days of my life,” he snickered. In response, Aria gently threw a pillow at him. Some would say it was unnecessary, but to Ateez, this was just how they bonded with one another.

“Well, Ri, if it was going so well, then why can I see eggshells?” He laughed, showing the mixture to the viewers. Aria slumped into the white chair, pulling the Santa hat over her eyes. “Do not speak to me for the next 3-5 business days. Paul Hollywood would be so mad at me.”

It wasn’t long before, in typical Ateez V-Live fashion, her phone started vibrating on the table. “Who is it?” The vocalist looked in the direction of the rapper, eyes still covered by the red and white hat.

“San-ie.”

Sitting up, her eyes met the daylight once again, causing them to squint for a split second.

“ARIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA” His loud voice echoed through the phone speaker, followed by Yeosang’s signature laugh sounding in the background.

She looked towards the phone, and then back towards Hongjoong, almost as if she was telling him non verbally to talk on her behalf.

“Unfortunately Aria can’t come to the phone right now, she’s mad at me,” and so he did, his cheeks flushing red as he tried to contain his laughter.

“It’s not you she should be mad at,” San giggled through the phone. Her head perked up; what was that supposed to mean?

“Choi San, I will ask this once and once only, what the fuc- what did you do?” She looked into the phone, lips pouting slightly.

“My lips are sealed, Ri.” Without another word, he hung up the phone. The live soon ended, both members coming to the conclusion that they will be featuring on the ‘Idol Struggles’ twitter account in the near future.

All that was on Aria’s mind, was what on earth did San do. And whatever it was, he will pay for it. Returning back to the dorms, Hongjoong was quick to notify the members of her irritance, and a warning to not provoke her. When Hongjoong took on the role of Ateez’s leader, never did he think that the role would include this.

“Where is he?” She stomped into the kitchen, eye twitching. She wasn’t actually mad anymore, the novelty wore off a while ago. Yet, her main aim now was to ensure that the other members were aware of her authority, and her intimidating aura. That she was, in fact, the boss.

“In his room, may or may not be hiding.” Yunho laughed at his girlfriend, sipping his strawberry milk.

“I’ll be right back!” Her face swiftly changed, a big smile forming across her lips. Getting on her tiptoes, she quickly placed a kiss to his cheek and went off.

“Oh Sanie~” She called out, striding into his room with her hands behind her back. “My beloved Choi San,”

“Yes, Ari?” He moved the pillow from in front of his face, making eye contact with the younger dancer.

“You ruined my live today, didn’t you?” She spoke softly, yet even that scared San.

“It was Yeosang’s idea!” He held his arms up in surrender. “I hope you’re not still mad, I won’t do it again!”

Aria started laughing, pleased with the reaction. “Just remember, revenge is sweet, Sanie.” With a smirk, she left the room. Not without blowing a kiss to him first, though.